still a crab

but i'm out of the hole-full of crabs for now. i'm wandering on the shore with my co-crabs. we're getting along well, that is, you know, until we get into another hole. haha


see what i mean? i thought i was the only one bickering about our job but looks like i have the entire pack with me. i tried to be good, i mean, i tried to look at the bright side, i tried to convince myself that i'm only feeling this way because i haven't been performing well. but hmmm, there's really something wrong with her. that i've realized after hearing my colleagues sentiments. we all feel the same.

now i feel normal.

yeah. that's all i needed, people to assure me that i'm not the only one undergoing such an emotional torment. here's what i heard lately, she wants to replace ALL of us. you know if that happens, the only words i could tell her is "GOOD LUCK". in a cheerful manner of course. and that's the most polite thing i could say. i tried to imagine it but even in my most cheerful tone, the sarcasm overflows. couldn't get rid of it, apparently.

my only concern is that, getting fired on your first ever job doesn't sound good. and it doesn't matter whether it's your fault or not for landing a job with a boss who has a fancy for changing employees every three months (she changes maids every 2 months). keynote is: i'm getting fired. it's a relief and a worry at the same time. of course, the relief goes to finally breaking free of her. and the worry goes to looking for a next job, or a next department... depending on how the HR weighs our termination. she's not ignorant of what's happening below her anyway, and i'm counting on that. >:)

why am i so apprehensive about this impending doom?

i'm such a crab

and this crab needs a break. from work. from school. from the people around me.

i'm not growing.

and everyday i abhor the growing amount of distrust i feel towards the people close to me. minsan i want to quit the friendship because i'm not comfortable with their attitudes anymore. i don't understand if i'm the one lacking, or they all seem too immature. 

not enough sense. not enough tact. not enough respect. too much pride on my part.

i wanna be on my own. would it be so bad to ask for new friends without looking like i abandoned my own pack? ang sama ng dating pero nakakasawa na. seriouuuussss. ang sama sama ko pero, sa totoo lang, i'm fine with just two of them. and they're not the two people you're thinking about, maybe one of them is, but not the other. 


waaah. sorry. >:((((

isa lang naman talaga gusto ko e, a pint of selecta coffee crumble ice cream. yun lang. >:''((((( chaka DVD ng "he's beautiful." hay

nothing like ant bites, backstabs, and a low quiz to ruin my day. 

dramaramarama

i told my parents i was resigning and they both beamed up. finally i can visit the hospital to get my ever so aggravating allergies checked. finally i can enroll at driving school. finally i can get an appointment at DFA. finally i can accept freelance projects. finally i can swim everyday. finally.

it seems like i was robbed of the time i need for myself ever since i started juggling work and school together. honestly, it wasn't a hard job, my studies were consistently okay, and my job wasn't a hindrance to it. maybe i was too engrossed with earning money. it was quite addictive. when i got my first salary i couldn't wait for the next one. being idle and cashless has grown into a fear which caused me to hold on to anything that sustains me monetarily. which, right now, is my job as a student assistant at the college library.

i love being around books. i enjoy shelving them in order. i enjoy troubleshooting with network problems. i enjoy being of assistance to people who're looking for books. i love my co-SA's (WAHAHA). i don't mind carrying heavy objects. but i hate my boss.

anyhow, i'm pretty sure she doesn't want me there anymore either. and i don't want to give her the satisfaction of firing me before i can even file my resignation. but wait. i'm not sure yet. if i lose this job i'm gonna be broke for months indefinitely until i get a new (and hopefully better) job. and i hate being broke for a long time. 

i'm not sure where this entry is leading to. i want to buy a dvd of He's Beautiful and run a marathon with a pint of selecta coffee crumble ice cream. i want to subscribe to DSL to be able to stream anime/tv series/movies.

Dear Lord. i want to meet my soulmate now. soulmate po a, hindi boyprend. >:| nakakaiyak walang mapagbuhusan. and it's not like i'll easily open up just because someone's willing to listen. truth is, there are people who are always willing to listen to me. but either they're too far away, they wouldn't understand, or i don't trust them enough. SUPER SORRY. haynako ayokong mag-emoemohan by saying i'm so fucking aloooone. kasi feeling ko i'm being unfair to my friends who are always there. masakit kaya yon. to be regarded as someone distant right when you're so near. ewan. 

wala akong mapagkatiwalaan dito.


but the good thing is, i laugh every day. it's a blessing that i'm always laughing, i wasn't like this at LB. e kasi naman dito, there's always something to laugh about. WAHAHAHA sarreh.


