Friday, August 31, 2007
can we just stop and talk a while
by gary v. and kyla. nice song :). ate eunice and jerson sang it awhile ago as an intermission and it was really nice. galing! hehehe :)
it actually reminds me of the song 'melody fair' :)
anyhow. today was great. :) i attended our symposium and proctored (gm?) for our mental smackdown (a quiz contest). blah blah blah. kat still has sore eyes. mehn and i badly want to get it too but i don't know, we're always together and i always intentionally wipe my eyes whenever we gain contact in hopes of catching the bastarded illness but to no avail. actually, i'm just fishing for reasons to excuse myself for participating on our anniv night tomorrow. too bad. still stuck.
i'm not complaining. it's just that i'd rather sit in the corner than actually, err, emcee. because i'm not good. seriously. i'm really really really shy. i suck as a self-motivator.
yeah, we'll see about that.
speechcom1: who knows i'll actually learn something substantial and enlightening from this subject? whenever i get the chance, i skip this class but during our last meeting, i realized something and it hit me hard.
we were asked to draw an outline of our fetus - lifesize. meaning we have to lie down on a manila paper and pose as a fetus and someone else will trace our outline and we'll be working on that space bounded by the marker. blah blah blah. our teacher told us to write our wildest dreams on one portion of the drawing. i did mine alright. i wrote there i want to be super rich, i want to go to outer space, be an astronaut, a muse, a bestselling author, a bestselling author. i wrote that twice. then our teacher started talking, talking, talking, like usual, he said a lot of things. and they were nice, it actually made me think about my life. i noticed that even not a hint of being an engineer is reflected within the words i jotted down on the paper. not even a single word. and i thought, look at that... this isn't my dream. i never dreamed of becoming a engineer in the first place. i want to be a writer, a businesswoman sidelining as a freelance artist. i simply don't belong here.
and that's what made up my mind.
i'll do best to shift, to a different school perhaps, with a course that i really want. it's not going to be easy. heck, and i have to go through two blasted chemistry subjects just to break free from this bars i've unconsciously jailed myself in. they're always right. they've always been right. i must do what i want. i must follow my dreams. not anyone else's, but mine. i must discard the fact that just because i endured 1 or 2 chemistry subjects, i'm good to go. no. i'm just burrying myself deeper in the ground. if i continue to endure things i'm not inclined to, i'll be walking farther and farther away from my dreams. this isn't my dream. this isn't anyone's dream. no one forced me to take this course. i am but a frustrated student wanting to enter the university, and this was the only option to take.
enough of the drama. i'll shift. yeah, that sounds good. THAT'S IF: i don't fail chem32 and 40 and get admitted to diliman.
it actually reminds me of the song 'melody fair' :)
anyhow. today was great. :) i attended our symposium and proctored (gm?) for our mental smackdown (a quiz contest). blah blah blah. kat still has sore eyes. mehn and i badly want to get it too but i don't know, we're always together and i always intentionally wipe my eyes whenever we gain contact in hopes of catching the bastarded illness but to no avail. actually, i'm just fishing for reasons to excuse myself for participating on our anniv night tomorrow. too bad. still stuck.
i'm not complaining. it's just that i'd rather sit in the corner than actually, err, emcee. because i'm not good. seriously. i'm really really really shy. i suck as a self-motivator.
yeah, we'll see about that.
speechcom1: who knows i'll actually learn something substantial and enlightening from this subject? whenever i get the chance, i skip this class but during our last meeting, i realized something and it hit me hard.
we were asked to draw an outline of our fetus - lifesize. meaning we have to lie down on a manila paper and pose as a fetus and someone else will trace our outline and we'll be working on that space bounded by the marker. blah blah blah. our teacher told us to write our wildest dreams on one portion of the drawing. i did mine alright. i wrote there i want to be super rich, i want to go to outer space, be an astronaut, a muse, a bestselling author, a bestselling author. i wrote that twice. then our teacher started talking, talking, talking, like usual, he said a lot of things. and they were nice, it actually made me think about my life. i noticed that even not a hint of being an engineer is reflected within the words i jotted down on the paper. not even a single word. and i thought, look at that... this isn't my dream. i never dreamed of becoming a engineer in the first place. i want to be a writer, a businesswoman sidelining as a freelance artist. i simply don't belong here.
