guiltier

she was being kind. i was being plastic. i told you right? it's something i have to put up in order to see the necessary good in everyone. now i know she's not always that bad. she's always a flirt and that can be forgiven. she's a cheerful person, you just have to put up with her casual swearing. she's a good friend. i'm the bad one for pretending to be good. AT LEAST I DIDN'T SHUT HER OFF. i was more than civil to her, i let her copy my homework, and share every academic resources i have. i wasn't being fake all the time. and i'm quiting this nasty facade i wear when she's around. Looooord thank you.

and now i have to convince my other friends that she's not that bad. >:) case closed.

blah blah blah I'M ON SUGAR HIGH. I'M NOT SLEEPING COS I HAVE TO FINISH THIS DRAWING FOR FCLC. YEY FOR CRAMMING!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

i love you daddy!!!!

after the service we went to celebrate father's day at the homebuilders' ministry where they organized a small program for our dear daddies! the food was delicious HAHAHAHA and the program was cute hehe >:)

then we came home, i slept, my parents went to an appointment and... yon. >:) HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

ok. 1 month starts tomorrow!!! if i can handle this, then i'm gonna be free for the rest of my life. HAHAHA

today was...

i know, i know. i should've gotten my good karma already but apparently this day was just, so-so. which probably means that everything that's gonna happen tomorrow onwards must be good, then better, then best. and hopefully stagnate! if i were to graph the way karma works on me, it's an everlasting V. i wish it were a square root instead, but that's just me. >:|

you know what amused me this day?
it was raining... daddy and i were about to go home from school when i noticed a small insect on top of my book. it looked like a mosquito, but a slightly bigger one, without the wings. the thing was crazy, going in circles like a dog chasing its own tail. as in! i was looking at it with a mixture of amusement and pity. i was thinking maybe the thunder scared the shit out of the poor thing so it exhibited something like a defense mechanism. that, or it just simply went bonkers. poor poor insect.

you know what, i was soooo paranoid awhile ago. i suddenly remembered that the school hasn't received my original TOR from UPLB yet. then i also realized that i have no time to follow up on it cos i'm always at school. and then! when i thought about calling them up, i got scared! i was IMAGINING dragona from the college sec. office saying that they cannot process my TOR because they discovered that i signed a contract at CEAT stating that i will finish my course there and never transfer, therefore they are withdrawing my honorable dismissal. fucking shit. and so i must return to UPLB asap and fulfill the fucking contact. perfect depressant. that's probably the worst that could happen to me. then again, i thought of a plan! instead of going back to spend a miserable decade at that stinking hell hole, i'll just enroll for a semester, ditch my subjects, and go back home and get a job. in short, I'M HAVING MYSELF KICKED OUT. voluntarily! instant breach! and if that's not enough to convince them how much i loathe the entire composition of the chemical engineering department, I'LL BURN IT. i'd rather be charged with arson. really now. o tapos, after the sem, i'll go back to FERN! yeheeey! >:) that should do!

of course i'm overreacting, overthinking, overparanoid, overover!!!!

tangina UPLB ang tagal ng TOR ko!

coherence is not my virtue

if yesterday was full of crap, this day was full of crap and bullshit. i thought i was gonna get my good karma this day, but apparently things got worse. not in the sense that the bad things got worse, actually, more and more bad things piled and i feel so fucked up. hehe i'm exagerrating. bwahaha i'm always exagerrating, it's part of, uhm, creative writing. LOL so don't take me seriously. never take me seriously, unless you have scaled down what i've written and imagined what exactly happened.


i was never a frank person so i actualy prefer being plastic than spilling out the sad, fucking truth. i also try not to be too emotional, uhm, depends on who i'm talking to. there are people who really listen and engage in my stories, and there are some who listen but eventually end up talking about themselves. and there are those who don't care at all. HONESTLY, i don't give a damn who listens to me cos in the first place, i'm not sharing anything unless i'm asked of it, and chances are if i don't like you or i don't want to tell you anything, you'll get a lie from me. it's always so hard to open up. As in really really open up.

segway: my working hours were reduced from 20 to 16. FUCK. i want to blame our boss for being so stupid, for accepting SA after SA after SA, for not reserving the old SA's, and for not evenly distributing the amount of work in the lib (the hard, boring ones always go to me. and they're a lot).

segway 2: i didn't want to leave you BUT what the fuck is wrong for wanting to change my shirt?! i just wanted to play pingpong more but you snatched me away from my game. i just wanted to grab a change cos i'm soaking with sweat and i'm not allowed to? mare, sakal!

segway 3: i have a little crush on this little genius in our class. He wear glasses and his friends call him harry potter. IMBA, but he has a girlfriend.

