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Monday, March 14, 2011

hindi ako si darna

the entire world is convinced that the end of the world is near and that the earth is bound to be destroyed completely by fire. so the world leaders invested everything within monetary value to construct a space ship that will house all 6 billion (and more) people in the world and transport them to a confirmed habitable area at planet Mars.

however, the truth behind this space ship is that it cannot hold the entire human populace. everyone has been tricked into thinking that they are safe as long as they're inside the ship, the people behind this deception thought it was the best thing to keep the people in peace and avoid any operational hindrances. But once the aerial vessel takes off, sections of the ship will disengage according to script, leaving billions of people behind. as planned, it has to look like an accident, an unforeseen mechanical glitch that resulted to abandoning half (or even more) of the world in order to save the human race.

//end plot
because i'm feeling sad just thinking about it

okay. actually, if it has to be movie material, i'd pick a random retired (or fired) aeronautics engineer who accidentally finds out the blueprint of the ship and debates whether it's safe for take off (considering the humongous weight). LOL it could be a matter of common sense but yknow, it's the end of world and it's the only ship that could take ye to mars haha. so mr. random engr tries to get his family off the to-be-abandoned part of the ship and gets into an expected moral dilemma. "authorities" found out and tried to buy him into keeping the secret in exchange for his and his families safety but hmm, could he really?

// eeeeennd!
cos i dunno how to make a happy ending for this haha


hindi ako si darna.

i'm sorry. nag-guilty ako but i also need time to recharge! i know you need someone to talk to BUT i'm simply TOO BUSY. at alam ko na pag sinagot ko ang tawag mo:

  • isang oras tayong mag-uusap. ma-eexpose tayo pareho sa harmful radiation LOL
  • mapapa-mcdo ako ng wala sa oras. pamasahe + food = bankruptcy
  • i'll feel useless in the end cos i'm not capable of giving sound advices. not an issue, i know, cos sometimes people just need company but...

it's not that i don't wanna hear you out, i wanted to talk to you too kaso i can't afford it right now. i mean, why do you have to cry every time you call me. more than being flattered i feel extremely guilt tripped.

>:\

the power of words

last night i told my dad not to come to school this morning cos i wanna sleep more, and he agreed! so i put off my alarm clock and slept peacefully without worrying about the pesky snooze! e kaso when i woke up, daddy changed his mind eh i was so groggy and lazy so i told him i'm not coming to class, and if anyone was curious why, just tell them i'm sick. and he did! i received 'get well soon' messages from my friends and well, natawa lang ako. and somehow, i felt sick. i dunno if it's about the messages that implies i'm sick or about a little lie that's becoming true but either way, i felt eerily sick! it suddenly became to cold for comfort and the bed became more inviting than ever. hallerrrr. sino kayang makapangyarihan?

hay Lord. i just lost 1k. san na ba napunta yun? hindi pa naman sakin yun nakakasar lang eh. buti na lang me pamalit ako. or baka naman wala talaga sakin in the first place? arg stress. pera. stress. grrr

Sunday, March 13, 2011

wth is happening to the world

sure the plates have been moving all along as it has for the past billion years but argh it's too depressing that it has to move that freaking much and hit japan so badly. i'm moved to tears at what my tumblr friends has flooded me with on their dashboards and it sucks because for japan, it's just the first wave. earthquake, tsunami, nuclear meltdown threat, tons of casualties, blaaaah! so much tragedy has occurred and we aren't even past the first quarter of the year. how bad is this still going to get? Looooord.

on another note. the school website put off the hits column on the list of latest news! why! i was watching how many visitors came to my "speech" page. hey, it was leading! haha maybe they should update the permalink too, it's weird. >:O

on yet another note. hate talk tayo.

i've improved! when i was in highschool, my blog has a category called hate-list where i blind-item despicable classmates and entities from school. anyway, checking these so called entries now i don't even remember who they were, or what they've done and i could only laugh at how foully i've reacted to their hmm, "presence" haha.

