the ideal gas law

Awhile ago I have written a fairly long amount of text but the computer shop suddenly bagged down. I mean there was a brown out and so my file was deleted. I had to wait for the electricity to come back before I check the recovered file. You know what, it wouldn’t matter that much to me if the recovered file wasn’t recovered at all but the fact that I mentioned someone’s NAME in the text I’ve written makes me nervous enough not to let anyone read it. So for goodness sake, I’m going to learn the essence of saving every now and then. thank you.

I thought I should take it as a sign for me to stop typing a journal but I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from semi-blogging in a password protected Microsoft word file. By the way, this won’t take longer than usual.

Can I hop on to this day? So in my blog yesterday I’ve mentioned that I’ve finally freed myself from my Zahir. It’s actually a good thing that right now, whenever I see him, I see him only as a friend and the ‘spark’ that I once thought would fire off hearts in the night sky suddenly disappeared and ceased to impress itself. Yes, I know we’d only look after one another as mere friends and because I’ve already freed myself from the hopeless thoughts of me having no chance to him, I’ve come to accept it as well. It’s not that hard. The short Christmas vacation helped me a lot in deciding about this. Thanks a bunch.

Today is a semi-good day. I laughed a lot, I think I gave off a reasonable amount of positive energy to last the whole day. Meaning, I’m happy right now. The presence of the Zahir does not affect me anymore. Being friends, we enjoy each other’s company. I was the one who withdrew from the possibility of love to ignite. Or rather, I was the only one who thought it’s possible in the first place. Imagine the doom if I did not struggle from the Zahir, it would be a painful one-sided adventure to the brink of rejection. Painful. I have no idea how painful is ‘painful’ but coming from other’s who have experienced intolerable amount of heartbrokenness, I think painful can be equated to a heart piercing. It’s like having your heart pierced when there’s no jewelry to be stuck in it.

I sometimes wonder if I’m the only one thinking about these things but then nothing would change so, que sera sera.

Let’s see. There is another guy whom I’m not officially crushing on but then again, I’m using him as a cover to hide the Zahir. I don’t know why I always mention him, but I seriously don’t feel anything for him. It sucks to think that I’m morphing into one of his pathetic groupies who swoons over him whenever he passes by. I’m just starting to think it’s essential for me to divert the topic to him, since he’s popular enough to be talked about and people won’t mind because, grrrr, it’s normal for a girl to think he’s her prince charming. The nerve, God. THE NERVE. Trivia: his face is rough when you zoom it 4x. otherwise you’d think he’s a demi-god. Hahaha. but a friend of mine says he's ugly, and out of defending my taste for guys, i say he's wrong and that he's an *adjective+noun*. holy land of jerusalem, i would never ever repeat that word again. i'm giving him too much compliments he's not worthy of. but it's a matter of pride, and i don't want anyone saying i pick ugly guys. hmm... i think i COULD, only if he's rich and smart.

And so people think that just like his other anonymous admirers, I’m head over heels for this guy. Nye. Ok, let’s leave it here. The important thing is, I’m back to my usual grayscale love life and I’m happy. Couldn’t be anymore happier in fact. My favorite lunch is siomai-rice with banana and my favorite drink is a regular café-late with extra pearls from zagu. I’m wasting too much money. Bye.

i am a free man

the earthquake in taiwan affected the DSL's in our country, that's why the internet connection here, which uses DSL is quite fucked up. (i'm not sure if it's the real cause of these annoying internet delays but that's what i heard). i don't really mind, except that i can't gain access to blogger during the times i'm itching to update (like now, and if you must know... i'm mailing this entry again). it's just now that i realized the usefulness of the blogger-email feature. it comes in really handy when blogger is slow and the only thing you can open is your mailbox. hahahaha.

so what am i itching to update anyway? you know me, i love updating for no itchy reasons at all. i just... want to write! yey. not about something substantial but rather just about anything random that comes to my mind. and randomness, in my case, can be equated to nonsensical gibberish. you don't have to brace yourself for what lies ahead since there's nothing surprising if i suddenly want to talk nonsense (like i always do). just er.. read.

