incoherent thoughts

have you ever felt so bored? so uninterested and indifferent? like nothing interesting is happening? none of your endless encounters with people stir something weird in you? i don't like this feeling. i feel dead. i feel like what's occupying me right now is not worth it because it doesn't give me a sense of fulfillment. well everything is a disguise nowadays, it takes skill to actually acquire penetrating eyes and an inquisitive mind to get into the core of people's lousy display of fake mysteriousness.

i don't get why i'm not entirely hyped up these days. i feel like a robot, i'm doing things because i'm asked to and that if i don't it'll endanger my grades. my fucking grades. it always boils down to that, i do things out of generous compliance but in return i get no satisfaction.

i always say i don't need a boyfriend. in fact, people whom i confide to regarding the thinning quality of my non-existent lovelife, all agree to the first statement. they say i just need someone to talk to and share the weirdness, in short: i need a bestfriend. someone whom i can show what a retard i am... and appreciate like a glorious crop (this is an inside joke so i'm not expecting anyone to get it). when nothing's happening, when nothing that happens in reality is worth sharing, i always resort to sharing weird extra-terrestrial autistic things, in short -- ideas. because they're fun! and someone mentioned it's the highest form of conversation.

hehe. i'm past the confusion stage so i'm not going to say i don't understand myself even when i really don't get myself sometimes.

ehehe. *sweatdrop*

a hundred fifteen point two kbps

there's not much difference after all. multiply sites still load at snail's pace, my gmail account won't update in a flash and games! games! slow parin. >__>;

july's 18th birthday celebration (july 5):

- july, i thought you were just boyish but straight. i confirmed that from you and you said no, no, no, i'm not what you think i am. but during your celebration, i realized there are some things you're still hiding from me... us. not that i need to know, maybe i really shouldn't bother with it. so what if you're gay? so what! tell me naman, pare. ang gulo mo. peace, dude.

- kat came! i missed her. i let her tell stories from her work and her life as a working girl. i missed listening to her. i, in return, didn't share much. my life's been pretty much boring lately. :\

today:

- we left the resort at around 6am. i boarded the bus alone, because kat still have to meet someone from elbi.

- was supposed to follow my parents to church.

- slept and overslept. was supposed to drop off at ortigas but ended up in cubao. good thing the person beside me woke me up. haha

- i was walking to our church now when my mom called me that they're not there and that they took the earlier service because they're going to cavite afterwards. she told me that they're at mall of asia right then, eating breakfast at the break water.

- hehe. so i pleaded them to let me come and follow. i was at north edsa, they're at mall of asia. i insisted hehe so they gave me a deadline of one hour. haha

- i ran to the MRT terminal. grabe ha, magtatagalog na ko ang jologs talaga ng english ko. so yun, define takbo kasi i already saw the train!!!! e baka maiwan ako ayoko maghintay ha.

- so yun, i ran and ran. bought a ticket to taft and was finally able to reach the train on time. so yun.

- bumaba akong taft at nag jeep to MOA. this is actually my first to ride the MRT alone. hehe. ang joketime pa nung card ko ayaw sumout dun sa kung ano man yun. nakakahiya tuloy pero eventually naki-cooperate naman sya. peste.

- so in short, nakahabol ako sa kanila. grabe nakakangarag. ang layo ng nilakad ko sa MOA para lang matunton sila. and in fairness, 20 MINUTES lang inabot ko! sosyal talaga ang MRT ang bilis! hahaha :)

cavite:

- we attended the funeral of one of our relatives. ok naman. :) hehe
- and i met this mute guy who looks like a shorter, darker and thinner version of sylvester stallone. take note: he's mute and he kept doing gestures to me which i don't really get. haller?!?!
- pero may nagets akong dalawa, he asked me if i already have a boyfriend and if i know how to use the computer. no and yes, respectively. wala lang

AYOOON! yun lang naman.

tekatekateka.
honestly, i am not in the mood na mangupal ng aplikante. na-pressure tuloy ako kay kuya jhomar. di ba nila naisip na hindi naman ako consistent na kupal? haaaay. bahala naaaa. hehehe

unbearable information

i. not home yet! :) i'll be attending july's birthday celebration tomorrow that's why i'm staying here tonight. hopefully, kat will come. i miss her. :(

ii. after physics, i went with glaize and july to makiling dorm. tambay. and this is where i got most of the unbearable information of this day. it really surprised me, like heeeeell. i never knew. i wish i never knew at all. but it just proves how deceiving this world can be and how helpful it is to sometimes just leave the truth screened. as what my chem32 lecture recently taught me, the truth is unknown but it exists. :) true enough. reminds me of my rashomon paper for my speechcom subject last year. :)

iii. i haven't been very productive lately. in terms of acads, i do slack off a little just to sleep. but sometimes, when i self study our lessons and i actually got it, i feel fulfilled and my ego gets bolstered up. finally, i'm not dumb afterall.

iv. my housemate is inviting me to join another organization. this time, a CAS based acad-org. i'm still contemplating on it. :) i do want more friends. :)

v. i do admit i'm weird. :)

boring -__-;

nothing interesting has happened since the last time i updated. >___>; i'm boooorred. i'm not studying really hard, though i keep it a point to study everyday, even though it means just flipping a few pages and dozing off afterwards. i slept more that enough for this day! i had a 45 minute siesta this afternoon and slept for 3 hours when i got back from my last class. it's really rewarding, sleep, i mean. :)

tomorrow's another day. i'm grateful i don't have to wake up at 530 for my 7am class. my first class it at 830.