i can't stop being mean. i'll try to contain it, promiiiiise. >:)

supercaffeinated yeah

i'm excited to FORCE my friends to buy our fund-raising shirt, which is the one i designed. LOL. i finally convinced meg to sell the damned thing for profit and of course, for artist exposure KUNO. bwahahaha i know it's a really cool shirt, i'm proud of it. and it's gonna bring the org some cash so i'm entitled to act like a stage artist (pun intended) for it. oh shirt, i'm so proud of yaaaaaah, you go shirt! >:)

i'm jimm's slave tonight. yessssss. but why? two weeks of school and i'm already drugging myself? too early! you wanna know why? 4 major major things:

1) tarp design - i slacked off on this job for months and tonight is payback time. it sucks cos i don't even have time to bring the softcopy to the tarp printer, i'm not even sure if they're open on weekends, or if they're still open for business by now LOL last time i checked, they have no clients. oh Lord, i need em this weekend specially this superfriendly rate of 20 per square feet. >:(

2) seminar invitations - this should be a piece of cake if i weren't such a loser at putting 'inviting' words together.

3) seminar certificates - i've done this before so... ok. DONE!!! >:D >:D >:D

4.) digicir quiz! yes i'm so serious with my studies i'm putting this off for the next 5 hours. yehey

library this morning was, believe it or not, fine. even though i have to multitask every 5 minutes, at least i didn't get called for something i've done wrong, AGAIN. hahaha

since i have no majorcrush, well i have 2 minorcrushes but they're so minor, KAYA NAMAN: i'm back to flailing over korean boyssss!

TAE KYUNG!!! grabe lang yung kilig ko kanina, sooo highschoool!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ WAAAAHH!!!!

in fairness

my boss didn't flare at me this morning. so i was in a good mood the entire day. believe me, the moment i saw her head poking up behind her monitor at the back first thing in the morning, my whole body was filled with dread. whenever she calls me, my head screams, "what the hell have i done agaaaaiin?!?!?!" and whether or not she's calling me for good or otherwise, the feeling remains dreadful. this is so unhealthy, i'm like triggering the production of toxins in my body by harnessing bad stress! this could render me sick, anytime.

i wanna be stressed for GOOD. here's my favorite type of stress, getting frozen when my majorcrush is within 5 yards. or twelve. INCHES. WAHAHAHA that's pooooositive stress! something i don't mind getting everyday cos it's healthy. oo sabi sa radyo. but apparently, i'm majorcrushless!!! >:( and what's taking up most of my mind right now is prospecting for a future job, in case i get fired... which is very likely, with the way i've become the apple of eye lately. haysows. if this morning was good, which is weird, then for sure tomorrow will be bad.

i'm not being negative, i'm just lowering my expectations to a harmless level. preparing for the worse of things to come. being realistic. yun. wahehehe

i wanna watch He's Beautiful WAAAAAAHHH >8D >8D >8D

haynako if i wasn't such a slave for money

i'm quitting soon. :) recently, with the so many small mistakes i've done, i don't think my presence is still an asset in the library. not the right soil for me to grow, apparently. after this term i'm going job hunting! yehey! >:) eto lang talaga, allow me to be bitter for awhile. i still can't forgive my boss for threatening me about losing my job and for making parinig that she's giving my task to the new SA in hopes na "baka bumilis".

aba aba. let's see kung bibilis nga.

that's why i was in such a sour mood awhile ago, then my monthly curse kicked in so i was both pissed physically and mentally. hay. and tomorrow, tomorrrrrow is yet another dreadful day, i'm gonna be at my boss' mercy again. i just hope she'll give me back the stat job cos i'm the best person for it, seriously. i hate barcoding. well, i hate everything she makes me do. but it's the 

feelings like this should not be tolerated right? specially if you're in the workplace. if anything else, you shouldn't feel tensed everyday. and because i do, the it must mean this isn't the right job for me. actually, what made this term scary is the new SA policy which says we're going to be evaluated by our bosses, and from there decide whether they still want to keep us or not. kaya ang lakas ng loob nya na balaan akong hindi na nya ko irerenew. 

i hate her ways. but i know i've been a terrible employee too so perhaps i don't have the right to speak this way. pero seriously. this is unfair. 

the library is a mess. specially the shelves. hay. i hate to leave it that way but there's too much time involved in restoring the books in their proper order.

you always disappoint me grabe. or maybe i was expecting too much. >:|

yesterday. terai and i came to the last day of the 9th Filipino Franchise Show. adventure cos we didn't know how to get there, at world trade center, pero madali lang pala. >:) mrt to taft, lrt to gil puyat, then orange jeepney to MoA. yun na yun. it was our first time there aaaand, hmmmmm, okay lang namaaaan! everything's worth the sore feet, aching back and headache because:

