taking on a one way path

i've never been this much intimidated in my life. and fuck, it scares me a lot. failing has always been my companion. it taught me a lot, really. i guess i owe every sensible advice i mouth out to every horrible experience i've encountered. it's not bad to fail. just don't overdo your mistakes because failing doesn't equate to stupidity.

i don't know. something's wrong with me. I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. i need a sensible person to share these insecurities within me. someone who can talk back in the brightest sense. it's demanding, i know. but i want someone who can put up with my reasonings. yes. i'm asking for someone who shares the same level of thinking as i do. not in terms of acad but in terms of uhh... EQ? how do you call that ba? haha. i don't remember.

shit. i need a friend. :( drama ito. just bear with me.
honestly, i think i know someone who could.

alam nyo baaaaa??? gusto ko lang ng kausap! gusto ko ng taong pwedeng kong makasama mag-kape. usap usap lang. grabe kailangan ko ng matinong adviser. >_>

but on the bright side, i'm excited for our practical exam to end. gusto ko na umuwi.
uhhh, shit talaga.

i.need.someone.to.talk.to.
please, Lord. someone who can brighten up my day.
mehn, i don't need a tutor. gusto ko lang ng matinong kausap. and this time gusto ko ako naman ang pakikinggan. >_>;

thank you Lord!

uhh, we had classes today... but at least our chem32 lab and lecture exams were postponed!! yeah, i knew it!! it's going to be unfair to hold the test today since we aren't even halfway through the coverage. hehehe. and well, i haven't studied yet.

that's my point.

yesterday was pretty nice, i drank coffee so i was able to stay until 2:30am without really doing anything productive. i TRIED to study. believe me, i did... but i got distracted with practically everything... so in the end, i didn't learn anything.

hahaha. i realized that people get EASILY distracted from something they are not fond of doing. like studying. yeah. you should know that.

what happened is that i just went mega chika with my dormmates. i'm very open to everything, i have a unique perspective on every matter that's why it's hard to keep silent when these thoughts are provoking me, and when you're totally comfortable with the people around you, it's so easy to spark up with a topic that everyone can relate to. yeah yeah. i love sharing my thoughts and ideas on moral matters... y'know, those that involve parental conflicts, peer pressure, conformity, even love life... hehehe. and it flatters me when people say i give sound advices. to think i've never had much experience on those matters. i don't have kids. i'm not a wife. we don't have familial problems. i've never had a boyfriend. never been courted. never had someone say they like me. in short, i am one big inexperienced twerp.

some of my friends say i make a lot of sense for a mere 16 yr old girl. aww, and my dormmate said last night that i'm one of the few whom she can talk sense with. i'm really flattered. >_> but i guess the maturity of my words are brought about by my huge fancy for books. i didn't even know that my little advices and rephrased proverbial statements affected them, one way or another.

i'm grateful for this wisdom God gave me. i even remember asking for it. whenever studying, i write down my prayers first and i always ask God to give me wisdom to understand these freakin equations and theories that would perpetuate the idea of mass destruction. i asked for wisdom because i thought it's parallel to intelligence. but i was wrong. what i really need that time is intelligence and God gave me wisdom (at least that's how i perceived it). so what did i use this 'wisdom' for?

mehn. i used it to condition myself for the possibility that i MIGHT fail this blasted subject. you don't need intelligence for that! you don't take things like that objectively. that's why... from now on, i'm gonna ask for INTELLIGENCE!!!

i need extra braincells.

sana walang pasok bukas

sana nga, arianne. sana nga.

wednesday night:
todo rejoice dahil inannounce na walang klase sa thursday!!!

thursday night:
nag-aaral PA LANG ako for our chem40 theoretical lab exam for friday. at sobrang tamad ko pa mag-aral dahil ina-anticipate ko na wala paring pasok bukas.

at nagkatotoo nga.

friday:
- dahil walang pasok, namove ang dalawa kong exam. hehehe... ayos yun kasi di pa nga ako nag-aaral diba...
- workshop ng org sa likod ng layb. blah blah... grabe ang lakas ng ulan. hehe dumating din pala ung Globe Kantabataan team, hosted by Patty Laurel. funny, akala ko weather reporter lang...
- after workshop. uwi! at last! at dahil wala si terai, nakisabay na lang ako kina jerson at v-rey pauwi. salamat talaga...
- nakaka-inip. around 4pm kami nakasakay ng bus, 7pm na nasa skyway parin kami. take note: SKYWAY na yon! traffic. super.
- pagbaba ng megamall, kumain kaagad ako. tapos ewan ko ba, sinikmura siguro ako kaya sinuka ko rin lahat. huhuhuhu, sayang pera. at dahil dyan, nag-ice cream na lang ako. hehehe... mas rewarding pa pala mag icecream pag bumabagyo.

