he's yours, all yours. and now i'm bored

honestly,

ayoko ng may ka-agaw. lalo na if it's something i value a lot. i am naturally possesive but i don't usually show it. years of inexperience made it a dormant quality in me.

now, if it concerns a guy and the tug-o-war is beetween me and a special friend, i'll let go of the rope. because honestly, i'd rather have a friend than a boyfriend. i don't trade my special friends with something (or someone, rather) i know will just come and go. besides, i know myself... i easily get bored.

they say boredom is only experienced by boring people. i beg to disagree. boredom (along with a lot other abstract nouns) is relative. shallow people don't (or hardly ever) experience boredom because they can interpret everything in the shallowest sense.

i am always bored, always idle, always looking for something to do when in fact there's a pile of junk dumped on my table waiting to be noticed, waiting to be given even the slightest bit of attention. and now i realize, i'm the type of person who doesn't get easily motivated with the things i am not inclined to. i always look underneath my pile of workload for something that would somehow stir up a fraction of interest within the bounds of my knowledge.

i'm lost.

oh, so it works?

i don't know, should i take glutaphos again? i have three exams this week! hehehe. i remember the last time i took it, nothing happened (at least that's how i perceived it). i guess it's psychological. when people feed you with the fact that it's a super effective memory enhancer and brain booster, whenever you take in a tablet and feel like a genius, you worship the freakin drug. and when you feel dumb, you feel like you've already exhausted the power of thy mighty medicine. then you drink again... think of yourself as a genius who will one day conquer the world... kneel down before the indifferent tablet and work your way through your homework.

what the hell does it dooooo???

now i'm questioning my intelligence (of course with the supposition that i do have some). up to what extent can my brain handle worldly complexities? how far can my mind go (without shutting down) about running the race with natural geniuses? do i need to be a drug dependent just to ensure the normal flux of neurotransmitters in my brain?


wtf.

school has never been this psychologically tormenting.

do i really belong here?

leonard has been a great factor on why i'm thinking a LOT about SHIFTING. when he first mentioned to me that he's planning on shifting to BS Chemistry or Biology... i was like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" (uhh not exactly but you should get it. duh) and i was insisting on the 'fact' that our course sounds 'cool' (to others) not to mention 'hard' and also 'demanding' but then those adjectives doesn't command that much to be considered. heck and i was (yet again) explaining to him that he's going to break the ABCDE chain that we've established (or maybe it's just me who noticed and made a big deal out of it) on our first sem in the university.

the ABCDE chain is explained as follows: :)

originally there were 6 06-B students who were qualified for chemical engineering and our surnames are Alaon, Alo, Birog, Camasin, Dizon, and Eseo
bwahahahaha odiba? we're alphabetically arranged! (which actually made me think that MAYBE the college secretary just picked the first 6 waitlisted people on their list alphabetically.. ). yeah and Charles (Alo) got dismissed but nevertheless the ABCDE remains so it's fine.

joke, it's not fine!! >_> hehe balik ka na kasi chav... bilis! :D

and now... leonard (Eseo) wants to leave us! huhuhuhuhuhu :( come to think of it, it doesn't really matter if we drop off with the E because ABCD is still intact but that's not the point! it's not about who breaks off from the alphabet! that's just me and my shallow (not to mention nonsensical discoveries about our batch) chorvabells. >_>

anyhow. leonard and i were talking about shifting and the whole thing about 'loving your craft' and not pursuing your real 'dream'. when he left at around 12:30 for his classes, i was left thinking.... damn hard.

nyeeee. dapat ba nag fine arts ako? commarts? business mgt.?
is it to late to change directions?
ang ayoko lang naman talaga ay yung super hirap maka-alis ng CEAT (college of eng'g) at super nakakatamad magayos ng mga paper requirements... tsaka ang hirap maghabol ng grades no. para naman kasing ang tali-talino ko...

haha. i flunked our first chem32 exam. feeling ko ako lowest dun e... feeling ko talaga...

yeah. maybe they can easily discharge me from their college because i'm not someone who displayed exemplary academic standing in the first place. yeah, i'm so right with that freakin point.

now the question is, where do i go next? there is no fine-freakin-arts here in los banos and honestly, you cannot in anyway convince me to take it (no matter how much you flatter me).

eto lang naman kasi talaga yan.

