pride parin talaga e

people are smart. if they're down, they don't need your advice. they know what to do. they just want your company.

my problem is. i hate seeking advice from people who keep on saying "i told you so!" or other close variants like, "i've been telling that to you ever since and you never listened" and blaaaahhhh. and if i actually followed their advice they'll go bragging that they're the wise guru who told me what to do that's why i'm leading the good life right now. ugh

in short, i hate seeking advice from people. cos sometimes they do it not because of genuine concern, but just for showing off. guess what, people say the same things. each problem has a generic solution. people know what to do with their problems, but sometimes they just want the assurance that they're doing the right thing by validating it from friends.

kamownnnn

piolo in my dreams

dream segments entry again cos i keep on snoozing the alarm clock!

I.
// movie night out at trinoma with UP AChES brods and sisses but i only saw the brods, specifically kuya jhomar and kuya omeng.
// walking along trinona i saw tsia (from hs). tapos kuya jhomar was calling out to us to buy tickets already cos the lines are long.
// tas parang i walked along dun sa part na fountain dapat pero walang tubig tas nung dumaan ako nagkatubig so nabasa ako. eh. naalala ko yung suot ko, green shirt, red shorts! >:))

II.
// at home, we were eating dinner yata tapos mommy showed as a plate of exotic food. exotic = snake. galing sa ref so malamig at immobile sya. maliit lang yung snake sa plato, kulay brown, mga isang ruler ang haba. bale ulo ng anaconda, buntot ng rattle snake. sabi ni mama vibrator snake daw yun. tas kinuha ni mama yung snake tas biglang nagising! as in nag-'ssssssss'. di naman natuklaw si mama haha pero natakot ako.
// tas naghuhugas daw ako ng pinggan tas tong si ate wilma nag-scary face sa may bintana sa harap ko tas naasar ako pinagalitan ko yata na wag ako tatakutin ng ganon blah blah blah.

III.
// somewhere sa bahay, either basement or kitchen di ako sure. me mga nakakulong na mga kalalakihan sa isang kwarto tas nakadungaw sila dun sa parang window. muntanga lang pero as i remember, lahat ng faces nila blacked out sa paningin ko. di ko sila kilala. tas ako yata nagbabantay blah blah tas natuwa yata ako so inalok ko sa kanila yung upuan ko sabi ko, "gusto nyo upuan?" tas binuhat ko papunta sa kanila tas parang narealize ko na gagamitin nila yun para tumakas so binawi ko.
// e naabot na pala nila! i mean ni PIOLO. ok so nakikipag-agawan ako ng upuan kay piolo sa aking panaginip e lamnyo naman sa panaginip pag-action na ang genre, biglang slowmo lahat parang nawalan ng gravity sa mundo. wala akong kalakas lakas tas parang lumulutang na ko sa ere sa kakahila sa upuan. haha
// in short nakatakas sila. tas hina-hunting ko sila isa isa sa bahay ala spy. tas me nakita ako isa so i kinda glomped on him eh si ace pala (bf ng barkada ko). tas ayon. di ko na maalala.
//lumabas ako sa gate tas nakita ko me mga van na nahihintay sa labas. as i recall, sila yata yung mga "bossing" na nagpa-kidnap yata dun sa mga preso namin blah blah e nakatakas nga diba so yung isang lolo dun, "HANAPIN SILA" so bumalik ako sa loob, tas me pinasunod na alagad (mejo afro yata) si "bossing" tas bumaba sya dun sa basement na pinaghihinalaang pinagtataguan ng mga katatakas lang na kalalakihan.
//nung bumaba sya, di ako sumunod feeling ko kasi babarilin sya dun. tas nung nasa baba na nga sya, me nagbato ng, oh well, oversized santol. feeling ko fruit bomb yun so...

nagising ako. haha

ganon talaga diba

feeling mo meron pero wala. pero minsan feeling mo talaga meron! minsan meron talaga, pero minsan wala. haha anlabo. nakakalasing kasi yung jam legend. matapos ang 2 hours ng walang tigil na laro, feeling ko lahat ng bagay dahan dahang lumulutang seryoso. me kakaibang effect kasi yung dropping notes chka yung background nung webpage. may hypnotic effect sya. haha feeling ko nga may powers ako pero bangag lang talaga.

ok. next song!

jam legeeeeennnddd >XD

it's the perfect distraction, probably the devil's advocate for making sure i do nothing productive at all. i'm jammin in the insane level and still honing ma skills so i can be legendareh in no time! bwahaha! i'm pretty caffeinated right now, plus i got around 4 hours of siesta awhile ago so i'm alive as heaven! >XD

this gotta stop but i don't want to! i only have one thing lined up today, and that's to do some kickin subnettin. then i hafta cook somethin up to make this project look believable like crazy. ugh. i dunno. times are getting harder. i'm supposed to be payin the bills today but i'm broke as hell and i only have enough to pay for 1 statement. and i have 2. so uhm. hmm.

donate? >XD
or just gimme a job! not online tho. >:(


my mom and i quarreled over my summer working plans. i have it! i have my resume (in mind hehe)! and i'm pretty impressed at it! one year and i've earned so much to brag about. i'm about to distribute it to uhm, places where i can get a decent summer day job but she doesn't want me. says i'm wasting my youth tryna earn money like i have no parents who can support me.

