tengenehmehn

this week was quite a liberating week for me. all i ever did was attend classes, watch anime and did a bit of stalking.

♦ no more articles to write! that was kinda relieving though at some point that would mean i won't be earning that 'extra' income i want. asrgkjgdsl

♦ my 'little bit' of stalking actually led me to sad yet enlightening conclusion(s) truthsss...
1. i was never really someone special to him and
2. he never really 'liked' me like 'that'
3. it's all in the mind. that's the major major conclusion here, i wish i could exaggerate it better.

see, that's what happens when you keep your feelings to yourself for too long. you end up fooling yourself with your own fantasies. you hope for the wrongs things, you hurt for the wrong reasons, and you slowly lock yourself into a false alternate reality that is built on assumptions. but it can't be helped. i guess. haha

♦ the most liberating part of it is that, i can now stop thinking. i can now quit stalking. i can now quit hoping that there could be something because, as i've recently realized and proved (socially, mentally and scientifically. orz), there really is nothing going on. even in the past. why did it take me this long to realize that. FML

but it wasn't a total waste, the best thing about 2010 for me was that i fell in love. for the first time. and 2011 could well be some kind of divine retribution, not in the angry kind of way. but yeah, i want a better karma. in this aspect of my life.

♦ let's get real. JM (heh) isn't real. he'll never be. i've always known that and i can bet my entire life on it. srsly. 100%. there's nothing in it. i'm not really hoping but it's not like i'll quit daydreaming and joking about it HOHOHO. bakit ba, he's the same as all of you guys, the only difference is that he isn't IT or CS. >_>;

why? i've read and understood the terms circling around the impossibility of anime crossing this certain dimension but i still flail over them like a lovesick pea shooter. and why (again)? have they read my terms, which states that i can cross their friggin 2D world and live happily ever after, provided i'm asleep? of course not! in the same way, i'm perfectly fine just dreaming about JM.

reality is much much awkward and boring and ugggghhhh-ish.
haynako Lord. >:|

Gakuen Heaven

Finished watching Gakuen Heaven! so far, it's the third shounen-ai anime i've watched (i ♥ yaoi btw. please deal with it). Sorry but i didn't like it that much! >XD i dunno, maybe because Kaichou wa Maid-Sama still lingers.. strongly. bwahaha ♥

anyway. i didn't feel the story. i didn't like the lead characters, they're both weaklings. and the pairings are so, ugh what is that, uke-uke?! argh.just.argh. >_<; they AAAAALLL seem so effeminate! even the supposed to be seme's of the pack look creepily uke-ish. i mean, glasses. cool. tech geek. of course. but aaaarrrgh, i dunno. i don't like it. haha

there was only ONE character in the entire series that passed as a seme, by my standards of course, and he isn't even romantically involved with the lead uke which is so fail. i would've enjoyed it if he took the lead. argh. given that his character won't change. hmmm

Tetsuya Niwa - Student council president hohoho

Next! Skip Beat! (downloading) >:) let's see...

so my favorite yaoi anime is still JUNJOU ROMANTICA! yey! unless you can rec me something better? no AU's, plain shounen-ai. i've no enough brain cells to yaoi-ize popular anime though srsly if they could only turn yaoi doujinshi's to anime that would be totally cool. >8D

PS: askdgabsjckhl i switched to sun and hid my wall. you therefore conclude i'm hiding a boyfriend somewhere. ~_~; deeeeeym roight. 

blue screen of life

fail-est day of my CS life. we were supposed to reformat all the PC's in the 4 computer labs we have here, that's around 160 units. naturally, we have to do some ghosting (i just learned about it, and it's one hell of a(n) pirate act >8D) to save time, resources, energy, money and everything else you're most likely to waste by reformatting one-by-one.. i.e. your entire life. haha

yesterday. sir long (by boss #2) left for his lunch break and i was left to ghost the remaining PC's. i'll cut it short na lang, thing is... i ghosted the wrong diskSSSS. so i pretty much reinstalled the same virus inflicted, totally useless, deep freeze lacking system on around 8 PCs. argh. i knew there was something wrong. and it took me 8 PC's to realize that. what a waste. of life. >:|

obatganyan

alam mo yung naka move-on ka na eh, pero yung mga tao sa paligid mo hindi parin. nakaka-panibago ba na masaya ka na ulit at okay na ang lahat? okay na okay na. mahirap ba paniwalaan yon? muka bang pinaplastik mo sarili mo? bat mas marunong pa sila. >:| hayan na nga't sinunod mo ang payo nila, tas sila pa ang me ganang itanggi ang isang katotohanang ikaw mismo ang nagbunyag sa sarili mo. na para bang hindi nila inaasahang makabangon ka pa. at wala silang tiwalang makakabangon ka pa. at hindi ka na dapat bumangon pa. sino bang me dala nito? ikaw diba. ikaw na pinagkaitan ng tiwala. ikaw na naghahanap ng mga kaibigang masasandalan at tutulungan kang makalaya. pero mukang ayaw nilang maniwala na kaya mo talaga.

tama ka. dapat sinolo mo na lang yan.

Presario C700 (C793TU) Downgrade

Because Vista sucks, and it took me 3 years to realize that, I've just rolled back to Windows XP Bangketa Version (LOL if you get what i mean).

So far, so good. EXCEPT FOR THE AUDIO. Apparently, my research has taken me into an understanding that HP does not support any audio drivers for XP (but they're out there from the manufacturer's site), and that HP has sold itself to Microsoft's lecherous Vista marketing strategy. ARGH. >:(

Now my best chance is to get all device specifications in the motherboard and search for drivers. argh. manually. argh. I was lucky enough to have the modem driver work, unless i won't be able to go online and search for solutions! >8D

Hm. limited stuff i can do for now. Heck i still have to buy that ultimate "non-expiring" antivirus from my favorite bangketa outlet. bwahahaha

anak ng tokwa

iniisip ko kung anong klaseng kabutihan ang nagawa ko para biyayaan ako ni Lord ng full scholarship ngayong taon. iniisip ko rin kung alin sa mga kamalasan ng nakaraang taon ang nagbigay sakin ng ganito kagandang karma. iniisip ko na baka kapalit ng namamayagpag kong pagaaral ay ang sumpang hindi na magkaroon ng buhay pagibig.

nagiisip ako ng iba pang paraan para kumita. 12 hours lang ang pwede kong itrabaho sa school ngayon dahil madami akong kinuhang subjects. hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pang magsulat ng mga artikulo. simula noong sinimulan ko to, araw araw akong puyat. at hindi ko feel na kumikita talaga ko. >:|

tulog na lang ang pahinga ko. at minsan naguiguilty pa kong matulog dahil wala nanaman akong nagawa magdamag kundi mag internet at manood ng anime. wala akong ibang 'break' kundi ang maginternet, tapos sa tuwing ginagawa ko pa yon feeling ko nagkakasala ako dahil imbes na gamitin ko ang oras ko para manaliksik tungkol dun sa dapat kong isulat, ay nakikichika lang ako sa FB. 

feeling ko hindi ko naman dinedeprive ang sarili ko. nakakakain pa naman ako ng tama. nakakapagisip ng tama (sa classroom). masaya naman ako. pero parang may kulang talaga. >:|

argh

may mga bagay na dapat tinutulog na lang e. pero eto hindi e. i'm now 2,000 words behind schedule. i just downed my favorite upper but i decided to sleep na lang, kasi kahit gising na gising ako ngayon... ramdam ko yung pagod. argh.

>_<;