and that's what made up my mind.
i'll do best to shift, to a different school perhaps, with a course that i really want. it's not going to be easy. heck, and i have to go through two blasted chemistry subjects just to break free from this bars i've unconsciously jailed myself in. they're always right. they've always been right. i must do what i want. i must follow my dreams. not anyone else's, but mine. i must discard the fact that just because i endured 1 or 2 chemistry subjects, i'm good to go. no. i'm just burrying myself deeper in the ground. if i continue to endure things i'm not inclined to, i'll be walking farther and farther away from my dreams. this isn't my dream. this isn't anyone's dream. no one forced me to take this course. i am but a frustrated student wanting to enter the university, and this was the only option to take.
enough of the drama. i'll shift. yeah, that sounds good. THAT'S IF: i don't fail chem32 and 40 and get admitted to diliman.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
quality education takes time
whew. maybe that's how i'm going to describe my mantra for this sem. hahaha. ok lang magrepeat! at least mas maiintindihan ko. yun nga lang, i can't shift. at malamang lamang dalawang subjects ang irerepeat ko. at baka di pa ko mabigyan next sem. wow. mega delay na ako. >_> hmmph.
kat has sore eyes. meaning she can't be the emcee for our anniv night. so marious chose me to emcee with him instead. and now i'm dead.
i'm too shy to be an emcee. -_-
kat has sore eyes. meaning she can't be the emcee for our anniv night. so marious chose me to emcee with him instead. and now i'm dead.
i'm too shy to be an emcee. -_-
Sunday, August 26, 2007
a new look
i changed the header. pretty much the same, only simpler. i'm happy with it... let's see how long it will last. if you notice, i'm fond of beach scenes. yeah... :)
moreover, another new look...
hehe. don't be fooled
that's me wearing my DAD'S wig. he used that wig during a performance years ago... hehehe. did i mention i like it?
hell yeah.
but my hair is still the same right now, un-banged (without bangs, i mean. lol), uncombed, and black as ever. :)
and since i'm sure i'm not gonna get that hairdo anytime soon (coz i'm in the process of growing my hair loooong)... i decided to post it here. yeah.
moreover, another new look...
hehe. don't be fooled
that's me wearing my DAD'S wig. he used that wig during a performance years ago... hehehe. did i mention i like it?
hell yeah.
but my hair is still the same right now, un-banged (without bangs, i mean. lol), uncombed, and black as ever. :)
and since i'm sure i'm not gonna get that hairdo anytime soon (coz i'm in the process of growing my hair loooong)... i decided to post it here. yeah.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
well here's an alternative
so we had our first chem40 theoretical lab exam last night. it was hard. and i am guaranteed to fail... yet again. T_T; i was too careless, i could've gotten 2 problems right, it's just that i thought water is non-polar. which is not.
note to self: water, H20, dihydrogen oxide is fucking polar. i'd kill myself if i get that fact wrong again.
and so i got the last problem wrong... i listed everything in a reverse manner. fuck.
it's either i'm going to repeat my two chems next sem OR i'm going to remove them. yeah, there is no chance that i'm going to get a 3 (or anything higher). it's either repeat or remove. wtf.
and because of that. i was depressed once again. yeeeeehaa. i've always been depressed you know, it's just that IT DOESN'T SHOW because i'm a good actress. yeah right. and last night was the night i was looking for someone to talk to.
but then, i just ended up drinking my way to oblivion.
oh i don't drink a lot. i only drink light... and red horse, whichever is available... when our landlady isn't home. hehehe.
and you know what, it was the first time i craved for beer. i missed the cold rush of alcohol in my throat and the warm stir in my stomach. contrary to what others experience, it calms me down. it puts me to sleep. without hangovers. yeah.