saturday:
- boring to kasi sira phone lines namin, so walang internet. pati broadband, ayaw makisama... so wala talagang internet.
- pinuntahan ko si terai sa hospital, kasama ko si ate theresa. ayon, ok naman. i tried to study, pero tinamad ako... kaya lumabas ako at bumili ng instant coffee. i tried san mig strong. ang sarap pala nun. pero mas gusto ko parin yung maxwell 3in1. blah blah. nung gabi na, dumalaw sina auntie gene... may dalang pizza! yehey! at dahil andyan si auntie gene, malamang andyan si dianne. at dahil andyan si dianne, nagkape ulit ako. partners in crime ko yun e, bawal parin ako magkape, mind you, pero malakas ang tawag ng starbucks sakin.
-at dahil naka-dalawang baso ako ng kape. hindi ako nakatulog. as. in. 5am na mulat na mulat parin mata ko. ang lakas ng tama. >_>

sunday:
- at dahil dyan, feeling ko tinopak ako. kinuha ko yung wig at make-up. o.O ahahaha, totoo. pagharap ko kay mommy, nagulantang siya. parang, 'anak, anong nangyari sayo?' akala nya nananaginip sya. hahaha pero enjoy naman. kasi natuwa si mommy. inisip ko kasi sobrang pressured sha sa mga pangyayari e... kaya yun. ahahaha, bagay pala sakin brown hair. ahahaha nakakatuwa. may picture ako nun sa digicam! haha tsaka na lang...
- haaay. nag-aalala si mommy dahil lagi parin akong nagsasalita pag tulog... pero ngayon IBANG LEVEL NA! kumakanta na daw ako. lol. nung una di nya maintindihan tapos nung dulo, nagsabi daw ako ng 'moments of love'. hahahahahaha. o.O
- dati sa dorm, kwento ni tita beth na tumatawa raw ako pag tulog, nakatalukbong pa.
- kinikilabutan ako sa sarili ko. ang dami kong friends! meron akong kausap, meron akong kalaro and just recently, MAY KA-DUET NA KO! hahaha katakot.
- ang sakit ng ulo ko pagdating sa simbahan... pero ok lang.

monday:
- eto, balik los banos. ang lakas ng ulan kanina, sana walang pasok bukas. haay.

tagged

got tagged by nez and ding

* each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
* bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
* at the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
* don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

alright, here we go...

1. i bite my nails a lot. it's my worst habit.
2. i am awfully addicted to coffee... and spend a lot on it too
3. i always bring a vanity kit with me.
4. di ako mapakali ng hindi nag-iinternet sa loob ng isang araw.
5. i love ryan agoncillo.
6. i am prone to car accidents.
7. i always sleep late. late, meaning 12mn+
8. i fancy guys who wear glasses.

i tag: mika, larz, hannah, karlita, KA, michi, jami and nic.

a coward's way

thank you for reminding me.
i am now adding a new label for my posts... welcome to my new set of 'hate-list' entries.

seriously, i think i grew 'better' (less hateful) this year. i don't hate a lot of people. maybe because i'm already in college and maybe because all the hateful people in my life crowded during my highschool years.

not that you noticed.
i'm not really verbal when it comes to expressing my negative emotions, hence most of my highschool drama gets stacked up in this blog.

but please, just for this moment... allow me to revive a long lost tradition in this blog.

The Hate-List

an introduction: according to a personality test i took years ago, i am 38% evil. not so evil, i know but it doesn't restrict me from hating people and plotting for their deaths. i am naturally good, just like everyone else, but i must admit there are times when i let my negative emotions overpower me... and whenever that happens i look for the best outlet i could have to vent out my feelings and i couldn't think of a better place other than this blog.

so there... with that, i am opening an all new version (ALL NEW PEOPLE! HURRAY!) of my HATE-LIST. it's going to be a label too so do check out my label cloud on the nav bar.

i know it's bad. i know i'm bad. but this is just my way of venting things out. i know most of you hate what i'm doing, but at least i do no physical harm to the unfortunate tramp who will be BLIND-ITEM(ed) within the succeeding entries of this tag. ok, so you read that... i don't point names out... i keep their darned names to myself and give them a nick whenever i mention them here.