i'm trying to fix my no-breakfast lifestyle too. i've been feeding on cereals every morning since the semester started. it helps, yeah, but it makes me sleepy during my first classes, which isn't good. but i like cereals. it's the only chance i get to drink milk. because i don't usually do. hehe :)

hmm. we had our orientation yesterday. it was too hot, i personally prefer KFC over ellens demarses, never mind if i had to stand up, as long at it's cool. haha i also gave my gift to july which is a starbucks tumbler, and also gave kuya noreens a gc from starbucks as well. wala na kong utang ok? >:) hay

yesterday too, before heading to the orientation, we dropped by our previous dorm to get our refunds! yeaaah! refunds! i got around 1,400. which isn't what i expected, i thought it's too small. but i was so happy! then news came later that we have to pay for the rent already! sucks,man! and that's 1700! so i have to add 300 pa. huhuhu, wala na akong peraaaaa! grr...

so yun, ok naman pala ang hum2. :) akala ko loner na ko forever, pero i have my groupmates naman so i'm fine. hahahaha :)

gusto ko na umuwi, kaso kailangan ko pa pumunta sa debut ni july. well, gusto ko! kasi makikita ko si kat hehe. pero damn, kailangan ko ng pera. huhuhuhu >_____>;;

city of angels

i cried big time last night after watching it at qtv. sorry naman, i'm not really fond of movies. hehehe :( such a tear-jerker, why does maggie have to die when seth just gave up his pevious life to be with her? grabe. unfair ba? unfaaair!! oooh, so that's where the famous scene with a bicycling meg ryan came about. hmmm, it doesn't pay off to be so outdated with what's in... before. nyahaha

i'm leaving in, hmm, 2 hours! hehe, haaay why do have to meet for a presentation? hum2 pa? sorry talaga, i'm not used to practicing fo pesentations eh. that's so gradeschool. haha, i miss hum1 tuloy, wala lang puro impromptu, di kailangan magmeet total... matatanda na kami lahat. keri na yun. pero sige, bear with it, bear with it, i'm the oldest in our group. what i can i do? i don't even want to take charge, so bahala ka na aiza. haha haynaaaaku.

oh by the waaaay!

after finishing Ouran Highschool Host Club, Lovely Complex na ko ngayon! hehehe :)
mejo sad nga ako e, kasi wala kaming dvd burner and i badly want to save my video files separately kasi nanganganib ang memory ng computer na ito. hmmm, nanghihinayang ako sa mga cd-r na binili ko. they're not enough!!!

magpapaburn na lang ako. hmmmph. >___>;

not enough sense

i was reviewing my notes awhile ago, take note: it's my first time to actually get my ass with reviewing over the weekend. that's not me, usually, but i'm breaking some bad habits here so you ought to be happy for me. hehe

church went well, i can't say i'm a wholly spiritual person because i'm still subject to dozing off during homilies, but i appreciate it that i get to pick up useful words of wisdom everytime i step in the room. it makes me more, hehe, wise? ewan. siguro ganun.

everytime we walk to the auditorium, we pass by the sunday school room. they have transparent walls so i can see what's happening from outside. damn it, i miss sunday school. i missed being a kid, being with my church mates, i miss teacher Flor whom i got really close to back then, i miss my classmates... who are now handling the kids. everytime we pass by that room, i feel regretful that i didn't pursue being a sunday school teacher just because i went on year long hiatus from that church. huhu, if only i attended class regularly, i could've grown up to be one of the teachers there now. hay. pangarap ko yun eh.

anyway. maiba naman

so eto. i'm came across a friend's blog awhile ago. crush ko yun dati eh. and when i read his blog, ayun, crush ko na ulit sya. lol pero the chances are slim na we'll close, as in. haha he has his own circle which isn't exactly unpenetrable (in?un?heh) but really, there are slim to no chances at all. i admire him for his sense. that's where it all (well, most of it) went. you know i think i can talk to him seriously.

so may trend talaga, yung mga nagiging major crush ko... mga sensisble people. kahit na pinipilit kong magconform sa ideal crush type ng buong mundo, in the end i still fall for the different kind. fall in crush lang naman eh. haha :\

a date with my mom :)

my charger broke so i asked ate theresa to buy me a new one, but it also won't work so i decided to have it fixed at fcm. i thought the battery is the one at fault but it turned out the new charger is the defected one. so i bought a new one instead of returning the defected item back because a) it was bought at a different place and b) i need to recharge asap.

haaay pera.

actually, my mom came with me. before i came to fcm, she left with my dad then not a few minutes later they're already back. looks like their plan didn't push through, but from what i perceived they had a quarrel. i was about to leave already when mommy asked me if she could come with me. i said no problem, i knew she needed some time out after God knows what they argued about. i kinda took pity on it and took her with me, dad knows i'm leaving but not with her. i didn't really tell him i took her out. hahaha i want him to look all over the house and panic. bwaha

so we went to fcm... then when my problem is settled and we have nothing else to do, i said maybe we could just go to the mall to chill. honestly, this isn't part of my plan but i want to make her happy this day, who knows what's bothering her? (anyway, she's not all sad about the quarell, it's nothing actually. seriously) so we went to the mall to chill, hehe, we just commuted! hehe i was somewhat hesistant to take her out to commute because well, she's my mom, she hardly commutes nowadays (well, ever since we got a car), i'm afraid the heat and the pollution will hassle her big time but i was wrong. hehehe :) we were happy! i was happy about it. totally happy that i was able to take my mom out to mall and pay for, for... the fare! hehehe it's a date! it's a date! and how much did i shell out this day? 1000 pesos omaygaaaad... kasi i bought a gift for july and a gc for kuya noreens, the charger, a box of cereals and paid for a debit card appplication. haay

i'll probably get serious saving money, even with the unnecessary deprivations.
i'm all hyped up for my debit card! weeeee :)

thanks anne for introducing express cash to me hehehe :)