olivia lufkin - a little pain

it's Nana's ending theme! :)
he. it's sunday night already and i have't flipped a single page of my borrowed organic chemistry book. :( i'm being unproductive again! our 4th exam would be on tuesday and the FINALS - wednesday! yehey! i haven't studied yet! it's going to be a hard time for me! seriously... and then thursday we have physics... :( i guess i'm gonna do the usual studying less than a day before the exam starts. :\ i have the worst habits man.

aw mehn, i miss the piano. the pedal isn't working, it needs to be replaced... however i still don't have enough money for that. i'm still saving for the creative zen portable media player.... the 8 gigs cost approximately 11,000. lol i'm still a long way behind that... wahehehehe. and if mommy agrees to lend me 10 thou then maybe it's going to be easier for me. i'll do the credit card installment type. man, that's way easier. >_>

wahahaha. :}

i'm home!!!

yeeey! i've been waiting for this! after two weeks of not seeing my parents, i finally got the chance to go home! like crazy, man! i wasn't able to go home last weekend because i was heavily tuanted by the amount of exams i'll be taking that week. all in all, i endured (but not necessarily passed) a total of 9 exams in 9 days! oh, that's nothing! a lot of people in the university suffer a worse case than that. >_> but it's not enough to consider me lucky, heck! i barely studied in any of those freakin exams! i have a habit of studying say, 12 hours (or less) before the actual examination starts... and it's fucking consuming me whole. i haven't slept, i mean i haven't had a decent sleep since God knows when! anyhow... couldn't care less. i told you before, if it's about my grades... just skrew off. i'm not the least bit concerned... unless it's Hum2 because that's art and Hist2 because world history inspire me a lot to write!! oh GEs, they're my only hope! i suck in my prerequisite subjects! what more with the major ones!!!

oh arianne, you have to decide fast!

so... we just had our last chem32 lecture exam awhile ago... >_> you know what...

[WARNING: useless rant. stupid regrets.]

... the test was 'relatively' easy. by that i mean, the questions were answerable given an above average IQ, it wasn't like the previous exam where all i ever wanted to write on the bluebook was "fuck! which hell did these stupid problems sprout from? who's the demon responsible for this act of utter cruelty to humankind?!!???!"

mehn. the exam wasn't as hard as before but it's not that easy either. some questions were tolerable, some were unnerving and downright unworthy to be given even the slightest effort. blaaah. all i wanted to say is that, i could've answered better if i studied harder, or more specifically... EARLIER.

see? same old habit, same old regret! but i'm not really that regretful... i was more excited to go home than to bother with my grades. >_>

oh come on! and i met a new friend awhile ago in sm megamall. it's kinda strange that i don't mind if i talk to a stranger. >_> i mean, every relationship starts with you being stangers to each other. haller. >_> anywhow, i was waiting for the skechers street dance contest to start when this big guy just sparked off a conversation (he was also waiting for the show to start). oh, to warn you off first. this isn't a fucking love life. >_> the man i'm talking about is working, married, and has three daughters already.... :) so yeah, we had a little chat. he gave me a handful of advises... some of which i wouldn't want to take seriously especially the, "sige, ipagpatuloy mo na yang chem.eng, maganda yan."

no.no.no. i'm still thinking about it.
every teenager goes through this critical stage of confusion when they're 16. it would concern either of the following: identity (i'm pretty sure of myself naman), sexuality (i consider myself a bisexual when i was in highschool. but i grew it all off. i'm straight now. like crazy, man), blah blah blah and this special thing that concerns your future and you dreams.

yeah, that's what i'm confused about. i pretty much know myself, my likes, my talents and skills, my attitude but it still puzzles me as to why i am pursuing someting that is absolutely unlike me. >_>

dude, i don't know what will happen next. i haven't experienced that 'mega' eye-opener yet that will knock me to my senses and enlighten my mind about the reality that is ideal for me. :)

till then, i'll wait.
for now, i'll sleep.

yehey!

