everything worth waiting is worth having

but you know it gets really frustrating at times. i feel like i'm lagging too far behind my generation now. whenever my friends talk about it, i just keep wondering to myself. what do i lack to merit some sort of admiration? then i end up not caring, since i wouldn't be able to do anything about it anyway. so what if you like me now? if you can still say that after two years, i'd go for you. but at least it's good to know right? everyone needs assurance that despite everything, someone out there likes you for who you are. but friendship is my only freaking gauge, i can't do without it.

i'm supposed to be doing a project right now. haha

:)

grrr. i should remind myself not to put too much effort on design if i'm working under time pressure lest my code gets really messed up. our php midterms awhile ago was... ewan... fail? i'm pretty sure i'll fail that part. maaaan, that was an exam! and i left my usb, which sucked big time cos i have 3 important files in there.. to be passed tomorrow. i should've gone back earlier to get it. sana andun pa bukas. :(( haynako. that was depressing. really, the smallest things depress me now, especially if it's about acads. i actually like it that i'm being super grade conscious.

good news! i got perfect on both of my midterm exams on data structures and rizal. that's good news, yeah. but nothing worth noting for cos data structure was really easy, everyone got a high score. and sorry, but i was really expecting a perfect score. rizal on the other hand made me soooo frakking guilty. you know why. i intentionally left some mistakes but they were overridden by the bonus points and the corrected items, so i got more than a hundred percent for that. what made me sink deeper in my chair was that our prof was so proud and asked the class to clap for me. every clapping hand felt like a sting to my conscience. but then again, everyone was guilty.  most of the class got high scores.

tomorrow will probably be a bad day. i remember being so disoriented the night i was studying english and 4GL, so my exams definitely perished because of that. i'm just waiting for the results. =____=;

terai and i promised each other we'd pay a visit to LB this saturday, but then, if we both get too lazy, we'll probably not push through. but i want to! i wanted to document LB for the last time. visit tita beth, tita imelda, eat janges cheeseburger and choco banana shake, see freedom park and experience HM for the last time. i super miss LB. :(

right.

PS: i was talking with someone awhile ago and couldn't help admiring him, because right after graduation, he landed a well compensating job and is very happy with it. someday i'll be like that, especially with the happy part! wahaha! we weren't able to talk a lot cos he has to prepare for tomorrow, but i felt guilty, not being able to bond with him when were still at the campus, declining coffee treats because it sounded like we're gonna date, and that made me feel awkward. i felt bad having to make excuses just to avoid being alone with him. and the rumors too (why do easily fall for rumors?). ha. ha. ha. ha. i could only imagine if i had accepted the offer... free coffee, and a good friend. i never saw that back then, did i? i was too busy trying to turn him off. >:|

PS2: currently reading, The Choice by Nicholas Sparks. good read so faaaar! nakaka-kilig! ♥

fallacy

aaaaahhh ok.


sometimes people let suffering penetrate their lives because it's the only thing that keeps them company when no one else is there. they blindly and desperately grasp anything within reach, and hold on, like their lives depend on it...even though it is painful, even if they know it will kill them in the process. after all, that's all they've got. to suffer is the easiest option, the nearest hole they could hide into. and even if it gives them a false sense of hope, they will let it pass because those who say 'let go and move on' are only there to tell them what to do, but not stay until the pain is gone.


