because i hate taking responsibility

hehe. i actually didn't want to be part of this but duty takes over, what can i do...?? hahaha, i'm not a good leader, promise. i'm better off working alone so maybe, i'm better off with the technicals. edi yun! technicals. hehehehe ok lang ok lang. sige sige, bahala na. :)

yehey. done with the self-motivation! bwahahaha
it isn't too hard anyway.

eto lang mga major pet peeves ko:

1. i hate, suuuupppper hate, being woken (gm?) up during a sound sound sleep. my mom does this everytime and sucks because i can't throw tantrums at her for spoiling my sleep. it's my reward dammiiiiit!!

2. i also super hate being interrupted when i'm playing on the computer.

3. here's what's currently happening now: i hate being ROBBED of my siesta time. in these time intervals, you shouldn't bother me: 11:30am-1pm (tues,thurs); 11:30am-2:30pm and 4-7:30pm (wed,fri) BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY TIME I CAN SLEEP WELL.

if you're not aware, I AM AN INSOMNIAC. i don't do well during daytime that's why i get super cranky...sleeping during classes and actually dozing off on lectures. it's the reason why i'm the dumbest student in the university. it's not just a bad habit, it's my lifestyle now.

however, if you're still awake you can go rock my socks weekdays at 8pm-1am. never at 2am-7am though, i'm most probably wetting my sheets already.

that's my sched. oh i don't need respect. i'm probably just pissed off that i'm not getting my most important powernaps during the afternoon... when it's soooo nice to sleep.

hehe

don't ask me about my birthday plans

it's still a good 2 months away from now, more or less, and i'm not going to have a mega celebration. i opted for a laptop intstead. :) and i've got my eyes on this good ol Lenovo G410. why Lenovo? what's Lenovo? to those who are new to the brand name, it's a actually from IBM. just like how Compaq is from HP. stuff like that. i know for a fact that IBM's are have really sturdy casings so i went for a subtype of it. and it's really cheap! 28,500. but it doesn't have an OS hahaha, but i could save for that, i mean, i'll let my parents pay for the unit and i'll shoulder the OS. hahaha, eh i want an original vista basic, so mga err... 4-5k. watdahek. then i'll bombard it with fake programs next for all i care.

what i like about it...
- it isn't too big and heavy like thecompaq c700 we last bought which isn't designed for portable use. and i want portability of my gadgets hehehe
- it's looks really simple! ayun, ayoko ng bongga eh. and i feel like the interface of vista won't suit it pero hehe, ewan ko... hehe who knows. :)

excited na ko. gusto ko talaga ng laptop.

wait lang! kaya ayoko rin magdebut kasi... WALA NAMANG NANINIWALA NA MAGE-18 PA LANG AKO EEEH!!!! oo na, ako na ang mukang matanda. haha nakakabwiset kayo. pero may hindi kayo alam... mabilis lang magmature mukha ko pero pag nag18 na ko, magf-freeze na yun! :) looking young na ko forever! bwahaha. beat that.


sick.sick.sick.
hehe may sakit pala ko. sa sobrang kain ng sweets, sumakit nanaman lalamunan ko, kaya eto nilalagnat. hehe

actually sanay na ko. automatic na kasi na pag sumakit lalamunan ko, lagnat na agad ang kasunod. haaaay

ang sarap sarap matulog pag may sakit.
ang dami ko tuloy absent. >___>;

what the heck.

among the 500 more or less entries i've made between appril 07 to 08, selecting my 5 best entries to represent this blog at the PBA 2008 WAS TOUGH.

for various reasons:

a) i didn't think i could possibly rank my entries. well, i could... they go through this scale of boring, more boring and most boring + annoying.
b) almost all of them, including this, are full of grammatical errors... which i know would give me lots of demerits from the panel. conscious, aye? i should be. people are reading and i haven't fixed my demented grammar.
c) honestly, i didn't know what to pick. it was hard, though i only did the selecting in less than 30 minutes because i have things to do and today is already the deadline and i didn't want to lose the nomination even though i'm the one who nominated myself. oops. hehehe

well, those could barely be called reasons but, hey, what the heeeeeckkk!


i'm seeing him more often now. though when i saw him awhile ago and saw that he looked like crap, i wanted to ask him what happened (well, i'm kind of a stalker, i already knew. but just for formality... hehe i'd go ask) and just say go get a rest or something but i didn't...we just passed each other by anyway.

but after that i contemplated on the feeling (of crush and bit more) and asked myself if i still like him even in his crappiest form. this is what everybody is asking from their potential-slash-delusional-future-partners in life, ACCEPTANCE.

to love is not just to love someone in his best form. i've always known that.
how come i'm being judgmental?

and so what have i to say with that? is this feeling only temporary and conditional?
i'm afraid not. because, damn, i accept him in whatever form he takes. thing is, acceptance doesn't always equate to love. so i'm not sure. i don't even want to mention it because i hate sounding cheesy and so teenbopper theymakemewannapuke.

wooot. artwork due tomorrow. i have to work on it now.
hehe bye. :)

yet again

oha. my tears worked, hehe my parents promised me my own laptop on my 18th birthday. we had a little argument last last night but it was cool because we're all okay afterwards. i mean, me and my sister finally made-up. i kind of quit hating her then she kind of quit hating me as well. haha, i even sabotaged the internet connection before that so she would kill me for it but whatever. she's learning! she fixed it alone! haha, next time i should remind myself to put more internet hassles for her when she's up for a research. yeah, btch. >___>;

