perhaps

i have no right to say i was deprived of the chance to go out and explore during my highschool days just because i'm so stuck inside the unimplemented but felt stereotype present during those damned years. last night, because i can't lull myself to sleep listening to my mp3 player, i browsed through our yearbook... actually reading my batchmates' profile write-ups.

then i realized... oh she likes to draw? put she's a pep squad member! and hey, she's quite artistic for a jock.

so you see, all of us in the batch are 'victims' of sort, of the huge influence our designated stereotype imposes. it's not like i didn't enjoy being part of the geek squad or the teenage mutant ninja turtles (yknow, artists)... actually, it's the best thing that happened to me. i met my barkada, and as they say birds of the same feather (make a good feather duster!!! - quote rufa mae quinto hahaha) flock together. it can't be helped that you are being grouped based on your dominant traits because really, that's just how it is.

it's a natural phenomenon to have a whole mob of highschool students grouped into whatever it is that binds him/her with her close friends.

but it is also important not to treat it as a barrier. it is merely a distinguishing factor which sometimes gets exagerrated to the point of limiting the student within specific bounds. just because she's a geek doesn't mean she can't do an aerial flip.

well guys, i don't even know why i bother with this. it's just that sometimes i think i didn't gave my best when i was in higschool, i didn't use my potentials to the core. i just drew and drew for myself and for the club... and even when i wanted to sing i just didn't have enough confidence to back my fidgeting limbs.

so now it's the issue of confidence.

ugggh, this might get longer yknow. haha hafta stop!

wait, i'm kinda pissed off right now because i'm supposed to download Dead Fantasy but the site's undergoing some maintainance which i gather they do everyday, at this hour... it happened yesterday and i waited till the next day to be able to download it but since it's 100MB and the downloading speed is at max 4kbps, everytime i disconnect (which isn't in my will, someone always always has to use the phone), whatever chunk of file i've downloaded gets erased and i have to restart with the shit.

i hate it, really.
i want to have a copy of it because i got hooked when coach gave us a preview of it in high def. man, it's crazy, even i who isn't a final fanatasy or dead or alive fan am enjoying it!

a must watch. definitely.

in need of some flattering

if i badly wanted to flatter myself i go to my fanfiction.net account and just check my stats. so far, it always flatters me to see my stories getting good reviews. much more, it boosts up my ego learning that there are actually people who put me in their favorite authors list.

it's not a big thing compared to other authors who dig their noses perfecting their craft but hey, it's still a good thing that my works get credited for what hideous grammatical and structural error it has that, so far, were never corrected.

hmmm. i'm reading Interview with a Vampire. folks, it's a fic... not the one with brad and tom. :) hmmm, okay pala sya ha. kala ko pangit, well of course, authors always think their work is crap until someone drops them a glorious comment. i left it unfinished, now i'm aching to continue, it's just that... my head's not bent too much on harry potter anymore and i could vaguely remember the characters now. haha, the only people i know by heart is duh, harry and draco. but anyway. i'll get my ass on it when i have time. hehehe

for now, i have to be really really religious with getting a decent workout. >__>;

man, i'm so fat naaaa! hahahaha

typical annoying, immature, teenage rant diba?

she can't be serious

well you know, it's still a good 7 months from now so i'd be sure to forgive them if they suddenly backed out or changed plans. mom says she'll bring me to hongkong for my 18th birthday celebration (of course with my family). haha, i'm glad to hear that finally i'd be able to ride on an airplane and go out of the country and experience Disney Land! but you know, err, check the first sentence. hehe i don't even have a passport yet.

btw, just got back from calatagan, all in all took us 12 hours travel time cos of the traffic and comfort room stop overs. oh frkn body pain! we bathed in the pool for 9 frggn hours! and i tutored my big sister and my little nephew the basic swimming skills. apparently, i can only teach well up to the flutter kick... teaching freestyle needs a lot of patience! and fck, i almost drowned saving my little nephew cos he's dragging-slash-strangling me down i was like, 'wtdhl! you're choking me you bastard!' so i just pushed him with all the force i can manage to bring him to the gutter. where the hell did my rescue 101 lessons go?

anyway, can't say i didn't have fun! my arms and legs hurt like hell and i have a really big zit on the forehead (it bothers me because when i sleep in the car, i always lean on my forehead but now i can't cos it may pop haha) but i had a great time. i've been meaning to spend quality time with my family, especially with my cousins. bwahehehe

haaaay. i should be going now! hafta read! yaaaay!

i've been waiting for this!

2 things

♥ i'm finally able to go online right here at home! meaning, daddy already got tired of me pushing him into spilling his 'secret' why the modem just won't fucking work. then he fixed it in front of me, like i'm demanding him on a gunshot. lol, it was so funny treating my dad like that. like he can't do anything but to get the screwer, unscrew some access panels underneath the laptop and remove that thing he stuck in the modem port to prevent it from working. and i was like, LOL DAD! i can't believe you have to go this far just to drive me away from the laptop! but you know, there's zuma and ravenhearst manor, plus the old school chicken invaders and marbles 98. i'm so sick of computer games and everytime dad walks here i have to put up a facade that i'm actually enjoying them when in fact i'm mourning for my apparent incapability to solve the internet problem.

but you know, before he solved my problem, i somewhat ran through the system and did a lot of changes just to see if it will work. well, i forgot to restore them to their original settings so when he tried the internet, it did connect (yeaaah!) but he can't access the net! booooo! and my mind went, 'whaaaatttt? oh come on daaaaaddd!!!'

that's just my mind, i blurted this instead... hah! you think it's over? no daddy, noooo!!! i did a simple trick to prevent you from accessing the web even though you're connected! and lol, why'd you have to reboot? it has nothing to do with that! nothiiiinnng! hahahaha

but deep inside i didn't know what to do! i was mentally cursing myself for ever playing around the internet properties but eventually, i found out what's wrong and spilled the beans to dad. lol

anyway. that's about it.
and that's just item number 1


♥ we're off to Calatagan in an hour! woooh! adventure at last!! swimming yeaaaaah!!! oh come on, i need a break! though i'm not really tired and deserving of it, i still need to feel the summer for its adventure and not for the scholastic workload it dumps on us. so, hoooraaaaay for later!