 ----

that's unfair though. because the hole who got yourself into, can fit only one person. and we're here outside, waiting for you to crawl out on your own. now i'm on the 2nd person POV. haha really, now.

currently at mcdo, global city waiting for daddy. yeheeey! i finally have Art of Motion! >:D >:D and because the battery's dying, magbabasa na lang ako ng libro. hehe >:P bye for now.

i thought i was on hiatus?

well, scratch that! i have never been successful in any of my hiatus attempts. HAHA ang arte arte naman. o yan i'm back after a miserable two days. the reason why i went on a (fail) hiatus, is too personal, too sensitive and is something i'm trying to avoid talking about especially here! i've never opened this up to anyone (well, like... just one person pa lang haha) and i want to keep it that way because every time i talk about it, i become over emotional and end up crying. so sorry to those who were asking. aaah siguro after a few years (or months) i'll post something about it.

i'm glad it's friday cos i can finally sleep without having to worry about anything for the next day. you know what, because of that frakking 'personal' issue, i crammed studying all of my exams. concentration fail! the filitwo exam was hard! but i studied naman... err kinda. my thursday exams were probably the best cos they were all easy! the dastrc exam was super ayos, i finished earliest cos i need to study for the next exam pa. luckily, we got a leakage. call us evil, but that's how it goes in college. i was so relieved when we were given a copy of the exact questions present in the rizal exam. whew!

however, the exams awhile ago didn't go too well. i think i'm gonna fail the eng3 midterm exams. crap. and the 4thglan exam was crazy. so much for 20 pesos worth of handouts, none of the answers were there! the programming part was easy though.

awhile ago at work i was sooooo sleepy i kept on going in and out of the bathroom just to catch sleep! then when i get back to typing, my head isn't working. there was a time when i almost started dreaming and when i woke up i've typed in a lot of gibberish already. i remember the word, 'shower'. wow, i wonder if i'll be able to type my dreams unconsciously when i get extremely sleepy while blogging. hahaha

you know what sucks? i was 93% done on a 64MB file i was downloading awhile ago then i got disconnected! and there's just no frakking way to resume broken downloads without getting it corrupted. i was downloading Andy McKee's album Art of Motion cos he's such an awesome fingerstyle guitarist. i'm in love with Rylynn! i get the same feeling with Yiruma's River Flows in You. nakakaiyak naman eh.

minsan ang sarap umiyak e no? T___T;

brb

HIATUS

who knows. :|

@_@

AYOKO NAAAAAA!!! >:((((((((((((((((((((((

ideal guy! :D

i found this in my private journal... dated august 2009

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What is your ideal guy?

Because you said ideal, I won’t hold back. I want a guy who has at least an above average IQ but is not a genius. I want smart kids with social lives! Wahahaha. Well, actually I just want someone whom I can talk to with sense especially about life hahaha. Physically, I want a good looking guy. Someone way taller than I am, but it doesn’t really matter cos I don’t always give justice to that certain preference. Someone who engages in at least one physical sport, except sumo wrestling. Someone who appreciates classical music and piano concertos. Hahaha Someone who plays an instrument other than the guitar cos it’s too generic. Piano? Violin? Sax? Hohoho  Someone mature. Someone who doesn’t nag whether I’ve eaten already, surely I’m responsible enough not to starve myself. Someone whom I can trust. Someone whom I can bring to Church every Sunday. A believer of tithing. Someone who accepts my short nails and my nailbiting habit. Someone who accepts my ugly feet and my small hands. Someone who criticizes my writing, my singing and my drawing. Someone honest. Someone who isn’t putting up with me just to earn my favor. Someone who tolerates my mood swings (I hardly have mood swings anyway). Someone whom I can talk to about weird stuff, about my weird dreams and my novel ideas. Someone who reads books. Someone who appreciates art. Someone who tolerates my extreme indulgence in colored pens and ballpens. Someone who understands how I spend with gadgets and art materials. Someone who appreciates my wardrobe. Someone who doesn’t care if I’ve worn the same pants for 2 or 3 consecutive days already. Someone who understands that I like expensive coffee. Someone who likes coffee. Someone whom I can go backpacking around the world with. Someone who eats vegetables and burong mustasa. Someone who accepts that I’m at my ugliest when I’ve just woken up in the morning.


Demanding! But really, I don’t buy the opposites attract thing, I want someone close to my kind. Actually, just someone whom I can talk to about anything is cool. 

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and after 6 months, the specs still hold true.