ay?

feeling mo yata masyado na kong maraming naitutulong sayo. pwede na bang sagot yung, wala yon? kaya wag kang mahiya. kasi mahihiya rin akong tumulong. chaka sana malaman mong hindi lang ikaw ang tinutulungan ko. ano ba yan, letters lang e. yun lang! yun lang! err, chaka oras ko na rin. pero duh anobanamanyan? mahirap ba yon? i wouldn't think i'm helping enough with just thaaaaat. nyeee. I'VE DONE BIGGER FAVORS so don't think i'm putting too much effort on this play. AND, i'm doing this kasi nahihiya rin ako sayo. bakit ba whenever you come to me for something, feeling ko feeling mo ako lang makakagawa non. ng maayos?

i feel flattered every time people come to seek for my help. alam mo yung feeling na they're looking for you not because wala silang mapasahan ng trabaho, but because they know you can do a decent job? and they trust you with it. yon. kaya ang sarap tumulong kapag alam mong may tiwala sila sayo. pag alam mong kailangan ka.

i don't feel that way every time i do favors. but whenever i do, i feel driven.

and because i don't think i'm needed every time, di na muna ako aattend?? LOL para di ka na rin mahiya sakin. call me when you need me na lang. haha

LOL ayoko lang na magmukang overrrr ang pagtulong ko baka ma-misunderstood e. O_O e kasi nga, fine! matulungin akong bata.

PS: HINDI AKO NAPIPILITAN. utang na loobbbb >8\ muka lang, pero joke lang yon.

being awake for so long si sooo frakking tiring. gusto ko magsiesta pero di ko magawa! which is why the only day i look forward to right now is WEDNESDAY. no more PE!!!! i have the entire afternoon for myself! to sleeeeeeep!!! i miss you siestaaaaa >:(

waiting for the coffee to kick in >:)

finally, uhm, i'm busy! cos if i'm not i wouldn't be seeking the help of my favorite compound, 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine. lol that's the only thing i picked up from taking organic chemistry thrice, and quite the only thing that got stuck in my mind. oyehh. C8H10N4O2. how do you draw that again? >_<

by the way, i bought a new phone! LG KP500 Cookie! yey for finally upgrading to touchscreen. still needs a lot of getting used to, man, i text slower with it. and it's pretty slow too! i sold my nokia 1202 to my aunt. i'll miss its simplicity, and... the flashlight! hohoho okokok, if in a month i see glitches, i'm selling it online and buy a cheaper bar phone. hahaha oki have work to do, a long homework and an increasingly annoying java project we weren't even briefed on. 


sometimes, i enjoy doing favors. not because i'm genuinely helpful but because i like the feeling that people count on me, or that my skills are wanted, or that they think i'm fit for the job. hehe? 


haaaaaaaayyy. i still get this awkward feeling when we're alone together, just talking. i like it that he's pouring out, like he trusts me. too bad i can't do the same because... because, rarrrr it's different opening up to your crush. it's not like how you rant with your best friend. the latter feels more liberating. which is why i conclude he's never (and never will be) into me, because he's too comfortable. ha? i dunno, that's how i am with my super close friends. and most people i know can't talk well with their crushes. uhm i, for one, do. i'm blabbing. shut me up. 


practice was fun. i had to temporarily fill in for a missing cast while we're not doing anything on the props yet. i actually wanted to skip this day's practice cos we were dismissed at 2pm and the prac is at 530 (imagine the waaaiiit)!!! but i got guilty, cos ludrick texted and jot needs my company there. haha okaaay.


haven't started coding. must go now. >:\

tagged

here's my current reading list 1) Master of the Game - Sydney Sheldon 2) Mistress of the Game if 1) is interesting 3) The Book Thief (i just bought it awhile ago! thanks for the recommendation plaridel! >:D) and 4) Flipped (within a few weeks i'll get it hehehe thanks again plaridel for the rec!)

watched Inception wih Mika awhile ago. freakin great movie, i didn't understand it fully when i came out of the cinema, but the concept was great. really really great that i promise to rewatch it, on disc of course. HAHA

and so, cos i was tagged (and not tagging back), here goes

100 TRUTHS

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = nonfat milk
2. last phone call = umpe
3. last text message = jec
4. last song you listened to = happier - a fine frenzy
5. last time you cried = awhile ago at the movie house. i cry easily sarreh

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = not even once
7. been cheated on = nope
8. kissed someone & regretted it = not yet
9. lost someone special = not yet. lol, but i want to cos it hurts sometimes. but not really. errrr...
10. been depressed = yeah
11. been drunk and threw up = yeah twice. once at my apartment after a session with my housmates, and the last one, at dan's car this year. T_T;

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. red
13. maroon
14. green

THIS YEAR, HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend = yeah
16. Fallen out of love = getting there
17. Laughed until you cried = a loooot of times
18. Met someone who changed you = everyone has a made an impact in my life. somehow i've changed i just dunno who to put the credit on (it's actually a credit).
19. Found out who your true friends were = i always know who they are but there are some i'm not always sure of
20. Found out someone was talking about you = if being talked about here means i'm being gossiped about by people i don't know, then no. otherwise, doesn't everyone?

