i'm trying to make sense here

we're all confused! everybody goes through this stage of confusion of whether or not they are really suited for the course they're in. i have only one advice, we've only just begun. we're only freshmen students! we're rushing things up! we're still subject to further adjustments and it will continue to annoy us. look at the upperclassmen, try to interview them, you'll realize they're just like us when they started... they're all excited on the first day but come one or two semesters, they go cursing their courses like hell. but they all surived, yeah they did, they went through it one way or another... and look at how they spend their junior years. they seem so laid back and fully-adjusted. someday we'll be like them. we'll get used to the pressure that's deforming our morale. we'll bloom! yehey.

i'm not saying i won't shift. i'm still thinking about it. i've taken a generous amount of online quizzes and all of them gave suggested i venture into the world of art. but upon checking myself, although i would rather draw graphics than plot coordinates, i cannot carry my passion for drawing to a higher level. it's only a hobby and i don't want to pursue it because if i do, my style will be limited to what my professors teach me, i will be pressured to do a plate i'm not interested in and... i don't think i'd earn much. -_-;; whew. besides, i'm starting to like chem. yes i do but it doesn't mean it'll like me back. i'm learning a lot of things. things i never considered my mind is capable of grasping. it's a whole new world for me. and even though i'm failing, it's a flattery to know that i can master (in a couple of years time) a field i'm foreign to.

5 secrets

tagged by: rica

1. i have a crush on the person sitting 2 seats away from me. for one thing, he wears glasses!
2. i found shabu under the chair in the dorm (seriously).
3. i'm only here in this internet shop in hopes of seeing my other crush (other than #1).
4. i'm a nail-biting monster (heh. not a secret but i'm desperately trying hard to hide it)
5. i'm selling the item in #2. (weh)

i'm tagging: nez and mika and everyone else who reads this blog. :)

slow torture

our idiot of a homeowner's president just did the worst thing he could afford to do in his entire (and not to mention dire) term. he hired stupid men to debark the 2 biggest trees in visayas avenue. if you ask me, or if you're living here in our poorly led subdivision, you would damn these people to hell. those trees stood tall for years! they bloom with fresh leaves and give shade to cars that went nuts. they're the only alive trees in that pathetic jogger's lane, and now they just gave me a reason to hail visayas avenue as the most pathetic jogger's lane. how could you eliminate trees in a place where people gather every morning to breathe in fresh air? come on, who in their right minds would debark a tree that does no harm. it was totally uncalled for, unsolicited and very very very stupid. first, there are no electric wires around the tree so it shouldn't be an issue that when the branches sway, the cables snap. second, the whole of visayas avenue's fresh air relies on those gigantic trees that our very stupid president killed. and third, what did the tree do to him? as far as i'm concerned he doesn't live anywhere near that street where the mighty tree reigns so he doesn't have enough basis to call it an eyesore. and well, since when did trees become an eyesore? that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard! and what? he claims that the roots of the tree are breaking the cement on the gutter! oh please. you can't afford a bag of cement to patch that stupid gutter up that's why you chose to just kill the tree? that's ridiculous! you lost more than you gain!


what's utterly depressing about this thing is the way the trees are being robbed of their lives. we're not talking about chopping it through chainsaw but DEBARKING the poor trees. the process of scraping the outer and protective layer of a tree's bark. when it happens, it is expected that the tree would die in more or less 3 months! it's the cruelest thing to do to trees! 3 months of slow and pitiful agony. i cannot bear to watch it suffer like that! can you? it's like a cancer that's slowly killing every cell in a body. how would the tree survive like that especially that's it's super cold right now. i can't help but feel emotional over this traggic news. i can actually picture how the tree will look like by summer. =( it will be the most depressing sight in the whole of visayas avenue.

i want him imprisoned!

the 10 virtues

it's the coldest i've ever felt in my whole life and i haven't been to baguio. anyway i've been eating a lot. come on, we need all the body heat we could get and according to the concept of bodily thermodynamics, the combustion of glucose (found in carbohydrates) produces heat. hence it's a fallacy that you shouldn't eat ice cream when it's cold. hah. whatever.

so. you see the image above? i created that january 22 while, as usual, studying. it's on a 3x5 index card and i have just also uploaded it to my devart account. yey.

what happened this week? i already told you i'm phoneless for a week but it doesn't matter because i just proved i can survive a week without it - but still i can't deny the fact that i'm anxious to read my flooded inbox and i miss my alarm tone. hehehe.

you know my favorite internet shop in elbi? primelink solutions? i was so ashamed of what happened one day that i couldn't anymore gather enough guts to go back there and play. i just infected their computer with a virus! if you're crazy about this silly shallow thing here's how: so per usual i brought my mp3 player/usb drive to get some songs (because there, limewire is legal and they're even promoting their newly acquired download accelerator which enabled me to download 6 songs simultaneously in less than 15 minutes). ok so while i was surfing, the computer hanged. i panicked inwardly because i was the closest to the counter and the staff is just behind me. to make things worse, kuya (the cute kuya) and the other kuya (yung masungit) are starting to make a fuss about the computer maintenance, customer guidelines and other virus chorva (!!!) but i pretended not to hear (credits to: headphones). eventually i asked for help. so kuya (the cute kuya) restarted the computer and scanned my usb. and alas! he found 6 infected files. after a couple of clicks - which seemed endless to my melting pride - the files were healed and he allowed me to revert back to my web itineraries (which basically sums up to only two things - games and download). how kind. i was so ashamed. crush ko panaman si kuya. but you the know the feeling of wanting to leave but cannot because you're stuck on the chair by the imaginary superglue of guilt and shame???? exactly my dear friends. i was anxious to leave but found it hard to even reach for my purse and stand. but thank God, a snide comment from the other kuya (yung masungit) finally made me jerk up and leave. i hard him say, "bat pinayagan mo pa mag-surf?" grrrr ka. i hate you. i super hate you.

