sometimes it takes much more strength to LET GO than to HOLD ON

thank you peyups forums. that's the best quote i've received this day so far. it could directly counter attack the quote i've been living with for so long (ever since i entered an org):

my brod once wrote in my tickler,
"when you start thinking of quitting, think of the reasons why you've been holding on for so long"

for months i've been contemplating on the quote whenever i feel disheartened about myself. then came a new quote that could possibly change my life forever

"sometimes it takes much more strength to LET GO than to HOLD ON"

thank you thank you. enlightenment here i come.

meanwhile, i've always imagined this as my ideal 'university lifestyle'

i'll retain the usual laid-back and carefree me. i don't want to live a life full of stress. i also want to retain my attitude of not feeling the slightest pressure when everyone else is close to giving up. in my bag i want an mp3 player so that i can listen to music everytime i want. a digital camera so that i can shoot interesting places everywhere i go. a ballpen and a notebook for doodles... and the rest (y'know, the official study tools) will just be there lurking... as props. hehehe

haynaku. gusto ko na lumipat!!!
and diliman only accepts tranferees during the first sem! ok, this means i have the whole of next sem to fix my grades!!! c'mon Lord. help me on this.

this is bad.... indeed

i didn't attend my physics lecture class awhile ago because i thought there will be no classes. i texted a classmate before rising from my bed and she replied, 'no. walang pasok', so i went back to sleep. it's too late when i received a text message from another classmate who says, 'may pasok'. haynaku, tinulog ko na lang. >_>

when it's 11am, that's the time when i finally thought of getting up to prepare for my next class (chem40 lecture) at 11:30. man, i think my roommate wants to spank me already for snoozing my phone almost everytime it alarms. it's annoying pala. sorry.

hehe. and because i'm late for my next class. i decided to ride the jeep to save time. unfortunately, because today is our grand Alumni Homecoming, the roads to Men's Dorm and Physci building were CLOSED. wtf. and we have to take a detour to forestry to be able to get down to the lower campus. but then, bad luck strikes once more. another road was closed because of some chorva bungguan so the jeepney driver just called us off the vehicle. man, do you know where they dropped us? VETMED DORM!!!! that's like a good half kilometer walk from where i was supposed to go! and because i'm super late, i didn't panic anymore. >_> i just waaaaaalked.

so i walked by freedom park and got caught my the presentations in front of DL Umali. and since i'm already late, i didn't make an effort to go to class anymore. in short. i skipped my last chem40 lecture class for the semester just to watch the presentations. :)

man, was it mega hot out there. but compensation came quite shortly when the hosts asked us to transfer to the grandstand to watch the Silent Drill of the PMA Batch 2008 - Baghawi.

they rocked! grabe. super galing! and there was a girl! huray to her! it's just now that i started to admire men in uniforms! they're sooooo cooooool! everything is well rehearsed! wahehehehe... i got a few pictures in my phone... i'll be transfering them to my multiply this sembreak. hehehehe

anyhow. when the show ended, i left the field and walked to my next class, chem40 lab. and what a blast, my classmate (who just came out from the lecture class i didn't attend) said we won't have lab today. >_> hahaha. pero ok lang. the Silent Drill made my day somehow. :)

They'll be opening the Carillon Tower later today! lol.
and wait, i want to take a picture of Carillon Tower and Fertility tree at night! they look so glamorous now that they adorned the tower with the UP logo and a long sheet of green and red fabrics at the sides. they also put a spotlight on it. they look so magical.

parang ang sarap magpakamatay
jk.

♠ jasper test ♠

click to see full size. :)
anyhow, it's just a career chorva test.
i knew it, i've always been a visionary. which makes MY LIFE RIGHT NOW really dull because the field i am desperately trying to fit myself in isn't visionary in the least sense. this, you know, life... is not for me. people in our department demand exemplary analytic skills. and i only have logic sad to say... and a portfolio shouting I HATE MY JOB!!! >_>

i am very inclined to creative brainstorming. i love composing ideas and scenes. waaaaaaaahhhh. i just love thinking of different, random ideas. you can just manipulate them to make it fit for a story board! man how awesome would it be if were able to get into a big movie or play production (offscreen, man)!!

wooooot. exam again tomorrow. :( :(

like crazy, man!

i am so fucking tired. i had two exams this day, math36 and physics3 and fuck, i spent a total of 4 hours answering blasted problems and punching my calculator like crazy! btw, i'm in netopia right now... just for the heck of it. ok, so back to this day shall we? okiedokie. i'm quite happy that i'm done with this day's exams. that's a humongous 2 items to be slashed off my exams-list!!! hurray hurray! i guess i can just drink you know. hehehehe.