the more you hate, the more you talk about it. you talk as if he's the worst thing that ever crossed your life. you want to know more unlikely things about him in hopes of looking for a reason to hate him forever when in fact, it's just to cover another fact that he occupies a portion of your mind. he's becoming your personal Zahir and it disgusts you to take it any further. you want to drown yourself with reasons to turn yourself off but as you sink deeper, your senses adapt. you do not struggle anymore, you learn the depths of his soul. but as the book says, the only way to let go of something is to get used to it first. and so you do. you spend time with him, thinking that you'll soon grow fond of him that you won't miss him anymore. and it happens, the spark you once thought would draw hearts in the night sky fades away and you heave a sigh of lightness. it's over.

i just freed myself from my Zahir.

yehey! come on Friday... i'm waiting.

adsense terminated

it's been more or less two months since i started earning through adsense (no i haven't received my first paycheck... but i should be if only--). during those two months i've accumulated a total of around 280 clicks and $35... which roughly amounts to P1750 here in and is more than enough to pay for 5 units of my summer classes. however, due to my own stupidity - or rather this is karma's payback trick on me- i have carelessly comitted invalid clicks. honestly, i have been breaking the adsense terms and conditions ever since i started and in the first place, i am not legally allowed to participate in it - agewise. i just want to try it. i should be arrested. lol. i just turned myself over.

so it's over. i'm not sad. two days ago i received the account deactivation notice and i was surprised. but i easily got over it thinking that either way it wouldn't do me any good. besides, i'm breaking the law so i should be treated accordingly. i'm spilling a lot already. anyway, no more adsense. no more clicks. so don't ask.

i just came back from los banos. the internet connection there has gone bonkers. every internet hub i enter have poor access to blogger and most of my personal pages like in devart and ffnet. i'm beyond pissed. yeah, it's worse that having the termination of my first online business. so i have no choice but to leave the node and walk silently back to the dorm keeping in mind a hopeful thought that tomorrow will be a good day for the servers to function better so... i'll be back. hahaha.

onga pala. we watched pat (dorm-mate!) in game knb? awhile ago. hehe... she didn't win but i swear, she got most of the atras powers of the other players. hehehe. talagang pinilit ko manood! hahaha.

hmmm. aside from that nothing else happened! except that i just broke my new year resolution number 1 (quit nailbiting). hahaha. eh ang weirdo ko talaga eh.

surprise surprise. my parents are planning on buying us a new laptop. yay. i've been saving for it because i want my OWN... but since my parents are buying it i have to share it with my sister. hay. pwede na rin.

friday i'm in love

i'm posting this entry through mail. blogger is currently on downtime (maybe it's just me but the person beside me is also having the same problem) so i thought it better to just mail it for now.

okay.

this day has been terrible. i got a 37/100, a zero, a nerve-racking headache and a mild fever. details further below. but please take note that while the abovementioned series of unfortunate events should put me in utter depression and give me suicidal tendencies, i am proud to say that neither of them successfully penetrated my nerves. remember, i'm a very optimistic being... i've taught myself to filter things so that i'd somehow manage to save my sanity in this murderous university.

37/100. the reason why i'm not depressed over this is because it's already EXPECTED. yes. i know firsthand that i don't stand a chance to pass the first long test. i studied, but well... let me say this peanuts quote once again, 'just when i discovered life's answers, they changed the questions.' yeah.

zero. to tell you the truth (and boastness aside), this is the first time in my whole life that i got a zero on a quiz. yeah and the closest i got to it is a 1 which is just as pathetic but then the teacher back then was so kind she gave me a point for the effort and ink. this was also the quiz where i got everything wrong from the question, the answer and the paper.

nerve-racking headache. from the moment i woke up until after our chem16 lab (that's 1pm), my stomach was empty. and even if i ate during snack time it was easily consumed because of our experiments awhile ago which involved a lot of thinking and computations (so much for the labgown i so desperately borrowed). i'm such an airhead when it comes to naming compounds and acids,combining elements and their charges and the whole junk about memorizing the cation and anions from the periodic table. in short, bobo ako sa chem. the two previous terrible things are enough to prove it.

