I'm super duper overwhelmed with work right now and I don't know where to start. All I know is that:
I'm being pressed to finish migrating our timekeeping system this week
I haven't started developing this robot for a marketing group and I need to present something by next week
I have two other RPA projects to do
Issues keep popping while I'm in the middle of something
I have so many enhancement requests lined up after I'm done with #1 and I don't know where to squeeze them in my freaking life.
I'm a big mess when it comes to prioritizing.
I also always procrastinate.
Sometimes I wish people would stop coming to me directly for a project because I'm bad at assessing and I'll most likely say something along the lines of, sure I can do that when do you need it? Instead of stepping back and saying I'm fucking loaded right now please talk to my manager about that. Urgh.
Can I please have that? Like a filter? Oh yeah, a project manager? All my projects right now are frkn delayed.
This sucks.
On the lighter side of work, I signed myself up for this daily guided meditation thing our L&D group set up to help us uhm, meditate? And somehow find peace and clarity in these chaotic times. It's been generally helpful. For 15 minutes we just pause and breathe slowly, focus on the calmness of our breath, acknowledge distractions but not act on them. It's super nice and I always feel very light and sleepy afterwards. I was hesitant at first because I'm averse to subscribing to anything new age spiritual, but this practice is fairly okay. No summoning weird energy, no commanding the universe like you made it lol, and no false affirmations. Totally cool. Just allowing the science of controlled breathing to work on your nerves. See? No need to get fake meta just to promote calm.
Anyway. I'm interested in reading The Daily Stoic. It's a daily devotional based of stoic philosophy and so far, from what I see from my friends who post daily screenshots from the book (thanks!), it's actually full of practical advice! Maybe I'll try it! Let's see if I can cut down my overthinking to just thinking.
New social media cover photo! Thanks a bunch Canva, these cute abstract blobs are super trendy right now no? Haha
As usual, here's some randomness in my life.
✱ Whenever I play Clash Royale I always tell myself not to give a fuck every time I lose because it's just a game. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, specially when I'm on a losing streak. There's only so much failure I can handle and losing 5x in a row really kills my zen yaknow?!
✱ Speaking of mobile games, these are the apps I have in rotation: Clash Royale, Ball Blast, Cooking Madness, and Coin Master.
✱ And speaking of Coin Master. I can't believe I'm playing this right now. I used to be bombarded with their ads. And every time I watch them I can't help wonder where they got the budget to have JLo, Terry Crews, and even Kris Jenner appear in their promos! Could be deepfakes though but who knows?
✱ Alright. It's already GCQ. I don't really know what's changed. I stopped caring about guidelines since MECQ started. We all know the basics anyway, the most important thing is to keep yourself isolated as much as you can. We're still practicing social distancing, wearing masks at all times, proper handwashing, and we're still not coming back to work at the office. Which is good. Only difference is that Jeckie and I are shopping together now. I can't find any definite answer as to whether the one per household rule is still being enforced, but no one has ever checked our quarantine pass in the last three weeks, checkpoints are not checking, and no one has stopped the two of us from entering an establishment together. Entrances are loosening up. It feels like people are less fearful of the virus now. I guess we've adapted and now know how to protect ourselves when going outside.
✱ Still eyeing the iPad Mini and Apple Pencil but official stores have not restocked yet. I'm checking everywhere for updates. Power Mac, Beyond the Box, iStudio, Switch, nada. I've also asked around Anson's, Abenson, Octagon, Silicon Valley, ElectroWorld, to no avail. All they have are iPhones. No tablets, at least not the tablets we want. The only stores I know that have stock are online sellers and tiangge owners. But I find it too risky. Hopefully Power Mac restocks soon, cos we've purchased cases for them already and they're arriving soon haha! Also, I'm so excited to Procreate. The app, of course. 😉 Excited na ko i-joke to sa mga nanay ko hahahaha
✱ Damn it's always Wednesday and I haven't done anything productive for work. Uuuuurgghhh.
✱ Hmm, what else. Oh right, I have duplicate Facebook accounts too. Can't say they're my fake accounts though because who am I to assume I have troll posers? My name is pretty common on Facebook, and I'm not about to report a potentially innocent account you know? Like how do you really know? On the grounds of having the same name and a firstname.lastname.number format in their username? That's crazy right? Facebook automatically suggests those usernames, it's very easy for someone to agree to having a random username because maybe they just chose to get one then just went with the suggestion? Anyway. I'm leaning more towards the possibility that my Facebook twins are legit or just simply uber private accounts with hidden everything, cos you can do that right? Idk.
I do feel a bit worried though so I'm kindof backreading all the posts where I might have said something about this government that may sound incriminating. Well, there's none.
✱ I hope I'd have more subscribers on Youtube, but frankly I have the most boring content and just like this blog I hate promoting myself on Facebook like hey guys please follow my channel pretty please, help me on the road to 1k subs! Hahaha I'm kinda done with that. Nahihiya ako eh, I'm afraid of rejection. And my boss seeing my social media activity lol. I hardly even show my face in my channel, even when making reviews. And I'm well aware that thumbnails with faces are favored more by newsfeed algorithms.
✱ Anyway, please subscribe to my Youtube channel: The Blahger LOOOOL I'd be happy with just 100 subs, I just really need that custom URL hahaha.
Things haven't been so great lately. I'm getting stressed from complaining about a lot of things!
✖ Our refund from Victory Liner still hasn't been processed yet and it's been more than two months! They're full of excuses. Genesis was able to refund within two weeks during ECQ, I can't imagine what their problem may be. ✖ Our PMO takes too long to issue receipts. Our May billing statement still shows our April dues as unpaid, and I said I can't pay this until you send me an updated statement clearing our April dues. But heck, it's almost due date and I can't miss it urgh. ✖ Lazada is also taking too long to send my Apple invoice, which means I can't register my warranty urgh.
✖ Estancia still refusing access to non-Pasig residents and I miss Unimart!
I've been nothing but patient and understanding this season but I can't keep on being like this when it's been over two months and there's no sign of improvement everywhere.
On the plus side, my monitor got delivered two days ago.
Remember I was supposed to pick this up from the office but guess what, blog jinked it so I wasn't able to drop by Friday last week haha. Our building suddenly has to be closed off due to a confirmed COVID-19 case. Whew.