1. i get to go out

2. and eat a looooot

3. with my sister

4. without spending a single cent

the perks of being bunso, or more fittingly, the perks of having a working, SINGLE, older sister. WAHAHA

after FFS we went to MoA for a while to rest. e dyusko it was the end of the 3-day sale, plus it was a sunday so the place was super duper mega packed. bwiset lang. then there were cosplayers walking around. my con yata sa SMX, the hell i care. 

maybe it's a good thing i grew out of being a major otaku. i can't imagine the shame of cosplaying. but i understand them, i WAS a fan din naman. and i can relate to them, just not in costume. yun nga lang, and don't get me wrong, i see it as a tragic human effort to look like toys. to transform into an artificial attraction. 

it's almost idolatry. aaah sige, i don't wanna sound hurtful. sarreh. i have friends who cosplay anyway. and i love them.

back to the main event, FFS sadly wasn't as good as WOFEX (Word Food Expo). DUH shempre i know they're two different events, the one is a franchise show organized specially for enterprising individuals and the other is a food expo made for, uhm, hungry people??? biased ako cos i'm accounting its value on the amount of FREE FOOD i got. HAHAHA shempre WOFEX na, busog eh. 

WOFEX next year taralets! >:D >:D >:D

a view from my window

 taken last wednesday. a solitary dead tree.

but on closer look, there's so much life in it. probably much more than the live trees around it. sadly, my phone camera isn't high-def, but the dots you see on the tree's branches are actually birds.

this scene made my afternoon so meaningful.

yesss. nagpapaka-deep! >:))

i'm scared of losing my job. scared of losing that string of independence i have against my parents. i'm not being rebellious or anything, trying to make money on my own. duh, but of course it's about time i do make money on my own. i'm on the right age. and my conscience (or was that pride?) can't take it any longer that i'm still fully, 100%, living off on my parent's income. i should be out of school, working now, but instead my parent's still have to send me to school for 2 more years. i want to pay them back, not exactly monetarily, by buying my own stuff... like a laptop. LOL i want mommy and daddy so save all their income for retirement. that's all. i don't wanna be a burden. i'm old enough. >:)

that's why, with my boss' foreboding threat about my termination, i am now scouting for possible part-time jobs outside school. i'm probably being negative, but I WANT TO LEAVE ANYWAY (defense mechanism, sorry). haha. i have a list. but. err. we'll see. Looooordddd!!!! >:((((

from UNITED STATES, SYOSSET -- who are you?

gimme a clue, dear reader. i ain't a proxy translator. >:|

no. i'm not done with the book thief yet. but i must say, the writing style is amazing! >:D

todaaaay?

- GOT MY FCLC SHIRT AT LAST! yey! my first T-Shirt design! how i wish more people would wear it. LOL sometimes i regret designing it for FCLC instead of ICON. i mean, for an artist, there's a great sense of pride in seeing a lot of people wear your design. DUH. i hope you know bad i feel about the shirt's exclusivity.

- finally on chapter 2 of WORLD OF GOO!!! haha new found game! hehe

- btw, my sister's wallet got snatched! in her bag! at goldilocks SMF! >8( her fault cos she left her bag open. anywaaaaay. it's okaaaaay. there's not much moolah in there, apparently 250 tops. plus her ID'S and ATMs. oh which reminds me, akinse na pala! but she doesn't have a credit card so, so much for a snatch really. her wallet costs even more than the kacheeeng inside. LOL maybe that's what caught their attention. langyang wallet yan. buti pa yung akeeen, KIPLING! oha. fake. >:) at least her bag didn't get snatched! COS THAT'S MY BAG! and it's braaaanded. branded ukay. >:) it's one of my favorite bags cos it feels original HAHA

- started working this morning. bossing talked to me about my renewal yesterday. her biggest complain about me was that my listening skills are kinda screwed. and that i do things she didn't order me to. LOL i dunno. can i blame JM for that? ever since he came, i've been too distracted. good ridance? aah, and i admit my hearing is a bit impaired. i understand. put i'll stick with this crap i'm in. good training ika nga. and well, it's an honor having to endure working there for 6 months now! WOW HAPPY 6 MONTHS OF WORK TO MEEEE!