so where was i? i've lied too much already. and if it's becoming a burden, i should know soon, but apparently it's not. so you see, turning plastic is my natural tendency when faced with undesirable twerps. the bad thing is,  i'm being dishonest not only to myself but also to the person. THE GOOD THING IS, for every fake smile i give, i am tolerating the person's irateness quotient and is actually giving myself a chance to see the person in a dfferent light. i've always wanted to be a person who sees good in everyone; that's the most saintly thing i've ever wanted. LOL


actually, my poblems weren't so big. i just tend to exagerrate every little thing i type here, blame the adjectives.

and so, my favorite word is a four-letter expletive some of you may love doing.
i can really feel the universe working against me this day, umagang umaga palang! whew

BADTRIP AKO! kung ayaw mong masaktan, wag mong basahin to.

oo, natapos ko naman lahat ng putanginang gawain ko. yung mahigit isanlibong charge slips, pinagpuyatan ko hanggang alas-kwatro ng umaga. dalawang oras lang ang tulog ko. ang lakas maka-badtrip ng kakulangan sa tulog! tinapos ko rin yung dalawang walang hiyang article na yan. pero yung mga taeng exercises, sa school ko na lang chinekan. minsan maaasar ka eh, bakit nagkakamali pa tong mga to? given na nga lahat, pipindutin mo na lang sa calculator, at kokopyahin. di mo na nga kelangan magisip eh. simpleng ONE-STEP conversion lang pare!!! anong problema? 
ay nako. depressed ako. i failed our first quiz in calculus! anak ng! and i said i love math diba? but i only got a fucking 48% NAKAKALOKA. first failure sa FEU-FERN everrr. nakakalungkot ng sobra. ang sarap magpakalunod sa kung anong pwede dyan. lahat ng mahal ko, hindi ako mahal. ampota. e alam mo naman ba kasi yung feeling na isang taon kang namamayagpag tapos bigla kang lalagapak? putangina!

mejo badtrip pa nga tong umagang to, cos first thing in the morning pinagbuhat ako ng lamesang mabigat. daig ko pa jamas sa new found superstrength ko. bwiset. ang aga aga, pawisan agad ako. ang daming pinapagawa ni bossing, overstaffed na nga kami, pero parang di parin ako nauubusan ng gagawin?!?! potek.

at eto pa, kaya pala hanggang ngayon wala parin akong sweldo kasi nakalimutan nila kong isama sa request ng mga pase-sweldohing SA nung enrolment. haaay bwiset. ako pa ang nakalimutan nyo!

tapos bukas PE nanaman. putang inang PE yan. hindi ako umuusad.

BUTI na lang at nakapag oi sisig at ice breaker ako today. mejo natuwa ako. mejo lang, pero tang ina ang bad mood ko talaga ngayon.

sa tuwing nginingitian nya ko nawawala yung inis ko sa kanya, kasi habang lagi nyang pinapakita yung kalandian nya, lalo kong nasasanay sa kanya. so wala akong dapat ikakulo ng dugo dahil ganon talaga sya KAHIT KANINO.

long night ahead

may mga bagay na kahit gusto mo, kailangan mong bitiwan
may mga taong kahit napapasaya ka, kailangan iwasan
my mga desisyong dapat gawin kahit napipilitan
at may mga pagkakataon na kapag ginawa mo ang tama, ikaw din ang mahihirapan
dahil may mga bagay na pag pinagpilitan, sa huli ikaw din ang masasaktan

- author unknown. GM ni jot >:)

oh yes, i have the license to be emo for the entire meantime that i have no majorcrush. quite ironic, but the thing is, if i have no majorcrush, all i ever think about is my stupid love, and thinking about my stupid love makes me feel emo and heartbroken and everything else except suicidal. lol. so yeah, i need a diversion. grrrr

whew. long night ahead. i have like, 500 charge slips to encode, and still a lot of papers to check, plus 2 articles to write!!! i'm not sleeping anytime soon. expect me to be awake til past 12mn. i had enough pearl milk tea to last me till the wee hours of the morning so i'm pretty awaaaake! yeheeeey! feel free to bother me. or not.

daddy looks good in a black jacket. i told you guys, i have a newfound fetish for such. and i always tell him to wear glasses too. i love you daddy. HAHAHA i love jackets

time to work

yikes

nanaginip ako! i dreamt that a black dog from our neighborhood bit my right hand! nye, yun lang naalala ko, plus the panic that i might die of rabies. hahaha

now that school has started, i'm having a hard time remembering my dreams cos they always get cut with the alarm clock hahaha sayang.

HINDI KO ALAM KUNG TALAGANG LATE BLOOMER AKO, O SADYANG NAPAKALANDI LANG NG HENERASYON NGAYON. @_@

bakit ganooon? ambabata nyo pa. @_@