21. missing

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life = in facebook?  around 95%
23. How many kids do you want to have = 2. or 3.
24. Do you have any pets = nope
25. Do you want to change your name = not really
26. What did you do for your last birthday = i don't remember. turning 19 wasn't so significant for me, as far as birthdays are concerned. i swam with my friends, i guess???
27. What time did you wake up today = 830am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = asleep
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = uhm, flipped and my salary of course. >:)
30. Last time you saw your mother = less than an hour ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? = my course, my school. haha
32. What are you listening to right now? = nothing
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? = nope
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? = nothing much
35. Most visited web page? = gmail, this blog, facebook
36. What's your real name? = arianne
37. Nicknames? = yan, yanyan
38. Relationship Status? = single and moving on from an imaginary love life hahahaa
39. Zodiac sign? = scorpio
40. Male or female? = fem
41. Elementary? = Seed
42. Middle School? = SHS
44. Hair color? = black
45. Long or short? = short
46. Height = they say i look tall, but i'm only 5'2''
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = yeah
48. What do you like about yourself? = i like it that i like to draw, write and read.
49. Piercings? = One on each ear.
50. Tattoos? = none
51. Right or left? = left?

FIRSTS :
52. First injury? = i had a knee injury when i was in 4th yr. and i was prescribed not to do strenous sports forrever. the fuck.
53. First best friend? = peachy!
55. First sport you joined? = GS: sprinting, chess (hey i won bronze here LOL) HS/COLLEGE: swimming
56. First vacation? = bicol

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating? = nope
60. Drinking? = nope
61. I'm about to? = read book 1)
62. Listening to? = already asked
63. Waiting on? = love lol

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? = yea
65. Get Married? = yeah someday
66. Career? = art related and high-paying.>:)

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes? = eyes
68. Hugs or kisses? = hugs
69. Shorter or taller? = preferrably taller
70. Older or Younger? = for what ba to? sige na nga, older.
71. Romantic or spontaneous? = i enjoy spontaneous people more pero gusto ko rin naman kiligin. so both. haha
72. Nice stomach or nice arms? = arms kasi mahirap itago haha
73. Sensitive or loud? = being loud doesn't mean you're insensitive and vice versa. so, sensitive. hehe
74. Hook-up or relationship? = relationship. wth is a hook-up anyway?
75. Trouble maker or hesitant? = same as 73. i don't get it. and i don't want either

HAVE YOU EVER:
76. Had sex? = Nope
77. Drank hard liquor? = like what? i dunno, i don't classify them.
78. Lost glasses/contacts? = never had one
80. Broken someone's heart? = i don't think so.
81. Had your own heart broken? = yes?
82. Been arrested? = nope
83. Turned someone down? = no one has ever turned himself over in the first place
84. Cried when someone died? = nope
85. Fallen for a friend? = i fall for them even before they become my friends, then i fall out of it. on rare occasions, i fall out, then fall in crush again.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself? = Sometimes
87. Miracles? = Yes
88. Love at first sight? = No
89. Heaven? = Yes
90. Santa Claus? = no
92. Angels? = Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time? = nope
95. Did you sing today? = ya
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? = 2005?
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? = ibang year na lang >:|
99. How do you feel this very second? = excited to read
100. Posting this as 100 truths? = Corny question.

i need friends who have the same level of freedom my parents give me

that's what i've realized this day. seems like even though i want to hang out with my favorite people, they're not always free. and even though i'm racking my mind for people i can dial up in the most uncompromising times, i always end up being hesitant. they might be sleeping already, they might be busy, they might not have time for me, or they probably wouldn't be interested enough with what i have to say.

sometimes, even with the number of friends i have, at the end of day i couldn't find someone whom i could run to without notice. i feel like such a loner. if there is just one person whom i could text about anything, talk about anything, call at any hour, drag anywhere spontaneously, listen to me rant and rave, and visit home short-noticed... i could bear to lose everything else. kidding. but, point taken? just one person. it doesn't have to be a guy for gawdsake, but since i already sound like someone yearning for such... k, fine. whatever you give me, Lord.