today was great! haaay, tapos na rin sa wakas ang speechcom! wahahahahaaa! i'm done with my speech, man! and i think it's ok naman. hehe

last night i was even worrying about my dress. it has to be semi-formal and err, 'peaceful'... because that's what my speech is all about. like crazy, man! and my dormmates were all suggesting that i wear yndi's dress. dress, man! i don't wear dress on a casual day! i'm very conscious with my legs. bwahahahaha. anyway, i ended up wearing a pink top and black slacks. :)

haaay. at least it's all done! just one more exam to go through before i get the weekend for myself!
oh yeah, finals na pala next week. ok. no happy weekend for me. :(

after speechcom i went to my chem32 lab for the locker checkout then after that, kat and i went to Barracks to play. she taught me a new game! LINEAGE II!!!! cool! i'm becoming an RPG addict once again! yehey! LINEAGE II!!!! i wanna play! pero wala sila nun dito! kainis! :( anyhow... hehe kelangang ko na ata mag-aral! wahehehehehe :)

sometimes it takes much more strength to LET GO than to HOLD ON

thank you peyups forums. that's the best quote i've received this day so far. it could directly counter attack the quote i've been living with for so long (ever since i entered an org):

my brod once wrote in my tickler,
"when you start thinking of quitting, think of the reasons why you've been holding on for so long"

for months i've been contemplating on the quote whenever i feel disheartened about myself. then came a new quote that could possibly change my life forever

"sometimes it takes much more strength to LET GO than to HOLD ON"

thank you thank you. enlightenment here i come.

meanwhile, i've always imagined this as my ideal 'university lifestyle'

i'll retain the usual laid-back and carefree me. i don't want to live a life full of stress. i also want to retain my attitude of not feeling the slightest pressure when everyone else is close to giving up. in my bag i want an mp3 player so that i can listen to music everytime i want. a digital camera so that i can shoot interesting places everywhere i go. a ballpen and a notebook for doodles... and the rest (y'know, the official study tools) will just be there lurking... as props. hehehe

haynaku. gusto ko na lumipat!!!
and diliman only accepts tranferees during the first sem! ok, this means i have the whole of next sem to fix my grades!!! c'mon Lord. help me on this.

this is bad.... indeed

i didn't attend my physics lecture class awhile ago because i thought there will be no classes. i texted a classmate before rising from my bed and she replied, 'no. walang pasok', so i went back to sleep. it's too late when i received a text message from another classmate who says, 'may pasok'. haynaku, tinulog ko na lang. >_>

when it's 11am, that's the time when i finally thought of getting up to prepare for my next class (chem40 lecture) at 11:30. man, i think my roommate wants to spank me already for snoozing my phone almost everytime it alarms. it's annoying pala. sorry.

hehe. and because i'm late for my next class. i decided to ride the jeep to save time. unfortunately, because today is our grand Alumni Homecoming, the roads to Men's Dorm and Physci building were CLOSED. wtf. and we have to take a detour to forestry to be able to get down to the lower campus. but then, bad luck strikes once more. another road was closed because of some chorva bungguan so the jeepney driver just called us off the vehicle. man, do you know where they dropped us? VETMED DORM!!!! that's like a good half kilometer walk from where i was supposed to go! and because i'm super late, i didn't panic anymore. >_> i just waaaaaalked.

so i walked by freedom park and got caught my the presentations in front of DL Umali. and since i'm already late, i didn't make an effort to go to class anymore. in short. i skipped my last chem40 lecture class for the semester just to watch the presentations. :)

man, was it mega hot out there. but compensation came quite shortly when the hosts asked us to transfer to the grandstand to watch the Silent Drill of the PMA Batch 2008 - Baghawi.

they rocked! grabe. super galing! and there was a girl! huray to her! it's just now that i started to admire men in uniforms! they're sooooo cooooool! everything is well rehearsed! wahehehehe... i got a few pictures in my phone... i'll be transfering them to my multiply this sembreak. hehehehe

anyhow. when the show ended, i left the field and walked to my next class, chem40 lab. and what a blast, my classmate (who just came out from the lecture class i didn't attend) said we won't have lab today. >_> hahaha. pero ok lang. the Silent Drill made my day somehow. :)

They'll be opening the Carillon Tower later today! lol.
and wait, i want to take a picture of Carillon Tower and Fertility tree at night! they look so glamorous now that they adorned the tower with the UP logo and a long sheet of green and red fabrics at the sides. they also put a spotlight on it. they look so magical.

parang ang sarap magpakamatay
jk.

