The Blahger

A very personal blog

Today

It’s already Feb! Can’t wait til March to be honest. It’s when I get to have my compensation discussion with my manager. See how much salary increase I’ll be getting (if any), how much of my target bonus I reached (if any), and how much extra bonus I’ll be getting (if any). Lol. Hopefully it’s gonna be as great as last year. Great meaning meets expectations. Apparently that’s all I have to achieve here in order to feel abundant every year.

But I don’t know. With the reorg happening and my workload getting halved, I’m not sure how that’s gonna play in my performance review this year. Hoping for the best without me having to work too hard lol.

I’m really just pressed for money right now. I’ve overspent so much last year I’ve tapped into my imaginary annual incentive to pay for my credit card. I just really want to finish paying my vaccuum cleaner lol. I don’t even know how much I’ll get, I’m just assuming here.

It’s RTO day today I’m in the office waiting for 12mn lol. Our local team has started monitoring RTO’s more strictly now so I have to be in early and spend the whole 8/9 hours. Something I haven’t been doing consistently for a while now. Sorry.

Since I’m in BGC, I took the chance (again) to walk around and window shop. Right now I’m looking for training shorts that fit well. Plus sized of course. Something I could wear to play badminton. Right now I’m using my lounge shorts and it looks weird, although it’s comfy, it looks very obviously out of place. I’m looking for something like running shorts but longer and without a cycling layer. No luck finding one so far. Those that fit are either too short or have ill fitting cycling layers that I hate. Hay.

I had dinner at Nagi earlier. I shouldn’t have ordered gyoza cos the ramen was already too much, but oh well. I still finished everything (except the broth).

I hate that I’m so heavy right now. I hate the feeling. And it’s all my fault. I’m 161lbs. I was pretty okay pre-op, but post-op I lost control of my weight from resting too much and eating too much. I didn’t realize I’ve gone obese. Now everything hurts. My back, my foot, my knees. It’s just so hard to move when you’re heavy.

And it’s hard for me to lose weight because I’m so weak when it comes to food. I overeat a lot. I think mostly because I eat like my husband. I really don’t know how to restart. Every day I resolve to do so I fall into a pit of unconsious snacking. Urgh. I hate it!

I also hate that I couldn’t bring my range of motion back to normal. It’s been 8 months post-op! Part of me wants a second chance by having the scar tissue buildup removed. But I’m scared that it might swell up again and build scar tissue again because it will be too painful to move it. My ortho doesn’t seem too concerned. He doesn’t recommend it yet. We want to wait and see my progress before fully deciding on it. Oh well. My ortho rehab clarified that scar tissue buildup doesn’t completely go away, you just teach your body to move with it and soften the tissues surrounding it so it doesn’t stick so much. As for the lump, sadly it will stay.

More to my wardrobe difficulties, I couldn’t seem to find my favorite relaco shorts from Uniqlo. They’re all gone.

I have more to complain about my life but I’ll save it for another post lol.