I was surprised at how big my monitor was. I couldn't remember the size of my desk anymore. I used to work on two monitors but wow this single equipment has taken over most of my desk space, damn. I really miss my office desk.
I love working on a big setup. My laptop now works as a CPU, it's tucked behind the monitor doing all the processing. I've set it up such that even if the lid is closed, the laptop won't sleep.
Now, my only complain is that I couldn't get the right color settings for the monitor aaaand I can't use the webcam anymore.
I thought I'd be motivated to actually code but I still feel lazy asf. Must have something to do with the bed beside me urgh. I'm so full of excuses lately ano po. I got a full sized wireless keyboard and a monitor, and now I want to get new glasses, and a proper headset. Jusko when will my setup be enough.
Anyway. I'll just quit giving fucks about things I have no control over, which is everything I've complained about so far. I've nudged people enough to take action, now I'm just gonna let them do their jobs and hopefully they deliver before my patience tank gets depleted (again).
✓ I mean, Victory Liner is already well aware of our complaints. ✓ There's no point nagging our PMO, I'll just continue paying our dues diligently.
✓ I'll continue to wait for my invoice from Lazada. After all, I trust Apple enough so I hope I don't get any issues with my new airpods.
✓ I don't care about Estancia anymore. We have Megamall, and it has Healthy Options.
Will you look at that. I already feel more peaceful. I just had to detach myself from things I thought I deserved, but was okay to let go naman pala.
It's a bit over a month since the ECQ started, here are... random thoughts.
✦ I'm getting tired of my own cooking. So I'm trying to discover nearby restaurants that offer pick-up or delivery. We've had Domino's and New Bombay so far
✦ I wish we had a 2-door inverter ref, a 2-bedroom unit, and an oven. Also a new couch.
✦ I'm lagging behind my 2020 Reading Challenge. Still currently reading Smaller and Smaller Circles by F.H. Batacan. For such a short book I wonder what's taking me so long. Oh right, I don't really like reading. But I'd like to pretend I do, so I signed up for free Kindle Unlimited [link]
✦ My husband lacks common sense in the kitchen. One time he was defrosting the ref and used a rag to soak up the dripping moisture. When he was done, he just returned the rag beside the sink. Hindi nya piniga. The rag was fucking dripping. Urgh.
✦ I thought I'd enjoy working from home, but I feel more tired. And I'm always working late. I don't want our home to lose its sense if the lockdown continues for months on end.
✦ I realized that we don't really need a lot of things to survive. Duh.
✦ ECQ allowed me to be able to strictly follow my IF schedule yey. And now most of my old clothes are starting to fit again.
✦ I discovered an issue with our VPN just now. Which as of writing has already been fixed, but gave me the idea on how to unblock certain sites hehehe
✦ Our couch is sagging at the center because of a broken frame and we're looking for items in the house we can use to support it. Right now it's got a pair of books and a tin lunch box underneath. Hopefully it survives until we find someone who can fix it.
✦ I'm starting to appreciate the sky even more lately
✦ There's something wrong with how hashtags are being used in social media. Most of them are confusing. And before you get what their real intention is, you have to go through trial on fire.
You'll never learn about it without getting into an argument. One that will potentially crush your self esteem and have all your embarrassing pre-pubescent photos exposed to the public. That's how petty woke twitter is.
So why do we even bother with catchy hashtags that breeds confusion and misinformation and AAAAALWAYS need to be elaborated? It may be encouraging to see it spread like wildfire. But you'll hardly see anyone using it in the right context, with the correct understanding. Examples:
#MenAreTrash - pero hindi daw lahat. Also pag kumontra ka, hindi para sayo yung hashtag so shut up ka na lang. Galeng.
#MassTestingNow - pero hindi talaga mass as in everyone. Gotcha.
#MedikalHindiMilitar - pero kelangan parin ng pulis. So much for putting "hindi" sa hashtag. Ikaw pa tanga.
#OustDuterte - ito clear. Ganyan dapat.
✦ There was a tweet that reminded me how much I hated highschool. Sabi nya Highschool > College daw pero ang nag-viral is yung bumira sa kanya with the caption, "Not if you're gay". Hahaha
✦ Anyway. That tweet prompted me to clean up my friends list once again and eliminate people from highschool who were never really nice. I think I unfriended an entire group of friends. Nagbago na siguro sila but I wouldn't be able to prove that for myself, so my last memory of them will always be their bitching around and being bullies. So yun, goodbye.
It's been crazy. We're on enhanced community quarantine (which is close to a lock-down except our government can't take responsibility for everyone), people are panicking, and I can only pray for things to get better. For COVID-19 to eventually be eradicated. For the sick to be healed. For everyone to be protected and provided for. For kindness, cooperation, and empathy to reign. For God to have mercy on us all.
I've published two Weekly Monotonies since the last update and imma plug em right here.
Vlog #19 - The seeming calm before the storm
I discovered Highlands Iced Mocha which tastes 99% like Costa's Iced Cafe Mocha. And they're on the same spot too at RSC Lobby. Makes me wonder if Robinson's acquired Highlands after it let Costa go, it's been popping on several Robinsons properties in the Metro.
My officemate and I attended a Personality Development workshop in the office thinking it would actually be helpful for our personalities lol. Turns out it's 90% Mary Kay demo and 10% harassing us into buying their products. Errrr.
Our car is due for registration this month and while I had intended to do it myself, even filing a vacation leave for it, I unfortunately overslept at my parents' house so my dad decided to just do it himself while I was asleep. Long story short they called someone to assist them from the emission center. I was mentally torn about its illegality but then I realized that a personal appearance isn't really required for MVR (unlike DL renewal) so I figured it's fine to just pay someone for convenience.
Oh yeah, we also got our plate number. FINALLY. After four bajillion years.
Ate dinner with my parents that Friday night because swelday! Also because I didn't want to leave the house early on a Friday night. I waited for my sister to get home from work, and while waiting tried to study playing a song from CLOY. You can watch my futile attempt around 5mins into the vlog.
Hmm, what else.
