A very personal blog


I’ve been compulsively twisting my hair ever since idunno when and it’s becoming a problem (to the people around me at least). I want to stop but it doesn’t always occur to me to stop lol. It just feels… relaxing, you know, twisting a lock until my scalp burns and tips of unlucky strands dry and fall out. Until my arm hurts from reaching my head and my neck stiffens from this chronic urge. It’s the same spot on my head ever since the habit recurred. Fortunately it hasn’t grown to a bald spot yet, that I’m only on the twisting phase, not pulling yet. But who knows. Yes, it recurred. It started when I was in college. I couldn’t remember when, but most likely during thesis days haha. Then it stopped for a while, I’m not sure actually. Maybe it never stopped, I just didn’t notice cos no one’s constantly telling me off back then.

I’m twisting my hair as I write. No, I’m twisting my hair in between thinking what to write next. I should probably keep typing to keep me from reaching up. Damn.

It’s most probably work. I mean, what else could it be. I’ve been stressed at work a lot lately. There’s this project, this team, that I really want to stop dealing with altogether because the tasks are too complicated and impossible to implement properly. Urgh. That’s it. That’s my problem. I don’t wanna deal with them anymore. But I also know I’m not gonna be free until I face this problem. There’s no way to escape this feeling of dread. Huhu.

I’m also having some sort of social media identity crisis, if there’s such a thing. If there’s one thing I’m deathly afraid of overdoing on social media, it’s promoting myself. I would hardly invite people from my own network to come visit my channel or come read my blog. Mostly because I’m afraid of being judged. That’s why I made separate The Blahger accounts on Facebook and Instagram. Because I wanted to isolate myself from my content. Thing is, my content is drawn from my personal life so it’s hard to keep them apart without being redundant. Anyway.

Yeah. Just want to let this out first thing this week.