panaginip!

in fairness naka-alala ako ng panaginip! kanina lang to eh, i dreamt about someone i know (sa office yata). sa panaginip ko, kasama ko sya somewhere, shopping ata not sure then while walking he kissed me on my left cheek! hindi ko tinanong kung bakit pero gusto kong tanungin na, "pre, yung totoo, may gusto ka ba sakin?"  pero shempre hindi ko tinanong. inassume ko na lang haha. hindi ko na maalala yung nangyari after pero may naalala ako na he hugged me from behind. answett naman. di ko na rin maalala ung ibang detalye. nakakakilig naman. at yung suot nya sa panaginip ko yun din yung suot nya nung huli ko syang nakita so mejo vivid yung dream. HAHA

pero napaisip ako dun sa taong yon, bakit sya? crush ko ba sya subconsciously? mejo attractive naman tong tao na to per hindi ganun eh? dahil ba naasar ako sa kanya nung huli kaming nagkita? kaya hanggang panaginip nang-aasar? T_T;

anyway, who cares! i loooove my boyfriend forever and ever! yeyyy! <3 <3 <3

when all fingers point to one

the boston marathon explosion.
i bet they're going to put all the blame on the arabs again. >:(
warning: conspiracy theory ahead

so i just heard of this conspiracy, thanks to my boss, about the US's economy centering majorly and secretly on manufacturing weapons. tough business right? seems like something only a tony stark can handle. and just how is an ammo business profitable when there's no war? it's not! so for it to sell out, there's a need to create an environment were weapons are a necessity. war. it's a hype that will never go out of season, because there's a country to make sure their weapons industry remain steady.

and just like that, our world will be on a never ending war, thanks to those who profit from it. i was so close to believing that this is all about the US wanting to conquer the middle east to get everything they need to rule the world. i was so close to believing that the middle east is actually the victim of all this terrorist attacks because the US planted them for their nation to take the blame. so they could have all the reasons to aim nukes and ship soldiers to die and hunt for some osama bin laden as a front, then kill sadam hussein behind the scenes. i was so close to believing how it seemed so plausible that it's the US responsible for creating conflict around the world, so they would have a means to sell their weapons and wreak havoc, all while appearing to be the hero who stands beside the poor countries when they're being bullied. they would  lend their soldiers, loan their weapons, then take your land out of a debt they know you can't pay.

i all looked so real to me. except that it's just a game, ever heard of Metal Gear?

oh dearie

i still feel bad about it but i figured i'm the only one with the problem here. i just keep putting the blame on someone else who doesn't even know how bad she turns me. when we started i thought we could be really good friends, but it came to a point where i can't bear with her anymore. because of her (ok now i'm blaming), i keep looking down on myself. so what? then i just have to work hard right? study more? pray (for) more (patience)? or probably summon the dark one to increase my brain aptitude at the cost of my soul? no. not worth it (the dark one, i mean). there's the blue fairy for that haha

i'm sorry, that's all! i want everything to be comfortable between us. i still want to be friends! i don't want to shut anyone off with my earphones anymore (except on a really good OST), simply because i couldn't bear the air of isolation. i don't want to be in. i just want to get rid of this insecurity. i don't want to feel useless and a burden and a total waste of investment.

i won't fight. i'll be nice. i'll quit being sarcastic and uhm, i'll be a good friend! i know we're both good people and it won't be hard to come to terms. yeah, specially when only one has to. after all, YOU DON'T KNOW (or not).

this is how i cater to my paranoia. i feed it!

bat ka nagpapastress diyan? :P

a pretty casual question but coming from someone i admire so much i guess it kinda rattled me. oo nga naman, bakit ako nagpapastress dito (work)? why can't i work happily? 

you see, i have an unfinished task that was due yesterday but i wasn't able to finish it because i couldn't get some bastarded blocks of code to work, that or i didn't know the right code to use (most probably). it was depressing, you know, not being able to beat a deadline. not being able to deliver. being judged indirectly for your lack of skills. although i admit it's more of paranoia, the latter part, i can't help but be reassured everyday of my shortcomings. i just have to look to my side. literally. 

i just can't go on knowing that at this point, i haven't learned enough to say i deserve my job. maybe i just need a change of environment. or a change of seats. not again? haha kidding. 