I attended our cell group meeting for the first time in a very long time. I'm surprised myself. Saturday night CGs have been a struggle for me lately because it's usually errands and visit-my-parents day, but since I was able visit the day before, I figured it's about time I water my wilting spirituality by appearing in a fellowship. It was nice seeing them again. :)
Vlog #20 - Panic is the real pandemic, but you're not gonna see that in the vlog
It's the week the number of COVID-19 patients in the Philippines have grown to an alarming rate. People are more worried. Looking at how our neighboring countries fare, everyone's expecting the worst. We can be sent home any time. So our company is rushing to roll out its BCPs, setting up hundreds of laptops to be issued to its soon to be remote workforce, drafting out all the necessary policies to keep the GOC functioning despite a deserted office. I, on the other hand, was tasked to develop a WFH functionality on our timekeeping system (TS). One that will allow us to log in and out of our TS as we work remotely. If you're wondering, our time logs are being purely captured by onsite biometrics.
The enhancement is needed as soon as possible, but no rush - they say. It didn't help that my manager was away on self-quarantine (bc of a recent travel) as he laid down the requirements. In between choppy calls and lack of validation, I was able to deliver what I consider a bare minimum. A quick win. This would do for now as we have not enough time to test. We can refine as we go along. Thank God I'm not alone in the team.
So I got the code base ready on Friday night but I had to be on standby as they prepare the comms. The go signal didn't flare until Sunday afternoon, just as I was backing up on a parking slot at SM Megamall. We were supposed to look at furniture and buy groceries, but my mind was distracted the whole time.
I had backups so one of my teammates did the go-live, but my manager reminded me about a functionality that I didn't think was supposed to be part of the initial release. I thought it could wait. I also didn't think I was supposed to work on it during the weekend, so in the end he updated the code himself lol. It went fine hahaha.
HR also sought help with the guidelines, so I did my best. I sought help from others too, and we were able to refine the wordy points, make it more easy to read and understand. I cut the bullet points in half, and reworded almost everything. But when the comms went out, it's as if she hadn't asked for help at all haha.
Anyway. This is my current WFH setup. My husband works on the couch outside haha.
Now that the remote time in/out feature has been rolled out, I see myself obsessively checking the database. Querying the numbers, investigating bugs, consolidating missed entries, supporting issues, thinking if the copy on the website is clear enough, wondering why people kept forgetting to log out.
Argh. I've never been this tired working from home. But seeing that more than 75% of our office population has logged in remotely, I'm kindof happy how it's being utilized.
I remember worrying about work in my previous post. Well, things aren't better. It's still the same. I don't even think I'm moving forward in any of my tasks. Urgh.
And then, the logo studies I was trying to finish? I didn't make it to my deadline which is supposed to be last Friday. I got busy with work, and there's also something about the requirement that's super vague to me. I can't find out what she wants. We agreed on the pegs but when it came to the output, turns out she wants something entirely different. And I spent so many hours conceptualizing that first study you know. Urgh. And can I just say, I don't feel it. I don't feel this project at all. I want to get this over with soonest. Urgh.
Anyway. On to the good vibes.
Saturday
Since it's a holiday on Monday (Aug 12), we decided to put off doing the chores during the weekend. We went to my parent's house to celebrate my sister getting a new job, yehey! Helped cooked lasagna and chicken. It was soooo gooood! Wish I could stay longer and bond with my parents more!
Sunday
Our Sundays are usually spent at church and with my in-laws. We met at Fisher Mall for lunch. I also took the chance to shop for some office clothes cos our laundry schedule is becoming so erratic lately that my office wear (I only have 4 I rotate every week) isn't getting washed in time for the coming work week.
Also, I gained weight so I need to update. That's the real reason lol.
I didn't get the first top cos that would be excessive. I just need two new tops, and a new dress. My office wear is mostly boring, I just try to get the same style, in either black or navy blue, because I don't want to think too much about fashion when going to work hehe.
During the afternoon we went to church and stayed for dinner at my in-laws place.
Monday
It's a holidaaaaay, hooray! We had so many things lined up this day. But first,
Gym! It's our first time to try the gym in our condo. I've been wanting to get regular exercise but I'm just too lazy most of the time and my ever excuse would be that I get home too late, so the gym is already closed, and our house is too small to workout at. But yeah, this week I tried waking up early so that I could do a daily devotional, then go to the gym. Let see how far this pans out!
I just used the stationary bike and followed a cycling workout video on Youtube. The ending? I threw up after working out! Alam mo yung pagod na pagod ka tapos inom ka ng inom so sinuka mo lahat after?! Ganon hahaha. But no regrets, I'll get better! Hahaha
After that wqe headed to Capitol Commons. Did the laundry at Unimart because our community laundry is closed. As usual, there's a line. Had to wait for around an hour to get our turn so while waiting Jeckie had his hair cut, and I got a facial.
I don't really get facials often but I got curious with this new clinic. I availed of their regular facial for ₱500. A 45-minute process that includes a facial massage, masking and cleansing, exfoliating, facial hair shaving, vacuuming, and high-frequency treatment. It was okay. I didn't see much difference (huwaw haha). My pimple scars got more prominent too because they cleaned my face thoroughly. We'll see if I'll try again. But it's good to know there's a derma nearby!
After doing the laundry and the grocery, we had dinner at Tipsy Pig. New discoveryyy!
We now have a new favorite restaurant! That sisig wrap is sooo good we had two servings!
Tuesday
Probably the highlight of my week. My Lazada order got delivered!
I've been dreaming of getting a Dyson but I can't afford it, so I searched for good alternatives. Here comes Dibea, a Chinese knock off that looks great, performs well, and costs 5x less than the usual Dyson. After getting home, I tried it out immediately and it's so cool! Review soon! :)
Wednesday
I feel so bad for snarking up on someone who's ahead of me on the microwave, earlier at the pantry. I was so hungry and she punched in two minutes and I'm like my gaaawd hurry up. I was making faces behind her, and I knew people noticed but I couldn't care less that time. Uuuurgh. Have to be nicer next time.
After being on waitlist for 3 months, I've given up any chances that I might make it to Planit. After all, I sucked at the technical exam. It's just that I get easily hung up on thoughts of a greener pasture, especially this one, because it's abroad, and they'd take care of you and your dependent's visa. It's the most alluring package I've ever seen. I'd get on board with anything that would ship me out of this frkn country, for free, of course.