♠ jasper test ♠

click to see full size. :)
anyhow, it's just a career chorva test.
i knew it, i've always been a visionary. which makes MY LIFE RIGHT NOW really dull because the field i am desperately trying to fit myself in isn't visionary in the least sense. this, you know, life... is not for me. people in our department demand exemplary analytic skills. and i only have logic sad to say... and a portfolio shouting I HATE MY JOB!!! >_>

i am very inclined to creative brainstorming. i love composing ideas and scenes. waaaaaaaahhhh. i just love thinking of different, random ideas. you can just manipulate them to make it fit for a story board! man how awesome would it be if were able to get into a big movie or play production (offscreen, man)!!

wooooot. exam again tomorrow. :( :(

like crazy, man!

i am so fucking tired. i had two exams this day, math36 and physics3 and fuck, i spent a total of 4 hours answering blasted problems and punching my calculator like crazy! btw, i'm in netopia right now... just for the heck of it. ok, so back to this day shall we? okiedokie. i'm quite happy that i'm done with this day's exams. that's a humongous 2 items to be slashed off my exams-list!!! hurray hurray! i guess i can just drink you know. hehehehe.

warning: long entry ahead!

everyone's damn thrilled to get over this seemingly endless semester. as for me, i am no different! i want this semester to end! i want a brand new life next semester. cheers.

my eyes hurt like hell, man. this may be due to lack of sleep. but then again, i still sleep... it's just that it's not on the right time. i sleep during afternoons and wake up around 9pm (or later). and that's when i start doing my nocturnal agenda... which includes sitting at the living room and chatting with my dormmates, going to Astra to watch anime, getting back to the dorm and chatchatchat again then feel hungry and walk to Parduch bakery to buy 5 pieces of tagalog (plus cassava cake if there's any) and 2 sachets of maxwell instant coffee. that's pretty much how my life goes every night... and then after Marimar (or MMK, bubblegang..whichever's on air at the moment), that's where i go back to my room and get all my books and notebooks... they're called study tools but with me they remain as props.

time check by then: 11PM.
see??? see how much time i wasted 'warming-up' for study and ending up being unproductive????? yeah. like crazy, man!

i don't know how i will be able to pull off a lot of effort to study for the final exams.

♠ first and foremost, i hardly attend my classes anymore.
♠ second and worse, my notes. i quit taking notes in my notebook anymore. i jot them down on scratch paper and end up losing it in a pile of random junk.
♠ third and disgusting. i have NEVER EVER passed a single exam this semester (on all my subjects, man!) yet. my grades are ranging from 30-40%. that's not even a grade. hehe
♠ lastly. fourth and lethal... i think i don't want to study anymore.

i'm becoming very very 'internaly' pessimistic but people still view me as a happy person. in fact, no one's worrying about my standing because they know i'll just laugh it all off. which is kinda sad, no one cares if i get on probation because they know i am hardly affected by things like that, things that occur almost naturally in my dire years. i smile on my successes and rejoice in my failures. T_T;; how complicated is that. am i not called to excel too?

woot! -end of drama-

last sem i only take in a cup of coffee a day. but now, goodnessgracious, i take in a minimum of 2 cups of instant coffee per day!! wahaha adik!! and i sleep at 3am. my body clock has adjusted to that time already. sleep during the afternoon, and stay until morning. wtf.

sembreak.sembreak. only you can fix my stupid body clock. and because my body is indeed stupid, i forgot to wake up early awhile ago for my first exam, math36. i alarmed my phone at 8am but i woke up 9!!! and our exam starts at 9! fckfckfckfckfckfckfck! i was in a mega hurry. hahahaha, i just grabbed a shirt and pants and walked off without even taking a bath, brushing my teeth or even washing my face. and my eyes fucking itches that morning that people think i have sore eyes. great day, man!

i think i need to change my alarm tone. i need something more scandalous, something that would really wake me up from deep slumber. my current alarm tone is the theme from Rugrats. hahaha, e ang cute e. dahil dyan, i keep on snoozing it. heheheheehhehehe. and i end up always late during my first class. wahahaaaay.

okok.

oh, the third and disgusting part... that was an exagerration. i did pass an exam, ONCE... but it was take home. >_>;;