weekend diet fail

argh. i always fail my diet during the weekends but now, i'm not going to repeat week 1, i'm gonna continue with week 2 even though i downed 8 blocks of dark choco, 2 bowls of champorado, a cup of rice, 1 jco donut and a cup of ice cream this saturday and sunday. the guideline says we could have a joker (aka cheat food) once in a while. apparently once in a while is every saturday and sunday to me! haha

i don't really feel bad. right now i'm not anymore counting on the diet to slim myself down, i'm just gonna use it to start a healthy and balanced eating habit! did you know that i've never eaten this much vegetables in my lifetime? i kinda got addicted to lettuce, pipino and kamatis salad hahaha >XD i eat like 2 plates a day. it's just so ozom. >8D

on other news, i'm getting irritated having to answer people's questions about the yearbook distribution. oh you have all the right to take me wrongly cos here i'm gonna admit that i was really ticked off by SOME. in case you're sensitive, i made it all caps. most of the time i try to be polite, but uhm. yeah. these days, a lot of things get to me easily. my patience has turned volatile due to climate change. but i'm not blaming the weather either, let's just say i wanna quit being nice all the time. no, kidding. haha i'm generally a nice person *chokes*. and i try my best not to judge people by their questions. i too have my own shortcomings of course.



work. uhm, i was supposed to be productive last friday but i kinda got caught up chatting with my boss. HAHA he probably thinks i'm not working na since it's past office hours, but honestly boss... that's actually the time my brain is starting to just fire up. huhu >XD no really.

oh my gym+pool hunt. would you believe i'm actually considering joining at DFit gym at Dusit Thani Makati? HAHAHA ang yaman ko lechugas! that's 40k a year (one time payment darlings). and their pool closes at 9pm, the gym is well maintained (well compared to gold's intercon!), and i feel like it's more private there hahaha but my wellness loan is already approved and they're gonna release just the amount i need to join Gold's gym intercon, which is 12.5k haha >XD so i asked jeckie for input and he said that as long as it serves the purpose you want from it, don't look anywhere else na! non-verbatim but it really helped! gusto ko pa kasi yung maganda at comfy eh no. ang loser kasi talaga ng gold's sa intercon HAHA sorinaaaa. at least may pool? yeah? YEAH! sobrang inet kasiii grrrr

joker

grrrrr



[CGN Diet] Week 1 Day 4

breakfast:

- 100g chicken fillet marinated in pineapple juice

- 2 tbsp australian harvest instant oatmeal

- 1 glass (approx 250ml) soy milk

- lettuce, pipino, kamatis salad w/ caesar dressing

- chauchard tea

lunch:

- 120g pan seared chicken fillet marinated in lemon and rosemary

- 1 glass (approx 250ml) malee vegetable juice

- 40g bbq flavored almonds

- chauchard tea

snack:

- 75g adobong mani spicy garlic flavor

- 2blocks dark choco

- chauchard tea

dinner:

- lettuce pipino kamatis salad w/ caesar dressing

- 1 glass (approx 250ml) malee vegetable juice

- 8blocks dark choco (JOKER!)

- chauchard tea

hmm

i spent yesterday lunch with kdv, my school mate during highschool na office mate ko na ngayon.
hahaha nakakatuwa lang mag-reminisce about how the batch was just so frkn un-united before. sobrang daming clashes, ayaw, nakawan and all. even after grad, reunions would be a pit of criticisms about how it doesn't really matter cos we're never really that close. nakakatuwa rin maki-chismis kung ano na nangyari kay ganito, si ganyan naganto daw, si ganto mabait na daw, si ano malandi parin, si ano bumigay na. hahaha

ewan. nakakamiss!

kung pwede lang mag-FB backtrack to just check the people out. stalkerish, i know but sorina chismosa lang. haha



CGN Diet
Week 1 - Day 3

breakfast:
- 2 tbsp australian harvest instant oat meal
- 120g sauteed chicken breast fillet with tomato and onion
- 1 glass (250ml approx) soy milk
- lettuce, pipino, kamatis salad w/ caesar dip
- chauchard tea

lunch:
- steamed kalabasa
- 120g ground beef patty with celery, carrots, and onions
- green tea

snack:
- 2 blocks dark choco
- 50g salted garlic peanuts (i forgot to buy apple huhu)

dinner:
- lettuce, pipino, kamatis salad w/ caesar dip
- 180g canned century tuna flakes in oil
- 1 glass (250ml approx) malee vegetable juice
- 4 blocks dark choco hihi