SO...
what will happen to those who are in the hate-list?

uhhh... nothing really. just eternal damnation and imaginary persecution from this blog's rightful owner...

i mean, even if it's YOU, you wouldn't recognize right ahead... unless you're SMART! and i know a lot of smart people.. *ehem* *ehem* uhmm...

lol. i just thought of adding up that label but truthfully, i'm not hating anyone in particular right now.

hehe, you wait...
because it takes a long time to get into my nerves, really.

let it flow

i'm inspired to write again. this time i have more confidence with my story because i've shared it with a quite a lot of people already... of course being cautious that it won't get stolen...and they liked it. they like the crazy plot. the whole romantic thing.

i personally think it's going to be a good movie.
but then i haven't written it down. lol
originally, i want it to be harry-draco, but then i decided to make it an all-original story because i don't want to credit JK Rowling anymore for lending me her characters. >_>

now i want my own laptop. lol.
when i went to trinoma last sunday i saw a new release from Compaq, it's Compaq Presario V3431TU and it roughly amounts to 50,000. hehehe, i find it reasonable for a new release. and besides, it's compaq. :) i want my own laptop. huhuhuhu

i badly want to write!!!!!
but i need inspiration. i need to read more of Paulo Coehlo! i like his writing style because it's full of imagery and thought-provoking proverbs.

i want to write.
yeah. =]

come on chancy, don't be kj. =|

-i don't believe it. according to the news, we don't have classes tomorrow. it's not even raining! c'mon chancy, where's the text brigade?!?!? i just want to make sure i have a verifiable reason to rejoice.

- i broke a test tube awhile ago during our chem40 lab. >_>

- i cursed a lot today. i was really in a foul mood. i didn't get my preferred schedule for the practical test on saturday. i want it to be in the morning so that i can go home early but the sign-up sheet is fucking filled. shit, i want to scratch all their names off and replace it with one big arianne. wtf. i'll be taking the test at 3-4pm. wtf. and it's not just that... my mood wouldn't have been this 'bad' if it weren't for one undefined negative force. i don't know. hahaha. i just don't feel 'good' today. though i think i managed to put up a facade that i'm just your usual arianne.

i'm really good with keeping my troubles to myself. especially when i know the one help that i need wouldn't come voluntarily.

because of that... here's a little something i stole from nez

LIST 20 THINGS YOU WANT TO SAY TO CERTAIN PEOPLE BUT KNOW YOU NEVER WILL. DON'T SAY WHO THEY ARE.

1. get well soon!

2. honestly, i feel like an idiot when i'm with you. it's because you're TOO SMART for your own good. but you're my closest friend in the university and i don't want to lose you. i'd rather risk looking like a fool than never have a company like you.

3. hey. i only like you because you look like a nerd because of your glasses. when i heard you came from a freakin science highschool and aced your chemistry exams... my interest on you grew. but then just like with #2, i don't want to risk looking like a fool anymore. one genius of a friend is enough. i could just kill myself thinking i'm the dumbest in the university.

4. hahaha. you're my real crush. but something's hindering me from trying to be friends with you... and it's the same as the previous. and i think you have a crush on #3... hahahaoutch.

5. you. you. you. you. you. you. and you. (that's 7 people) WHY DO ALL OF YOU HAVE TO BE SO SMART?!?! (or rather, why do I have to be this STUPID) that's the main reason why i'm finding it hard to socialize. because i can't cope with you.

with that i skip to number 12

12. i want to be your bestfriend.

13. i miss you all. i miss the crazy days. i don't like it here. BIG TIME. they're pressuring me! people here give me odd looks when i talk about yaoi. with you i can talk about harry-draco all day. :( i miss you all

14. thanks for everything. i appreciate the times we sing japanese songs together and exchange earphones over the weekend. :)

15. please don't be bitter just because we have chem32 and you don't. dude, you don't know what kind of hell we are going through right now. don't wish for us to fail, please.

16. please, whatever happens to my darned academic life, continue to believe in me. maybe not with my mental capacity but with my other skills. you know i'm not inclined to this field and i am but a lost being unsure of which path to take. i'm still confused ok. please don't think i'm wasting all of our resources learning something i won't be enjoying in the future. i love you. very much.

17. you are pressuring me big time and it sucks because you think i'm not being pressured so you put more pressure on me. wtf!

18. don't hate me because i'm being negligent of my duties.

19. please don't think i'm rich. because.i.am.not.

and lastly

20. i hope we could be close friends, really. :)

nuff of the drama.
you see? i am this insecure of my own academic capacity! i feel like i'm always at the bottom line.

wtf.