ajgfshdaSXAWEHQHAasadscf!!!!

from now on, i'm going to try to write properly. like, chronologically and without bullets. 

so how was this day? it started out fine, got to work, and did an extra hour to compensate for my absence last saturday. lunch hit, ate with saycee and chamel then went in line at the cashier to pay for my tuition. my parents gave me 9.5k because that's what it says in my COR, but when the cashier checked it, i only have to pay 7.something thousand for both midterm and finals! whoa. yeah, i didn't notice that my COR says NET PAY = 7.something K hehehe. so my entire tuition is around 13K only. YEY i thought it was 19K, even with the discount. bwahahaha

after that, i tried on some LMA shirts to get my size. i don't actually want to buy any org shirt but CBS announced that they will be strictly implementing a no-org shirt no-entry policy during wash days. errrrrrr. and because i think LMA has the neatest design among all the orgs, i'm buying one. i'm not even a member but wth. i doesn't trip my guilt that i'm not buying the ICON org shirt instead (where i'm a member). sorry Wil. >:( LOL but that's just half the reason why i bought the shirt. HAHA

FCLC, short for Fernian Chronicles Literary Circle (school newsletter org), which i'm legitimately part of, will also be releasing a shirt, which i'm required to buy. so that means i'm gonna have 2 org shirts for this sem. meg asked jerome and i to design for it... and i'm excited. >8D hahaha

i came home and saw that Payoneer has sent my debit card already! it's the account where all my earnings from odesk.com will be credited. actually, i haven't started taking projects yet. but once i get enough time (and a fast internet connection), i'll work on it. it's pretty exciting, getting paid to write!!!! yeaaah, and that card will be my inspiration. >XD

alright, time to study. 

lutang!

JM posted on my wall. @_@ that kinda made my day. no, it actually made my entire uhhmm 2 days! i dunno, he's too cool. we're getting closer i guess and it feels awkward. and i think it's because i still have a crush on him so err, how do i explain this? i panic inwardly when my crushes are near, so... yeah. he.he.he. i could remember how cold i turn when he's within 10 meters and my friends are teasing me. i swear i could freeze those jerks to death.

who would've thought diba? who would've fucking thought.

communication. part of why i don't see my majorcrushes as future boyfriends is that i cannot freely communicate with them. you need that right? someone you can pour yourself at with all freedom, without restrictions, someone who's comfortable to be with. even at your worst. even in silence. i don't feel that way with my majorcrushes, unless the feelings i have for them have died and were replaced with a brewing friendship. yeah that's a different story. but reallllyyyy now, can you imagine me with someone i terribly have a crush on? i don't. it has to be rooted at something else, like friendship! then you'll hear me complaining about not wanting to risk the friendship for something as uncertain as relationships. i don't know. my mind is a mess when it comes to things like this. i thought i was mature enough to handle these thoughts. then i think maybe love isn't supposed to be thought over. it just happens. how i wish i could be my own cupid.

Lord, give me a lovelife? i seriously don't have one. i'm at the right age i guess... to fall in love. ah right. i already did. let's rephrase that. Lord, it's high time for me to fall in love AGAIN. the hormones are kicking in. i don't wanna disappoint them, cos when they hibernate, my life will become extremely dragging and i might never consider looking at the male species again. what a bore.

ok, just give me a good book to read? the 500 people you meet in hell by jessica zafra, please? it's missing in the library! can't afford to buy books right now i'm kinda broke. >_<

btw, i just learned that mr. tony stark is our country's former national treasurer! wooow, and i dined with him. i feel honored. and i thought he was just a mere investment executive. srsly, i've never met someone as gentlemanly as he is. he's just too... TONY STARK. haha fits him perfectly.

haha Lord, give me a sign. nyahaha

then and now

first pic was during my first (or second?) piano recital at UP abelardo hall, i was grade 2 (or grade 3?) hehe i don't remember. next pic was JUST A PHOTO OP at Makati Shang during my mom's awarding.

note that i don't play that much anymore. i missed playing the piano, seriously. haaaaay

MIDTERMS coming up! whew!

commitment phobia

i thought i'm just afraid of getting into a relationship. but i realized, any form of attachment scares me as well. i don't just accept responsibilities as they are. it's the fear of screwing up that's screwing me today. you know what, sometimes i feel like i can live on my own, without my parent's support, and not bail out on life. 3 years of independence, and a growing work experience are the things that influenced me into thinking this way. i can get a job, rent a room, and live.... simply, of course, but independently.

blah blah blah blaaaaaaahhhh

on waiting: if you decide to wait for someone, make sure you're at the right station. one where he'll surely pass by. HAHA and if ever you get lost, there'll always be someone to help you get back on your tracks. but it's double the effort nga lang. awww. yung kunduktor siguro. wawa naman.

jsadgtyiuytsdv a b;tiuobio

yey! i finally received my dean's list certificate! the admin prepared a lot for this tri's awarding because the FEU president, Ms. Echauz, graced the event and delivered a very very inspiring speech about hard work and the importance of education. i like her so much! she also shared the top 3 weaknesses of fresh grads when it comes to employment. it came from a survey answered by different employers... the findings were: 1) poor english communication skills 2) poor initiative 3) poor analytical skills. that was so helpful. i'll go work on those 3 lol.