beer is love.
so maybe next time i'll try smoking again.
and destroy myself fully.
and damn, i'm not asking for someone to 'save' me. i need a companion (someone whom i can drink beer or coffee with) more than a fucking prince in a shining armor.
and the people here are fucking wholesome.
note to self: water, H20, dihydrogen oxide is fucking polar. i'd kill myself if i get that fact wrong again.
and so i got the last problem wrong... i listed everything in a reverse manner. fuck.
it's either i'm going to repeat my two chems next sem OR i'm going to remove them. yeah, there is no chance that i'm going to get a 3 (or anything higher). it's either repeat or remove. wtf.
and because of that. i was depressed once again. yeeeeehaa. i've always been depressed you know, it's just that IT DOESN'T SHOW because i'm a good actress. yeah right. and last night was the night i was looking for someone to talk to.
but then, i just ended up drinking my way to oblivion.
oh i don't drink a lot. i only drink light... and red horse, whichever is available... when our landlady isn't home. hehehe.
and you know what, it was the first time i craved for beer. i missed the cold rush of alcohol in my throat and the warm stir in my stomach. contrary to what others experience, it calms me down. it puts me to sleep. without hangovers. yeah.
beer is love.
so maybe next time i'll try smoking again.
and destroy myself fully.
and damn, i'm not asking for someone to 'save' me. i need a companion (someone whom i can drink beer or coffee with) more than a fucking prince in a shining armor.
and the people here are fucking wholesome.
Friday, August 24, 2007
taking on a one way path
i've never been this much intimidated in my life. and fuck, it scares me a lot. failing has always been my companion. it taught me a lot, really. i guess i owe every sensible advice i mouth out to every horrible experience i've encountered. it's not bad to fail. just don't overdo your mistakes because failing doesn't equate to stupidity.
i don't know. something's wrong with me. I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. i need a sensible person to share these insecurities within me. someone who can talk back in the brightest sense. it's demanding, i know. but i want someone who can put up with my reasonings. yes. i'm asking for someone who shares the same level of thinking as i do. not in terms of acad but in terms of uhh... EQ? how do you call that ba? haha. i don't remember.
shit. i need a friend. :( drama ito. just bear with me.
honestly, i think i know someone who could.
alam nyo baaaaa??? gusto ko lang ng kausap! gusto ko ng taong pwedeng kong makasama mag-kape. usap usap lang. grabe kailangan ko ng matinong adviser. >_>
but on the bright side, i'm excited for our practical exam to end. gusto ko na umuwi.
uhhh, shit talaga.
i.need.someone.to.talk.to.
please, Lord. someone who can brighten up my day.
mehn, i don't need a tutor. gusto ko lang ng matinong kausap. and this time gusto ko ako naman ang pakikinggan. >_>;
i don't know. something's wrong with me. I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. i need a sensible person to share these insecurities within me. someone who can talk back in the brightest sense. it's demanding, i know. but i want someone who can put up with my reasonings. yes. i'm asking for someone who shares the same level of thinking as i do. not in terms of acad but in terms of uhh... EQ? how do you call that ba? haha. i don't remember.
shit. i need a friend. :( drama ito. just bear with me.
honestly, i think i know someone who could.
alam nyo baaaaa??? gusto ko lang ng kausap! gusto ko ng taong pwedeng kong makasama mag-kape. usap usap lang. grabe kailangan ko ng matinong adviser. >_>
but on the bright side, i'm excited for our practical exam to end. gusto ko na umuwi.
uhhh, shit talaga.
i.need.someone.to.talk.to.
please, Lord. someone who can brighten up my day.
mehn, i don't need a tutor. gusto ko lang ng matinong kausap. and this time gusto ko ako naman ang pakikinggan. >_>;
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
thank you Lord!
uhh, we had classes today... but at least our chem32 lab and lecture exams were postponed!! yeah, i knew it!! it's going to be unfair to hold the test today since we aren't even halfway through the coverage. hehehe. and well, i haven't studied yet.