 

anyway. it's really cool, one of the rare times i cried really bad because of guilt. hahaha, you know, i hate myself sometimes for not acting mature enough to cover up for my supposed-to-be more mature older sister. that's what mom's been yelling me at, i should always be of cover to her shortcomings. okok, reliving things like this is not a good idea. i know. haha

 

but you know, i never said sorry to anyone. i just let my tears work. it was hardest to apologize to my dad because he was all pumped up during the argument that he lost control. really, it was bad. but what's cool is that i knew he'd forgive me no matter what. it was damn hard for me to follow him in the other room to apologize, but i did. only i didn't say sorry, instead i walked in the room, jumped him on the bed and just wailed, crying on his back. must've looked silly but i'd do anything to save my pride. that's just how bad i am about 'sorry' issues. doesn't mean i didn't apologize either, did i?

 

but you see. we're all cool now.

 

in fact i believe i should still be sleeping right now.

 

turn-off points update:

 

i think i'm doing good with harboring enough turn-off points to push him away. and i got a sort of signal that my assumptions were all wrong so i'm happy. :)

 

bottoms-up!

white and nerdy

i badly want my OWN laptop. my one heck of a sister won't let my hands on OUR (supposedly) laptop. which brought me to decide that she can fuck with it all she wants, i won't be borrowing it from her anymore (she'll reject me anyway)... i'll be saving for my OWN laptop. i've already calculated the amount of time it'll take me to raise around 30,000. 8 months, taking into consideration everything that will mean no allowance for me like the sembreak, christmas break, holy week and other uncontrolled factors. yeah. and you know, it sucks because i've been meaning to save for a digicam and a travel gear and some decent rubbershoes... but the need for a laptop is becoming unbearable and also irrational, if you come to think of it. but i am one of the most materialistic people in the world. i shouldn't care, per ce.

it's hard to save for your pleasures and your future at the same time without living the present in poverty. haaaay.

and my mom is mad at me for being so distant with my sister.
honestly, I DON'T CARE.

in this one week that i haven't spoken anything sisterly to her... i realize it doesn't bear much difference having her close by. i could happily take ourselves as two mutually exclusive universes, regardless of our only intersection ---- blood.

and it doesn't pain me at all, not to have her around. not that i wish she were dead but what i mean is that, i don't get that much from her anyway so i think... i could live without her.

the drama:
she was never like an older sister to me. and i hate it because i want to have someone to take care of me, for once. oh right! i'm supposed to understand that she's undergoing hell through her thesis. yes, yes, right... and she can trade everything for that fucking peice of research.

and because it's finally taking its toll on me, i want nothing to do with it anymore. i'll continue shutting myself off to her. well, except that i'll still be texting her some totally uncool and sarcastic updates... but nothing sweeter of the sort. just some words like 'bye', when i'm finally going home. just to let her know. because that's what mom's been nagging about since i came home.

and another thing.
our apartment seems more homey than this house.

and i'm scared because that's not how it should be. :(

normally, i should be excited to go home every week but happens now is that it has become a tedious chore for me to go home during fridays (or saturdays).

oh right, i hate my sister. :)

cool lang daw

oo nga dapat cool lang daw.
grabe, ang cool cool ko nga eh.

di pa ko nag-aaral.
mamayang 7 na ang exam.
time check: 1:20pm

COOOOOL!
kaya pa?

oo naman!

aabsent lang naman ako sa physics, bahala na si july quiz ko. pare, salamat! i owe you a lot... kaw lang nahihingian ko ng mga ganitong pabor. haha :)

nakuuuuu... kailangan ko magsaya ngayong gabi! :D

anything to help me sober up

i think i drank too much last night. :) i apologize for being such a pain in the ass to my roomates who carefully escorted me from the square to my room. see, i still remember! the thing is, i'm not sure if i WAS really drunk. i mean, doesn't the fact that i remember things makes being drunk null and void? or is it something along the lines of aware-but-not-in-control thing? oh, i'll take the latter.


i know, i know. i was tipsy. i felt that. i felt my head go super light, my perspective moving round and round and damn was it nice.

to tell you honestly, it was my first time to feel that way... to feel almost drunk and in denial. and again, it was nice.

it's exactly the kind of feeling problematic people seek. and it's just about the best thing i felt in this whole week. i laughed a lot. and i realized that even though you can get a few good laughs for free, the best laughs always comes with a drink or two.

i don't want to sound like i'm morphing into an alcoholic but man, i appreciate alcohol now... more than ever.

and you know what?
i threw up a couple of times at home and i couldn't sleep and it sucks (in a good way) because i am aware of what's happening, of what i'm doing, yet i seem out of control.

but you see, me being out of control isn't really the 'out-of-control' thing you'd expect from other people, i'm not violent, i guess i'm talkative but my being out-of-control was tolerable. at least during that time i think i am kind of tolerable. i'm not a hardcore drinker after all, and you cannot subject me into haing wild tendencies. ;)

and i have a fckdmt math midterms the day after and i have another freakin exam the day after that.

i can't explain how i felt last night anymore, but i don't regret what happened. :)

and noooow?
i just came back from our midterms, it was so-so... i am expecting a passing grade. well, i know i will pass. hopefuly, i mean... i wasn't able to get more than 2 hours of review! wtf! :|

and tomorrow will probably be the crappiest day of my life.
you got my next exam to blame for that.