oo nga naman...

last night was so enlightening. the three of us (mommy-daddy-me, terai's at elbi) did a short bible study. ok, read read, pray pray, history 101... blahblahblah...then i sort of opened up to them about not having a peace of mind. i asked them if they do, and they said yes and i was surprised because everything seems to be going wayward and yet they can sleep peacefully at night. the opposite goes for me though, they were surprised to know that i'm actually not at peace even though my face tells otherwise. i told them that everytime i go to sleep, i feel depressed... sad, drained of all hopes that would uplift my mood... and it all boils down to my course.

ohmygaaaah! supposedly magt-third-year na ko, but i'm still prying my way to sophomore year. i've already spent (or wasted) one and a half years in college not knowing what i really like... blinded by the options of transferring and taking fine arts instead but never really got my hands on it.

kaya naman i want to make sure i won't change my mind when first sem comes. it's hard to accept things you thought was not in God's will. kasi everytime i feel bad, i refer to the quote which says something like 'no matter how hard your decision is for the day, as long as you can sleep well at night, you did the right choice...' ganun. so i thought, since i was feeling so down about pursuing my course, then maybe this isn't the right one for me. this isn't God's will, per se.

but last night, i realized something really important.... and it's that, God's will doesn't always have to feel good. whatever happens to your life is God's will. whether you think otherwise. the problem is, everything has been happening in accordance to his 'plan' but human nature always gets in the way of thinking we know better than to stick to his ways. that's why we tend to think 'this isn't right', because we do not accept what God has laid down for us.

iniisip ko nga, if i was right all this time about Fine Arts being God's will, then why isn't it happening? why am i still here? of all the options laid down, why do i still refrain from moving out?

e kasi nga, perhaps...this is where God wants me to be and i didn't accept it first hand because my mind speaks of other things, kaya ako nahihirapan. life is a matter of choice and acceptance, whatever i chose, i have to accept... if not, then i'll end up blaming myself for thinking that i did the wrong choice but the truth is, hardly anyone makes the wrong choice... they just lack acceptance to whatever their hearts tell them. accidents are part of God's will, it's not a choice but it's bound to happen anyway. people who refuse to accept the tragedy eventually ruins his life blaming everyone else, those who accept get the privilege of learning and growing up. something that doesn't happen everyday.

you know, i read something insightful in Good Omens. in the end there's going to be a war and the point is not to avoid it from happening, but to win it.

came from an angel himself...
oh yeah, that's a good one.

sinong lasing?

karlitaaaaaa!!! i can't believe you posted it on youtube! anyway, she can do whatever she wants with it! it's her cam, it's her vid... it's our 'walang tulugang' slumber party home vid!!! hahahaha

OREWA DURANKU JANAI!!!
lolololol

i guess michi's the one who's really drunk. i mean, everything's a joke. who gets drunk with a vodka? it's a freakin ladies' drink haha! nobody gets drunk with it, i've never been drunk with it (nor with anything else). it's a funny funny vid that only a few people could get. obviously those who know us. ahahaha

i won't share the link! bwahaha

OUR MAID LEFT US NAAAAA!

which means i have to do the 'house chores'.
man, i hate being told about to clean and wash the dishes... grrr. i hate maidwork. but actually, there's a fulfiliing part once i get my hands over it, something like... i wanna do good to impress my parents and show them i can get married already and be a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my kids.

you know, that junk.

but then, i'm enjoying washing the dishes, wiping the table, throwing the trash outside... it's just that i enjoy it more when i'm not being told. but apparently, i haven't still fully 'nurtured' that motherly instinct (or housewife initiative) that mom's been meaning to pass as an heirloom.

haha.

haaaay, after all. i think imma stick to blogger forever. ♥

yeah, after aaaaaaall the blsht i went through befriending WP, it's still being hostile. i'm no beginner when it comes to blogging (tho something's telling me that 4 years with almost no traffic at all is not impressive), i've learned enough html/css/xml to last me until now!

so maybe, i'm too stupid, too below average for wordpress. the thing is, i'm trying to slam everything this blog has to my WP account immediately without familiarizing myself enough with its nooks and crannies first. i have no patience to learn the basics of WP because i have this air of arrogance in me that wants to uphold my being an advanced user in blogger. but they're not the same... definitely, and it'll probably take time for me to fully utilize it's super functions.

dmmt i want those plugins! yun lang yun eh! and the static pages too! oh it's so ugly looking at my links and archives pages with the date stamp on it! it looks like a big excuse to get a static page.

roight.

what the geek!

i'm having a hard time starting at wordpress... i'm slightly experimenting you know, in the process downloading the wordpress 2.5 platform... there's an instructions guide alright but wdh it's not exactly proving to be an easy job! i'm locating the CSS editor in hopes of landing on familiar territory but what it see is a useless field of information. i'm having a hard time really, but i'm still keen on getting my hook on this.

what's the downloadable platform for anyway?
the only thing i want to do is to CUSTOMIZE my template similar to this blog's current design so that i can finally MOVE.

contemplating on the switch (a biased wordpress vs. blogger entry)

i've made an account in wordpress yet again with the same username. i'll leave it there for keeps though i haven't planned on blogging in it... what's pulling me back from making the switch is the fact that i have to ADJUST a lot. i heard there's no WYSWYG editor in wordpress? and i'm very keen on updating my layout, above everything else. and wait, i have this feeling that wordpress is for more decent writers... which makes me want to stick with blogger more because i'm really informal, most of the time.

what more, i'm speaking out of bias of course since i haven't really tried wordpress for real... on the other hand, i'm learning from the lots of blogger vs. wordpress articles i've gathered from the search engine too, so i'm really contemplating hard.