warning: long entry ahead!

everyone's damn thrilled to get over this seemingly endless semester. as for me, i am no different! i want this semester to end! i want a brand new life next semester. cheers.

my eyes hurt like hell, man. this may be due to lack of sleep. but then again, i still sleep... it's just that it's not on the right time. i sleep during afternoons and wake up around 9pm (or later). and that's when i start doing my nocturnal agenda... which includes sitting at the living room and chatting with my dormmates, going to Astra to watch anime, getting back to the dorm and chatchatchat again then feel hungry and walk to Parduch bakery to buy 5 pieces of tagalog (plus cassava cake if there's any) and 2 sachets of maxwell instant coffee. that's pretty much how my life goes every night... and then after Marimar (or MMK, bubblegang..whichever's on air at the moment), that's where i go back to my room and get all my books and notebooks... they're called study tools but with me they remain as props.

time check by then: 11PM.
see??? see how much time i wasted 'warming-up' for study and ending up being unproductive????? yeah. like crazy, man!

i don't know how i will be able to pull off a lot of effort to study for the final exams.

♠ first and foremost, i hardly attend my classes anymore.
♠ second and worse, my notes. i quit taking notes in my notebook anymore. i jot them down on scratch paper and end up losing it in a pile of random junk.
♠ third and disgusting. i have NEVER EVER passed a single exam this semester (on all my subjects, man!) yet. my grades are ranging from 30-40%. that's not even a grade. hehe
♠ lastly. fourth and lethal... i think i don't want to study anymore.

i'm becoming very very 'internaly' pessimistic but people still view me as a happy person. in fact, no one's worrying about my standing because they know i'll just laugh it all off. which is kinda sad, no one cares if i get on probation because they know i am hardly affected by things like that, things that occur almost naturally in my dire years. i smile on my successes and rejoice in my failures. T_T;; how complicated is that. am i not called to excel too?

woot! -end of drama-

last sem i only take in a cup of coffee a day. but now, goodnessgracious, i take in a minimum of 2 cups of instant coffee per day!! wahaha adik!! and i sleep at 3am. my body clock has adjusted to that time already. sleep during the afternoon, and stay until morning. wtf.

sembreak.sembreak. only you can fix my stupid body clock. and because my body is indeed stupid, i forgot to wake up early awhile ago for my first exam, math36. i alarmed my phone at 8am but i woke up 9!!! and our exam starts at 9! fckfckfckfckfckfckfck! i was in a mega hurry. hahahaha, i just grabbed a shirt and pants and walked off without even taking a bath, brushing my teeth or even washing my face. and my eyes fucking itches that morning that people think i have sore eyes. great day, man!

i think i need to change my alarm tone. i need something more scandalous, something that would really wake me up from deep slumber. my current alarm tone is the theme from Rugrats. hahaha, e ang cute e. dahil dyan, i keep on snoozing it. heheheheehhehehe. and i end up always late during my first class. wahahaaaay.

okok.

oh, the third and disgusting part... that was an exagerration. i did pass an exam, ONCE... but it was take home. >_>;;

T_____T;;

as usual, i skrewed up during the test awhile ago. man, they should've told us to memorize the whole fucking schematic diagram! he, i'm not blaming anyone. :) even if they told us, i would just stare at the stupid handout anyway.

i.never.study.
like, reaaaallly study.

but i'm trying! but then again, my efforts are kinda invisible... and you know me, i'm easily distracted. this kind of work... or this kind of lifestyle does not suit me, you know... memorizing a whole junk of weird names. i'd rather get deadlines for boring articles and psych1 journals than stay up late being utterly unproductive. like a fish staring outside its aquarium.

glog.glog.glog. did anyone notice i'm drowning?

mehn!
upon introspection, i realized i am someone who hates pressuring myself. i'm laid-back and care-free. i can pull off fits of laughter even when i'm facing, uhhh, the greatest failure! mehn, i'm a happy person. only the people close to me notice that. it's weird, yeah, that i can live without the slightest pressure when everyone else is burning their bodies at the stake just to get a decent grade. as for me, yeah i care about my grades, i'm also worried about my academic standing but i don't go gaga over it. i don't comply to other people's expectations. repeat kung repeat. there's nothing shameful about it. :) lol. i love boasting about my failures.

i'm also pessimistic. my friends say so because i keep on telling them "waaah i haven't passed a single exam yet! and the sem is ending already! i'm gonna repeaaaattt! repeaaattt! repeaaattt!" lol. but i laugh when i tell that. i hate self-pitying. lol. i love jumping into conclusions and ending up with a totally different ending. it makes my life more interesting. hehehe.

