i didn't think they were serious

but dady says we're gonna buy a laptop tomorrow. i don't know. i don't feel excited about it. because i know, I KNOW, for a fact that my sister was the one who DEMANDED on it. it's not like my parents are doing it out of freewill. they're doing it to save a day full of complaints and childish tantrums from the err, monster. yes, she's a monster. but sometimes she's really nice. but most of the time she's a monster who wouldn't grow up and annoy people with her silly inquiries about the most obvious things in life. dmt.

i don't have money again. i thought i could save lot for this week because i got a sort of refund from my mom from paying most of the rent last month, but i guess i wasn't able to save a lot at all. though i'm still happy because i can now put whatever i have safely on my account. i'm super excited about it i just can't get my hands on it because i don't have enough money for the fare to the center mall, where i'm supposed to pick up my debit card! (eh 20 pesos yun. yuck nagkuripot) my red (personally picked!) express cash debit card! yeeeheeeey.

hehe. i've been crying like a madman since the moment i opened the computer. hehe, i'm on episode 21 of Lovely Complex!! naiiyak na nga ako eh. hahahahaha T____T;

gusto ko ng champorado! yehey

and wait, gusto ko rin pumayat?! pano ba? i think i have to cut off my food allowance and settle with cerels and milk for breakfast, half-rice and masarap na ulam for lunch hehe, and err.. half-rice and gulay for dinner.... hehehe

pero may mas madaling paraan. SUMALI SA ORG! sa isang kupal na org, better yet...soro... tyak na papayat ako nun. like last year. hahahaha

weh.arianne.weh.

hmmm... hindi na ko mangugupal sa mga huling magrereport sakin. i can feel the karma. lam nyo yun, nagaral ako ng madugo pero ang jologs parin nung quiz ko. cge cge, mabait na ko. isa pa, may exam na ko this week at ayoko maconsume ang braincells ko sa pangugupal. ayoko naaa.

wala naman talaga silang matututunan sakin, well wala naman talaga akong gustong ituro sa kanila... nangt-trip lang ako. >___>; sabi ko nga, may mapupulot ka sa lahat ng tao.. kahit yung walang intensyong magturo sayo ng leksyon. ganun naman talaga eh... kaya wag nyong sabihin wala akong kwenta magpareport! hahaha

hm, kung ako ang magrereport sa sarili ko feeling ko wala talaga akong kwenta. haha

hala, nadedepress nanaman ako. hindi dahil dun. feeling ko gusto ko nanaman lumipat. sht.

walking backwards uphill

well i always thought this semester will end rocketing downwards in a blur, but human nature pushes me to find things that will make me happy despite its trivialities.

i know, i don't have a love life. i don't have a crush. i don't have someone to swoon over in my dreams and pursue with all modesty (my style). but i have the world! i never put that into account until now. love makes the world go round. imagine, the closest thing i've felt before love is infatuation and having none of that this semester already drew out every positive charge in me. i'm like, not enthused enough to go through each day. i find it hard to endure without a, a.. well, without someone occupying my mind. grabe naman. haha

this day:

i. i had two applicants report to me this afternoon. one cried, and the other was dead tried. life's like that.

ii. met with my commitee mates to check out LGA. i was with aaron, melvin and jonathan. we walked to LGA. haha, ang layo nakakapagod. but it was already past closing time so the most that we got is a contact detail of some mister.

while walking down we saw a middle aged lady walking BACKWARDS uphill. we were like, ohshit is she crazy or is someone playing with her? some imaginary, unwanted entity. grabe scary, and she was holding plastic bags on both of her arms... maybe she came from the market. whatever. nakakatakot e. hahaha

iii. i skipped tonight's GA because i have a lot to do. hehe :)

iv. pissed off: i wasted 22x3 plus 20x2 plus 12 (go figure) pesos for DVD-Rs! i wanted to burn Lovely Complex already to save disk space but on the first 3 dvds, it didn't work... some unexpected error daw. then on the 3rd and 4th dvd, yeah they worked fine but playback quality is horribly pixelated. grabe. da best parin bumili na lang diba.

v. i'm excited to set aside my savings money and finally get my debit card this weekend! huraaaay. :) hehehehe :D

vi. another review that made my day: from some German reader...

At first I have to say that I hope you can understand what I'm writting here
because I'm from Germany and my english is... Well I would say it's
acceptable.

