A very personal blog


i didn’t attend 6 hours and 30 minutes worth of classes this week! 3 hours LTS1, 1hr 30mins SPCM1, and 2 hours of Math36…

grabe. naf-feel ko na ang aking pagbagsak.
and i had a minor attack last night so i wasn’t really in a good mood to do anything productive. i haven’t started our 2 postlabs on chem32 (due today)… anyway, i’m just going to copy everything.

i’m becoming a very very inefficient human being. one word to describe me now, TRASH. i’m one big piece of trash.

last night was really depressing. parang, TOL!!! ano ba!?!?!?!
i’m so stupid you know.
i can even imagine myself taking chem32… again.

to add up to the usual pile of junk i take, i’m acquiring (YET AGAIN) another set of annoying health jiggers. i get headaches a lot. i think i know the reason… i’m not getting enough sleep. i have sore throat… again. che.

seriously, lalo akong bumoBOBO!

what the fuck.
i hate my life right now.

hehe, so where is the usual optimistic meeeee???

for one thing. i’ve realized that most people are optimistic…. ONLY about things that doesn’t concern them. but when it comes to their own hard issues, they become pessimists. yeah, and to scale the term down, or probably to extract a safer answer or a good enough defence, people say they’re just being ‘realistic’.

and just like them i’m going to use that (lame) excuse for being this soooo negative with my future in this effin’ university.

i’m just being realistic.

and it hurts me to be such. i don’t want to repeat any of my subjects, let alone take the removal exams because…. i swear, i could kill myself. >.< you see, i think i would’ve taken the possibility of me repeating my chem subjects on a lighter note IF i didn’t join an organization. peer pressure mehn! i can’t live up to their expectations. they’re all smart. they’re all geniuses, at heto ako… =( isa pang mahirap tanggapin ay yung i was given all the help i could garner, but still i failed. lam nyo yun? parang i didn’t do my part. andyan na lahat ng tulong pero bagsak parin ang labas… lalabas pa na di mo tinulungan ang sarili mo. nakakahiya sa mga taong tinulungan ka all the while. honestly, i’m finding it hard to socialize with my orgmates who are also my batchmates… because they’re too effin’ smart, i look like trash beside them. wtf. wow. inferiority complex.
hardcore depression.

i need a pen and paper.
i need to draw.