what the fork, mehn.

apparently, i think the gravity of the things i'm supposed to be responsible for for this year has sunk in too deep for my nervous system to handle. everyday it stresses me out. like, i dunno. i'm trying to identify with my stressed self. sometimes i think it's an overstatement to call myself stressed, after all, i still eat (though honestly, the daily jitters are affecting my appetite. which is good >;D), i can still joke and laugh heartily [1], and i still sleep for at least 6 hours a day.

it's guilt tripping having to go home and do nothing but watch anime and play games AND BLOG. at the back of my mind i think i have no right to be spending my time leisurely because of all these. then again. who cares? as long as i deliver. which leads me to my biggest dilemmas:

will i be able to deliver well?
will my grades drop?
will my leadership suck?
will i get bald patches on my head for being too negative?

i tend to lose inspiration easily. damn easily. i'm not confident in the things i do. will this mass of duties drag my performance to mediocrity? i've been worrying myself too much ever since ICON got into my 'area of responsibility'. my only source of strength and inspiration for this is my co-officers.

i think i'm not getting any sleep tonight.

i have no right to sleep tonight.
fork the (grading) system.

[1] - laughter is medicine! if i counter this stress by being happy, it lowers the risk of getting bald patches on my head (not that it ever happened to me yet). seriously!!! i don't like being stressed cos aside from losing hair, it promotes the production of toxins in my body. ugh. 

Somebody take me here!!! (Graphika Manila 2011)

Graphika Manila 2011

July 30, 2011

SMX Convention Center, Mall of Asia

click here for Ticket Rates and for more information

undeserved spotlight

i have a feeling that i'm being overstated. people around me have been overestimating me a lot lately and all that it gives me is pressure. the unhealthy one. i'm being measured way beyond my worth and i don't deserve it. the truth is, i'm someone who hardly gets things done as planned. i'm not organized, i'm easily distracted, and cramming is my virtue. i don't even plan ahead. i never plan ahead. i only make things work well if i'm doing it for myself.

which is why this school year, i will be needing all the divine forces in the world to juggle three important roles in school. sometimes i think i need counseling, some heavy pep talk, and extreme motivation. i'm probably the most incapacitated leader ever. forced for good and haunted by a moral obligation. i have no leadership experience that's all! the only times i lead is when there's no one else who would take the job. i'd rather be a follower seriously. demmit.

ang hirap talaga ng walang tiwala sa sarili. >:'|
feeling ko tuloy napaka-iresponsable ko ngayon dahil nanonood ako ng Vampire Night imbes mag aral, at mag plano ng mga bagay bagay. waaaahhhh aksgffffaskhasklhdkasjf

ang arte naman nitong mga bampirang to! hindi ako kinikilig! gwapo lang sila! nubayannn bat ganon tong si Zero! nagpapaka-mysterious taas ng pride kuno. daig pa babae sa sobrang moody ang daming issues (madami naman talaga) sobrang tahimik pa. kung totoong tao to he's nothing more than a good face. ito namang si Kaname, okay overall! gwapo, madating at makapangyarihan pero panget ang taste sa babae. kikiligin na sana ko sa pagka-protective nya kaso hindi ko mawari kung anong nagustuhan nya dun sa babae maliban sa dugo nyang mabango.

ang panget nung series na walang origin yung feelings. hindi katanggap tanggap! ok naman talaga si Yuuki as lead girl kaso ano bang meron sa dugo nya? rare ba? at bat gusto sya ni Kaname? parang napaka-walang basis naman. nakaka-insecure e hahahaha

asdbgfasdfkabshga

Seriously Lord. HELP ME.

Vampire Knight

currently watching/downloading! >XD

Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?

i think i never changed in the inside, my values, attitude and character is the same all throughout. what changed was the environment i'm in. i moved to a different college and exerted the same effort as i did before, and it gave me good (not to mention shocking) results. when i was in LB, i also did what i can, what i thought was my best, and every time it gave me a mediocre result, i get demotivated. i want dark chocolate. and from there i slack off and the rest is history. HAHA i would say i became more responsible, but that's only because i get good feedback with my efforts. i wasn't driven enough and i'm craving for carbonara.  i knew i had that certain sense of responsibility but it wouldn't come out cos back then everyone seemed more responsible, more fitting, smarter and every thing and you just have to settle being a good ass commoner and buy cheeseburger.

i'm so hungry. random phrases inserted everywhere. will make carbonara in a bit and probably buy kitkat dark! >XD gutom na kooooo!!! 

and wait!  my friend says i'm being Misaki-ish from Kaichou wa Maid Sama recently LOOL there are the similarities but 2 things are out: 1) i'm not loud and imposing and worst of all 2) i don't have an Usui. and i realized having an Usui around at school would be creepy, nakakailang, nakakairita at nakakabwiset. >XO maganda lang sa anime kasi anime yun. >:D otherwise, i'd be freaked out to hell. believe me, you wouldn't want a real life Usui.

me nagtanong, the one who says or the one who shows?
i don't believe in the saying action speaks louder than words. it's your assumptions that speak all throughout, feeler. and honestly, it takes a whole lot of courage to actually confess rather than drop hints and motives that are vague as hell. it gets tiring having to read between the lines, the human brain is degenerating per generation yaknow. so it's still better to let it all out, word per word, verbally, how you really feel about the world or a person in general. just like blogging. haha. and seriously, it's braver to confess fellas, it's like saying sorry to a person whom you've hurt so much. it takes so much pride srsly. and wait lang ha, i'm simply answering a question. another point here is, you can't count on one's feelings just because it shows. just like how you can't sue someone without evidence. words give much more assurance than actions. bow. eh yun lang naman. gutom na talaga ko.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DADDEHH! >:D >:D

i'm really close to both of my parents but i never considered myself a mommy's girl. it's daddy who usually jokes around with me and annoys me most of the time. we do silly things together. i love slang talking with him and calling him a loser (reference: yaya and angelina). when terai is at the grocery with mommy, i'll be at cyberzone with daddy. honestly, daddy was never like an elder to me. yknow, those who give you sound advices about life and crap. i go to mommy, or her secretary (ate theresa!) for that haha. daddy is more childlike, which is probably why we get along so well. if he weren't around, who can i call to chase flying cockroaches? load ink to the printer? kill giant spiders? change the lights? fix the toilet? unscrew laptop panels? we've never called an electrician, plumber or pest killer in the house ever since it was built. daddy knows all those. he engineered our home. >:D

BWAHAHA i love you daddy!