Anyway. Just recently, I've come to accept the fact that I may not be the candidate they're looking for. And that there's really no opportunity for me with them. My experience doesn't quite cut it. My mishmash of skills isn't getting me anywhere. And the competition barely leaves me breathing. I don't even know where to put myself in this industry anymore.
But since I'm past the grieving phase lol, I'd like to share this timeline of how it went on my first try, yep cos there's a brief next one haha...
December 20, 2018 - Submitted job application online (Software & Technical Testing Opportunities - Relocate to Australia & New Zealand)
December 26, 2018 - Invitation to complete one-way video interview
January 1, 2019 - Submitted one-way interview
January 11, 2019 - Passed one-way interview. Got scheduled for a Skype video interview.
January 16, 2019 - Skype interview
January 21, 2019 - Passed Skype interview. Got invited to SG roadshow.
January 25, 2019 - Exam details sent
February 1, 2019 - Technical interview and assessment details sent
February 11, 2019 - Exam date
February 14, 2019 - Technical interview and assessment date
March 8, 2019 - Results out, supposedly. No call/email yet
March 11, 2019 - Still no news.
March 12, 2019 - Still no news. Sent follow up.
March 13, 2019 - Received regret email. I'm put on waitlist for the next 6 months.
March 18, 2019 - Some people on waitlist were emailed for a Skype interview. I'm not one of them.
April 4, 2019 - Another set of people on waitlist emailed for a job offer. Now everyone I know on waitlist has been offered a job. Still not one of them.
The application process with them is frkn strenuous. I went though a lot only to fail. But it's okay. That 4 months has been the dreamiest. The thought of a new country, new people, higher salary, new surroundings, fresh air, fresh produce. I never thought of leaving the country until this opportunity came along. It really made me want it so bad. But it's not for me. And I understand hehe.
Anyway, I'm feeling slightly annoyed though. Not with the application, but with some people. Because everyone I know on waitlist has been given a slot already, some people on the group chat have been urging me to keep on following up, never lose hope, it's definitely coming, so don't worry. As if I'm worried. As if they truly cared. As if I'm craving for reassurance. They're only saying that because they were offered already, see. Urgh what toxic optimism.
Waitlist period isn't over yet when they posted new relocation opportunities. I couldn't wait, so I tried my luck at Automation, even though I know I'm not cut out for it.
June 4, 2019 - Applied for another relocation opportunity (Automation Testing Opportunities - Relocate to Melbourne!)
June 5, 2019 - Received invitation to complete one-way video interview. Here we go again.
June 7, 2019 - Submitted one-way interview
June 13, 2019 - Failed one-way interview
I wasn't surprised, really. They're looking for automation testers and I offered myself as an RPA developer. I'm that thick. Plus I can't commence with them until 6-8 months. So there, let's end it. The longer I wait, the longer my experience gap becomes. The smaller my confidence grows. But it's fine. I'm at a good place anyway. ｡◕‿◕｡
And well, just when I gave up on this, one of my former colleagues asked me if wanted to work with them again. Agaaaain. The last time they asked, I went through the interview and vetting process alright and got a dreamy offer. My current manager countered, and I stayed. Now they're asking me again, considering my request for an onsite position. But hey, it's all a big blur. If only my previous manager would hire me directly and not have me go through consulting again!
This has been the most stressful day of my career here at the firm. I accidentally truncated a table that removed everyone's leave records. Easily trumps the infinite loop issue I had back then by a big notch. This has been my biggest ~work~ mistake and I'm so embarrassed by it huhu.
We were able to restore a backup copy of the table but the data was only until 1pm today. I deleted the records around 5:30pm so that leaves us with 4.5 hours of data gap where I could only hope no one tried to request or approve leaves. I'm so close to asking those who logged in between that gap to know if they made any leave transaction. Just to remind them to file them again, cos you know, they're gone. And I just want to make sure. But heck I'm too tired and right now I'm just kindof wallowing in my mistake. I tried to look for the logs but wtf for some reason there are no logs for the day! I'm suspecting the app isn't logging prod transactions at all and it's so weird but I already got an idea. My goodness.
I haven't touched the system in 4 hours now and while a part of me wants to continue working, I don't feel like coding 'cos I don't want to make any more mistaaaakes huhuhu. May trauma paaaaaa huhu!
Gosh I don't even know what to work on next!
Whew. This is definitely not the Friday I was expecting. I was looking forward to continuing working on my dev tasks. I was having fun. I actually think I'm on a roll, little did I know this snowballing mojo of confidence would be smashed by a careless mistake. I was working too fast, missing the little details, relying on muscle memory, trusting my productive streak. Heck I just got a commendation yesterday for deploying a robot and now this?
Man I deserved this right? I know I did. I was being complacent and too confident with my work. What a slap. As much as I needed this wake up call, I didn't want to affect prod data just to learn a lesson! Huhuhu
Anyway. I have so much to thank my teammates for and Lani too our server girl whom I called first to ask if they have database backup. My team mates swooped to the rescue and looped in my boss. Juskooo I wouldn't have the heart to tell my boss I did something wrong when I haven't fixed it. The horrorrrr. They reassured me everything's gonna be alright, we have backup, we'll definitely get a development database now.... but argh. Stuff like this just kinda lingers on me. And I just realized, in my 7 years of working, that I'm not mature yet. What would I do without my teammates' support and my boss' supervision. I'm a frkn child I could cry!
I'm still mourning for the data we may have lost forever. Huhuhu
Anyway. Here's a distraction. Trifold brochure design for one of my friends.
I guess it's been a week since our water is back to normal. We returned our excess water containers to my parents and just kept 15 gallons worth of empty ones, which is as much as we can keep given our small space. It's good to have water back. Really. Metro-wide water crisis isn't over yet but I think we have stable water supply where we live. Thank God!
I attended the 2nd RPA Philippines Summit
It was really insightful, being seated with delegates from various companies hoping to setup their own RPA team. It's also great listening to those who have already successfully deployed a robotic workforce on such a large scale. I enjoyed listening to the huddles, not really pitching in, but just trying to soak in knowledge from the experts.
After the two day summit it just dawned on me how much work needs to be done in order to put things in the right place. From creating a governing unit for all things RPA, to funneling the tasks in order of priority, to managing sprints, to deploying them right, and so on and on and on...
It's freaking overwhelming.
