ate, pengeng ketchup

PE awhile ago was okay. i lost in badminton, but i won twice in pingpong! that's like my first wins everr. take note that none of us were really good at it. it's either i sucked, or my opponent sucked more... and vice versa (if i lost).

ice cream craving #1 fulfilled. brian finally treated me chocosundae. and terai still owes me a pint of coffee crumble ice cream, but that's gonna have to wait.

i don't know what they put in it, but mcdonald's' ketchup has an addictive factor for me. and i just realized that besides not being a fan of french fries, i love angel's cheeseburger more than mcdonald's'.

by the way, it rained hard awhile ago while when we were at the rooftop playing pingpong. i've never been this scared of rain in my entire life (and i've never felt this good at pingpong too LOL), maybe because it was too up close and we were in a highly unsafe place. everyone (referring to us girls) was panicking... including me, but mentally haha. and i thought the world was ending already, but i recalled that God said he wouldn't drown the entire humankind to death anymore, because most of us know how to swim already and he probably didn't want the next human race to be a bunch of flood survivors. kidding.

then my phone finally gave up on me. it probably got soaked in the rain (but i really think the culprit is my sweating butt). the keypads won't respond and i refuse to have it repaired cos i think it's a sign that i should get a new phone already. and i want this nokia something something, the cheapest nokia phone everrr. HAHA it's only 1,200. tomorrow, fine. dear beloved motorola e398, your 6 years of service was not put in vain. may you rest well in peace, and in my drawer too.

on another note: he read my drawings. saw. read. whatever. and i wanted to hide, because i basically exposed my emo side to him. and he was curious. what do i do? lie? maybe i can tell him the truth. maybe i could share that part of me with him. maybe i can trust him? he seems like a good guy. and i'm such an emo girl at the moment, it's disgusting me.

on yet another note: the wait is over. this day was quite liberating. goodbye stupid love. i dedicate this quote for you: "i never stopped loving you, i only stopped showing it." but eventually i'll stop loving you. i'll just have to wait. to love in silence is such an uncool tragedy, but i gathered it will be more tragic if it were public so nevermind. human nature says we must spare ourselves of unnecessary pain. and that's what i'm gonna do, plus learn more adjectives.

puppy love, stupid love, true love. i'm on stage 2.

some things are better left unseen right? if it's the only thing that would keep my sanity intact. i never wanted this to become serious, i never thought it would - in the first place. but it did. life's one way of saying fuck you is by making me fall in love with someone i can't trust, someone i can't imagine a happy, stress free and insecurity free relationship with. someone who catalyzes the production of toxins in my body by making me feel bad every single day. in short, someone not good for me. 

it could be a total insult on his part (only if he cares) because i'm calling him my STUPID LOVE. 
i love you, but you're not the one for me. i figured that by imagining life with you. painful. so is it still love? right when i don't believe in you? right when i don't trust you enough? how can i love someone who hurts me? 


precisely why it's called STUPID. :(


Dear Lord,


can i bargain with you? either you show me mr. true love, or you remove the feelings i have for mr. stupid love. i want him to downgrade to just a close friend, but you know, the type i cannot possibly love. if you have to show me the same clinic jim carrey went to, from the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, that would be equally helpful. just make sure they have a branch in the phils cos i don't have a passport yet. which reminds me, i'm not attending my appointment for passport application tomorrow, because of him (partly). 


Amen

whew

i need a break. i rrrreaaally need a break. a pint of coffee crumble ice cream, or cheeseburger with lots of ketchup. just something i can use to unwind. this day was particularly busy... i'm talking about work. i don't know about systems, but we don't have one. my boss isn't systematic after all, and we suffer because of it. hey, i'm just following orders. and maybe i should care less cos whatever happens, we get paid. but no, i'm not just working to get paid, i'm working to help improve the library system. LOL not really, i just want to be a good worker.

this is why we're busy: we are transitioning from manual to automated library system. we're using barcodes and computers now. we're going hitech. i know that after all this shiz, everything will be smoooooth. it's the transition stage that needs a lot of getting used to right? this is all for the better! i'm so sure of it, i just have to be more patient and diligent and put up with all the junk. then, it will become better. yey for being optimistic.

