not enough gratitude

i was wondering on what could have been if none of it happened. i would probably have a new best friend. then i would have someone to talk to right now. then i wouldn't have to rely on this blog for a decent outlet. but it did. i consider it a loss, but that's life. you lose some, you gain some. but sometimes you just lose some, and nothing follows.

i'm probably writing this for the total lack of inspiration on hair loss (current writing assignment), and also for the total lack of people i can talk to... who are sensible enough to consider my post-teenage rants as, uhm, a natural process. hahaha

i may have told this a lot times, and every time i do, i feel guilty, but for the nth time... i miss the people in LB. and you know why i feel guilty about mentioning this.

this stage in my life is so different. i want to think it's part of the whole welcome-to-the-20's process. i'm supposed to be more mature. but i find myself doubting more, trusting less, and working more autonomously. i'm afraid i'm turning into an independent wreck.

PS: oh i know why i'm suddenly all emo and feeling friendless. this track is to be blamed: Time and Space by The Accidental. it reminds of me chuck, sitting pathetically with a bowl of cheese balls, making a waste of his life because of a wrong decision.

btw, chuck made me cry a lot earlier. AGAIN. season 3 is so emotional, i'm running out of tissue. or maybe i'm the emotional one. but still, i've never cried this much in the previous seasons. >:'(