slaughter house

i should be studying right now but i figured i have to first satiate this unhealthy urge to go online. you see, i get excited when i'm faced with a long list of to-do's. and that's just how far it can go. just excited. i feel excited to start and get things done. but again, it's just a feeling. something that makes me feel weird about myself because it's very unlike me to consider 'studying' an 'exciting' activity.

i'm starting to get immune to the sound of hard drumming of fingers on the keyboard. blame it all on O2Jam. mehn. >.<

late news.
i attended the 'convocation on large classes' last friday just for the heck of it. actually i just want to sit down in an airconditioned auditiorium to rest. i planned to stay only for a few minutes but upon hearing the discussion and questions of the students and faculty members, my interest was ignited. i thought, hey... this is quite an interesting topic so i stayed until the forum ended. they're getting feedbacks on us regarding the proposed large classes to be implemented starting 1st sem AY07-08 on selected subjects. this is majorly a bad news especially for us students. what i'm more concerned on is that they're taking chem to lecture halls as well!! as i've rhetorically asked before, "how could you sacrifice quality education for cost-cutting measures?"

what's more depressing about it is that the chancellor himself claimed the large classes scheme as experimental depending on the efficiency of the procedure. more so, they cannot even present to us a material basis or case study that calls for the necessity of the action. how the hell are we going to accept that? when the scheme lay inefficient in educating the students, definitely it will be pulled back. yes, that's a good thing. but what about those who failed? what about those who were forced to act as guinea pigs to measure the efficiency of the experiement? how are their efforts going to be compensated? uggh, i really hate it when our questions are either left unanswered or given a safe answer. it's pretty obvious that they only set this convocation for formality's sake. but it didn't really bear any helpful results. i just hope i don't get to be a victim in this largely unsolicited decision they0 came up with.

oh. the thing with the large classes is to give way for the senior faculty to teach and to, as usual, save money. i personally prefer fresh grads or younger people to teach because they are less boring and they can still simplify everything into lay man's term. but the senior faculty? yes they could boast their PhD's and masterals however they want but wouldn't it be boring to have someone old, less creative, and more technical teach you a hard subject? aw mehn.

anyhow. i've ranted enough considering that this topic didn't even made it to the list of 'the things i should worry about most'. hahahaha.

ok. i'm logging off. i should start studying already. i have two exams tomorrow. grant me the blessing, Lord! =)

i need sleep

the headache's killing me and i still have a lot of things to do. saturday, i slept at 3am just to finish my psy1 project. the next morning i feel my head split into two. sunday morning we went to church, felt really blessed that i heard God's word. and we're talking about the Rapture. wouldn't want to miss that.

i feel really excited to start doing my workload. i know it's weird and ultimately so unlike me but i thank God for the feeling. if not then i would be procastinating again. and wait. finals week is fast approaching. i'm so excited to get over it. mehn.

mehn. the keyboards here are really hard. >.<

it's near

i deserve to sleep to you know

staying alive! staying alive! ah! ah! ah! ah!

the academic days are ending soon. i though i still have enough time to make up for my grades but no. to hell with it, i'm having negative vibes and unhealthy jitters all over just because of my chem standing. maybe i should really retake it because... ehem, "i believe that quality education takes time." hahaha.

i reserved a slot for chem17 this SUMMER. which means i'm taking up summer classes IF i pass chem16 this sem. that's the big question. i really want to pass. seriously. who wouldn't? i've been through a lot for this subject, even shed my blood and sweat grime but still my efforts are not being repaid in equity. instead i get disgraceful grades that would put my whole clan to shame. why is it that it's too hard for me get a passing grade? i'm not dumb (unlike before). i've learned a lot already. but why is it still painfully hard for me to get a freakin 3??

hell has a new spelling now and it's spelled C-H-E-M. hell has also a new added synonym and it's also called chem. hell is chem and chem is hell.

to chem with it!!!
what the chem?!?
go to chem!
chem yeah!

