dense

last night, after coming home from school, i slept immediately! i couldn't take the stress anymore. i'm not even sure if that's stress, but i was tired, my eyes were itching from being awake for too long. i haven't even started studying yet! the essay stressed me big time. and i'm still suffering from the repercussions. @_@

7pm and i'm down. i remembered daddy waking me up for dinner but i just shrugged him off, i'm too sleepy and full with the cheeseburger (solomots jejejec!). >:)

i dreamed a lot! i guess i dreamed about flying? not on a broomstick though like my first flying dream, just me, with outstretched arms floating in the air, above what seemed like a lake! and what's awesome is that it's almost lucid! i wanted to go faster and i really flew faster! i wanted to dip close to the water surface and i did! i flew higher and higher until i was about to reach the clouds... then i woke up! i couldn't say it's completely lucid because there's this feeling in me that while flying, i was semi awake, but i knew i was dreaming so i couldn't waste the chance to manipulate it and try not to shoot an eyelid up for the fear of losing the scene.

ewan. i wish i could have more lucid dreams in the future. i enjoy them so much. and look, i realized that in a completely lucid dream, i couldn't do much, like move my arms and walk. all i can do is command. heck, why didn't i try ordering my legs to move? nyek. but in a semi-lucid dream, i can act. next thing i wanna experience is to have a completely lucid dream where i can act freeeeely. grabe it's the mooooost liberating feeling in the world! to have full control over your subconscious. >8D

then i woke up at 5am. i checked my phone and was struck with one message. alam na. pwedeng magpanic? it was a simple message, sent 7hours earlier. i don't know why. but my heart flipped. eeeeh, you know how it goes! at shempre, i just missed the chance to turn that into a conversation. e bakit ba, malay mo GM? if i were only awake 7hours ago deym... kaso i was so busy flying and trying to control my inner universe. haha aaand, as if i could actually turn that into a conversation?!?! AS IIIIIFFFF. ako pa? na isang napakagaling na conversationalist? sows!

i remember my previous previous majorcrush back in uplb. our relationship was completely impersonal, the only thing we talk about through text is whether i've emailed him my part for the project, or whether there's class. nothing much, really. when the engineering meet came, we started talking about our orgs. how we'll come about facing each other on court. blah blah blah. one day, he texted a quote. nakalimutan ko na basta alam ko sinulat ko yun somewhere. when i received it was like, "WAAAAH DORMATES NAGTEXT SI @#$%^&*( NG QUOTE SHEEEEEEZZZZ" then the girls converged around me, laughing at my reaction, my seemingly stressed out features, suggesting things like, "replyan mo!!!" "wag, bukas na! magsend ka rin ng isang quote" yung iba "HAHAHAHAHA stressed nanaman si arianne!"

in the end, i didn't say anything. i didn't reply. not even a single quote.
and that was the first and last quote i received from him. ah so ano yon? kung nagreply ako may susunod?! sometimes they say i'm too dense. i couldn't spot a hint. duh, sino bang mag-aakalang hint yon? apparently, sila. pero ako hindi.

one day, he texted "arian, kamusta?" and i froze. again. grabe dyusko, i could still remember how stupid my reply was, i told him "ui ok lang! napasa ko na yung report natin hehehe" BLAH BLAH BLAH. why do i always come up with the stupidest replies? e malay ko ba?! the only sensible thing he could ask me that time was whether i've finished the report already. other than that, ano pa ba? e

imagine, kung pa-simple lang pala lahat ng yon, tas sinakyan ko edi ano. sdfghjgfvhdgafv wala lang. there were so many chances i blew because i didn't know how to read guys. i was too consumed with my fantasies that when it breaks into reality, parang too good to be true na kaya i end up conluding it's not true.

hindi ko alam.
grabe ngayong naaalala ko sya, natatawa ko ng major major (bonggang bongga).

sabog. bwiset

whew. i just want this term to end and indulge in a sleep fiesta.