my crush makes me smile. everytime i think of him, i just smile. hehehehehehehehehee
♥

haaaay. ang dami dami pang exaaaaams. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa

tamad!

i'll miss my lts1 classmates. it's the best class i've had this sem, so far. even though i've already reached the maximum absences i could have, and i'm always lazy to come to class because of the time, it's still good. and it's because of the laughter it brings. it's like a relief subject, you know, something you could opt not to attend but wouldn't want to miss because it serves as an ice breaker to all your demanding subjects. :) i'll miss my classmates. my performance in this class would probably range between 1-5 in a scale of 10 because i'm not really participative and i'm kinda shy...yeah. but i've got a lot of friends here. lol.

well, that's lts1 for you. so sad it's gonna end soon... :(

exam here, exam there. and i'm not studying. >_>

btw, there's a puppy sitting outside the dorm. last night, while terai was going home, she was surprised to notice a puppy following her. and indeed, it followed her to the dorm, and until now... it's still there... so cute!!! but it stinks and it has galis. but still, it's so cute! it seems like a half-askal half-beagle. i love puppies, mehn >_>

okok, sige na nga mag-aaral na ko. para hopefully may maipasa naman akong exam. hehe... as in! wala pa kong napapasa tapos ang standing ko... aba, pang singko!!! para yan sa dalawa kong chem, hahaha.

goodluck to me!
pero ang saya saya ko parin. bat ganon.

a great evil comes with a great need

i didn't buy an umbrella again. i promised myself to buy one last weekend but apparently, i got too scared to shell out money intended for my savings... again. and besides, i didn't have too much money left to buy an umbrella. anyhow, i know i should buy one, the rain's gonna soak me dead before i even take the finals. >_>

and because i don't have any umbrella with me this day, i resorted to do one evil thing that might put me in the trial courts of hell. i stole an umbrella. and it's a good one, i tell you. it's a big blue umbrella that looks really sturdy against the wind, a perfect sheild for this season of storms. how i got it?

here's how:
it was during our physics lecture awhile ago that i noticed a huge stack of umbrellas lying on the behind the fire exit. i immediately thought of taking one, even though i know i don't own any of them. i was eyeing the multicolored long umbrellas, trying to check if there's a hint of Fibrella or Super or just anything with a good name.... haha. then after the lecture, i asked our instructor if those umbrellas were left by students... and even LIED that i left my umbrella there. she said yes so i hurriedly inspected the good 'ol 'brellas, looking for that one umbrella that's big enough to shield me from the rain and simple enough not to get easily noticed (in case the real owner spots me using it). that's how i got the big blue umbrella. hehehehe

then while walking out of the lecture hall, the hall technician -who always sits on the far end of the lecture hall (that's his job, duh)- asked me if the umbrella was mine and i answered yes and he just nodded and i went gracefully out of the room.

big whew. my seatmate was laughing big time. i stole once and lied twice... what's next? hehehe. now i understand why criminals do the things they do... just like what i wrote in the title, a great evil comes with a great need.

though i cannot entirely say i'm a great evil because man, it's just an umbrella! but even so... i was partially consumed with guilt the whole day that i decided to actually RETURN the umbrella, come my last class... which is also physics (this time- lab) i looked around the lecture halls for the technician and spotted him right there, where he usually sits... but man was i hesitating to give the umbrella back. >_> i think fate brought it to me! yeahroight. then i saw pat (a classmate from my physics lecture class), and told her this petty moral dilemma i'm struggling against. well, you know people, they'll always take the good side. she advised me to just leave the umbrella there and she's even kind enough to lend me an umbrella too!!

that actually left me with no reason but to return the freakin umbrella. yuck, i talk like it's been with me most of my life! haha but seriously, the MAJOR MAJOR reason why i want to return the umbrella was that... IT HAS A SURNAME WRITTEN ON IT. goodnessgracious. i'd be dead smitten if the owner finds out i stole his umbrella. hehehe. so i talked to the technician, he's like the guard of the two lecture halls in physci building, and LIED for the third time... i said to him that i have to return the umbrella because i figured out it wasn't mine after all, i even said that mine looks just the same, big and blue but when i saw the name written on it i was automatically robbed of ownership with it. that's how it went, and man was he really nice to me about it! he told me to just use it for a while because it's raining and he also said that when someone looks for it he'll just say that he let another student use it for awhile becuase poor little iska has no payong and it's bagyo all over. bwahahaha

cool! i thanked him for his generosity and asked him when must i return it... and he said, 'ikaw bahala'.

hah!! fate has its way of changing an object's ownership in an instant.
now all i have to do is device a way of erasing that surname from the umbrella to comepletely save me for man's naturally cruel nature.

:)