Fat issues

I never thought it'd affect me like this but I guess I wasn't too affected considering my laziness to get in shape. Earlier though I felt a different kind of disgust with the way I look. I was having a terrible headache and I suddenly thought of buying some ice cream, specifically espresso gelato from Caramia, to relieve the pain (like it would, but you know). It didn't take long for me to decide on it. In a matter of minutes I was out of the resto with a larger than usual cup (bought medium), relieved at the taste of coffee in my mouth, and at the same time surprised at how big the cup is, how much ice cream is in it, and how pathetic a fat girl like me looks like holding a big cup of dessert like she hasn't had enough stored in her body.

Then I felt ashamed. Sure I was overthinking, and it was all on me. I may have graduated from not caring about what other people think, but have I just entered a more terrible phase? I'm kindof hating myself right now. For all the choices that led to a 10 lbs heavier me. Oh great, 10 lbs isn't that much, even though I was already overweight before that. But because I couldn't bring my sorry ass to exercise regularly and eat properly, here I am. Turned my body into a nice big cozy abode for fats. If I could only charge em rent, I could've saved enough for a liposuction. The irony.

So what gives? I don't know. Should probably start motivating myself to lose weight again. Arg. I'm so bad at this. Last week I was excited to start this 30 Day Challenge my colleague showed me, told him I'll start right at the first of July but heck all my resolve started to drain when I craved for donuts and cakes. Lord, help me.

There's something about Mondays and the first of every month that makes you want to start something. I wonder why it's more exciting that way, starting something at the start of something. But then when it passes and you've done nothing, you get the illusion you have to wait a week or a month before restarting or doing something else, instead of getting back on track immediately. First of July has left me. Now it's the 4th and it's a Monday. Wonder what'll I do.