mild fever. mild lang. don't worry. i just don't feel fine after the chem16 lab that i almost want to collapse. maybe it's because of the rain. aw mehn.

yehey. but at least the 7-10pm lab scheduled for today was cancelled forever. haha. and look! it's friday tomorrow! i can't wait to go home!!

mehn. sometimes i wonder if need to scale down my optimism (or whatever it is that makes me happy despite the world crumbling down on my feet) so that i'll be alarmed enough to take action of my negligence.

happy happy new year!

first post for the year! hahaha. like you can stop me from posting, anyway.

hello 2007. be good to me ok? according to the Chinese Horoscope, people born under the year of the Horse will get good luck! yeah! thanks pig. yay.

so last night, the view from our rooftop was extra spectacular. hahaha. oh because our neighbors from the back bought a LOT of fireworks and so when they sparked them off the fireworks blew a colorful display right on top of heads! it's the closest i've ever been to a fireworks display!!

i wasn't at all dismayed at the fact that we didn't open all the lights and windows (because of the stink and the smoke), jumped at 12 midnight, or even bought anything to welcome the Pig. it was normal in our family to just stay at the rooftop during new year's eve and gape wondrously at the marvelous display unfolding right in front of us. it's a good thing we have a rooftop. we saved a LOT. it's like those people who used fireworks are doing us a great favor.

i can't say it's the best new year for me. i was so tired the whole day. sunday morning we went to church, then we dropped by the grocery, then headed home. from there, i didn't go back to sleep like i usually do. i have to prepare our food!! my sister's suffering from her monthly curse and i was left to do the ref cake and the baked trivelli (kasi hindi sha macaroni. haha) alone. i enjoyed it anyway. nothing beats cooking for your family. awww. hehehe.

so by around 10, i texted every non-globe user in my phonebook a happy new year before i subscribe to unlimitxt for the rest of the day. haha. then we drank!! yeah. my dad and i shared the fundador while my mom and sis went for the sangria. theeeen... KARAOKE!

oh dear! i wasn't drunk... i was just high!!! and i sang the most. sucks because we don't a magic mic so we have to settle for the old school karaoke disks that doesn't score and jumps when you've used it for a long time. funny, my dad was singing 'tell laura i love her' and when the chorus came.. "tell Laura i----" the cd skrewed off. haha so we were like.... WAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEAAAHAHAHAHA ANOOOOOO DAAW?? HAHAHAH!!!! heh. whatever. so from 10 to 12 i sang and sang. then from 12 we went up to the rooftop. around 1am we went down to eat! yeah! so basically we just have baked trivelli (hehe) and ref cake on the table along with some plastic fruits, a loaf of bread and a pack of caramel popcorn. nothing much diba??? but i loved it.

ADSENSE ALERT: who says it'll take decades for me to earn a grand??? as long as YOU guys click on the google ads on top of my every entry (CLICK AS MANY AS YOU WANT) my goal of reaching a hundred dollars (and more!) will soon draw over the horizon!

page impressions: 1,048
clicks: 277
page CTR: 26.43%
page e-CPM: $30.43
earnings: $31.90

no classes till january 3???? what joy.

patching up

i want someone to yell GET A LIFE in front of my face. if you notice, i've been blogging almost everyday since the christmas break... like i have a lot to tell when in fact nothing much is happening in my life. really. and i'm surprised that i actually managed to write something. hehehe.

oh this is going to be my last entry for the year! cheers to that.

since 2006 is going to end anytime soon i'm going to follow the bandwagon of people who write resolutions, acknowledgements and apologies. just for the mere pleasure of having something to blog about.