bwiset lang e no. every time i get reminded of it, i can't help thinking that everything we shared from the start was in vain. what a major major problem LOL. bwiset bat kasi ganon. parang tanga naman. kelangan talaga ganon? hindi naman e pota. 

hindi na nga e. magaaral na nga e. sori sori.

ay grabe. kala ko sa TV ko lang to napapanuod. posible pala mangyari sa totoong buhay yung mga issue issue sa mga kaibigan. weird. parang andali lang sa TV e pero in real life, nakaka-windang. hala ano na gagawin ko Lord? ano ba naman kasi yan. pwede bang mag-aminan na lang. HAHAHAHA YAAAAAK WAAAAAHHH JOKE LANG @_@

okay iniisip ko pa lang naloloka na ko. i therefore conclude i'm such a fawkin wimp. 

was supposed to go swimming with brian today pero di natuloy buti na lang kasi naisip ko, lintek wala pa kong tulog, buti na lang umulan. 

and the frakking essay. bwiset talaga. i toiled over it for 8 hours! 3 full pages == 8 hours. i can never be a good writer that way fuuuuuck. o tapos i didn't even get what i was trying to say. ang gulow. 

having it notarized was the real pain. i had to time out early para maihabol yung submission ko. good thing there was a notary public at sandigan pero madugo amputek sobra literaaaal. nagbubungkal kasi ng lupa yung major major equipment dun e tas umulan pa so the ground was so yuckily soft yakkeeehhh. bwiset.

o tapos, the girl who was supposed to buy my LG today backed out! HUHUHU ok. need to sell it nanaman. dyusko Lord, bilhin nyo na kasi tong phone ko. kelangan ko na kacheeeeeng. 

i'm tired sobra. i need to take a midnight bath. >:)

sana tumagal

a blog entry before i officially start slaving myself over schoolwork. there's just too much to do. and i've run out of jimm's 7-in-1 coffee, so tyaga tyaga muna sa nescafe 3in1. antok na nga ako e. patay.

the quirino hostage taking was an awful reminder of how our police forces lack a hell lot of training, and balls too. in less than an hour i've gathered a bunch of funny SWAT mock definitions on facebook:

sugod, wait, atras, takbo!
super wala akong training
sige wait abang tayo
sana wag ako tamaan

just to name a few.

and now we're on travel alert status at many countries. HK has also imposed a travel ban here.
goodbye tourism. what a slap for the current administration. God help us.

k. got work to do.

ajsfassqdwetrt

i couldn't believe how much i put my entire academic life on that single piece of technology, such that when it got lost, my world was in shambles. i couldn't study. i couldn't write a single code. my life as an in-progress-fail-programmer was sabotaged because i lost/misplaced/dropped my USB somewhere i don't remember.

i'm depressed! HUHUHUHU that 4gigs transcend USB covered with pink snoopy printed scotch tape meant a lot to me. a lot, meaning my entire database and OOP grades rely on it. my notes are there! my source codes! and they're not simply source codes. for one thing, THEY RUN.

WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! !@#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$#@!@#$%^&*()
>X(((((

ETA: Lord, my life is a mess. i couldn't get a single code to work. fucking red outputs all over! i'm in the mood for studying but my mind isn't. deppressed sya Lord. brain wants the USB back. huhu is there any kind of music that could awaken the dormant programmer in me? assuming that everyone has a dormant trait inside, then i would probably have a recessive programmer gene. wake it up Lord. please. i'm no good without my USB. it's kinda like my (academic) life. am i violating commandment #2? (or 1? idk) SORRY LORD. please please show me my USB WAHUHUHUHUHU WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

is this my karma for stealing a black 1 gig USB belonging to J**** R**** (i checked the files. couldn't resist to know if the guy's a good source. of codes). is it?? but i thought that was my good karma for sharing my homework to my friends.

oh the burdenssss of material attachment.  bwiset.