- i'm officially majorcrush-less. JM has downgraded to just a crush. pengeng major crush! >8D i like K! but he doesn't talk to me. and i have an impression that he hates me! if only he knew how much i love nerds. who else, there's G too! he helped daddy carry his stuff once and i kinda see him a lot these days. aaaand, based on my preliminary stalking (oo meganon, bawal angal), he likes ANIME. now there's a common ground. BUT, he looks matapobre LOL. ok lang, i'm not poor. i'm just thrifty. hahaha

- i dunnoooo, is it best friends day today? then, happy best friends day to my best frieeeeendsss:

in chronological order!
- peachy romulo! perfect kasalo pag recess, lunch and sa kalagitnaan!
- mannie rueda! perfect kalaro sa damuhan at putikan!
- karla torres! perfect kaconcertan sa MMA tuwing uwian!
- brian buenviaje! perfect pagbuhusan ng kilig sa mga kinababaliwan!

yess. isa na kong ganap na manunula.

get well soon besp! >:)

i'm having problems with my schedule. and it's because of DIGICIRRRR. i specially enrolled in that class to give enough time for work. then we were advised to either transfer sections, have sunday classes, or agree to have another prof handle the subject.

ACTUALLY. the best option is the third one. i mean, why do you think we enrolled in that class? DUH. it's the SCHEDUUUULE. i don't care about a new prof. i don't want my work schedule compromised. grrr...

we were dismissed early, and as promised, i went to pay a visit to my bestfriend who's currently confined with a dislocated elbow. i missed him!!! >:D it's the first time i saw him in, errrr, months, tapos sa ganong kalagayan pa o. haha

sorry but that's kinda not the best part of this day yet (2nd best siguro HAHA). the best part was, RAAAAAIIINNNN!!!! whew grabeee! tita sola and karol let me watch videos during his concert here recently.  WAAAAHHH GRABEEEE PWEDENG HIMATAYEEEEN?!?!?! i don't even know his songs. but i've been crushing on him ever since full house. tapos pabalik-balik na lang kung san ko sya makita. but the feeling is still there! INTEEEEENSEEE ITOOOO!!!! bat ganto mehn?! >:) ang sarap kiligin ng bonggang bongga. >8D

raaaaaaiiiinnn ♥♥

yess, ansungit ko tlga. >:)

see, i knew it. this blog is cursed. my phone hasn't been sold yet, my odesk career is still a blur, and I'M GOING TO EK TOMORROW. try stopping that.

btw, i got my grades already! thank you Lordddd cos i'm still a scholar. i feel bad though cos i wanted to be a full scholar but I'M ALWAYS A SPOT SHORT. i'm the top partial scholar, which means, i'm one rank behind being a full scholar. but my grades actually slipped 0.03 points. thank you parin Lord. >:)

dear Lord. i'm actually quite envious of the full scholars. BUT i try to fight the feeling by being friends with them. HAHA help meeee.

ang sakit ng ulo ko deym. >:(


i felt a bit guilty about interested buyer #2563 (random number). but the thing is, he kept on asking me out. and i mean SERIOUS business, he knows that. it was a mistake giving out our landline to him, he kept on calling even though i warned him to text first before any calls. thus, i got really hostile at him. like:

IB #2563: hi
me: o
IB: ano, nabenta mo na?
me: oo
IB: so...
me: hindi mo na ko kelangan tawagan
IB: sige, salamat a
*hangs up*

see, i even had to lie just to shut him off.

a kasi ganito yan

i thought i already ate my words when i said i didn't want to know anything that could jeopardize close friendships. but now, i'm back to being at it. for feeling regretful that i was ever curious. >:| i want to bring back the times but i couldn't. once or twice, it doesn't matter, it's the same dreadful feeling. and as much as i can avoid it, I WOULD. >:(

here are my hatest feelings in the world, in no particular order:

1. mukang tanga - not doing anything when everyone else is busy. feeling genuinely happy and thrilled about something that's actually a lie, specially with your friends as the fabricators. assuming something, that has been born as a fictional idea, into reality, therefore making yourself a victim of your own illusions.

2. guilt - it gets in the way of everything. to avoid this, i try to be GOOD. as in 'generally' good so as not to harness such unnecessary and crippling emotion.

3. helplessness - my ego's quite big for a girl. i'm not sure. but i hate looking helpless, or being offered help, right when i know i can do the damn thing better than the one offering it. i'm no damsel in distress (you should know how much i hate em). i need no knight in shining armor. i hate knights in shining armors. all they care about is whether they've shown enough of their masculinity to the world, and what better way to flaunt it than to help poor, weak girls who can't carry their own asses. PLUS they can't do without horses. it's part of the package. haha don't get me wrong, i appreciate all acts of kindness/concern. i just hate looking weak. that's all. but i like gentlemen, of course.

4. ilang - i don't know my way around it. i hate it because it makes me want to hide and not see the person for a long and indefinite amount of time.... until the feeling has subsided. or we both have died. LOL sucks a lot fighting it. i'd rather hide, seriously.