♥ new year's resolutions

1. i'll, hopefuly, quit biting my nails.
- actually during the vacation i've grown them! long enough for my taste but still short compared to others. i have short fingers and when my nails grow past them they easily catch dirt since there's no skin beneath it. i hate it when that happens so i always say it's better short and clean than long and dirty. and when it gets long i, out of a silly habit, bend them with my thumb until it cracks. then poof. they're gone once again and i have to swear, for the nth time, that i'll let it grow. so, in the name of this blog... i solemnly swear i'll TRY to leave my nails alone and mind my own business (of growing them).

2. stop procastinating.
- it's an illness! a lethal one that could kill your academic life!!! i'm struggling to keep it from getting into my genes and being passed on to my err... future kid. uggh. we all hate ourselves when we procastinate but what's better than warming up your braincells a bit before diving into a whirlpool of homeworks?

3. save $$$.
- where's money when you need it? unless you're filthy rich and arrogantly wealthy, i'd guess you've said that line at least once (or twice and more) in your lifetime. i swear i'm going to save half of my allowance every week to be able to accumulate enough money to buy a killer laptop.

♥ apologies

hehe. i know i've hurt someone one way or another but the thing is... i can't remember! weh. it's either *i've already said sorry or *i'm not aware i hurt someone. to all those i've bashed before (whom i've apologised to already), i don't think i deserve to give them a second apology. once is enough. don't get used to it. i'm just being fair and it's different from being generous. SORRY is a very sacred word to me, and when it comes out of my mouth i mean it! i don't just apologise because the ocassion calls for it.

either way.
sorry.
heh. labo.

♥ thank you!

there's so much to be grateful for!! this year has been really eventful. yeah, to the point of me blogging almost everyday as if something noteworthy always happens. GOD is and always will be on the top of my credits list. in fact He's given me way too much optimism and inspiration to push through life regardless of its hostile way of welcoming me.

thanks to all the people who contributed to my graduation. i mean, to those helped me earn my diploma and not trip on the stage. those include... my friends, family, peers and counselors. mehn, you're the best. hi five!

thank you... mommy and daddy. i was the result of your love-making. lol. at least you love me and will always do. i love you too. aww. cheesy.

thank you... my sister! yeah terai! most of time i feel like you act so unlike your age, so childish but you've always been here for me. without you i'm lost. seriously. if you hadn't taught me beforehand the shortcuts from math building to humanities and from registrar's to the dorm, then... i'm dead. thanks for keeping my secret. my dear dear secret that shouldn't be spilled in the dorm.

thank you... my dear co-muses. we've proved ourselves better than sex. hahaha. thanks for all the laughter and joy. i laugh hardest when i'm with you. you're my cure!!

thank you... college friends. you taught me a lot. you see, i was an idiot when i came to the university, now i can safely say i'm a partially-learned woman (and will still learn some more). you're the reason why i still hadn't killed myself on the 3rd day of school. and you're also the reason i didn't cry when i got a 5.

thank you... dorm mates. you make me feel at home.

heh. basta thanks to everyone who has been part of my life. hah. how cliche.

and lastly, thank you Blogger for publishing this entry.

a toast to 2007.

each day has enough troubles on its own

i'm starting to feel really odd about myself. i wish instead of being a rotten engineering student i should've pursued my abnormal fancy for computers and took, against all odds, computer science. it's the only course i THINK i would enjoy despite its own antagonistic air. it's the only course i THINK i would appreciate even when professors kept on bombarding us with loops and strings to trip us over. it's the only course where GEEKS are given a new definition. they're not people who go to school with the weirdest clothing line and carry the heaviest books. GEEKS, in this department walk with effortless fashion and speak like geniuses. Coming from Einstein, "Great Minds Think Alike" and indeed, you cannot simply mingle with these people if you do not know their language... which make them seem higher than the rest of us yet so isolated from the real world. they secretly plot for world domination using the one thing most of us are illiterate in. Codes.

that's exactly how i want to spend my college life. it's the only place where looks are utterly deceiving.

i'm so confused. one day i'd say i really want to be a com arts student, then comp sci then business major... then journ. then fine arts. then... maybe i should be an out of school youth. heh. not likely but still. you don't know how detrimental it is to my wilting health to think about my futuuuuurrrreeeee.

do i even have one?