ewan. i think i'm not the kind of person to hold grudges or whatever. i tend to forget over time bwahaha depending on the type of attachment i have. most of the people i hate are hated universally bwahaha therefore the guilt of wrongfully channeling my wrath is divided into multitudes! bwahahaha

more so, i firmly believe that everyone has a good side. and as i've mentioned before, it depends on which angle you're seeing the person from. there are people who have larger bad sides that when faced upfront look like walls, when it fact it's just a single side of their whole being. either you move it to one angle, or you walk to that place. choice is yours, or ours, or mine. bwaha

i realized calling people flirts is bad, no matter how perfectly it describes them and no matter how no other adjective could compare hehehe everything people display is a part of their nature, and being a flirt could well be a consequence some genetic experiment their parents did way back. on the ride home i did some quick psychoanalysis on why people are the way they are how much understanding must i allot per friend. and it was soooo cool. i realized that the only flirts i hate are those who snake into my crushes' lairs. otherwise, i couldn't care less. i could always look on the brighter side! it's not like a social misunderstanding could ruin a good friendship! hallerrr so not worth it.

then again. there are two (pwedeng 3) types of friends (or pwede ring lovers, but i prefer classifying this under friend types)

1. accepters
2. changers
3. both

need i say more? most of the time they're both but you know, more than being a list it could also be a process. BUT there are times when you just need 1 and not 2, and sometimes just 2 and not 1, even when a person can be both. HAHA gets nyo? anlabo yata lolz

personally, i'm more of #1... depends on how much i care for the person. and so far, the only people i could be #2 with is my immediate family specially terai and daddy haha. it's hard to be #2 with your friends cos there's the risk of being misunderstood. and no matter how much that change is geared towards the common good, it's hard to remove your personal interest with it. like, you're only changing the person to suit your taste. isn't that selfish? so yknow, before trying to alter someone's lifestyle or nature, be sure you're in the right position and that you're doing it selflessly, and finally... that you'll stick around even after the change, even after the change has gone bad.

yun lang! it's quite a bother hating people for something you know won't change.

LOL case in point goooone. wth am i trying to say again? haha

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

my speech on our school website! >8D

james told me they already posted the thing, and though i had a hard time navigating my way through the website, it's worth the search! here you go! oh holy link!

Be Inspired. Dream High

credits to James for putting up a title, i suck at titles. haha 9 facebook shares. i feel proud. lumelevel amp! haha

ok. this entire night and morning is dedicated to our friggin softeng prowject!
uhm. Lord. why is this happening. i dunno what's worse, my smoking or my ludicrous incapacity to brew some kindof mutual understanding with my crushes. this is crazy but i'm not getting any younger and if by this age i should already have an average of 2 boyfriends, then i must suck so much as a woman! heh i'm 20 and i can't even handle a single conversation. every time i get reminded of how much creativity i lack with responding to potential love lives, i get stumped. this is not to sound desperate but yknow, i'm twennnyyy and i'm clueless on how to deal.

if my responses were to be programmed in a switch, the default is probably the most executed case. in which i state

default = no reaction
to the point that it gets misinterpreted as utter non-interest... which can't be helped! argh

what now?

there's the guilt. i'm planning on doing something kindof mean, i just couldn't bring myself to do it because i don't want to seem sarcastic. i'm sure there's still something worth saving in this friendship, but i can't fix it right now because i haven't recovered from the pain yet. which was, of course, self-inflicted and was all brought by virtue of being extremely curious, possessive, narrow minded, judgmental and in love.

i can't be sure if i did what's best, but ever since i did it, i hasn't plagued me that much. this is probably one of the few times i contemplate about it, about that action. i don't ever regret doing that. except that i wish there was a complete information blackout about you for me. i don't want to hear anything. i don't want to know anything more. i shut you off first, and it was choice i made to save myself. albeit being selfish, that's how i deal. and i'm not missing you.

