i admire a hell lot of people. and the more i like them the more i see my imperfections, my short-comings and everything else that is not me.
alongside admiration, of course, is envy. i envy those who are smarter that i am. who wouldn’t? they are unknowingly pulling me down, down and down to the brink of self-denial and incompetency. i feel stupid when i’m with them, they make me look like a side-kick, and i DAMN hate that. you, go away.
competition is done not only by rivals and enemies, it could also be done with a friend and this happens a lot of times.
sometimes i observe people who secretly compete with their friends (count me in). i’m guilty of that, i have this ocassional need to assure myself that i am not in the bottom line and that i have more to show. call it bad, the hell i care…
even with my close friends i can feel the competition. it’s actually present everywhere. you’re a complete liar if you deny it.
i don’t see the reason why i wrote this, it just came into my mind that i’ve been secretly competing a lot.
anyway, i will leave that evil side already and heed this quote my dad shared to me one time, “the best way to compete is to stay out of competition.”
mehn, can you believe it? i’m out of the Caffeine Addicts Rehab! i’m not craving for coffee anymore (although i still have this ‘drugged’ feeling when i smell something like coffee). i’m out of inferno, maybe i’m now in purgatorio for the cleansing process.
damn it, my toe nail broke. maybe i was cursed not to have long nails forever. whenever i grow them successfully something will always happen that will end in me cutting them shorter again. damn fate.