i'm not dead!

LoL.. welcome to my new layout.. well the layout is not pretty new to you... but the motif and theme is new!
you see... it's a dull kind of green.. but because of the totally rockin linkin park theme i have here... the dull turns to bright! hurrah!!!

we had tennis awhile ago... and i had my friggin 2nd day.. you know what i mean... ^_^

i wasn't able to do well.. er.. that was in my opinion... o cge na nga.. since i don't do well everytime we do the sessions.. i think i'm not in the right position to give myself a scale of 'how far is my tennis skills somehow?'

well as you can't see... i'm not anywhere around home.. i'm in FCM... doing my usual neopets gaming sessions... our computer is wrecked and it doesn't reply to popups... even though we don't have popup blockers... and copy-pasting a shortcut in a new window won't work too because most popups i open is javascript powered... so ayun... chill.

i'm bad... my sister and i are supposed to be grocery-ing for foods for tomorrow's trip but i excused myself to give time for my selfish desires... we also ran out of nternet card na... and i'm saving...

blah.

uhm... uhmm... my mind is blank... back to the games!!!
i'm so happy!
i got my allowance na... i mean it's an utang kasi... from last year's summer job... lupit noh? 1 year akong naghintay ng sweldo... haha... don't ask. basta i'm happy..

i don't have any decent summer job to enter... kasi i'm busy preparing for college entrance tests nga diba... and we had milo pa... and we have... blah.. wala na pala.. haha

i miss my friends...^_^

linkin park rocks! \m/

weeee... i love linkin park... i'm rockin wit them 2day! haha... wala lng... funny.. i'm slowly getting into the radical punk type... haha dun want that to happen... i'm just depressed... i need to take this out...

why does it feel like i'm about to die?
every night i feel this same agony that's torturing me less during the wee hours of the day but it's pulling itself to the extreme every night when i sleep..hmmm...

it's like i'm being kulam-ed. LoL... the pain concentrates on my left chest... ok.. breast.. or maybe the heart itself.. i dunno but it freakin hurts... like when i breathe... it would be a labored kind and i can't continue heaving a deep sigh because the pain is triggering... like a nerve would explode and i'll faint.. and i'll never wake up.

ok.. i'm dead!

and when i'm dead... i'll go either up or down.. but first... i'll do a little freak to those people who made my life either happy or sad... i'll chat... with those people i wanna say a formal goodbye to and i'll also chat to those people who fuckin ruined a day or two in my life and scare them to hell.

i'll post in this blog... my last post explaining gratitude to those i love and apology to those whom i've hurt.

do you know what this means?
=(

the more the merrier.. SHUT UP!

currently listening to: breaking the habit - linkin park

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THAT IS THE WORST TAGLINE I EVER HEARD!
i hate them!!!!
i'm turning green... shit! fuck them all!
tita ammbi's car will be used this sunday for the outing... which means... EVERYONE will join.
and i hate everyone so sunday is not my dayy!!!

argghhhh.... i'm turning valentina naaaaa!!! shiiiitttt.

bwisit talaga... i don't like it when a lot of people join our FAMILY outing... especially if they're not really part of OUR family.

i'll kill someone who considers this outing a FAMILY outing. coz it's now a BUSINESS OUTING! pucha... kami pa ngayon ang sabit?!
humanda kayo sa kamandag ko!
bwiseeeettt talagaaaa...

ano gusto nyo palabasin? utang pa namin sa mga ahenteng yan na naging manager c daddy?
mga gago! baliktarin nyo man ang mundo... wala kaming utang na loob sa inyo!

nagseselos akoooooo!!! puchaaaa... *naiiyak na ko*
putanginanyo!

kayo lang ang pinag-gagastusan ng mga magulang ko... pa outing outing pa kayo.. ayusin nyo nga ung production nyo! every week naghahanda kami ng lunch nyo! mahiya nga kayo... parang linggo linggo may burol dito ah!!

putanginaaaaa....galit ako... syeeettt!

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i already started the facade.. awhile ago...

the bookworm is back!

not really a BOOKworm but if that's how you describe a person who loves to read... pwede na rin...
but i would rather call myself an e-book worm.. hehe...

