tengenehmehn

this week was quite a liberating week for me. all i ever did was attend classes, watch anime and did a bit of stalking.

♦ no more articles to write! that was kinda relieving though at some point that would mean i won't be earning that 'extra' income i want. asrgkjgdsl

♦ my 'little bit' of stalking actually led me to sad yet enlightening conclusion(s) truthsss...
1. i was never really someone special to him and
2. he never really 'liked' me like 'that'
3. it's all in the mind. that's the major major conclusion here, i wish i could exaggerate it better.

see, that's what happens when you keep your feelings to yourself for too long. you end up fooling yourself with your own fantasies. you hope for the wrongs things, you hurt for the wrong reasons, and you slowly lock yourself into a false alternate reality that is built on assumptions. but it can't be helped. i guess. haha

♦ the most liberating part of it is that, i can now stop thinking. i can now quit stalking. i can now quit hoping that there could be something because, as i've recently realized and proved (socially, mentally and scientifically. orz), there really is nothing going on. even in the past. why did it take me this long to realize that. FML

but it wasn't a total waste, the best thing about 2010 for me was that i fell in love. for the first time. and 2011 could well be some kind of divine retribution, not in the angry kind of way. but yeah, i want a better karma. in this aspect of my life.

♦ let's get real. JM (heh) isn't real. he'll never be. i've always known that and i can bet my entire life on it. srsly. 100%. there's nothing in it. i'm not really hoping but it's not like i'll quit daydreaming and joking about it HOHOHO. bakit ba, he's the same as all of you guys, the only difference is that he isn't IT or CS. >_>;

why? i've read and understood the terms circling around the impossibility of anime crossing this certain dimension but i still flail over them like a lovesick pea shooter. and why (again)? have they read my terms, which states that i can cross their friggin 2D world and live happily ever after, provided i'm asleep? of course not! in the same way, i'm perfectly fine just dreaming about JM.

reality is much much awkward and boring and ugggghhhh-ish.
haynako Lord. >:|