okokokok. i hate you facebook. wala akong natatapos dahil sayo. grrr

♥

-- so yesterday, i excused myself from work to attend my mom's awarding at makati shang. i commuted from home and had only ice breaker for lunch. oh, i also went down at the wrong mrt station -- buendia -- supposed to be ayala haha. they were both undergound, so i got confused. i wasn't listening to the prompt, plus i was too busy covering my nonexistent cleavage. apparently i forgot i was gonna commute, and wore a sleeveless, plunging black top. hehe

-- i arrived at room 2204 looking extremely haggard. then i had to dress up quickly cos my mom was already dressed. nyahehehe blah blah blah blah

-- DINNER: gaaawd my favorite part. i promised to enjoy that night because terai and daddy will be the ones consuming the complimentary breakfasts the next day (na eat-all-you-can HUHUHU). so dapat, kakain ako ng madami! oh my gawd, i thought the appetizer was already the main dish. anyway, a company executive was present at our table and we both noticed how delicious the food was (walang kamatayang shrimp and smoked salmon salad. i get this every time i'm on a fine-dinning treat) and that it was lacking sparkling white wine. haha my mom enjoyed the food too!

-- pero kasi ganito yan. there was a vacant seat beside me tapos nilagyan din ng food nung waiter. so i was practically lusting over the plate next to me. i wish i could eat it too! hayok sa appetizer ampota! eh wala namang uupo dun eh! HAHA i mentioned it to my mom, gusto rin nya. you know what happened? i noticed mr. executive whispering something to the waiter, then pointing to me. WTF. then it happened, the waiter took my empty plate and replaced it with the plate i was lusting after. mr excutive (who looked like Tony Stark from Iron Man) probably read through my patay gutom manners. NAKAKAHIYA. so i thought, i couldn't eat this. sobrang nakakahiya. so i texted my dad to hurry up! sa kanya na lang yon! sunod sya sa hall,  para sya na dun sa vacant seat. haha

-- then mr. tony stark probably noticed i wasn't eating my "favorite" dish  so she called the waiter AGAIN (shoot me now please), and whispered something. next thing i know, the waiter gave me a new fork and knife to replace the one i used and was taken earlier. ayoko na. mamamatay na ko sa hiya. i turned to tony stark and said, "naku sir, nakakahiya naman senyo." and he said, "no no no, i can afford it."

--- what the fuuuuuuucccck.

-- okokokokok. tapos tapos tapos. after so many photo ops. tapos na. tulog na ko! i woke up 5am, took a bath, dressed up, then waaaaaaalked a fucking mile to the mrt station. then i took the fx to fcm, nakasabay ko pa si sir lloyd akalain mo. HAHA uwi muna sa bahay... tulog ng onti... woke up 15 minutes before 8! e may work ako ng 8, the fuuuuuck. pero oks naman.

-- school. HAHAHA crush ko na yata sya ulit. crush laaaang. hehe

-- haha pero majorcrush ko na yata yung anak ng coleague ni mama na nagttrabaho na ngayon, at aspiring MDRT. yan ang my future! hay ewan.

nyay akala ko wala na >XD

-- i have never felt this special, as a friend. after an hour on the phone she said it's okay if she loses all her friends, as long as she has me. awww nakakatouch. i couldn't possibly say the same cos i never looked into the possibility of losing all my friends (and i never would), but she's someone i treasure so much. this sounds awfully lesbo but i'm cheesy like that. lol

-- HAHAHA. my friend kinda almost spilled something about JM. something that got me eternally twitterpated that night. the two of them exchanging gestures sometimes, i usually ignore them, but now that i knew it has something to do with me... what am i supposed to think? what could they possibly secretly talk about that involves me? fishy ito mga bro. and i have a drumming sense that i'm not gonna like it. now she's begging me to stop asking about it cos she might not be able to hold their freaking secret intact. she has to confirm it pa daw. confirm what? ok. i'll stop asking, fine. but i'm dead curious. eh si JM yun eh. ok. i'm curious. but no other feelings involved. is curiosity a feeling? hindi ko na sya crush. 

--nakakapressure minsan. there are expectations i need to meet, deadlines i have to avoid screwing with, and standards i must surpass. all the in the intent of keeping my 'smart' image intact. i myself have put my brain to the test. i can't keep committing mistakes, even small ones. i can't have low quizzes. i can't have a midterm standing below 3.0 but CALCULUS IS SUCH A BITCH, and P.E. IS A FUCKER. i have to keep learning, keep studying and KEEP READING. i can't fail these people but the problem is, they expect too much. huhuhu nakakahiya magkamali. 

-- the tables have turned entirely diba? i wasn't like this before. sure i felt bad for having a passing average of 1 out of 10 exams right when i studied so hard for them. but eventually i got used it it. and the people around me made me feel it's normal HAHA so carry lang. yun nga lang, hindi na nadala! but right now it's different. AYOKO NA BUMAGSAK. i know it's okay to fail, but i've had so much of that. i deserve this break. nobody believed i was smart until i entered this university. 

babbling out

wow. here's goes fucking insecurity. i'll try to be nice. but damn. the problem is, i'm always nice. you'll hardly notice if i actually hate you. i hardly hate people anyway. i just get paranoid a lot... threatened is the right term actually, and insecure. HAHA what. what do i need to change? i miss my old hair. and my old size.

i need to be consistent. maintenance is key.

what to do:
- study java
- edit script
- read essays
- exercise. HAHA

but for now, i want to sleep. >:)