A very personal blog

you're so vain. tsk, if only mirrors could laugh.

i admire a hell lot of people. and the more i like them the more i see my imperfections, my short-comings and everything else that is not me.

alongside admiration, of course, is envy. i envy those who are smarter that i am. who wouldn’t? they are unknowingly pulling me down, down and down to the brink of self-denial and incompetency. i feel stupid when i’m with them, they make me look like a side-kick, and i DAMN hate that. you, go away.

i don’t know but i came to realize my own version of the difference of admiration and envy. normally, when we admire someone smarter that we are, they are usually not in our level. like einstein or newton and all the geekheads of the renaissance (count your seniors too, your parents, teachers…). envy comes along when you know someone your equal is (or seems) greater than you are. like a classmate, a friend, your sister… anyone you know so well. yeah, that happens a lot. then competition starts…

competition is done not only by rivals and enemies, it could also be done with a friend and this happens a lot of times.

sometimes i observe people who secretly compete with their friends (count me in). i’m guilty of that, i have this ocassional need to assure myself that i am not in the bottom line and that i have more to show. call it bad, the hell i care…

even with my close friends i can feel the competition. it’s actually present everywhere. you’re a complete liar if you deny it.

i don’t see the reason why i wrote this, it just came into my mind that i’ve been secretly competing a lot.

anyway, i will leave that evil side already and heed this quote my dad shared to me one time, “the best way to compete is to stay out of competition.”

mehn, can you believe it? i’m out of the Caffeine Addicts Rehab! i’m not craving for coffee anymore (although i still have this ‘drugged’ feeling when i smell something like coffee). i’m out of inferno, maybe i’m now in purgatorio for the cleansing process.

damn it, my toe nail broke. maybe i was cursed not to have long nails forever. whenever i grow them successfully something will always happen that will end in me cutting them shorter again. damn fate.