This story is the most sweetest Story I have ever read! And I've read a lot
of storys.
You have a marvelous write style and each person, who says somthing
different, are in Idiot!
The whole time I saw the story in my mind's eye.
The whole time I was anxious how the story is continued and I felt with
Harry. During the last chapters I even cried and was incredible happy as
everything became good. No other story ever had this affect to me.
But I think what me most pleased at the story was the end. I find it very
good that you don't stop after the Happy End like all the others, but write
that the two die also sometime. I don't know what to say expect that I found
this end beautiful.

Well, I am not very well in writing of reviews. But I hope that you are still
pleased about my comment.

Good bye
Sheireen

it's the first time i actually featured a reader's review. hehe, that's like one of the longest i've gotten so far. yeah, flattering. i love reviews. it makes me happy. but on the downside i feel like it's the only place where my skills get appreciated. well of course, how would i expect myself to be venerated in a field i'm totally foreign (but learning to adapt) to? haha

oh, i love my readers. it's like 2 years after completion and i still get reviews. heart warming!! and most of them don't really mind my gramerrors. hehehe :)

allow me

this has just been one of the most unproductive mondays of my life. well, i planned on studying but i'm not even a quarter halfway. and on the other note, i'm still struggling to draw two nerds on a boxing arena for a teaser assignment. anyway, i'm not sure why i felt depressed (again) awhile ago while watching tv. somethingS have been bothering me lately and they just throw themselves randomly in my thoughts, fckng cruel.

the more i dwell on it, the more i believe my life has no direction after all. i don't seem to be the kind of person who'll do her best to fix a mess she made and make it work the next time. i think i'm someone who'll do greater effort in minimizing the effects of my idiocy then LEAVE it to venture into something that promises lesser mistakes on my part.

it doesn't sound like giving up, to me. it's more like finding the best canvass in which i fit in perfectly. after all, we don't always improve come a second chance.

that's my ideal.
but it's not what's real.
at least, not yet.

incoherent thoughts

have you ever felt so bored? so uninterested and indifferent? like nothing interesting is happening? none of your endless encounters with people stir something weird in you? i don't like this feeling. i feel dead. i feel like what's occupying me right now is not worth it because it doesn't give me a sense of fulfillment. well everything is a disguise nowadays, it takes skill to actually acquire penetrating eyes and an inquisitive mind to get into the core of people's lousy display of fake mysteriousness.

i don't get why i'm not entirely hyped up these days. i feel like a robot, i'm doing things because i'm asked to and that if i don't it'll endanger my grades. my fucking grades. it always boils down to that, i do things out of generous compliance but in return i get no satisfaction.

i always say i don't need a boyfriend. in fact, people whom i confide to regarding the thinning quality of my non-existent lovelife, all agree to the first statement. they say i just need someone to talk to and share the weirdness, in short: i need a bestfriend. someone whom i can show what a retard i am... and appreciate like a glorious crop (this is an inside joke so i'm not expecting anyone to get it). when nothing's happening, when nothing that happens in reality is worth sharing, i always resort to sharing weird extra-terrestrial autistic things, in short -- ideas. because they're fun! and someone mentioned it's the highest form of conversation.

hehe. i'm past the confusion stage so i'm not going to say i don't understand myself even when i really don't get myself sometimes.

ehehe. *sweatdrop*

a hundred fifteen point two kbps

there's not much difference after all. multiply sites still load at snail's pace, my gmail account won't update in a flash and games! games! slow parin. >__>;

july's 18th birthday celebration (july 5):

- july, i thought you were just boyish but straight. i confirmed that from you and you said no, no, no, i'm not what you think i am. but during your celebration, i realized there are some things you're still hiding from me... us. not that i need to know, maybe i really shouldn't bother with it. so what if you're gay? so what! tell me naman, pare. ang gulo mo. peace, dude.

- kat came! i missed her. i let her tell stories from her work and her life as a working girl. i missed listening to her. i, in return, didn't share much. my life's been pretty much boring lately. :\

today:

- we left the resort at around 6am. i boarded the bus alone, because kat still have to meet someone from elbi.

- was supposed to follow my parents to church.

- slept and overslept. was supposed to drop off at ortigas but ended up in cubao. good thing the person beside me woke me up. haha

- i was walking to our church now when my mom called me that they're not there and that they took the earlier service because they're going to cavite afterwards. she told me that they're at mall of asia right then, eating breakfast at the break water.