MY COLLEGE LIFE HAS NO DEFINITE AND IMPLICIT DIRECTION.

yet.

entry #746

can't think of a good enough title. >_>;
our chem40 lab instructor dismissed us early and i was left with a generous amount of idle time so to waste them off, i decided to go with my friends to their next class... bio3. hehehe in short, naki-sit-in ako... or more like sleep-in. bwahahaha. and their section is C-1L!!!! e C-1L din lab section ko sa physics3... o diba... i belong! hahahahaha. wala naman... parang chem16 reunion lang naman... bwahehehehe.

ang weird ko talaga... tumawa. as in wahahahahahahahahaha!!!

7+4+6=17
1+7=8
8=????

infinity!

haaay walang kwenta. >_>

ui gusto ko na umuwi! gusto ko na mag-megamall at kumain ng icecream! gusto ko na magtrinoma, manuod ng harry potter, kumain sa yellowcab and magdessert sa DQ!!!!

nothing drives me T__T;

our physics3 lecture exam was (yet again) moved! yaaay!!! on the dull side though, the lab exam pushed through, without me getting even a bit of study. fuck. how can i be so negligent of my academic standing?? i've never been this irresponsible before! i bet i will flunk all of my 1st exams. and trying to console myself with thinking that i could just study harder (or just plain STUDY) for the next exams is not good enough.

i want to to change this layout already.

there's something wrong with me. i've changed. i'm not studying a lot like i used to. either way, i stay mediocre. nothing much, nothing less. but apparently, with the way things are going... the 'nothing less' is getting more weight in the scale of mediocrity so now i could partially consider myself an idiot for letting the scale be disturbed with my inner struggles.

the thing is, i'm not inspired/motivated enough to open my textbooks and read what those extraterrestrial beings theorized about centuries ago. I'M NOT DRIVEN! i miss Sir Chester Dabalos! i need an intructor who could bring out the passion in me!!! ok, so i'm not passionate enough on this craft. case in point made.

Lord,
Help me.

slovak: nezmyzel

i believe i still have to fill up a lot of empty gaps i left hanging for the last 3 weeks. you know, it was both fun and exhausting. i experienced a lot of things, learned a lot of values and cleared a lot of misconceptions about life. but it doesn't end there... actually, it's only the beginning (cliche i know). and i'm thrilled to break through that blasted wall that partially kept me from the reality that i'm not alone.

note: i'm not requiring you to understand the underlying message of this entry because personally, i would classify this under crap. this is pure randomness and it is my intention to confuse you with my nonsense allegories. o diba? kahit ako nalalabuan kaya magtiis ka muna...

hahaha. what do you think is the point of this nonsense entry? nothing. exactly. i just want to write something random and un-understandable (go figure). i just want to let go of this unhealthy flux of words because it doesn't make sense to keep it within my deflating brain sacs.

i'm not really particular with making sense with my blog entries, hence the title of this blog. i don't care if people don't understand what's written here becuase in the first place, i couldn't expect anyone and everyone to understand. that's why i value those who can grasp what little sense there is in this utterly vague entry.

eeh. ayoko na. walang patutunguhan ang entry na ito. :)
sa susunod na lang ulit :)

adik sayo

hahaha. ngayon lang ulit ako nakalaro after 2 weeks! yehey! in fairness a... top scorer parin! duh, ako lang naman naglalaro! hahahahahaha...

pagbigyan nyo na ko. ngayon lang ulit ako nakauwi... :)