A very personal blog


My throat has been hurting for almost three days now. I think I must’ve overloaded on sweets last week. I was afraid it might turn to covid (again) but thankfully, I haven’t gotten the rest of the symptoms. Just this one heck of a pain in the neck. And it doesn’t seem to be getting better. I’ve been downing a lot of water, consquently peeing a lot. Been spraying Kamillosan, and now swtiched to Difflam cos it’s more targetted and has a numbing effect. I’ve also avoided eating anything sweet! And yet, every time I wake up my left tonsil stings like hell. Urgh. Hope it’s nothing serious.

Been feeling down lately because I haven’t been to the gym in almost two weeks now because of my knee injury. So yeah, I haven’t worked out at all and it sucks. I feel heavy and ugly and fat, and somehow my cravings are back huhu. So this is how it feels to withdraw from a habit that’s been working for you so well. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I love going to the gym. I love getting wasted in sweat. I love the changes that I’m seeing in myself, the strength I’m gaining from each workout, the clothes that are starting to fit. The scale hasn’t budged significantly but I’m feeling lighter, stronger, and better every day ever since I started working out regularly. I can’t wait to be back but I’m also afraid to get injured again. Huhu.

Earlier this afternoon I went to follow-up with an ortho who advised me to get physical therapy sessions. After that I don’t know anymore. I think it’s gonna take over a month to fully recover and regain my footing. Right now I couldn’t run or jump. Thankfully I could walk properly now so I was able to return the crutches I borrowed from the neighbor, but I still can’t walk for lengths or stand for long.

Hay. Been struggling spiritually as well. Struggling in a sense that I think I’ve lost it completely, and I feel like I don’t want it back. Don’t need it back. Cos somehow I may just be keeping it for the sake of having it, but deep inside I know I’m hollow. Do I let faith fill this gaping hole? Or should I seek something more tangible like knowledge and confirmation and evidence of what’s real? I’m not even that plagued about the lack of truth in my life. I don’t know where to begin. Maybe I don’t even want to begin.