Now I don't know where my career is headed
I was reading through my mailbox the other day and saw a job posts notification from LinkedIn. I'm not actively looking, I usually ignore job alerts, but I read through the list anyway, curious if there's anything new that fits me after I've added UIPath RPA in my skills portfolio.
There was none.
I joined the company as a Performance Tester but I never really got to hone it here. Instead of focusing on one track I was exposed to different things. I learned functional testing, php web development, and now I'm dabbling into RPA too. Initially I thought it was cool, I'm an all around QA who can read code and make robotic workflows. But where does that put me? I don't even know what position to search for in Jobstreet anymore. :(
Makes me wonder where I would be right now if I had accepted TCS' offer last year. What was I thinking turning down a six digit offer with a clearer career path? If I had joined them and had a few months to work on my Performance Testing skills before applying at PlanIt, would I have passed the technical assessment? Would I be offered a job at Australia or New Zealand?
Hay Lord. I feel like I'm being led to too many paths right now that I'm starting to get lost.
Out of sidelines, full of rest
Now that I have more free time after work I can finally enjoy watching KDramas, and probably even go back to reading! Yehey! But of course, we all know I'm just gonna end up lounging and doing nothing on social media. :P
Oh, I already received a rejection email from PlanIt
Not exactly a rejection letter, but I was put on wait list for the next six months. And knowing that some people on the wait list already got called with an offer makes me a hopeless case. Oh well, it's probably not my time yet. Who knows.
What I do know right now is that I want to get a job out of this country hahaha. Where do I find companies that offer relocation benefits extended to their family? XD
I feel like God cushioned my fall with lovely stuff today so it wouldn't hurt so much that I didn't make it to PlanIt. Everyone assigned to AU has been called already and I didn't get a call or email, so it's safe to assume I'm out of the game! I'm still waiting for the official rejection letter but that's gonna take another week I believe after they've processed all the contracts of successful applicants.
Of course it's sad, and it's mostly because we spent a lot of money to attend the roadshow. Then again, it's not like I'm itching to leave my current company, cos man I love it here. I'm thankful though for the experience. I've never applied for an overseas job before and this kindof opened a different realm for me.
Anyway, on to the good stuff!
Free skincare items
I got this lot from our neighborhood decluttering group FOR FREE!
I've been wanting to try Witch Hazel because of the hype so it's cool I get to sample it without shelling out a dime. So I got two toners, a citrus serum, a base UV, a nude and vegan lipstick, and a tarte blush-on. And all of them work well on my skin! I'm loving the UV base specifically because I can use it before heading to work and it's so light on the skin too. I've been meaning to switch to suncreen products but most of the products I test give off an ugly white cast sooo hmmm.
Our house is clean lol
Yep, that's clean! The floor has been mopped, the surfaces wiped of dust, electric fan is cleaned, aircon filter is cleaned, the toilet is cleaned. It's a refreshing feeling coming home to this. Thank God for cleaners!
New phone!
Our company issued me a new phone yesterday because my current plan has expired already. New firm standard is iPhone XR and I'm part of the pilot batch to receive the unit! Yey! Actually what I was really looking forward to is buying out my old phone for only 1k. So now the iPhone 7 is mine! Yehey!
Long time no Primo Iced Coffee
It's been an awfully long time since I last had Iced Mocha from Costa. The barista even greeted me with a long time no see. It's sooooo refreshing tasting it again. The real reason I decided to go to Costa is to kindof treat myself after failing PlanIt. Heck, I'm not about to wallow in misery at the unfortunate result of my application. So I thought of buying myself a slice of cake and a large cup of americano from Family Mart. But the idea of drinking Costa Iced Coffee sounds more soothing. This is a better gift, a better band aid so to speak. And so I indulged.
The usual at Go Salads
After getting my drink at Costa I ate dinner at Go Salads and ordered the usual. Yep, I'm already starting to heal lol.
New kitchen things!
Today I decided to over-reward myself. I've had this on my wishlist for so long but was so tamad to head over at Landmark to get it. Finally, today is the day. I got a 24cm steamer insert and also a lemon press! Now we can make siomai, buy frozen siopao, and steam the hell out of everything. Also, I can finally make lemon garlic ginger concoctions much easier.
----
Apparently, some failures remind you that life isn't so bad and that you do deserve to get some things naman. Like great coffee, a steamer basket, and a lemon press lol. Or maybe that's my subconscious response at failing. If I can't land a job down under, at least I can get this frkn steamer basket without having to prove anything haha!
Lately I've been feeling largely apologetic for a lot things I know I'm not supposed to be sorry for, and it bugs me. When did I start caring so much, why am I too sensitive about things? This is something I hate about myself, that I can't seem to be just chill about small mistakes and feel overly embarrassed whenever I screw up something, even the pettiest things. I know it's not a big deal and I know I'm not supposed to be too dramatic over it, but the feeling is here and I'm sorry that I can't help it.
Anyhow, as long as I keep laughing everything will turn out fine. And for the record, it always does.
It pays to know that no one cares and that eventually people will forget and just laugh about it, and hey this isn't drama but Sandra Oh was right in one of her videos where she gives advice to some patient. No one cares, so do whatever the hell you want. Don't think for a second that someone's looking critically over your shoulder auditing the tiniest errors you commit. Aside from your micromanager of a boss, in real life, your peers aren't that terrible.
I know right.
I didn't want to sound so affected by life but the best I could do is really just laugh it all off and think that it's no big deal, it's no big deal, I'm just overthinking. Hehe
friends who will listen to you whine about work and your lovelife. people who will condone your incessant ramblings about seemingly un-adult things. honestly, i'm still looking for people like that. or better yet, I MISS THOSE PEOPLE. friends who genuinely listen. i've had it with friends who only listen to gossips, but dismiss you when you start talking about your boring struggles in picking up your trampled self-worth on the ground. saying, here she goes again sabay irap. i'm also very annoyed with people who constantly diss my drama and keep veering the subject to their lives like i have no right to complain because look at you, aren't you having it worse?
i'd like to believe we all deserve sympathy, sadly not everyone is wired to address that minute need. and when it comes to relating with my peers, i've had it with boys. they're totally on a different psychological track. it's true what they say that women whine not to extract a solution, but just to let it all out. yeah, i'm that simpleton who only wants to be heard and not preached to.