LoL... i'm not yet finished with series of unfortunate events 2...-_-;; i'm always busy with other things...
awhile ago i downloaded the da vinci code (yeah, haven't read that parin.. i mean i did... the first 2 chapters but i have to return the book na eh... and i don't intend to spend money for it.. kaya ayan.. it's download time!) and angels and demons (yeah! the ampigram cover is waaayy cool!).

it's reading time once again... haha...

puhlease... i'm neither cheap nor a pro-piracy activist... i'm just being practical... what's less than 30 minutes of download time in exchange for a 335 (or more) worth of a single book purchase?

check your downloading softwares... you might want to search for some good books too... unfortunately i doubt you can find every book you want.. but still.. think about it..
i use limewire. ^_^ go on...haha...

btw.. i love linkin park! \m/

whew...o.-

i just came from the tennis clinic... woew.. as usual... tired. i still don't know what to do with my jealousy... ang sama ko noh... cge cge... i won't be... from now on.. good girl na ko. haha...

yesterday was also tiring... i went to mama beth's store to help kasi she doesn't have any helper na eh... i thought managing a sari sari store is easy pero hindi pala.. her store kasi is a carinderia-slash-sarisaristore-slash-bakery.... o diba ang saya?

haha... kasama ko cousin ko... wahehehe... eto ang pinaka ayokong itinda...
cigarettes.

baket? kasi iba iba ung presyo.. nkkwindang and i have to use the calculator pa.. kainis...
pero i learned kung pano magbukas ng kaha ng sigarilyo.. haha.. saya..
....
i quoted this from my idol.. valentina...
"i can always pull it off, because... i'm valentina"

LoL... i'm using that line frequently na nga eh.. haha...

sowing the seeds of hypocrisy...

everyone hates hypocrites ayt? now it's time for you to hate me... or maybe not since you're not my main target on this little facade i'm starting.

remember my last post? i can't believe it will rattle my brain until now... ugghh... the luxuries thingy i brought about by my last post is put into reality... once again...shoot...

and it's the perfect time to start creating a mask whose smile never will wear off.
our FAMILY, well count the agents in even though they're not part of the legitimacy i'm pointing out, will be going on a overnight outing this sunday in mt. makiling... and yeah... i mentioned na agents na... i don't want them there... honestly. but since i don't want to disappoint my parents... i reserved a mask for myself... made out of pure hatred covered with the most hypocrite smile... imported from paris. the one that really resembles a happy and giddy arianne...

now please be discreet with this coz you're the only one who knows how good a hypocrite i am.

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from this... i realised how plastic people work their way through the mask factory in paris. they surely don't like what they're doing... but because of their FEAR of exuding what they have inside, they have to wear a very expensive mask that no one could pay on the spot... there is an installment fee and a colateral which includes their FRIENDS or family or a special someone... and in the end... no one has ever fully-paid the mask because during their facade, the mask-no matter how strong- broke into pieces and revealed the true wearer therefore losing the colaterals the person put in the risk box.

do you get me? alam kong malabo... ganito kasi ang aking weird explantion... in paris, a lot of masks are produced... one of the best makers pa nga eh.. (haha... check my facts.. they're so unreliable) and the mask you use in your facade is from paris, that is for example.
ganito na lang para simple...

the mask- represents your whole being as a hypocrite.
the 'you can't pay on the spot' and 'colateral' thing - kasi naman if you fully paid the mask it means it won't break and shatter into pieces plus you'll wear it forever.. making you a hypocrite forever.. yehey and the colateral is or are the people involved in your plan... it could be your close friend na magbabago ang tingin sayo after seeing you as a farmer in a field of hypo-seeds.. hahaa

o cge na nga.. di ka naman super engot para di magets yun diba?
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pero on the other hand.. there is still hope for me.. my plane hasn't landed in paris yet to pick up the mask eh... maybe my outlook will change once i get there.... and since i'm very selfish i think i'd forget everything else while im in the pool... di ko na lang cla proproblemahin... they don't even know they're giving problems... blah...

haha..-_-:;

i feel wierd...

i'm jealous again...-_-;;

this is the first time i felt this kind of feeling... because duh.. this is the first time i encountered this situation...-_-;;

maybe i'm close to being a rebel child... beat the crap outta me and i'll kill myself... remember my stupid attempt to actually end my life? damn.. that's the most stupid thing that ever came to my mind... to actually doze myself to death with a hairclip...

stupid stupid.

who am i jealous with? it's not just a who... it's a group of people my father is managing... since he is now a unit manager... i suppose most of his income goes to 1) paying ammortizations, taxes, and other debts 2)our tuition fees and 3) his agents' luxuries!

every week we are feeding more than ten people in the house... and that's the only day we're cooking food better than our usual daing for breakfast, sabaw for lunch and nothing for dinner...
although i enjoy the good food we serve when they're here... it seems like it's the only occasion where we get to prepare something better!

every outing, overnights and stuff... they're always there! i can't spend a single outing just with my family!
our car gets loaded not with our baggages but with them!
they fill our house every week and still i don't think they're getting the right motivation to work harder! earn more! and give back what we really deserve...

blah... i don't hate them...
i just don't like the idea of spending every luxurious event for them not for us... it's like WE are supposed to please them when what real life demands is the vice versa of it...

see my point... by now you might think i'm the afflicted one but no... this jealousy is just out of place... i'm just ranting my blahs out...