it kicked me hard. yes it did. and now i am brought back to my senses. i realized a lot of things. sometimes it’s not good to be happy all the time. make room for depression because only when you feel it that your mind dwells in reality. realize your mistakes and point them out even before someone else does, it makes it easier for your towering pride. be laid back, only when you have enough time to spare. drink, when you have someone to drink with. eat cake when you’re willing to share it with someone else. subscribe to unlimitxt when you want to disturb your phonebook. drink coffee if and only if you need to stay awake for the night. go to astra only for research and the bastarded systemone. never ever do the same mistakes twice. never ever get a singko for the fourth time.
i only felt it now. depression. paranoia. hopelessness.
and i can only but leave the past behind, dwell not on my failures but on things i can do to fix my messed up academic life. it pains me, yes, like an iceberg 90% of me is mourning for my carelessness and regretting all my foolishness and the rest of the 10% is allotted for that ounce of happiness. like a freakin iceberg, i’m setting up a facade. people only see the 10%… the happiness, the fake joy and witness not the sorrow, the incalculable amount of self regret and remorse for my own, my very own mistakes.
i was too distracted to even notice that i’m not anymore walking firmly along the right path.
now, let’s give a toast to my *ehem* very untimely resolutions list. 🙂
1. i will not procastinate
2. i will lessen my ventures into the world wide web and wander only when necessary
3. i will sleep ON TIME. by that i mean, i shall do my best not to stay any later than 10pm.
4. with regards to that, i will also lessen my coffee intake (and you know how much it pains me to do this)
5. i will ATTEND my classess diligently even though the attendance is not part of the grading system
6. i will not sleep inside the class
7. i will do my homeworks immediately
8. i will drink my vitamins and milk everyday
9. i will eat healthy foods and will watch out for my diet
and of course, without the last premise i cannot do all of those
10. i will/shall/must PRAY everyday. no matter what happens!
that’s what i’ve been lacking these days. my personal connection to God has weakened ever since i became too exhausted with my previous schedule. but now, i’ll definitely give due time for a prayer. i need to improve my well being. a lot, man. 🙂
Lord, help me now.