for now, i'm content that i have at least one person whom i can totally be open to about anything, and he's a guy on top of that HAHA i love my boyfriend <3 <3 <3 but he's flying to india next week and will be gone for a month and a half so i'm dreading the totally-friendless feeling. oh wait, my sister loves me and i could coerce her to listen to me whine about stuff!
or maybe my hormones are just kicking in. my bloody calendar says it's almost time.
seriously. i'm feeling so effing emotional right now, i could break down with just a 'kamusta?' and blab about how much life sucks as of. but i've learned enough not to wear the woman in me on my sleeves. lol. i'm not gonna bawl my eyes off an undeserving twerp who never really intend to listen.
this was supposed to be the 4th item in my forever-draft '5 hard truths we should learn to accept and live by' but oh well, i found it too harsh of me drop them all at the same time. haha
due to some network congestion, the company decided to block off a ton of websites that would eat up bandwidth while they haven't acquired new server switches yet (i don't really understand what i'm talking about)... facebook included, rendering me useless in having myself updated w/ my freelance work and all that. anyway, it only meant i have to channel my boredom some place else, like my blog and twitter, and stick to communicating w/ clients via email.
so what's up?
in my previous post i shared with you my success in whipping up a microwaved mug cake and my excitement over trying out other cake mixes. i figured i didn't have to make everything from scratch since when it comes to eating, i'm more interested in the food than the process (unlike success, where it's the journey that matters. ano raaaw haha) so there's no shame in using boxed mixes! it's not like i want to be a baker. haha
on the other hand, i still wish to get fired (or just released from this bond) without being too scandalous about it. everyone seems to be moving on with with their careers and i'm kindof stuck not doing anything... probably because they can't put me anywhere else i could be useful. -_-; i used to think as long as it pays well i could drive myself into working my ass of, but even the pay doesn't get me driven enough (cos it's not enough lol). or maybe i'm just not talented enough for this. puro enough haha. i wish they could let me design but i guess they wouldn't give me that liberty without proving myself worthy in other tasks which is totally unrelated to what i want to do. hay.
i feel like a shark on a tree climbing contest.
of course there's the saner option, instead of whining daily about the current state of my enthusiasm... the wisest thing to do is to find alternatives within the company that could lessen this burden.
a little earlier i talked (well, ranted a bit) to a couple of my officemates about my career drafts (aka positions i wanted to try because i'm not allowed to resign yet) and it turned out very... ano ba, liberating. like some thorn was taken off my uhm, throat? hahaha i was about to say my stemmed body but at the cost of a poor mental image i might impart, i decided to stay human na lang hehe.
ANYWAY, at the very least... i was comforted knowing that
1) i have options 2) i'm not alone 3) it doesn't suck so much here, you just have to know how to navigate around and find your place.
gaaaawd i sound like such an emotional wreck no? HAHAHA
nuff about the work i hate, and more about the work i love...
i've never been more inspired to develop my artistic skills. i wish i could self-study my way into it, but i can't seem to work on my discipline enough to even produce a single artwork in a week (well, that's the plan). i would hoard pens and papers but leave them in an abandoned stache. i never seem to find time to properly use them. most of my recent pieces (if you could call it that) are on papers towels and notebooks... but hardly any on my supposed drawing pads! >XS
i've always wanted to enroll in a multimedia arts course, and guess what... i just did! well it's only a single module (digital illustration and page design) because that's as much as i can afford for now. i plan to take other modules when i've saved enough. then probably go full force in freelancing. chos lang. classes will start this May and i'm so freakin excited!! <3 exactly the software skills i lack, Adobe Illustrator and InDesign. <3
this is so frkn hard. i was on midshift and dayshift the past 2 days respectively and now i'm on nightshift. what a way to go around three different schedules!
i'm writing because i've been trying so frakking hard to keep myself awake. at this very moment, my eyes are drooping, my head hurts, and i'm battling the urge to sleep on my desk and just forget about all the work. chos. the latter is proving to be very tempting though.
i wasn't able to get enough sleep before i headed to this shift, that's why. my stomach is also full, which probably contributes to the sleepiness. i don't know how to go about this time. i just want the clock to tick past 4 hours so i could go home and sleep and properly prepare for my next nightshift (that, and test out my new vacuum cleaner! random, sorry)
i'm not going to be on this shift for long, i just kindof volunteered to because i didn't want to be left alone in midshift. T___T but this is really proving to be pain in the ass. i seriously want to just grab a pillow and sleep head on. aaaargghh.
it's 2am would you believe it?! if i was on midshift i'm probably already sleeping or lulling myself to sleep with a book. but what am i doooing, so actively engaging my brain in words... aggravating my headache.
this is sooooo craaaaazzyyyy i wanna sleeeep badllyyyyyyy. my eyebags are twitching awkwardly, begging for my lids to close. should i give in?
i'm feeling so frkn depressed lately, for reasons which are definitely my fault. but maybe i'll throw some parts to the weather just so i don't get to carry all these (but it's already sunny, so...), but really it's majorly because i suck so much as a person. hay.
-1
i was down with some mild pneuomonia the entire week last week.
the good: i was able to finish my children's book project with ms. lia, but the process sapped me to bits. working in between fevers is the worst thing ever. argh. it was my fault i got sick though.
the bad: i had everything scheduled out for the completion of the project, i will have finished all the illustrations by saturday and sunday, add backgrounds and do the pdf layouting on monday, then finally pass on tuesday. problem was, i just had to exercise on saturday night (because i'm feeling all sleepy and in need of an upper), so natuyuan ako ng pawis, and the rest is histERy. i could have prevented that right?
the ugly: YES! i could have prevented that but i just had to be so careless! i hate myself. grrr could have saved myself 5 freaking leaves huhu. T___T;
-2
i finally got fed up with our helper and inadvertently cast her out of the house. i scolded her for yet again not washing the utensils properly, and for going out of the house maya't maya for long periods of time. she took the day off the next day (cos guess what, it was her birthday!), hasn't been back since, and couldn't be reached through phone. it caused a bit of a ruckus at home because of my bitching out about her for faults that i should have just overlooked na lang daw in light of her almost a decade long tenure and honesty to our family... but really now. i couldn't bring myself to regret her being finally gone... not if it meant we're having a new maid who can clean better, and is less layas. you really can't have it all. no one's perfect.