so i made my way to the counter, which is only two steps from where i was and paid. i apologized sincerely to kuya (the cute kuya) and even said na sa sobrang hiya di na ko babalik (kahit na deep inside i want to come back T_T;;) but he only replied na, pag di ka bumalik mawawala files mo. ♥

e wala naman akong files dun. >.<

lesson learned: always, ALWAYS scan whatever you stick on the ports before using. you might just end like me who regretted the day i was chucked out of the list of primelink's regular customers (ako lang yan).

hopeless

life has been tremendously hostile at me. first i left my phone back in our house, which is a good two hours away from here, meaning i am totally devoid of communication from my friends far from here. there's nothing wrong with it, i guess. it's just one week, and come to think of it, i just saved myself a hundred bucks for the prepaid. hehehe. whew. then there's the chem test. i just figured out i got a certain number wrong. problem number 2 regarding the partial pressures. damn damn damn. i don't know where i went wrong, all i know is that i am guaranteed a deduction of 15 points... plus 20 because i got another problem wrong, so that's 35 points already! and there's a slim chance i'd get the true or false questions right so... urgh. nevermind. wow. depressing. totally depressing. so much for the happy endorphins i'm so desperately trying to grow.

i hate it when everything seems to crumble easily on my feet. things like this should be taken seriously, heck we're talking about my grades and my obvious candidacy for delinquency here, but i don't know where to start. i'm afraid i won't be able to build up a good future here. sad is, i can't imagine a good future for me anywhere. what should i study then? where should i specialize?

on the bright side of it all, i received an email from someone asking for permission to translate my fanfic to Russian for some Russian-speaking website. aww, i was flattered. come on, who wouldn't?

life here is becoming detrimental to my mental health. i am being soaked of things i can't absorb and drowned in a foreign sea for the sharks to feast upon. someone help me. please please just give me a good grade. that's all i ask. a satisfactory grade in math and chem. mehn.

i'm giving up the acer ferrari. the price is a whooping 129,000 at the least!! haha screw it. i'll just buy a cheaper laptop and adorn it with a ferrari sticker. much better.

oh yeah. i had a major system restoration within me days ago. i'm back to the usual grayscale blur of a love life. hahahaha.

i though it's a zero!

but it was a 3! an equally disappointing 3/10! well at least it broke the record. i'm not super sad. but i'm kind of feeling emo right now. you know what i'm listening to? huwag mo nang itanong - mymp. tsk. i can totally relate to the first line. hahahaha. mehn. first line lang!! hehehe.

anyway. i finally got another fic idea!!!! okay, i won't spill yet since chances are i won't have enough time to spare nosebleeding over the first chapter. but the good thing is, it's tragic and i love tragic endings. it's based on a movie. hahaha. weeee. and obviously it's gonna be harryXdraco. yeah. i'm so excited.

oh damn. PE again tomorrow!!! i don't exactly hate PE, but part of why i'm trying to avoid PE is because i've gotten myself used to the (semi) fact that i can't run anymore. and it hurts so much to limit your legs to only brisk walking and jogging. but just recently, i've just proved to myself that i can run! not just run but SPRINT. the actual ability i was so scared of losing. yeah. it was the night of the chem16 lab test and jonathan and i walked home together. we were just talking and laughing and scaring each other until we suddenly ran! haha, i had to chase him and that's when i realized, holy guacamoleeee i can ruuuunnn!!!!! yehey. hmm. but i have to make sure the stupid meniscal tear has totally healed itself (or at least went close to it) before i can fully enjoy this freeedooooomm!!!!

i can't wait to go home. i want to go to the fair (sa holy). hmmph.
hehehe...

oh so this is how it feels

aww. first time! i'm a growing lady! i think i'm in love! but i'm still under self-denial. heck, i won't even mention it to anyone. not to my sister, not to my friends, as in no one! not because i don't trust them! i just want to make sure i'm telling the truth before i finally admit it. hehehe. e ano to?

i was hurt. it was the first time i felt like this. like someone's scrunching up my heart and piercing a hole through it. it was err... yeah it was difficult but NOT to the point of me throwing myself on the bed face down and burrying my face on the pillow crying the hell out. hahaha. that's the advanced chapter of 'getting hurt with your imaginary lovelife'. who knows when i'll finally get there? hahah. not now duh. not ever.

back in the dorm awhile ago after my last class i was in a state of trance. i was sort of self-analyzing. make that 30 minutes. i was trying to grasp what's really inside my mind just to clear things out. i've realized a lot of things. like what friendship really is and how different it is from just getting awfully fond of someone. hmm.

hmm. i think i'm getting my second zero in chem16. we had a quiz awhile ago. and i swear i studied. i was even proud of myself when i got a couple of problems right regarding the gas laws. but just awhile ago, my mind went blank. not exactly but i guess i wasn't given enough time to digest the problem. here's when your prof is taking great pleasure in seeing his student's brows knot in absolute ignorance. i was like, "oh dear, how do you get the molecular formula again?" arrgghh. ok. totally no sweat getting an egg. mehn. pray for me. we have a long test in chem16 (again) this friday. wooooot!!

hopefully tomorrow will be a great day. i only have two subjects and there's a chance of another awkward stroll back home. ♥