coherence is not my virtue

if yesterday was full of crap, this day was full of crap and bullshit. i thought i was gonna get my good karma this day, but apparently things got worse. not in the sense that the bad things got worse, actually, more and more bad things piled and i feel so fucked up. hehe i'm exagerrating. bwahaha i'm always exagerrating, it's part of, uhm, creative writing. LOL so don't take me seriously. never take me seriously, unless you have scaled down what i've written and imagined what exactly happened.


i was never a frank person so i actualy prefer being plastic than spilling out the sad, fucking truth. i also try not to be too emotional, uhm, depends on who i'm talking to. there are people who really listen and engage in my stories, and there are some who listen but eventually end up talking about themselves. and there are those who don't care at all. HONESTLY, i don't give a damn who listens to me cos in the first place, i'm not sharing anything unless i'm asked of it, and chances are if i don't like you or i don't want to tell you anything, you'll get a lie from me. it's always so hard to open up. As in really really open up.

segway: my working hours were reduced from 20 to 16. FUCK. i want to blame our boss for being so stupid, for accepting SA after SA after SA, for not reserving the old SA's, and for not evenly distributing the amount of work in the lib (the hard, boring ones always go to me. and they're a lot).

segway 2: i didn't want to leave you BUT what the fuck is wrong for wanting to change my shirt?! i just wanted to play pingpong more but you snatched me away from my game. i just wanted to grab a change cos i'm soaking with sweat and i'm not allowed to? mare, sakal!

segway 3: i have a little crush on this little genius in our class. He wear glasses and his friends call him harry potter. IMBA, but he has a girlfriend.

so where was i? i've lied too much already. and if it's becoming a burden, i should know soon, but apparently it's not. so you see, turning plastic is my natural tendency when faced with undesirable twerps. the bad thing is,  i'm being dishonest not only to myself but also to the person. THE GOOD THING IS, for every fake smile i give, i am tolerating the person's irateness quotient and is actually giving myself a chance to see the person in a dfferent light. i've always wanted to be a person who sees good in everyone; that's the most saintly thing i've ever wanted. LOL


actually, my poblems weren't so big. i just tend to exagerrate every little thing i type here, blame the adjectives.

and so, my favorite word is a four-letter expletive some of you may love doing.
i can really feel the universe working against me this day, umagang umaga palang! whew

BADTRIP AKO! kung ayaw mong masaktan, wag mong basahin to.

oo, natapos ko naman lahat ng putanginang gawain ko. yung mahigit isanlibong charge slips, pinagpuyatan ko hanggang alas-kwatro ng umaga. dalawang oras lang ang tulog ko. ang lakas maka-badtrip ng kakulangan sa tulog! tinapos ko rin yung dalawang walang hiyang article na yan. pero yung mga taeng exercises, sa school ko na lang chinekan. minsan maaasar ka eh, bakit nagkakamali pa tong mga to? given na nga lahat, pipindutin mo na lang sa calculator, at kokopyahin. di mo na nga kelangan magisip eh. simpleng ONE-STEP conversion lang pare!!! anong problema? 
ay nako. depressed ako. i failed our first quiz in calculus! anak ng! and i said i love math diba? but i only got a fucking 48% NAKAKALOKA. first failure sa FEU-FERN everrr. nakakalungkot ng sobra. ang sarap magpakalunod sa kung anong pwede dyan. lahat ng mahal ko, hindi ako mahal. ampota. e alam mo naman ba kasi yung feeling na isang taon kang namamayagpag tapos bigla kang lalagapak? putangina!

mejo badtrip pa nga tong umagang to, cos first thing in the morning pinagbuhat ako ng lamesang mabigat. daig ko pa jamas sa new found superstrength ko. bwiset. ang aga aga, pawisan agad ako. ang daming pinapagawa ni bossing, overstaffed na nga kami, pero parang di parin ako nauubusan ng gagawin?!?! potek.

at eto pa, kaya pala hanggang ngayon wala parin akong sweldo kasi nakalimutan nila kong isama sa request ng mga pase-sweldohing SA nung enrolment. haaay bwiset. ako pa ang nakalimutan nyo!

tapos bukas PE nanaman. putang inang PE yan. hindi ako umuusad.

BUTI na lang at nakapag oi sisig at ice breaker ako today. mejo natuwa ako. mejo lang, pero tang ina ang bad mood ko talaga ngayon.

sa tuwing nginingitian nya ko nawawala yung inis ko sa kanya, kasi habang lagi nyang pinapakita yung kalandian nya, lalo kong nasasanay sa kanya. so wala akong dapat ikakulo ng dugo dahil ganon talaga sya KAHIT KANINO.

long night ahead

may mga bagay na kahit gusto mo, kailangan mong bitiwan
may mga taong kahit napapasaya ka, kailangan iwasan
my mga desisyong dapat gawin kahit napipilitan
at may mga pagkakataon na kapag ginawa mo ang tama, ikaw din ang mahihirapan
dahil may mga bagay na pag pinagpilitan, sa huli ikaw din ang masasaktan

- author unknown. GM ni jot >:)

oh yes, i have the license to be emo for the entire meantime that i have no majorcrush. quite ironic, but the thing is, if i have no majorcrush, all i ever think about is my stupid love, and thinking about my stupid love makes me feel emo and heartbroken and everything else except suicidal. lol. so yeah, i need a diversion. grrrr

whew. long night ahead. i have like, 500 charge slips to encode, and still a lot of papers to check, plus 2 articles to write!!! i'm not sleeping anytime soon. expect me to be awake til past 12mn. i had enough pearl milk tea to last me till the wee hours of the morning so i'm pretty awaaaake! yeheeeey! feel free to bother me. or not.

daddy looks good in a black jacket. i told you guys, i have a newfound fetish for such. and i always tell him to wear glasses too. i love you daddy. HAHAHA i love jackets

time to work

yikes

nanaginip ako! i dreamt that a black dog from our neighborhood bit my right hand! nye, yun lang naalala ko, plus the panic that i might die of rabies. hahaha

now that school has started, i'm having a hard time remembering my dreams cos they always get cut with the alarm clock hahaha sayang.