BTW. the 08s are exiting the school in a few weeks, so wtf but i sorta have to get a replacement for JM. and i just did! i'm calling him Tenjo for no reason at all. he's good looking, smart and ftr, he wears glasses. >8D enough to pull a heartstring! >:D ok! akin na toooo!!! mygaaahhd age doesn't matter now, does it? i'm losing it, call 163 for me. >XD

ok, i have a plan. i have to get in his class next tri! someone get me the accounting curriculum LOOOOL

school is no fun without crushes!

Monday, March 7, 2011

the SALE


70% off means 70% more people.
i was hoping electroworld would put my dream creative zen style on sale. but no. heh.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Preaching the Unpracticed

for archiving! >:)
Entry for the FEU ACP Peace Essay chorva

"We have, in fact, two kinds of morality side by side: one which we preach but do not practice, and another which we practice but seldom preach."
- Bertrand Russell

One cannot talk about uprightness without digging close to the lawn of morality, honesty, integrity, proper judgment and all critically discussed virtues. After all, they’re neighbors and serve as fine gauges of whether we are actually being upright or otherwise. Morality has everything to do with our ability to discern what's right and wrong, and from consistently doing what is right, we grow to be upright. From being honest, simple and straightforward, we are veering from hypocrisy and deceit. From adhering to the socially accepted moral standards, we are regarded as good citizens.


Apparently, choosing between the good and bad and the right and wrong have varying levels of difficulty, and we can all attest to that. How hard is it to choose between littering and not? And yet, what do we do? How hard is it to decide on leaving a partner who beats us every time he gets the chance to? And yet, out of love and an unconditional sense of forgiveness that defies all standards of rational thinking, what do we do? If being upright is doing the right thing unwaveringly, then why do the consequences weigh so heavily, like we are never to get anything right, the easy way?

Much has been said about the value of being upright and the honor that goes along with being righteous, but no clear line has been set on how to achieve it, much like with every other virtue, it is relative, and subject to every social phenomenon. Its concept is inculcated variably in different cultures and constructs and there is no legal basis to judge it. Perhaps being upright requires a certain level of discipline of consistently doing that which we consider right, and it varies. Every person has his own concept of right and wrong. Every person is governed by different sets of rules, each for the different roles he plays each day. If being upright is measured by a person’s level of adherence to the rules set before him, say, in a workplace, then you have got a scale for a diligent employee. Similarly, in the campus, we are bound to a set of rules that defines our overall student conduct. We get merits for getting good grades, for paying the tuition fee on time, and for not doing anything that will endanger a clean record.

Luckily, we do not need to bother guessing what’s right and wrong if we’re in a closed group or organization (i.e. office, school, etc.). Everything has already been laid out in the form of by-laws. All we need to do is obey them in a strict manner and we are good to go. On the other hand, life outside the campus and the workplace isn’t governed by these objective rules. Life is much harder than having to pick the right colored trash bin to throw your non-biodegradable waste to. The way you live your life to uprightness relies solely on your beliefs, your perception of good and bad and the level of integrity you put into it.

Organizations train us into becoming morally perceptive individuals, by stating rules which are socially credited, they help our depository of right morals grow. Hopefully this should help us discern better but ultimately, it’s a great stepping stone in attaining the upright life state. FEU is one such example of a system advocating this challenging virtue. If fortitude is the courage of consistently gathering ourselves up after consecutively being tripped over by adversities, and excellence is a consequence of putting quality and diligence at first, then uprightness is what holds our moral sense altogether, an integral virtue in every decision we consider in life. Uprightness, being the U in FEU’s core virtues must be held up with high regard.

