[Day 0] Prayer and Fasting 2016

January 18, 2016 CST is DAY 0

Getting used to the cold

Uhm. Day 0 is really just an excuse. I got super sleepy last night I wasn't able to reach Day 1 of the P&F booklet I'm using. :(

Anyway. Let's say Day 0 is prep day for what I'm supposed to fast on for the coming days.

As usual, I decided to fast on social media, uninstalling Facebook, Twitter and Instagram on my phone and tablet and fighting the urge to open said sites on a PC.

They really are my major distractions and if I wanted to keep a stable devotion I should avoid checking them every now and then. Problem is, looks like I'm not really distracted by them. I'm distracted at just about anything. Group chats, eBooks, emails, surveys. I figured that I'm naturally a person with a terrible attention span. I couldn't focus on a single thing. Even if I closed all the windows in my PC right now, I'll always be able to find something to take my mind off what I'm supposed to be focused on. :(

Oh, I'm also not joining lunch with my friends this week. I know it's gonna be hard cos as far as my social life is concerned, that's all I've got hahaha. Hay Lord. XD

I want to start the year by bettering my spiritual life. I want to read the Bible, contemplate on God's word, and spend my me time productively.

And I'm gonna do just that. :)

Reading the prologues of this P&F booklet I have (and also talking to my boyfriend), I was reminded about the misconceptions of embarking on a fast. This year, I'm fasting because I want to improve my spiritual life and cry out the needs of our society. Not because I want to lose weight, and not because I have a special request that needs divine intervention. This year, I'm fasting because I want to rekindle the feeling of being riveted with God's word, getting caught up with His message. I want to reinstate my devotion to him.

:)

listen.

i think i understand why i'm always looking for a lighter, less stressful job. it's because i'm always looking forward to the things i do outside of work that i didn't want to go home all spent from a crazy 8-5. i seriously need some guidance right now. 

remember when i was so worried about not hearing God every time i pray? that frustrated feeling that maybe i'm not being Christian enough, that i was trying so hard to be good but i always end up unrighteous by the end of the day, succumbing to sinful thoughts and being quick to anger all of the time? that i wasn't one of those to whom God reaches out with a deep manly powerful voice? i was on a spiritual low that time. i was so scared that maybe God stopped talking to me. scrazy shiz.

but now i'm enlightened. i sure recalled that God speaks to us in different ways and circumstances. that he is never tired of reaching out to us, calling us to act on our real mission. the problem is, during the time i thought he was not speaking to me, i was in fact not listening.

listening to him, perhaps in the easiest sense, means reading his word, the Bible. and that's the most probable cause of this increasing spiritual gap between me and God. and sin, of course, there's doubt and unfaithfulness too. hay. 

so from now i'm going to try to build a habit of reading the Bible in order to listen to what God says, instead of reading it to expand my historical references. i used to read it before but i realized i was doing it the wrong way, taking notes objectively, reading it like a novel, using my mind to process every situation. eventually it bored me, as i was constantly looking for stories and wasn't focusing on what God is trying to say on every page. i'm going to change that. and it freaking excites meeee!!! yeheyyy!

this isn't going to happen if my boyfriend didn't coach me out of this spiritual rut. i thank God for blessing me with one of his men. >:') i know, i know that i'm going to hear the Lord this time. >XD

for when i am weak, then i am strong.

oh now that clears it. today's message (from my daily devo hihi) is just super duper cool, it answered one of  the biggest questions i asked myself, "why am i here?" when i should be out there... learning art and doing art for a living... instead of programming. and of course, i've always answered myself like this.... "you know arianne, the truth is, no matter how much you'd love to shift careers, you are not courageous enough to take the leap. that, and it's never too promising out there. believe me, you'll barely make it. mwahahahaha" err, yeah. so it kindof roots to my lack of self confidence (and also funds).

but just now, i realized that you don't always have to focus on developing your strengths. because no matter how strong and big it gets, it's not gonna remove your weaknesses, someone (or something like a situation, or a prick) will always find out about that blind spot and use it against you.

here's my most important learning of the day, God is not limited to working with our strengths alone. see 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 -- But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

grarrrr i just about cried you know. >:'((( that verse really hit me. so whenever we feel we're at our weakest, do not fret cos that's when we have to trust God to work through us. and He surely will! didn't He just say, "my power is made perfect in weakness"?? >8D

orayt (i'm getting sleepy na haha), in my life here's how it applies. i've always (mentally) complained that i'm not cut out for this job (programming) because i'm not smart enough, not fast enough in absorbing instructions and stuff, not logical enough to create optimized programs, and that this job has barely anything to do with art... which i consider my strength, so that makes me sad haha. in fact, during the 'Dark Ages' (referring to the first few months of work) i felt like i was on the wrong track, doing something i don't like and failing horribly at it.