i've grown an 'attachment' to this blog already. imagine, i've been lurking here, pouring my life out for almost 4 years and mind you...I'M A REGULAR UPDATER! though if you care to notice i went on a 2 month hiatus years back just to see if i can actually contain myself from excessive blogging.

wordpress is for geeks, i've gathered. blogger is best for beginnners. yeah. and you know, blogger is just so big being tied-up with google so its management is sure to be imposing helpful changes with a tick from its users. feature-wise blogger has been trying its best to provide the blog necessities though i feel it's catering more to Personal blogs than those with Professional articles (which i deem more fit to find a decent repose at wordpress). well, hmmm... wordpress on the hand has an impressive list of plug-ins that i could hardly see in blogger!!! i want blogger to adopt that, really. another thing i want blogger to have that wp has, static pages! to make blogs look more professional and hosted-like.

if you've notices, i had my own attempt of making static pages for my archives/links/about me though quite honestly, they're just backdated entries.

overall, blogger is more customizeable because of it's WYSWYG editor though the problem here is that it gives users too much freedom that they start to overlook their HTML already and just gets free layouts from unsecure sites with ugly coding! i'm sorry, generally blogger leaves it on the part of the user to decide on having an ugly layout (most common with young users). on the other hand, i've never seen an ugly wordpress blog. though template editing is limited only to premade layouts, at least it's asure-shot clean and validated one. wordpress acquired a reputation on it already, you know.

but whatever. i just thought of switching because i think blogger is too crowded already...

but then you know... i might not be able to move on after all.
hehe

fangirling also has its good side

err.. meet Kim Jae Joong, whom i prefer to call Hero for comfort. hehe he's the one i've been fangirling much about these past few days... well, since friday night, that is. :)

currently listening to: Balloons - DBSK
i swear, when i get to elbi, i'll download the MV of that song and copy the choreography. wahahahah come on, i can't dance but whatever. i'll do it for Hero. lol


more so, i've been eyeing this cutie from Lovers (korean drama)... he plays as Christian, Jared's loyal side-kick. he's a gangster there, but he doesn't look like one... in fact he's the most good-looking bloke among the goons... yeah, include Jared here. though you know, i'm starting to appreciate Jared's charm for being a soft-hearted gangster-bastard, his tough demeanor in the series clearly compensates for his lack of first-glance-good-looks. :)

but i'm still for Christian you know. hehe

yeah. that's more like it ♥

PS: i practically went WEH?! when i read that Lee Han has a GAY movie called No Regret (2006) where he starred as a gay guy hitting on a gay prostitute.

i think i should watch it. lol

nice dreams, pare!

i've been having good dreams lately. with good dreams, i mean hindi sha nightmare hehe. haha usually mga crush ko... dati. i wonder what it means... the latest dream na naaalala ko is yung kanina lang...


i dreamt of my groupmate in phys 3. actually, di ko crush yun pero cute yun. haha fratman... grabe puro fratman crush ko. in my dream, i was supposed to deliver him some clothes, ewan ko hiniram ko ata or something tapos... ewan parang tondo yung place puro adik. tapos when i saw him on the road, sabi wag na ko tumuloy then hinatid nya ko someplace faaaar. yun pala... may FRAT WAR!!! ayos, i've been meaning to witness such event, di ko alam na hanggang panaginip na lang yun hehehe. basta ganun... kung tutuusin wala naman talagang nice dun sa dream, ok lang sya. i think i read something like sigma phi... siguro yun ung kalaban nila kasi ep chi sha. edi, nakigera sha, di na ko nagalala... nakita ko rin si bart... in fairness fratman din sha sa panaginip ko bat ganun... the last thing i saw was nagcocommunity service ang mga lintik na gangster. haha mukang nahuli... by then, hinanahap ko parin yung grupm8 ko... di ko pa nabibigay yung damit haha. whatever diba? weird dream. as all dreams are, anyway.

kailangan lang talaga eh...

akala ko ok na...
pero bakit minsan bigla na lang akong madedepress?

sabi ko nga magbabago na ko eh, magaaral na ko ng mabuti, gagamitin ko lahat ng natutunan ko this summer for the benefit of my acads. ayoko mapahiya. i always thought, a change of attitude will fix things. pero minsan, nawawalan ako ng kompyansa sa sarili...

with matters like this, i hardly consult anyone... mainly because, sinong kakausapin ko? the only person whom i know i can talk to will go LOA this first sem... and the other person na nakikitaan ko ng potential na maging good confidante ko... mejo ilang ako. ilang beses ko na rin kasing nireject ang mga coffee invites nya. pero seryoso, minsan magisa ko na lang sinosort out ung feelings ko. well, there's God shempre... sha lang naman pwede ko kausapin when i feel so alone pero diba... i need company parin.

namimiss ko yung mga naging close ko nung mga nakaraang sem, si chav, si leonard... haaay. i want to relive old friendships. >___>;;

yun nga, i feel bad. sa tuwing naiisip ko na magbabago na ko, ginaganahan ko... na-eexcite ako. pero before i go to sleep, bigla na lang mags-sink yung feeling ko, bigla ko na lang maiisip na wala talaga sa palad ako ang pagiging chem. eng'r, kung baga lalo lang akong maf-frustrate. tapos pag naiimagine ko ang buhay Fine Arts, napupuno lang ako ng pagsisisi. tapos nalaman ko pa na ang dream course ko pala talaga ay yun at ang gusto kong major ay Industrial Design. either that or comsci, pero right now there's no hope. kelangan ng mataas na grades para lumipat...

too bad hindi ko alam na dapat pinagbutihan ko nung una pa.

nakakalungkot! ano ba yan..
tapos di pa ko tapos sa Good Omens! gusto ko na basahin yung Almost Heaven.
Lord, ang lungkot ko talaga... :(