i'm back to shane

i found this site where you can watch videos for free.. music videos, movies, series...

You Tube

check it out. so far i got a lot of video feeds from The L Word.
i think there's finl destination 3 there... try it.

maybe i'll direct link you to a couple of shane clips later... like you care.

haha, i haven't started studying for our exams on monday... good luck to me.

i think i'll be absent friday after the exams, i'm still thinking of a better (and reasonable) excuse without showing a medical certificate...

you're so vain. tsk, if only mirrors could laugh.

i admire a hell lot of people. and the more i like them the more i see my imperfections, my short-comings and everything else that is not me.

alongside admiration, of course, is envy. i envy those who are smarter that i am. who wouldn't? they are unknowingly pulling me down, down and down to the brink of self-denial and incompetency. i feel stupid when i'm with them, they make me look like a side-kick, and i DAMN hate that. you, go away.

i don't know but i came to realize my own version of the difference of admiration and envy. normally, when we admire someone smarter that we are, they are usually not in our level. like einstein or newton and all the geekheads of the renaissance (count your seniors too, your parents, teachers...). envy comes along when you know someone your equal is (or seems) greater than you are. like a classmate, a friend, your sister... anyone you know so well. yeah, that happens a lot. then competition starts...

competition is done not only by rivals and enemies, it could also be done with a friend and this happens a lot of times.

sometimes i observe people who secretly compete with their friends (count me in). i'm guilty of that, i have this ocassional need to assure myself that i am not in the bottom line and that i have more to show. call it bad, the hell i care...

even with my close friends i can feel the competition. it's actually present everywhere. you're a complete liar if you deny it.

i don't see the reason why i wrote this, it just came into my mind that i've been secretly competing a lot.

anyway, i will leave that evil side already and heed this quote my dad shared to me one time, "the best way to compete is to stay out of competition."

mehn, can you believe it? i'm out of the Caffeine Addicts Rehab! i'm not craving for coffee anymore (although i still have this 'drugged' feeling when i smell something like coffee). i'm out of inferno, maybe i'm now in purgatorio for the cleansing process.

damn it, my toe nail broke. maybe i was cursed not to have long nails forever. whenever i grow them successfully something will always happen that will end in me cutting them shorter again. damn fate.

moment of truth

i didn't make it to UP. i went there awhile ago with my dad along with lienne and bea.
ok, first of all i felt blank and neutral. definitely i felt sad, but it lasted only for about a minute then i regained my composure and went on living.

i'm warning you. i do not need your pity. i am not depressed. it actually irritates me that someone is trying to console me when i don't feel bad at all. i don't need encouraging words because i already filled myself with those beforehand. that's all. but i appreaciate your concern, it's just that i'd rather hear it from someone who, like me, didn't make it.

i'm quite happy, UST isn't a bad choice (in fact i don't have a choice). it's only now that i learned to appreciate it.

this is my ultimate dream:

i shall grow into a very successful person in the future where people will look up to my skills and appreciate me. i wish to be interviewed in a well-known newspaper or magazine. there i'll show them that behind my success are three rejection letters (or more). i am not smart enough for Ateneo, too laid-back for La Salle and too careless for UP but all these brought me here. it is in my failures that i defined my success.

yeah that's my goal!
it's fun to be optimistic.

good luck

today is the GALS competition, at first i wanted to go but on second thought it'd be very tiring so i just preferred to stay here and wait for good news.

i feel so guilty right now, we didn't go to church because of my parents' client affair, why do they have to set it on a sunday? whatever.

stardard chartered credit cards (visa and mastercard) has a very very cool promo running from feb 15 - march 31, 06. NEO laptop 1 year installment for 5,833.25 / month, . pentium centrino, 40gb hard drive, lightweight (1.8 kg) blah blah...
0% interest for those who could pay monthly billings on the right due date. free ipod nano and logitech webcam. free delivery for locations inside the greater metro manila boundary. isn't that great? all in all you have to pay 69,999.00, but for a laptop, ipod nano and webcam i think that's quite reasonable.

mehn, i'm still trying to convince my parents onto it. it's not bad at all!! who cares if it's neo and is not acer, hp or compaq? i would love to have my own laptop. but dad says he's gonna buy a 25,000 laptop, free shipping.

come on! 25k for a laptop is very suspicious it sounds like a smuggled one. you're not even given an assessment of the features. grrr, i wish i had my own credit card.

please please... grad gift?
LoL. as if i've ever been in the top 20 these 4 yrs. =(

i have more to share

are you watching my name is kim sam soon?
hehe, you should. i'm obsessed on it right now, it's my only stress relief!! the food, the guys and sam soon's character as well.