♥♥♥

i just finished whitney my love yesterday! also in time for a new book! coach lent me good omens by neil gaiman and terry pratchett! man, i've been aching to get a hard copy of it cos apparently, i feel screws drilling on my head when i read the ebook. damn the headache. so, thanks a lot coach. :) it'll keep me busy this weekend!

yesterday too, after my pm classes i headed to teriyaki boy katipunan to meet with my friends. we planned a little surprise to our dearest hannah (which i wasn't able to become part of cos i'm late) and it worked! at least i know it did. hehehe by God, i missed them all!!! i truly truly missed the gang!

so may 9, everyone!! i'll be the host! wahehehee

she said goodnight

this actually happened weeks ago, i just didn't have time to blog about it, or maybe i always forget to blog about it. :) the 'she' in the title refers to my previous previous previous crush's mother!!! lol, you wouldn't know how dumbfounded i am to actually earn a 'good night' from the mom of my previous previous previous crush!!! the person whom i'm fantasizing to be my mother-in-law, well that's a year ago, and i didn't really think of her becoming my mother in law because in the first place, i never dreamed of getting betrothed to my previous previous previous crush. hahaha

pardon my exagerratedness (gm?), it actually came by chance. i texted her son, asking him about some things. and he replied alright... it says that he's changed his number already and attached is the current number. so i said sorry and thanks... and he (well, she!) replied, 'ok lang. mom nya to. gud nyt.'

hehehe. haaaappy. well, just that!! no burried feelings arose, thank God.
oh, i replied with a good night as well.

haaaay, it's hannahbanana's birthday soon. :) i'm so glad for you pare! lol
will be meeting with my friends later at teriyaki boy katips, i have no idea where exactly that is but i know it's just on the side parallel to ateneo. i even forgot how to commute there already. grrr... >___>;

hay, pera. asan kaaaaa!

damn you headache

my head's been hurting since our class started but i managed to forget about it eventually. ah, we pushed through with the dinner. coach and jay were actually planning to go to burger king (some branch i didn't hear well) but coach got a wee bit guilty about me being dragged on to their, uhh, selfishness? so we ate at tapa king instead.

honestly, i'd like to dine in burger king, at least it's cheaper than tapa king and i get to hitch for free. damn it, both of them has cars so it's like when we push to BK, jay's gonna drive me... then it's coach's turn on the way home. lol, i seriously would like to consider the BK option better. haha, but i was, lemme guess... too shy to approve of it. hahaha

lol. it's actually my first time to eat at tapa king, whattaloser.

and you know, it's fun listening to them. honestly, all i ever did there were do nods of agreement, laugh at certain points and answer briefly when asked. uggh, seriously, i was not very social but i'm very welcoming. and i happen to like what they were talking about it's just that, i couldn't pry in... because, dammit i'm shy!!! hahahaha

maybe because they're both my seniors and... err, yes... that's the only thing. but come to think of it, if they fell a little closer to my age, i would've been more open and jolly and talkative but then you know, not that i refuse to behave more socially... i'm just... whatever. SHY!

ok, no need to read more coz it's gonna be all that junk about this weird thing i feel in my chest whenever i recall those times we 'shared' together. fcktall.

hahaha.
i'd hate to deduce this as love, though seriously, i can't be entirely sure about it.
whenever i think of him, or whenever i think of the times we 'shared' together, i can't help but smile and feel all giggly and just so teenybopper. i even hate sounding like one but since i'm not yet 18, i should be given due right to act all shallow. hahaha

i don't want to entertain the feeling because the chances are slim that we'll meet again.

but hell, i'm still counting on it.

what a fool of me

to actually believe my dad that our modem got fucked up (btw, you have to get used to these seemingly barbaric terms to get the drift of my mood swings). and no, even if i discovered the sordid lie, i am not about to beg him to move out of the chair and give way to my ravishing the computer.

i want to agitate my dad by being gone from home without even as much as a peck on the cheeks. fine, so he lied to me about the absense of internet connection to save me from sleeping too late doing whatnots online. he is too much of a father to grant me the discipline i have long lost with my studies by dragging me away from my favorite solitary companion. i appreciate that, as much as i appreciate his having to lie to me about it.

case closed.

haha, no i'm not really serious with provoking my dad! i just want to go online, that's all!! i love the internet! it gives me the freedom i long for! freedom to express everything under my sleeve without being judged for who i am. i love it so much to stay away from it. maybe i can keep my urges in moderation, but to completely remove myself from the browser window forever? definitely not.

will eat dinner with coach bruno ang jay later. have i told you i'm on a diet? naaah. whatever. i single dinner with them couldn't possibly earn me a million calories would it?

oh, i'd also have to credit coach for sharing to me Dead Fantasy. go search in youtube. a marvelously directed animation featuring characters from Final Fantasy and Dead or Alive in a seemingly endless combat. it's magnificent, i promise. go watch it.

oh right, i have classes.