i don't easily open up. there has to be a certain level of trust i feel with any close friend of mine before i totally spill. and not just that, it has to be mutual. i so miss the people in UPLB i'm literally in tears now. they're like the last people i've ever had sensible talks with. we're equally free and our brains jive. i get so much sense and affirmation talking to them. when will i ever get these kind of people back? my housemates, kat and july. i fucking miss you all, i'm crying while typing this. i need you. uhhh, for the reason that i haven't been into an intellectually stimulating conversation lately. and also for the reason that you're one of the best listeners i know. >:(

hey you know what, i like psychologists. they're equally sensible and you'll learn alot about yourself. it would be great to have a psychologist friend whom i can run to to psychoanalyze my problems. fuckyeah, last resort. LOL which reminds me, i actually have one. >XD

i want to take this chance to thank my bestfriend for allowing me to barge in their house at 10pm. and even though i wasn't able to really spill, cos errrr you knoooow, it's really heartwarming that she responded to my call (err tweet, actually) and reminded me that afterall, there's still someone willing to listen. that's what i needed, assurance of interest. i wouldn't turn to someone who doesn't care, even if i want to. hehe

it's 3am. i had carbonara and coffee crumble ice cream for dinner. i can't sleep. but i will. good mornight.

i make my own issues

i'm close to proclaiming facebook as the spawn of the devil. or part of the illuminati or some new world order cult. i mean, lady gaga is one, so facebook is most probably its minion, including google. and they're taking over the world. what if, everything that's going mainstream is involved in this whole NWO conspiracy? how about Justin Bieber (i never liked him but he's all over the place)? uhm, and Glee? apparently, media is "the" tool. everything the NWO people endorses includes subliminal messages and patterns that hypnotize us into patronizing it with such fervor, all to the point of worship.

Lord, i may be paranoid but the implications are alarming. we are violating your commandments by being swayed by these "idols".

dear Lord, thank you, because today, I RECEIVED MY SALAREEEEH!!! >XD >XD okaaaay, it's not too big, but it's accumulating. it's quite a miracle that i was able to cut down on expenses lately, no new items. i usually just buy what's running out in my bathroom. and not that i'm a spendthrift either, my friend actually noticed that i'm kinda thrifty. my rule is: you can cut down on anything, just don't starve yourself.

oh yeah, i have an exception... i'm impulsive when it comes to ballpens. hehe so there, food and uhm, ballpens. haha

today was great! had lunch at Mang Inasal with chamel, saycee, raph, yannah and neil. came for the UNLI RICE shempre. BWAHAHAHA we had a contest among ourselves, he/she who eats the most rice shall get errr, an imaginary prize. Raph did! CONGRATS!  tsk, neil and i were 1 rice short! sayaaang LOL

after lunch, came back to school extremely bloated and light headed. i wanted to sleep already, but we still had to play. anyway... we didn't, we just talked it over with our group, and then allowed some of our groupmates to play kunyari, but we already settled our grades HAHA tamad much.

i'm sleepy. goodnight! >:)

PS: i have a feeling that he doesn't care about me anymore, maybe because he noticed that i do too. errr kindof. at least he got what i meant... uhm, and responded correctly...in the way i want him to. facebook will be my eye, and no matter how much i'm wallowing in my masochistic tendencies of annoying myself everytime i jump into his profile, i'll continue to do so HAHA because, uhmm, because much as i hate to admit it, i still care. a bit. a tiny bit. or maybe i don't. i'm just curious. sounds better. you know the quoted line "i never stopped loving you, i only stopped showing it"...? that perfectly fits my case, before... like a month back HAHA but now it's just, hmmmm, "i don't care." haha

i'll get over you soon. promise. >:)
over over na pagka-crush ito!

feel good music >:)

slept at 8, woke up unwillingly at 2. now i can't get my sleep back. which is why i opted to have an early breakfast, bread and coffee. then i realized something funky on the bread, which is molds, so now i only have coffee, uhm, and internet. 

btw, you don't know how much courage it took me to fetch this friggin laptop from the basement. there were two cockroaches on the stairs, one dead and one alarmingly alive with its antennas waving like crazy, who knows if it flies? gaaaaawd. i'm deathly afraid of cockroaches, flying at worst. uhhhhh, generally speaking i hate bugs (for the majority of the world, who doesn't?!).

errr. i'm bored. i'm not sleepy. i wish the water's back. i wanna take a bath already. T_T;

a fine frenzy

it reminds me of 500 days of summer!

ok. i haven't started doing my homeworkS, but i'll get there soon. just let me list the 3 things i'm saving my salary for:

1. digicam
2. TV for my room
3. dvd player

that's all, thank you. 25k max. donate? SHOR >:) when the hell am i going to save that much? ayoko mag-compute! but i want them before october >:)

wala lang, i cleaned my room awhile ago and i find that it's still pretty empty so i thought a TV would do, HAHAHA

PS: i want a typography layout. hmmm, will work on it soon. >:)