but going back to the message and that mega powerful verse, i realized that HEY! God put me here to work on my weakness and turn it into a strength! isn't that awesome? >8D it really is! so yeah, my confusion just cleared out! i'm not lost anymore!

so yeah, if you feel like you're stuck doing something you don't usually like, something you think you're bad at, think of it as a 'weakness transformation training'. it has an aweful start, the first stages will kill your resolve. you will have doubts. you will think it's a waste of time. and it will make you want to run back to your comfort zone where your strengths lie. but in your struggles you will realize that your only weapons are your weaknesses, and in your desperation you have nothing left to do but to use them. but after that awkward fight, you'll find yourself a master of your weaknesses! and voila! you've just conquered the world!

haha good night! >XD

thank you Lord!

i haven't thanked God enough for all the blessings i've received since... i don't know when. haha all i know is that i've been thoroughly blessed, that God never failed to provide me even with my pettiest needs, even though i know i haven't been exactly in touch with him lately. see, i've been slacking off... failing to make time for my devotions because every time i reach home i'm already too physically drained. sometimes i feel distant already, and i feel guilty and ashamed. it's not even an excuse that i was tired, when did exhaustion ever stop Paul from praising God?

but really, one of the best learnings i've just recently, errr, internalized is that we should be thankful for EVERYTHING that we are receiving. whether it be pain or suffering, it's nothing God gives for no reason. everything we encounter adds up to a life learning God wants us to realize each day. which is why it's important to take a break every once in a while, breathe in, relax, pause and assess our lives. what have we been up to lately? have we learned something? lest we learn that message God wants to impart to us, he's never gonna stop giving the same trials. if we think history is repeating itself, then we haven't learned our lessons yet.

and really Lord, i'm on the verge of tears cos i'm overwhelming with thanks. my head (or neck, i'm not really sure), still hurts but grarrr. dsfhaksdhaskhkchkferuyvih. thank you for putting me where i am today. work is tough, and there are plenty of times i wanted to give up but looking back at your promise that you'll never give me anything i can't handle, my hope revives HAHA. and you know me well, i'm someone who (most of the time) doesn't believe in herself but HAHA i'll try. i'll really try. if it's too big to handle, then i'll be big enough for it. grarrr, i'm babbling aren't i. huhu. nakakaiyak kasi huhuhu

i thank you for giving me such awesome, considerate and wonderful teammates, it makes the daily stress bearable. and seriously, i haven't had this much side income... but thank you for making my loading business prosperous, because of it i'm never out of cash. thank you for fuego's fansign <3 <3. also, thank you for my last payslip, because of it i was able to finally buy new gym socks and foot socks for me and terai (pending dream finally slashed off the list!). i also was able to fund an outing for the family. and mommy was super happy about the rice allowance too, that means more rice for lugaw! hahahaha aaaall that while still managing to set aside money for savings, tithes, gym and the phone bill. thank you Lord! my OT finally paid off, like literally... yeheyyy! thank youuu!!!

i still have a loooot of pending stuff to buy but that could wait! and reallyyyyy now, thank you for giving me one of your servants as my boyfriend. he's totally into you, much more than he's into me pa nga eh, and that's perfect! you answered not just my prayers but also my parents'. he's the one responsible for bringing me closer to you and i couldn't cry more. i've never felt this complete.


from my reading of 2 Chronicles 19, i saw the importance of having a spiritual leader to guide us along our life journey. no matter how much we think we can just meditate on our own and find the Lord in our midst, it's different having someone physical to share your spiritual concerns with, like a fellowship. this wasn't exactly emphasized in the reading but Jehoshapat appointing judges to administer the law of the Lord and make sure his people doesn't go spiritually astray is like telling us that leaders are important to constantly remind us of what's right and wrong in the eyes of the Lord.

goodbye ahab

in this reading, perhaps one special thing to take note of is that God also allows bad things to happen in our lives. keyword here is ALLOW. there are evil spirits every where, all wanting to cause us harm and blah but no such thing will befall us unless God allows it. much like how He allowed a deceiving spirit to fall onto the 400 prophets' tongues and entice king Ahab to go into battle, saying the Lord will deliver Ramoth Gilead into his hands, when the truth it will cost him his life.

here we see how powerful our God is, that even evil spirits have to seek his permission to pester a person. hahaha so technically that means it's okay to blame God for our misfortunes since he allowed them. hahahaha

reading: 2 Chorinicles 18

a simple message

i think for the entire book of Chronicles, one particular message God wants to impart to us is this: we shall never withdraw our trust in him, specially in times of difficulties. for in those times when we feel weakest, only God can support us and help bring us back to our feet. <3

reading: 2 Chronicles 17

the Lord will give me rest

ang galing! God answered my prayers! REST! i will be sleeping for 8 hours today, oh joyyyy! >X3

taking King Asa's reign at Judah as an example, he purged his kingdom with everything pagan and offensive to the Lord. he destroyed foreign worship objects and commanded his people to seek God. and look what God did, he was victorious in battle and gave him rest on every side.