As students, being upright could simply mean being honest in everything we do. Conventional knowledge says to not cheat, to throw our trash at the right bins, to observe silence in classes, to respect the professors, etc. There is nothing to be argued about these things because we were brought up to believe that they are part of our common sense and doing otherwise will give us demerits. There is no moral evaluation needed because the stated clauses are fully accepted and preferred behaviors, yet the option to do otherwise still remains. While we all know that every rule the school administration imposes is intended for the welfare of each student, not everyone could understand that every rule demands a certain degree of discipline. The right thing doesn’t always come in a cheap package. Doing the right thing is not always the most practical thing to do, but if we put effort into, we sow the seeds of uprightness on the way to success.

Throwing at the right places could prove to be such a pain in the neck especially if we’ve walked a hundred yards past the nearest trash can. A piece of candy wrapper couldn’t be of major harm to an already littered street, so what damage could it bring to us and our conscience, right when we know the community cleaners will sweep it away any time of the day? There’s not much to consider, just a single piece of non-biodegradable junk to be dropped on the concrete sidewalk, and to be swept clean in no time. Why bother walking all the way back, when we can just throw it and be over with it, just like how everybody else does?

Every little thing matters, what mindset we put in such a trivial thing will reflect on how we handle the bigger, more intricate problems in life. If we can’t even make a single harmless sacrifice and start being concerned with doing the right thing, then it’s a flat road we’re trekking now. We were taught about this at school, practical application is as easy as it seems, yet pragmatic reasoning often blinds us from seeing the light of doing the right thing.

Cheating as a moral dilemma has been widely discussed in forums all over. It’s easy to avoid it if we studied, but if we didn’t and it’s the only thing that could save our education, and ultimately our future, what is there to lose? They say it is better to cheat than to repeat, and I’ve seen myself agree to that a hundred times in the span of my being a student. It could be safely assumed that no one gets a degree without ever having to cheat even a single item from a petty homework. Add the fact that everyone’s doing it makes it even guilt-free.

This is but a test of how strong our resolve is with adhering to that which we know is right. One can never be perfectly upright, but just the mere effort in attempting to be one is indicative of a heart that is willing to be kindled with a flame that brews righteousness and deposits uprightness.

FEU wants us to grow into properly nurtured and holistic individuals with exemplary discerning skills. Knowing what’s right from wrong, good from evil, and being able to weigh it in an upright manner is the key to every sound decision. We were born with the power to recognize two opposite entities as they are being defined. We were brought up with the fundamental knowledge of good and evil, of right and wrong, and we were indoctrinated to pursue only that which is good or right, and eliminate from thought anything that is evil or wrong.

Proper moral discernment is what defines us and our way of living. Uprightness is but the consequence of correct moral judgment and a steadfast faith on our beliefs. This is how we should grow. What small efforts we put into being students of honesty and integrity must be stretched to a wider angle and must reach outside the bounds of the walled city we call school. How plausible is this, to try to live an upright life amidst reality’s chaotic nature? How could we possibly choose the genuine option when we are presented with all the wrong things, disguised as the right ones? Deceit is everywhere, and politics has become a moral consideration. This is where we should apply discernment in an objective manner, and be upright and staunch with it.

Mahatma Gandhi said that we should be the change we want to see in the world. If we want to change the world, a massive collective effort must be exerted in which everyone works on changing themselves for the better. Everything starts from within, then it stretches out to our families, our friends, the community and eventually, the network of change affects an entire nation. If we do at least one right thing at a time, then eventually we could turn the world into the ‘right’ place; a place where everyone works in harmony and peace, where everyone knows the thick line separating good from evil, a place where everyone has a tight grip on morality, honesty and integrity.

The concept of uprightness and how to get there has always been there, and even in the past, much has been said about its nature. Our role as students and citizens as one is to ensure that we use God’s gift of discernment in a progressive way, in a way that will mold us into wise and morally upright citizens, in a way that will reach out to our nation’s pleas of help even in the littlest ways. There’s no better way to do this than to act. Now.

Bertrand Russell was right stating that there are two sides to morality, one which we preach but hardly practice and one which we practice but seldom preach. By writing this, I have come to value honesty more than ever and so I cannot be called a hypocrite by telling you that I have just preached what I hardly practice, thus the title.