A very personal blog

can we just stop and talk a while

by gary v. and kyla. nice song :). ate eunice and jerson sang it awhile ago as an intermission and it was really nice. galing! hehehe 🙂

it actually reminds me of the song ‘melody fair’ 🙂

anyhow. today was great. 🙂 i attended our symposium and proctored (gm?) for our mental smackdown (a quiz contest). blah blah blah. kat still has sore eyes. mehn and i badly want to get it too but i don’t know, we’re always together and i always intentionally wipe my eyes whenever we gain contact in hopes of catching the bastarded illness but to no avail. actually, i’m just fishing for reasons to excuse myself for participating on our anniv night tomorrow. too bad. still stuck.

i’m not complaining. it’s just that i’d rather sit in the corner than actually, err, emcee. because i’m not good. seriously. i’m really really really shy. i suck as a self-motivator.

yeah, we’ll see about that.

speechcom1: who knows i’ll actually learn something substantial and enlightening from this subject? whenever i get the chance, i skip this class but during our last meeting, i realized something and it hit me hard.

we were asked to draw an outline of our fetus – lifesize. meaning we have to lie down on a manila paper and pose as a fetus and someone else will trace our outline and we’ll be working on that space bounded by the marker. blah blah blah. our teacher told us to write our wildest dreams on one portion of the drawing. i did mine alright. i wrote there i want to be super rich, i want to go to outer space, be an astronaut, a muse, a bestselling author, a bestselling author. i wrote that twice. then our teacher started talking, talking, talking, like usual, he said a lot of things. and they were nice, it actually made me think about my life. i noticed that even not a hint of being an engineer is reflected within the words i jotted down on the paper. not even a single word. and i thought, look at that… this isn’t my dream. i never dreamed of becoming a engineer in the first place. i want to be a writer, a businesswoman sidelining as a freelance artist. i simply don’t belong here.

and that’s what made up my mind.
i’ll do best to shift, to a different school perhaps, with a course that i really want. it’s not going to be easy. heck, and i have to go through two blasted chemistry subjects just to break free from this bars i’ve unconsciously jailed myself in. they’re always right. they’ve always been right. i must do what i want. i must follow my dreams. not anyone else’s, but mine. i must discard the fact that just because i endured 1 or 2 chemistry subjects, i’m good to go. no. i’m just burrying myself deeper in the ground. if i continue to endure things i’m not inclined to, i’ll be walking farther and farther away from my dreams. this isn’t my dream. this isn’t anyone’s dream. no one forced me to take this course. i am but a frustrated student wanting to enter the university, and this was the only option to take.

enough of the drama. i’ll shift. yeah, that sounds good. THAT’S IF: i don’t fail chem32 and 40 and get admitted to diliman.