19: There was no more war until the thirty-fifth year of Asa's reign.

everybody wants peace. and only God can give that!

yeyy! uwi na koooooo >XD

reading: 2 Chronicles 14 -15

talking to your enemies

figures to ponder:

Abijah's army - 400,00 able men

Jeroboam's army - 800,000 able men

and who won? Abijah's troops won, slaying 500,000 men from Jeroboam's army. The power of the Lord, oyeah. that's 400 vs 800. who would've thought they could kill 100,000 more than their number. grabe. actually, di ko talaga maimagine yang ganyang kadaming tao eh. hundred thousand? and to think Abijah even made a speech blah to his enemies... may nakarinig kaya sa kanya? >XS

point is, if our God is for us, who could ever stop us? my favorite line from one of my favorite worship songs.  totoo naman. God will deliver your enemies before you. You just have to call on his name. <3

my head is starting to hurt again. i think i should sleep.

hell werk ahead (that's a pun for hell week! in case you didn't notice lol). 3 days remaining on a project that i'm still miles away from accomplishing. nakakaiyak na. i wasn't able to work on it during this weekend cos i also have to make time for the yearbook. gaaahh the yearbook. you better come out good! >XD

reading: 2 Chronicles 13

epic movie suggestion

king david's reign could well be an epic movie. see, he fought so many wars and was victorious. he led thousands of men to battle and with God's favor became undefeated! it sounds pretty cool to imagine it as a movie yaknow, ala 300. or Troy. or something else. HAHA astig kaya. pogi pa siguro si David hahahaha. and of course, included in his movie would be segments of his girlies. e madami ata yon. LOL

 i wouldn't say reading the Bible is fun. i admit there were a couple of uninteresting parts... like those chapters  containing nothing but an account of people whose names will probably never go down in history inspite of it being written in the world's best seller (duh Bible! *pun intended*)... literally cos they're so hard to read and pronounce. hayy so sorry Lord.

but of course! there were engaging stuff too like when david names the "three great warriors" ala three musketeers, and divides his people according to function. there's "the gatekeepers", "the musicians", "the priests", "the treasurers", "the army divisions", "the overseers", "the tribe leaders", etc!!! in my mind, an entire kingdom slowly unfolds as i read each and every function of the people under his authority.

then there's the temple built by solomon. the center of the kingdom! a place dedicated to God where his eyes and heart shall dwell for as long the people does not forsake him. freaking awesome temple, i can't quite imagine it really. all the precious metals and stones, molded and carved under strict specifications. purrrfect! i wonder how it looked like during their time! >8D

but still, i feel blessed that in this age, we don't need to slay goats and sheep as burnt offerings for God to hear our prayers. Jesus has broken that barrier already when he died on the cross for our sins. ang saya diba? parang mas naging approachable si God dahil kay Jesus. ang laking bagay non diba?
para kang nilakad ng kuya ng nililigawan mong chicks! okaya naman
naging backer mo yung anak ng may-ari ng kumpanyang gusto mong pasukan! jackpot diba? hehe

reading: 2 Chronicles 7-8

solomon's prayer of dedication

grabe. i was sleepy the whole day i don't understand why. i think i got around 7 hours of sleep naman but i still can't figure out why i was so drowsy the entire day. maybe it has something to do with the meds mom asked me to take for my persistent colds. hay. anyhow.

today's reading was pretty inspiring and guilt tripping. specially chapter 6 hehe. all i could say is, solomon's prayer is a prayer of a true leader. and i feel deeply ashamed as i read it. never in the course of my being president did i pray for God to actually guide my fellow students, my (as some would call it) "people". well, i do pray for them but for the most part i think i was complaining why i had to handle those kind of people. of all people. whenever i feel stressed about my acads and extra curriculars getting mixed up in my timeline, i always asked for guidance, wisdom, patience and supernatural powers too ... but i never considered that perhaps i should also pray for the students who are under my so-called "authority", to be uhm smart enough (to know when and where to behave)?. what kind of leader am i. >:'( LOL this is heartbreaking. all along i was being selfish! grabe nga naman no, how could i pray just for myself, right when i'm not the only one in the organization who needs the same amount of guidance? ang selfish ko pala LOL. huhu 

okay, thank you solomon. i shall sleep nao. good night

reading: 2 Chronicles 5-6