it is rare for me to like a leading lady that much you know. first i must consider the attitude, i hate sassy leading ladies who like to take control over the guy too much, it's irritating! and what's irritating me more is the high pitched filipino dubber and the OVERLY konyo translations they make like there's no more filipino words left in the dictionary. eherm. sometimes i just want to punch the tv and kill the series (how ever that's possible). no wonder why filipino dubbers (or dubbers in general) do not get popular.

back to sam soon. well, pretty much i'm so hooked to the show. i love the food too much i wish we had a pattisieur in the family. i just love desserts. why don't you? life is a box of chocolates anyway.

i like sam soon! the lead guy cyrus is good-looking too (in most angles, but he's cutest when he smiles, heh! dimples!) but i just can't help but feel hurt whenever he says bad things to sam soon. he's so rude, not my ideal man.

graduation is near. but before that we still have to go through the 4th quarterly tests. i'm actually excited to get over the tests because right after that we'll be staying in westin hotel for three days to escort my mom in the her awards night. well whatever, i just want to feel the aircon, the pool, the sauna, the beach and most especially...... THE CABLED TV!!!!!

i'm currently reading: the pilgrimage - paulo coehlo.

there is someone walking behind you

this morning i went to school to help finish the GALS banner. thank God we're done, yay! i got my school shirt which is size M but it turns out that it magically shrank 2 sizes smaller. dem, i should have chosen XL if i knew that school shirts are supposed to be that small. grrr.

after that karla, kim, nez, larz and i went to SMF to watch final destination 3. it was a very gruesome movie (as always) that will surely leave you paranoid, looking for signs that would mean your death. and the song, 'there is someone walking behind you, turn around... there is someone watching your footsteps...' is very freeeaaakkkyyy....

something funny (or at least) happened after that. we went to toy kingdom to meet nez's mom and there we saw this toy board where i wrote the first line of the song, then my friends started to add something else. when i turned around, guess what i saw?

there was a miniture roller coaster (eh mukhang roller coaster eh, paranoid na cguro ako) display there. hehe, freaky.

and theeeeeennnn, we're all fussing about the flight 180 plane crash (FD 1) while bearing the usual regalado traffic, we started seeing plate numbers.... parang, "ayun oh 190, minus 10.." "ayun pa 183, minus 3.." then i spoke, "pag ako talaga nakakita ng 180 ah... naku."

guess what? duh.
i can still remember the plate number, ZAA 180.

maybe it's your car, we'll find out.

whoopdeedoo

there's something weird about me today. i don't know, i feel so happy like there're a lot of positive charges coursing through my veins. it's inexplicable i can't determine the source of this but i guess this is an omen that something good will happen soon. oh i wish THIS is it. meehn.

well well, i read this really funny naruto fic. LoL, i'm afraid i can't share the details because you know, hehe, it's not for kids. haha... another thing, i'm currently reading another naruto fic which is uhm, not for kids either. okay, when i say it's not for kids, it doesn't necessarily contain sex and explicit themes, it's just that the idea might offend you that's all. you know, yaoi. brokeback mountain? gravitation? uhm, mark feehily? sounds familiar? yeah, gay mehn.

ok it hit me now. did i just mention mark feehily? my beloved westlife tenor markus michael patrick verdon feehily? the one whom i have infatuated for so long?! who sang 'oh mandy' when he could've sang 'oh arianne'? dem! he's gay!!! HURRAAAAAYY!! i don't know, i'm so insane i could easily give up my crush... for another GUY.

you shouldn't be surprised. this is the real me.
ok, lemme share to you a very special song yet no one gets sentimental over it, or has there been one already?

if you were gay
that'd be okay!
i mean 'cos hey!
i'd like you anyway!
because you see
if it were meeee
i would feel free to say
that i was gay
(but i'm not gay)

just that part. see now, there's nothing wrong with it. i'm not saying i'm gay but hey, that'd be okay. :D i almost memorized the whole lyrics you know, including the dialogue introductions of puppet-gays-in-denial rod and nicky. they just amuse me a lot!

---
awhile ago we had a mass and the anual educators' day celebration. the message didn't reach me that we'll be halfday today and that there'd be no classes. heh. like it matters a lot, i don't really care. as you can see i'm still alive.

the presentations were nice.
yesterday my mom, dad and i watched 'close to you'. hehe it's not gut bursting funny since john lloyd himself is the only comic relief (i was actually looking forward to a funny sidekick but no) but he is, in a way, funny. i can't concentrate on the humor majorly because i cried twice. meeehn! i cried twice on a filipino flick movie!!! heh. my mom cried too... ayun, uhm it's nice!

next movies to (hopefully) watch...

final destination 3 - i still have to drag some of my friends to watch with me since i have just recently realized that horror movies bring friends closer together. diba?
fun with dick and jane - don't you just love jim carrey? (ano ba spelling non?)
brokeback mountain - tara michi!