not being a total monster, i was depressed for a couple of days because of that. my mom hated me a lot for chucking out her favorite maid, now who's gonna blend her juices? who gonna wake up so early to make our baons? who's gonna iron her clothes? i abhorred the fact that i seemed kindof useless as a person, that a maid is a more important part of the household than i am, apparently. ang drama diba.
maka-first world problem eh.
starting the week without a maid was awkward and sad. not when you're so used to having someone wake you up for breakfast. but it just needs some getting used to diba. it's not like i don't know how to cook, or wash the dishes, or iron and stuff. hay ewan. haha!
during those days i kept on looking for ways i could separate myself from our house. good thing i was on midshift so i didn't have to avoid people lololol cos it frkn feels like everybody hates me. i even felt like my dad hates me too because i gave mom a hard time with the house because shempre si mommy na yung gigising ng maaga and stuff. henako!
i was also even looking for possible places to rent out because hello real world! haha it was the most emotionally distressing quarrel i had with my mom kasi it's the first time it went for more than 24 hours! if we're not talking to each other within a day that's frkn alarming.
-3
my mom and i are okay now, we're eating together na. PERO BAKIT NADEDEPRESS PARIN AKO. ah i know, wala parin kaming katulong. haha ang arte arte ko talaga nakakainis diba.
-4
thinking about the amount of time i'm held prison in this company makes me sadder than ever. i'm not an A performer so chances are my salary isn't going to increase substantialy within the next 2 rotting years. i won't be able to provide for myself considerably, and it sucks so much. i really wanted to get to the level of financial independence where i could already buy a house and a car. haaay life.
during my feedback session with my manager i was revealed my corporate rating, which is you know..."C performer" or "meets expectations" or "probably not getting a raise this year". one of (the only, actually) the negative things that was pointed out about me was my extracurricular activities which disabled me to work longer hours and deliver end-of-day tasks. i was thinking tuloy, if we have an EOD task, are the extra hours were putting for that counted as OT? in my experience kasi, NO. so to hell with EODs! i'm not being paid extra anyway!
it was funny though, you know how the ultimate goal is to really load myself with so much sidelines such that my regular day job becomes my extracurricular instead? BWAHA. joke lang. in time. wooot.
on the plus side
waking up 2 kilos lighter than usual for almost a week now excites me like crazy. depression apparently saps out my fats too!
before i retire for the day let me share what i've accomplished... and not HAHAHA
1. two backlogs slashed off! whew. 2. still no progress with the story board. cos every time i start to research, the internet slows down. hello peak hour and my ever so reliable Internet Service POORvider! grrrrr!!! rarrrghghghghg #SmartDoesn'tCare 3. uhm, 10 desperate attempts to speed rope gracefully. terai bought this uber expensive speed rope and i'm so fascinated about it, even though i keep on tripping and hitting myself. hihi
may ishe-share ako. i've been wanting to share this but i don't know how to put it hahaha
My web-browsing pet peeves, aka web elements that make me cringe
uhm. please don't hate me. i'm usually very OC with my layout so i notice a lot of things whenever i hop around the web. i'm going to be really honest though hehe
1. desperate ad placements
ads that block your reading view, and ads that you need to close in order to get some peace. they annoy me to the bones. oh, and also ads pretending to be text links such that when you accidentally hover on it, an invasive box appears. hayyy.
i understand how some people are just plain making a living out of it, but shouldn't you care about how those ads mess with user experience? >XS
2. pesky modals (or onload popups)
whether they be ads, or facebook widgets, or something else, it gives me the impression that you are suggesting i do something FIRST before we enter your page. ma-pride ako, i hate being told what to do first. for the record, i already wanted to see your page. but now i don't. chos.
plus daaangyou points for modals that frkn hide the close button, or obscure it in some condescending text like "NO THANKS, I DON'T WANT TO BE UPDATED WITH TIPS AND TRICKS THAT WILL IMPROVE MY HEALTH" ---- really? i'm being judged by closing a frkn modal!
3. non-responsive layout
i got to be honest. whenever i see a very handsome layout, i always resize the screen to see if it's responsive. for your own good, let me suggest you invest time or even money to turn your layout into a responsive one, because apparently google favors responsive layouts so it might have an effect on your ranking :)
4. baseline JPEGs aka pictures that take eons to load
- baseline/simple (non-progressive) JPEGs are pictures that load from top to bottom. you'll notice that when you have slow internet (like i do, argh). - progressive JPEGs are pictures that start loading from a blurred/pixelized scan and progresses to a clear scan.
apparently, the latter loads faster. so word of advice for photo bloggers or those who put a lot of photos in their pages. save your images as progressive JPEGs. :)
in photoshop, before finishing the saving process, you are prompted to select a jpeg type, just tick on 'progressive' and leave the scans count to 3. :)
5. overflowing content
nope, not websites that have so much content. i'm talking about pictures too large they spill out of their containers and cover part of the sidebar or something. i have the same issue so i always resize my pictures. hehe
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that's it so far. what about you? what annoys you a lot when you're browsing over the web?
ah. i'm starting to think i'm better off as a freelancer than an employee! here's why
1. i'm getting enough sleep. something you hardly get from a regular day job. i just read that sleep deprivation lowers the IQ. so if you're struggling on a project that demands overtime work to be rendered in succession, remind your leads that it's not an intelligent thing to do. lol
2. i get the right momentum to start the day. i eat a complete breakfast, a long and warm shower, and a few minutes of exercise. glorious isn't it.
3. i feel generally enthusiastic about starting work. uhm, with the assumption of course, that you love what you're doing freelance. well, doh, isn't freelancing more about doing what you love.
and finally...
