A very personal blog


and i thought eventually i’d get used to myself mentally whining about resigning everyday,but it seems like the dread is back on the loop. what i want others to understand is that i’m a fkn clean slate, employee with absolutely no knowledge on the prerequisites of her job. student who probably didn’t learn anything substantial from school. i don’t C, i don’t Java, i don’t UNIX, i don’t Perl. i’m trying to learn all those while struggling to keep my self-esteem intact.

every day i wonder what kind of sorcery happened that they hired me. my exam was a flop, seriously. i drew a non-standard flowchart for a problem that requires java codes. and i only finished 1 problem out of the required 3 in a pool of 7. no, i don’t probably need more pep talking. i’m well aware that i’m not cut out for this job, for this world, for this company. it was probably a mistake they hired me, and i’m suffocating from the pressure i inflicted on myself.


that was a note i created two days ago, supposed to send it to this blog but thought it could well sit for awhile (until now shempre). haha

right now, i’m tying to renew my hopes that everything will be better eventually. why, i’m a freaking worrywart. and i get easily discouraged. >:P uhm, my boss kinda helped lessen my worries though, and jeanne too. oh and also trish as she quoted a very inspiring conversation she had with the HR.