T_T
despite the evident damnation of the said subject, i'm still not giving up. maybe i don't have even an ounce of passion for chem running through my veins but i'll strive to learn. even if it takes me YEARS and YEARS and more YEARS!

which leads me to this. maybe it doesn't really matter that i take summer classes despite the huge delays awaiting. my supposedly 5 years of stay here will probably be extended to 6 years. all because of chem. but my goal here is to learn and i suppose i wouldn't be able to absorb 6 months of lessons in just 1 month. besides, i'm trying to build up a passion for chem and rushing things up will only make me hate chem more, not love it. if i want to understand chem more on an atomic basis, i should take more time as well.

and besides, i have a lot of plans for summer! i want to have fun!

karaoke, disco bar, o showgirl?

reality check. i have a heavy junk of homeworks waiting on my desk to be noticed. ok so before i plunge into the deathly whirlpool of schoolworks our professors mercilessly dumped on our backs, let me share to you the most exciting thing, EVER, that i have anticipated in my entire college life.

friday afternoon my sister and i went home early. uhh, we didn't really reach home, we just met with ate theresa in megamall. from there we commuted to hyatt hotel where we were checked-in for mom's awarding. we arrived there at around 730. my parents were already shuttled to westin hotel for the awarding (because they say the ballroom there is bigger but the hotel accomodation in hyatt is better) so we 3 three were left on our own.

so we went night swimming. then went to the spa center for a lot more. oh great.

the time is 10pm, the night is (still) young and hyatt hotel is conviently located near baywalk. so where else should we be spending the entire night?

we crossed to baywalk and searched for good food that would not burn my wallet. it was tiring, not to mention dangerous. yeah there were a lot of street children and prostitutes scattered around. and we even came across this commotion where a guy was drunk tripping. he practically knocked out a face of a stranger. what a scene mehn. good thing we didn't meet him again. then i ate a lot. a lot. A LOOOOOTTT. mehn. i should get into serious dieting.

we went back to the hotel by 12mn. i'm still not sleepy. but i tried to.

early this morning, our parents gave us breakfast coupons so we went down to eat. they were right with picking the place. the food was great. would you believe i consumed 4 plates of food and a bowl of noodles on my own????!!!! excluding a glass of juice and 2 cups of tea. mehn. i should really really get into serious dieting.

ah! i saw fatima tooooooooo! :D

after breakfast we went back to the spa center for the last time. then we packed up, checked-out and left.

and now i'm here.

aww.

maybe it wasn't a dream after all.

breathe out now

mehn. the nervous feeling that's been plaguing me for more than a week now has finally left my soul to peace. i'm talking about our third long exam in chem16. well, it was really a plague that almost consumed me whole. it was freakin' hard. i was wondering how could the medicine i took 30 minutes before help me make my brain function better. do you know the tablet called glutaphos? (a tempting and potentialy addicting 5 peso/tablet) try researching about it and you'll get several feeds about it being an effective brain booster or something like it. our pastor recommended it to me last saturday and i thought, "sheesh. if this is the only thing that would make me pass the friggin subject, then so be it."

actually. no matter what the result will be, pass or fail, the more important thing to dwell upon today would be the fact that it's over! i've been generously taking more dosages of caffeine lately just to counter attack the evident symptoms of narcolepsy kicking through my veins whenever i flip a single page of an abnormaly heavy chemistry book and where else could i find a cheaper alternative? i couldn't measure the amount of relief that coursed through me the moment i handed down my blue book to the teacher. it was damn refreshing to know it's done.

ah. i've realized something as well. it might not be something new but it just dawned on me awhile ago while i was walking with a friend. a real friend is someone whom you can walk with in silence without feeling awkward. i just made that up! and i get that most of the time. a real friend is someone you feel comfortable with even in silence! you know, sometimes it happens that when i walk with someone whom i consider a friend, the moment the conversation drops off (especially if i'm with a guy), i feel weird about the sudden silence. it's awkward. mentally i'm hoping that he'd speak up and just talk and i'll do my best to reply with the best things that would hopefully lengthen the conversation (coz seriously i'm not a good conversationalist) just so the tension will subside. well, it will change in time, i know. it's just a matter of trying to feel good around your new friends that is.

for the meantime, i'm extra excited about this weekend. so much so that i'll skip psy1 this friday just to go home early!