LOL i've been depressed for a week. i hereby diagnose myself with SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder. but that's just an excuse, i'm usually happy when the weather is cold. i'm waiting for ice cream. >:(

ETA: there will come a time when i won't be able to hold it anymore. and on that day, i want a pint of selecta coffee crumble ice cream, and lots of homework. >:(((((

man, can i just cry??? i eat banana regularly and i still feel sad. i need a fix. this isn't about the weather anymore.

always one foot on the ground

QUOTE QUOTE QUOTE QUOTE QUOTE QUOTE

answering machine
*beeeeeeeep*

"i wish i could be there for you, but whenever i want to express my concern... i hesitate and do otherwise, because there are already a lot of people who gave theirs, so i thought you wouldn't need mine. and i never actually felt you needed mine in the first place. sorry if i wasn't a good friend to you. i never gave you anything within my initiative because i was too scared that if i did, i might give too much, give the wrong impression and spill my fucking feelings. something i didn't want you to know, at least not now. i don't even know if i want to hear you after this. you're my fucking first love. ok, you can stop being friends with me now. i can totally understand. just, you know... take care. and get well soon."

*hangs up*

QUOTE QUOTE QUOTE QUOTE QUOTE QUOTE

that's harry!
something's wrong with me, i'm back to reading fics! i haven't done this for months. i missed you harry potter!

i still hate motorcycles

do you have any scars on your body? if so, how did you get them? -- random formspring question

that question reminded me of my greatest trauma.

one hungry night... terai, vianne (a dormmate) and i went to buy food. while walking, a speeding motorcycle passed by and hit my right arm. tapos my head also hit the driver's helmet hahaha i even said sorry to the driver cos i thought i was an obstruction to his path HAHAHA but he didn't even pause to check!!! the first thing i felt was my head, cos it was frakking painful i thought it would split. then the tricycle drivers were asking me how i was and why i said sorry and that i should report the driver to the barangay blah blah blah. i didn't get anything, my head was spinning. i couldn't hear terai and vianne either, i just wanted to buy tapsilog and saba con yelo cos i was starving. when we were at the carinderia na, vianne freaked out cos my arm was bleeding na pala. e mas masakit ulo ko kaya siguro di ko na feel. magkaganun man, i still bought food. when we were back at the dorm, i cleaned my arm, ate, and slept.

that was 3 years ago! the scar is almost gone na nga eh! but i can never forget the splitting headache it gave me! that was the worst headache i've ever had. buti na lang hindi ako tinopak. or so i thought???

ever since then, i get easily nervous when i'm on the street and there's a motorcyle coming. HAHAHAHA kaya wag kayo magreklamo kung matagal ako tumawid! pauunahin ko muna lahat ng motor para sa ikapapanatag ng aking nervous system.

if you wanna ask me anything, go to my formspring account HERE!!!

twisted

i borrowed Twisted by Jessica Zafra from the library... i was actually looking for The 500 people you meet in hell cos i ran over it at the OPAC but i couldn't find it, so instead i just took another of her accounts... one of her firsts i guess? i haven't finished the book, but it's a compilation of her daily broadsheet columns way way back (the book is old.. 1995, i guess). it's pretty cool, it's like a blog and i love her humor. >:) go you!

by the way, i'm currently at fitness first sm north, waiting for my parents to text me so we can go home. they're at church for the homebuilders ministry (equivalent to couples for christ) and i'm here... to shop for the things i need, specifically bathroom stuff. i was only supposed to buy lotion and conditioner... but i ended up going past a thousand bucks cos i threw in a couple more items at the basket. really, it's one thing to be shopping without my parents, i get to pay for everything. now i'm semi broke. hahaha

haaaay grabe i suddenly feel depressed. may mangyayari sigurong ayoko. >:(

nanaginip ako!

this was a week ago pa, but i can still remember parts of it... i was with hannah, martha and some people i don't remember... there were goons chasing us at the field... yung field sa holy... there was a broken swing at the end of the field... hmm.. ano pa ba...di ko na alam haha basta parang may grupo dun ng mga lokoloko tapos sabi, "sige tumakbo na kayo muahahaha" parang ganon, parang rapist ang dating shiiiit. so tumakbo naman kami! tapos may nakaharap akong mamang may balisong, nilabanan ko daw sya deeeeym di ako nasugatan whew, nakatakas daw ako. basta ganon... napadpad kami dun sa isang bahay sa other side ng feild, pinauna ko sa loob sina hannah kasi hinahabol pa kami nung mga mokong. haaaaaay scary much.

another fragment was this: i was in an unfamiliar house na puti rin lahat ng pader, trying to hide from someone... babae yung humahanap sakin, maputi... pero di ko maalala yung mukha... so i was running around the house, looking for a place to hide... i was pretty skillful that time... i can climb walls and jump like a parkour (sp?) which was really cool... tapos i was hiding at the ceiling part of the house ewan basta... suspense! tapos lumabas na ng bahay yung girl parang susuko na... tapos naglakad na palayo... tapos biglang bumalik! sa sobrang kaba ko, nagising na ko. haha