that's my point.
yesterday was pretty nice, i drank coffee so i was able to stay until 2:30am without really doing anything productive. i TRIED to study. believe me, i did... but i got distracted with practically everything... so in the end, i didn't learn anything.
hahaha. i realized that people get EASILY distracted from something they are not fond of doing. like studying. yeah. you should know that.
what happened is that i just went mega chika with my dormmates. i'm very open to everything, i have a unique perspective on every matter that's why it's hard to keep silent when these thoughts are provoking me, and when you're totally comfortable with the people around you, it's so easy to spark up with a topic that everyone can relate to. yeah yeah. i love sharing my thoughts and ideas on moral matters... y'know, those that involve parental conflicts, peer pressure, conformity, even love life... hehehe. and it flatters me when people say i give sound advices. to think i've never had much experience on those matters. i don't have kids. i'm not a wife. we don't have familial problems. i've never had a boyfriend. never been courted. never had someone say they like me. in short, i am one big inexperienced twerp.
some of my friends say i make a lot of sense for a mere 16 yr old girl. aww, and my dormmate said last night that i'm one of the few whom she can talk sense with. i'm really flattered. >_> but i guess the maturity of my words are brought about by my huge fancy for books. i didn't even know that my little advices and rephrased proverbial statements affected them, one way or another.
i'm grateful for this wisdom God gave me. i even remember asking for it. whenever studying, i write down my prayers first and i always ask God to give me wisdom to understand these freakin equations and theories that would perpetuate the idea of mass destruction. i asked for wisdom because i thought it's parallel to intelligence. but i was wrong. what i really need that time is intelligence and God gave me wisdom (at least that's how i perceived it). so what did i use this 'wisdom' for?
mehn. i used it to condition myself for the possibility that i MIGHT fail this blasted subject. you don't need intelligence for that! you don't take things like that objectively. that's why... from now on, i'm gonna ask for INTELLIGENCE!!!
i need extra braincells.
that's my point.
yesterday was pretty nice, i drank coffee so i was able to stay until 2:30am without really doing anything productive. i TRIED to study. believe me, i did... but i got distracted with practically everything... so in the end, i didn't learn anything.
hahaha. i realized that people get EASILY distracted from something they are not fond of doing. like studying. yeah. you should know that.
what happened is that i just went mega chika with my dormmates. i'm very open to everything, i have a unique perspective on every matter that's why it's hard to keep silent when these thoughts are provoking me, and when you're totally comfortable with the people around you, it's so easy to spark up with a topic that everyone can relate to. yeah yeah. i love sharing my thoughts and ideas on moral matters... y'know, those that involve parental conflicts, peer pressure, conformity, even love life... hehehe. and it flatters me when people say i give sound advices. to think i've never had much experience on those matters. i don't have kids. i'm not a wife. we don't have familial problems. i've never had a boyfriend. never been courted. never had someone say they like me. in short, i am one big inexperienced twerp.
some of my friends say i make a lot of sense for a mere 16 yr old girl. aww, and my dormmate said last night that i'm one of the few whom she can talk sense with. i'm really flattered. >_> but i guess the maturity of my words are brought about by my huge fancy for books. i didn't even know that my little advices and rephrased proverbial statements affected them, one way or another.
i'm grateful for this wisdom God gave me. i even remember asking for it. whenever studying, i write down my prayers first and i always ask God to give me wisdom to understand these freakin equations and theories that would perpetuate the idea of mass destruction. i asked for wisdom because i thought it's parallel to intelligence. but i was wrong. what i really need that time is intelligence and God gave me wisdom (at least that's how i perceived it). so what did i use this 'wisdom' for?
mehn. i used it to condition myself for the possibility that i MIGHT fail this blasted subject. you don't need intelligence for that! you don't take things like that objectively. that's why... from now on, i'm gonna ask for INTELLIGENCE!!!
i need extra braincells.