- hehe. so i pleaded them to let me come and follow. i was at north edsa, they're at mall of asia. i insisted hehe so they gave me a deadline of one hour. haha

- i ran to the MRT terminal. grabe ha, magtatagalog na ko ang jologs talaga ng english ko. so yun, define takbo kasi i already saw the train!!!! e baka maiwan ako ayoko maghintay ha.

- so yun, i ran and ran. bought a ticket to taft and was finally able to reach the train on time. so yun.

- bumaba akong taft at nag jeep to MOA. this is actually my first to ride the MRT alone. hehe. ang joketime pa nung card ko ayaw sumout dun sa kung ano man yun. nakakahiya tuloy pero eventually naki-cooperate naman sya. peste.

- so in short, nakahabol ako sa kanila. grabe nakakangarag. ang layo ng nilakad ko sa MOA para lang matunton sila. and in fairness, 20 MINUTES lang inabot ko! sosyal talaga ang MRT ang bilis! hahaha :)

cavite:

- we attended the funeral of one of our relatives. ok naman. :) hehe
- and i met this mute guy who looks like a shorter, darker and thinner version of sylvester stallone. take note: he's mute and he kept doing gestures to me which i don't really get. haller?!?!
- pero may nagets akong dalawa, he asked me if i already have a boyfriend and if i know how to use the computer. no and yes, respectively. wala lang

AYOOON! yun lang naman.

tekatekateka.
honestly, i am not in the mood na mangupal ng aplikante. na-pressure tuloy ako kay kuya jhomar. di ba nila naisip na hindi naman ako consistent na kupal? haaaay. bahala naaaa. hehehe

unbearable information

i. not home yet! :) i'll be attending july's birthday celebration tomorrow that's why i'm staying here tonight. hopefully, kat will come. i miss her. :(

ii. after physics, i went with glaize and july to makiling dorm. tambay. and this is where i got most of the unbearable information of this day. it really surprised me, like heeeeell. i never knew. i wish i never knew at all. but it just proves how deceiving this world can be and how helpful it is to sometimes just leave the truth screened. as what my chem32 lecture recently taught me, the truth is unknown but it exists. :) true enough. reminds me of my rashomon paper for my speechcom subject last year. :)

iii. i haven't been very productive lately. in terms of acads, i do slack off a little just to sleep. but sometimes, when i self study our lessons and i actually got it, i feel fulfilled and my ego gets bolstered up. finally, i'm not dumb afterall.

iv. my housemate is inviting me to join another organization. this time, a CAS based acad-org. i'm still contemplating on it. :) i do want more friends. :)

v. i do admit i'm weird. :)

boring -__-;

nothing interesting has happened since the last time i updated. >___>; i'm boooorred. i'm not studying really hard, though i keep it a point to study everyday, even though it means just flipping a few pages and dozing off afterwards. i slept more that enough for this day! i had a 45 minute siesta this afternoon and slept for 3 hours when i got back from my last class. it's really rewarding, sleep, i mean. :)

tomorrow's another day. i'm grateful i don't have to wake up at 530 for my 7am class. my first class it at 830.

i'm trying to fix my no-breakfast lifestyle too. i've been feeding on cereals every morning since the semester started. it helps, yeah, but it makes me sleepy during my first classes, which isn't good. but i like cereals. it's the only chance i get to drink milk. because i don't usually do. hehe :)

hmm. we had our orientation yesterday. it was too hot, i personally prefer KFC over ellens demarses, never mind if i had to stand up, as long at it's cool. haha i also gave my gift to july which is a starbucks tumbler, and also gave kuya noreens a gc from starbucks as well. wala na kong utang ok? >:) hay

yesterday too, before heading to the orientation, we dropped by our previous dorm to get our refunds! yeaaah! refunds! i got around 1,400. which isn't what i expected, i thought it's too small. but i was so happy! then news came later that we have to pay for the rent already! sucks,man! and that's 1700! so i have to add 300 pa. huhuhu, wala na akong peraaaaa! grr...

so yun, ok naman pala ang hum2. :) akala ko loner na ko forever, pero i have my groupmates naman so i'm fine. hahahaha :)

gusto ko na umuwi, kaso kailangan ko pa pumunta sa debut ni july. well, gusto ko! kasi makikita ko si kat hehe. pero damn, kailangan ko ng pera. huhuhuhu >_____>;;