4. i get to use my core gift to the core, and feel appreciated. like i actually matter, and that the gifts i have been blessed with are exactly what the world needs.
don't people crave for that sort of acknowledgement?
orayt. back to my burgeoning backlogs, and story boards! >8D
awhile ago i was reminded of something i have come to take for granted recently and that is:
first and foremost, i'm a Christian and that in everything i do, i should uphold my faith. i will avoid doing anything that would put my beliefs and values in an uncompromising situation, especially if it's about my career. God first. that's all, and the rest of my life should follow suit.
my decisions should always be guided by the question, "what is the Christian thing to do?" or even the more popular WWJD haha. i'm never usually bold about my faith but awhile ago i was so caught up with something unsettling that caused me to inquire to a couple of my friends (kasi 2 sila wahaha) and my boyfriend about their opinion. i couldn't disclose anything about it but i'm happy and sealed with the decision i made.
thank you so much jeckie, yndi, and dems! <3 <3 <3
i was running late for some marathon that i think was sponsored by nike when i got a fit of rashes on my arms, much like what i had thursday last week (in real life*). i rushed back to the house to get some antihistamine, careful not to bump into my mom for fear that she'll notice my horrible rashes and stop me from joining the run. the end. haha
* thursday night i had a scary allergy attack. scary because my allergies usually just bring me to an indefinite wheeze fest to the point of my ribs aching, but never rashes. round red itchy spots, sprouting on all parts of my body, aching to be scratched. around 8pm that night i started getting itchy on my shoulders. when i went to the bathroom i realized my arms are already full of uninvited redness, and so are my thighs and torso. craaaaaap. >XS i got really scared and wondered what i could possibly have eaten that may have caused the outbreak.
it was really unusual because the only different thing i ate that day would be a cinnamon roll from starbucks, but i had it for breakfast so if i was allergic to it, that's quite a big delay for a reaction. plus, it's not my first time eating that. T__T the only other food item i ate is a homemade tuna sandwich, which is - again -, not new to me. i was wondering if i came in contact with some higad or something, or maybe it's just that my jacket hasn't been washed in 3 weeks na haha! ewan ko ba.
i wanted to rush to the ER but i have a ton of stuff to do (read: OT) and i might not be able to finish it on time if uhm, prioritize my health. #chos
ano raw? kala mo kung sinong workaholic and super dedicated employee eh no.
nope. don't put in that basket cos i'm hardly employee of the month material. haha i'm just concerned about my tasks, which should be finished a lot of days prior but then look at me! with no sense of urgency, and a habit of cramming, you'd really think i'm one big nominee for the most-dedicated-kahit-kinakati-na-sya award ON THAT DAY. the previous weeks were so blah i just want to get home and sleep.
which leads me to the real "dejavu"
Overtime and time again
i've been struggling to accept the "fact" that my job is really prone to OTs. around this time 2 years ago, it was also OT season for our team because we had to finish a development project. uhuh. sounds family diba. haha i don't really mind rendering over times, you get extra money for what it's worth, but you lose precious sleep. something my mom has been aggressively nagging me about most specially when i decided to work for 15 straight hours, jog at the break of dawn, then head back to work for another 7 hours.
she was so mad, and i was so sorry. i was awake for some 30 hours total and honestly Starbucks' Cafe Americano did the most part in keeping my nerves up. it's a crazy upper. i love it. but i'm not taking it unless i really really need to stay awake for long hours. >XS that's a tip and a word of warning for you, so... you're welcome! haha
Time trial
5k group reprezent!
if i told anyone i was jogging after an almost double shift, they'd most probably think i'm stupid. and i would to. i knew i was being stupid by choosing to run despite an apparent lack of sleep. maybe that's what all nighters do to your brain, they suck out your reasoning and push you to do self destructive things. >XS
but i didn't regret it. i was so alive the entire run. i had a good 3k run around UMAK's oval (from qc to makati in the break of dawn! oyeah!), and the blasted drills worked me up big time. then there's our carbo loading party after that got me extremely elated because someone brought MAKI. trays full of maki. maki that i happily devoured. i was literally glued to the chair where the maki's are sitting. i was so happy. >XD the run was worth it. i didn't feel weak or anything... but i knew i still had to rest. of course. >XD
haller! this post has been sitting on my drafts for toooo long, all my chikas are so outdated na. :( anyway, here's what's up!
i jogged 2k straight! would you believe it?! >8D
i can't believe it too! last saturday was our 2nd LSD (long slow distance) training and i was able to jog the UP Oval straight (uhm, round?) without resting with a walk! that's kind of 2.2km you know! feels great! though my knee was nagiinarte nanaman after the run, i find it really really fulfilling! hahaha
book fair haul
no, not those! hahaha
i told you about the 35th MIBF right? IT WAS OZOM! it got me totally broke but i love love love all my purchases!
i tried to get my hands on a lot of chinkee tan and bo sanchez and i frkn can't wait to read them all! even so, i had to PUT THEM ON SALE kasi aaaaaargh #money. the plan is to read them while no one's interested yet! haha
new nailz
before heading on to the book fair, terai and i got ourselves a nail pampering at Nail Cocktales Blue Bay Walk!
i got gold something and terai got the hot pink chuva. it was a pleasant experience! the ate assigned to me was every bit helpful! she told me how there's square and round nail cuts and which cut is good for me. apparently, she squared me lol, aaaand it looks cool. sabi pa nya i should quit nail biting para hindi na kami tag tipid sa polish looooool. i was able to hold it for a good 2 weeks, mind you! now my nails are back to their same old horrible length. i'm so sorry. but my toe nails remain pretty and long naman. hahaha
i'm opening 2 new special blog post categories! Eats a Must! and Tara lets!
Eats a Must! will be a subcategory of the food posts that i personally recommend! as with the pun, it's a must that you eat there because you're not going to regret it! >XD
Tara lets! on the other hand are for events i'm personally going to and not just promoting! i'll be there, so see you!
now i'm just looking to find the best place to position these links hehe
i keep on forgetting my tech-kit
which is really just a purse with my usb cable and earphones haha. it's quite a bummer, no Play FM and no juice!
facebook flagged my blog as spammy
but i swear this site is clean
i started noticing it around september 20something, in retrospect, i admit to being guilty about excessive linking, but i don't consider it as spamming because hell, i'm posting on my OWN fb page, and the only other pages i post on are blogger communities which are closed groups. i only share on closed groups because i don't want my posting activity to be visible to my friends. okay, i was linking excessively after all. >XS
lesson learned? i have to moderate my syndicating activities. unless someone intentionally marked my links as spam! aaargh! u cows! i feel horrible thinking about it (like i want to kill. #chos).
anyway. i'm so curious about fb's security policy now that i'm being flagged. huhu. i wish they had given me a warning or a list of voilations you know. grrrrr