HINDI KO ALAM KUNG TALAGANG LATE BLOOMER AKO, O SADYANG NAPAKALANDI LANG NG HENERASYON NGAYON. @_@

bakit ganooon? ambabata nyo pa. @_@

pagbigyan

// work: i was assigned to create 2 articles, plus encode thesis materials onto the OPAC. i dunno, encoding thesis details gives me a headache, specially when it comes to typing their abstracts. i don't mean to belittle our dear alums but most of their english are wrong. almost none of them got the drift of what an ABSTRACT really is. it's disappointing. it made me want to not include their abstracts in the database if i'm just going to type, you know, wrong stuff. i mean, i'm not good at english or anything but i should know when something sounds grammatically incorrect. hay

// currently checking my dad's students' exercises on physics. this is hard work. i'll tell him not to give uber long exercises anymore, cos my weekend is going to perish.

// again, it doesn't feel like saturday. and i presume i'm not going to feel it for the rest of the trimester. good thing it's a holiday on monday. bad thing = no work = no pay.

// my favorite people in the world are those i can stay with (as in just the two of us) without being awkward at all.  i also love people whom i can laugh intolerably with, the kind that really makes me catch my breath. hahaha that's why i miss my housemates so much. they always get what i mean, no matter how much i'm not making sense. and they always laugh with me. if it's not because of what i'm laughing about, it's because of my laughing... alone. hahaha ♥ ♥ ♥

// i never considered myself weird because i think it's an overstatement. let's just say that i think a lot of ridiculous things, to some it may seem weird, but for me that's creativity! and imagination! plus... everyone thinks they're weird like it's some sort of an attractive feature. say that again once you've met someone genuinely weird, cos i have, and i didn't like it.

i don't like weird people.

// walked at MV3 with RA awhile ago. i missed walking there. right now, i only get to walk there twice a week. monday and saturday afternoon. it was a freaking funny walk. what's really weird with me is that i have a harder time avoiding smaller objects than bigger ones. like, i can calmly avoid a car but not a motorcycle or a bike, or a freaking person. dead frogs on the road startle me big time (who wouldn't be?). what's good is that i'm not worrying of tricylce #565 (i think) being at the end of the road anymore hahaha

// JM looks stunning in a black jacket. fine, every guy would probably look better in my eyes if he wears a black jacket (and when i mention such, it automatically exempts hoodies and cotton)... and glasses. i was imagining JM with both and i just heaved a sigh. forgive me, for JM is the closest i have to a majorcrush right now so i can't stop talking about him.

// Lord, give me a majorcrush!

haha

// i am so fascinated with my new phone. i don't know why. HAHAHAHA

// my boss reprimanded me awhile ago for presiding the last 2 library orientations yesterday. i don't know what's wrong with it, but anyway, she said it was supposed to be for my 2nd boss and that i shouldn't have taken  it. i only took it because 2nd boss asked me to. she even said i orient better lol

// pengeng crush! ang boring naaaaaa. =__=;

// black jackets look so cool on men ♥ ♥ ang attractive tingnan eh, i'm not taking about hoodies and cotton ones. yung pang adult basta HAHAHA JM wore one awhile ago hehehe

// i wish jessica zafra would write chick lit, cos her humor is perfect.

what a day

first thing in the morning we had a quiz at discrete math, followed by the ICON general assembly. we were supposed to hold the election today but it was POSTPONED because of a lot of freaking issues. i don't know, it was a totally uncool day. supposedly, the remaining partylists should present themselves, have a short debate and finally leave their futures at our mercy. but no, instead of a debate between the candidates, it was the body who argued among themselves. including me, cos i just had to voice out my opinion.***

and now, because it seemed like no one is qualified enough to run for position, we deemed it proper to amend the election code JUST so we could have candidates.

there is something seriously wrong with the entire ICON constitution, and it must be amended ASAP. there are too many loopholes and weakly established articles. if we continue to abide by a law that remained unamended for 6 years and nobody agrees upon, this organization is going down.

i hate to compare, but we don't have problems like this in my previous org.

candidates, be strong! this isn't anything like a national election but you have to expect the same. don't let your emotions overtake you, for God's sake.

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i have a super bad headache right now, and i remember this came from orienting 2 classes awhile ago about the library. it was impromptu, but thank God's there's a powerpoint presentation to follow. it was pretty easy talking to first years, compared to when i stepped down at the AVR awhile ago to voice out my opinion, my knees were shaking. hahaha

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oh yehey! new phone, nokia 1202! i told you it's the cheapest LOL fine, i downgraded and it's because i don't anymore see the need for fancy phones. haha
*** - it seemed like i had a lot of supporters awhile ago. the avr cheered for me when i came down. and cheered more when i delivered my speech. i felt like a cool kid. >8D