oh dearie

i still feel bad about it but i figured i'm the only one with the problem here. i just keep putting the blame on someone else who doesn't even know how bad she turns me. when we started i thought we could be really good friends, but it came to a point where i can't bear with her anymore. because of her (ok now i'm blaming), i keep looking down on myself. so what? then i just have to work hard right? study more? pray (for) more (patience)? or probably summon the dark one to increase my brain aptitude at the cost of my soul? no. not worth it (the dark one, i mean). there's the blue fairy for that haha

i'm sorry, that's all! i want everything to be comfortable between us. i still want to be friends! i don't want to shut anyone off with my earphones anymore (except on a really good OST), simply because i couldn't bear the air of isolation. i don't want to be in. i just want to get rid of this insecurity. i don't want to feel useless and a burden and a total waste of investment.

i won't fight. i'll be nice. i'll quit being sarcastic and uhm, i'll be a good friend! i know we're both good people and it won't be hard to come to terms. yeah, specially when only one has to. after all, YOU DON'T KNOW (or not).

this is how i cater to my paranoia. i feed it!