HUHUHU USB KO PLEZZZZ. T_T;

hehehe

before i forget!

so there's a competition i was watching, the contestants were all americans and kris aquino was one of the judges. one of the contestants was a fat ex-cheerleader who wore a pink frilly dress and jumped onto the stage like a stiff flyer. she's good. the other one was a rocker who wore tight leather and violet accessories. her hair is styled up like a punk rocker and she has thick black/violet eyeliner. she sang during the intro. she has a good voice! in fact i remember the melody of the song. i'm just not sure if i've heard it somewhere else. then kris aquino was touched by the song that she walked out from her chair and slid from the judges corner, all the way down to sing along with that contestant. she sang a different song, one which has an old feel in it. it was a good song. then i woke up.

my dreams are pretty random these days. but i'm glad they are. recurring dreams serve as some sort of premonition right? i'm paranoid enough to worry about that. naman o.

this morning terai brought us blueberry cheesecake, pizza, a half-pound grilled burger, burritos and bibingka from the yearly Banchetto (midnight food fest) at Emerald Ave. Ortigas. SOBRANG BUSOG. goodbye diet. ang hirap grabe. sobra. HUHUHUHU

makapag bio-fit nga. grr

acneyuck

ETA: i forgot what i was supposed to tell while browsing. hmmm. tomorrow's supposed to be a holiday but some sonofa!@#$ scheduled for a remedial class. right when i should be sleeping the entire day. who says i'm coming. fuuuuck.

i've never had this much pimples in my entire life. HAHAHAHA osige, that's not my biggest problem.

my biggest problem would be my health wilting the more i spend time at the circulation area at the library. and i couldn't just tell my boss or my co-SA's that i'm allergic to dust, cos the bulk of what we're gonna do for the next terms include spending an entire shift wallowing in dusty, old, weathering books. @_@ (that's if i'm staying. BIG IF)

and my fucking right knee is starting to hurt again. wtf is wrong with my body? i need exercise. i want to swim. i missed being fit. school has made me into looking like a wretched zombie every morning. and everyday it consumes me whole.

it's my health that's fucking my lifestyle right now!!! i've been wheezing my brains out the entire day because i spent two hours behind the shelves. i hate being at the front, but it's better than spending a minute with old books.



i still hate our boss. occasionally. but i couldn't bring myself to despise her entirely. everything she does is for the good of the library. and even though she sometimes doesn't deliver her instructions well and blames us for lacking comprehension, i still respect her. but sometimes... k fine. lol

hala magcompute tayo ng grades. so far my midterm standings are okay naman. when i say okay, abot pa sa scholarship. ewan ko lang talaga sa tinapang PE na yan.

i hope you're not reading (open letters)

wow my story still gets faved at ff.net! and it has already been 3 years. nakakatouch. thank you to the currently 57 communities who featured my story. BWAHAHA you're the reason why my story is still reaching out to many readers (and HPDM shippers lol). to the 249 reviewers, and the 307 people who faved my work. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

yeah. i get flattered more with strangers. that's why i never tell any of my friends about my work. and i actually also prefer strangers to read this blog. HAHA but ironically this blog is linked to all my personal accounts so whatever. i want hits. not necessarily readers. BWAHAHAHA



dear friend: i don't know what else to tell you that will justify my existence here. every time we talk you make me feel like i'm only wasting my future here, as someone who's from UP (LB lang naman). it's flattering that you think i'm too smart to be here. but srsly, i'm not the smartest at school. not yet? and i don't think i'll ever be there. why don't you ask the top scholar why she's here with us if you think this school doesn't deserve to have smart people? >:)

i know how you feel. we both feel like our school is full of crap. and that we're not learning enough. and that we'll march out unequipped with the right armaments to survive the real world. it doesn't take a genius to realize what's missing. but i'm only here for one thing, a diploma. and since i gathered that walking out of a mediocre school as a mediocre student won't do me any good, i figured i had to get a latin honor at least to compensate for being here. fuck yeah please. it's good to hear that someone thinks the same way. i only know of a few who see that.

dear friend #2: yaaak pinoproblema kita bat ganon? parang tanga. kahit may alam ka. i'm not giving you room for assumptions. hindi porket alam mong ganon, pwede na. tangna loob.