truth is, it's not about bein an adult and all. i'm just too materialistic, earth-bound, and prideful and i dun wanna bother my parents with things i don't need (in a parents' perspective), say a laptop, a decent cellphone, a mp3 player, a set of sharpies, kurecolor, flats etc etc etc. so i figured i have to earn money for these luhoSSSS. >:)

naaah, they just want me to go to driving school. haha haynako kung alam nyo na lang kung gano ko kagusto matuto magdrive pero natatakot ako kasi nerbyosa nga ako. nasstress ako pag me biglang sumusulpot na kung ano, like speeding cars, honking buses, and motorcycles, EVEN WHEN I'M NOT THE ONE DRIVING. gives me heeeelll yeah.

ok back to jam legend! >XD

mango float!

for future reference cos i keep on forgetting the proportions! >:D

a tray is usually equal to *properly chilled(2 packs of nestle all purpose cream + 1 can of daisy condensed milk) + 1 pack of graham crackers.

* - freezer for an hour! >:D
otherwise, uhm... plus 1 cream plus 0.5 condensed.

okokokokokokokok
noted!

bloody crap

do you know how hard it is for me to write an article? first of all, it's not like blogging where i can spontaneously dump ideas and not give a crap. i have to research, sit down for hours, get a point and mind map. i also can't write without a dictionary software and internet. writing is sooo damn hard and time consuming for me, and i wanna know how it goes to other people. how fast can you write? say, 500 words about hair loss solutions? how fast can you paraphrase? lol i feel so inferior in this field. i mean, ever since they learned i can write... they gave me a load of things to write about. argh e wala lang, just ranting! writing is extreme mental labor for me and i don't think i can ever get used to it. but did you know that i wanted to become a writer before? i also wanted to be a broadcast journalist! a news anchor! a voice actor! ok, enough about my frustrations.

me narealize ako, my forte is in the arts (for once i'll try sounding all confident about this) but because i'm not pursuing it, it becomes a frustration. you don't want your forte to become a frustration just because you're academically constraint. but that's what's happening eh so for now i'll enjoy this frustration. someday i'll work on it haha.

but for now, RESEARCH MOWDDD.

kelangan lang talaga maging understanding para maiwasan ang pagiging judgmental. minsan gusto kong mag AB psychology eh para mas marationalize ko tong mga ganitong bagay kaso naisip ko, mas maganda yung ikaw mismo ang nakakabatid ng mga bagay bagay without theory. hehe masaya sya. >:D hohoho

madami pang kelangan ayusin but at least we're inching closer it. >:)

this is getting frustrating

so i was doing my rounds at the lab and i came into a bit (kindof but not really haha) of realization.... that the most important thing i learned from resigning from the library is to NEVER BRING YOUR PROBLEMS TO PEOPLE YOU KNOW COULD NOT HELP.

if you have a problem and you want it solved, talk to the people who could help you. specially to the person involved, or just the nearest person you could afford to get involved. sometimes people say they only want someone to listen to them, but come on. that's IMPOSSIBLE. i mean, yeah people will listen but at the back of their heads they'll have their own say about it, so at least get ready for some unsolicited input, which can't be helped. and you gotta be thankful for this, cos at least you know your friend's doin some brainwork analyzing your crap.

those who listen will either


a) agree to you, to how grave your situation is, how you're such a victim in all of it, how you don't deserve that kinda crap, blah blah blah that's the easiest way to deal with ranting/sharing friends. AGREE TO EVERYTHING THEY SAY. or better yet, add up to it, if only to make your friend feel better! share your own experiences about it! they need to let it out after all, and it's a flattering thing to be the "chosen" one, yafeel trustworthy with that ayt? that's one, make your friend feel he made the right choice of coming to you for a breather.

but yknow, if you agree to much nothing will get solved. for example (and from personal experience too! bwaha), you hate a person and you share it to your friends and you find other people who hate the same person... what happens is that you form an anti-*insert name here* fan base and you bash the person every time you meet. eventually you feel good hating the person. do not share your problems for personal gratification.

b) agree then advise. just take note once you've given advice, give your entire thinking into it and show how you came to that advice, pull out an entire manuscript of your perfectly impartial psychoanalysis to back yourself up, cos once you lay it down, YOU'RE INVOLVED.

most of the time people prefer the a) way. nobody wants uncalled-for comments, if you see the person is still hot off the grill, a) is the best way. you don't wanna mess with the temper, specially if you gonna advice something that will make your friend seem at fault too. yknow. problematic people are the protagonists. YOU HAVE TO HELP THEM. they have to emerge the winner.

i know how frustrating it is not to be able to let out your problems. BUT if you think it's just gonna get messier, then by all means, keep the rant to yourself, to your blog, to your art, to your music... unless you want it fixed.

//end rant (uhh yes that's my rant)

ay ewan. nakaka-frustrate lang! parang kanina i was crying at school kasi badtrip na badtrip ako tapos i saw a friend sa labas tas gusto ko lang tumabi at umiyak kaso sabi ko, may klase pa ko, chaka ano naman sasabihin ko? wala naman akong masasabing maganda. chaka me solusyon naman na. so ayon nag-CR na lang ako at nagpatuyo ng mata. kainisssssss. >:\

PS: siguro God is watching over me. on the last two times i tried to smoke, burilyaso lagi. nung una, muntik mahuli ni bossing. tapos awhile ago, nakasabay ko maglakad si Diane! Diane! holy Diane! i mean, that's someone from our bible study group. >:\ argh. the cigs were ardy in my pocket yknow.