30 minutes

blogging from school, while working. hehehe

it's really a privilege working as an enrollment SA. for one, you get free food (2 snacks and a lunch). then you get paid full time. there's no low down at times like these, after all, i enjoy being busy. i've just gotten my schedule, thanks to dan for enlisting me >:) aaaaand, looks like i can't maximize my work hours to 20 per week. :( the most i could get is 18 hours, including saturdays. and i know mom's gonna protest, so i dunno, i'll try to cook up a good excuse for that. thing is, i can't afford to not work on a saturday cos that's gonna cost me 4 hours of wage! accumulated, that's minus 800 a month. and i need money. for personal reasons of course... like a laptop, a digicam, and the monthly internet bill. LOL

so, i'm planning on working someplace else, like, AT HOME. LOL my odesk payroll card has been sitting in my wallet for months and i haven't written anything freelance. unless i get too busy, then we'll see. :)

i really wanted to try working there. God knows i need to start saving, SERIOUSLY.

and it occurred to me that this blog is cursed. i did remind myself to quit posting future plans and stuff BUT this time, i wanna see if it's for real. imma break that stupid and silly paranoid curse i fabricated to scare the gits out of me. >:|

now we're down to 20 minutes. :)

later, probably. >:)

ok. hinga muna. then chiiiiilllll. whew

again. when will i ever get over the pettiest things?
hmm, can i break my promise? it's JM. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
flipped is the new word. it sounds better than giddy and twiterpatted.



ok. he still hurts me. unconsciously. of course, it would've been different if he knew. i mean, if i weren't too shy about having a major major crush on him. i know he knows. but deym i'm too shy. and every time i'm with him i alwaaaays pretend to be crushing on someone else, or at every cute guy in school JUST SO he would think my having a crush on him isn't a big deal. i want him to think, so what if she likes me? she likes everyone else anyway. ugh. but sometimes i regret acting that way. sometimes i think if i acted a bit more uhm, comfortable or unshy or sige na nga MALANDI, he would've dropped the hint and made a move. or something. maybe not. ilusyonadang weirdo.

but really. you know what hurts me? MEOW!!!!
most of the time i seriously he think he doesn't like me. for one, MEOW!!!

LE FUUUUU--

hala natakot ako bigla. eto nanaman, these guys can't get over my voice apparently. yaaaaaakkkk eeeewwww. i remember the first guy who called about my phone, lintek, he kept on flattering me, kesho nakaka-inlove boses ko, bagay sakin buhok ko (he asked for my fb acct), ang ganda ko raw, bullsheeet, para yata maka-discount WTH pero in the end hindi naman bumili. 

it's 5k flat you idiots. 

so far 3 na yung naging positive buyers pero wala ring natuloy. yung isa, nautangan, yung isa di nagreply, yung isa, nang-indian. 

and now, eto mukang positive na talaga. sa sobrang positive, ininvite nako agad sa gimik after we meet. gusto raw akong maging close friend. T____T;; ganun din, tawag ng tawag. namiss daw ang boses ko. the fuck, mehn. may pa iloveyou! iloveyou! pang nalalaman. shet. shempre reply ko,

WRONG SEND.

anyway, eto palagay ko. MODUS OPERANDI. what if, he's just tryna hook up with me so he can taze me and take all my money? ohnooooo hahaha and he wants to go on a gimik right after our meet-up pa. nevermind bro. i'm not selling my phone to you. ano na lang.

i won't sell it anymore. haha good idea. wth.

wrong about Flipped (spoiler alert)

at first it didn't quite interest me, but when i came reading towards the end, the seemingly shallow pseudo-love affair between bryce and juli became totally engaging because of uhm, the conflicts with their families. i thought it was all about how juli pursued bryce with all the positive energy in the world and even to the point of embarrassment. the story wasn't flipping enough AT FIRST. that's until juli came to the point of hating bryce because she finally discovered how much he's such a jerk. i loved juli's character for being so honest and straightforward and kind. i loved her more when she realized that bryce isn't worth her attention at all. then i loved her best when she gave the boy another chance at the end..... 'to be seen in a different light', as she puts it.

the thing about the basket boys sounded too flick-ish, like i'm watching straight from an overrated teen movie. right, it's a teen novel, i forgot. but anyway, it's a good thing juli broke from that almost-kiss. i would've hated her (a bit) if she gave in to her feelings hahaha. what's with me and my fancy for hard-to-get girls? lol. hmm, another thing, bryce being the it-guy seemed all too weird to me. he's a wimp. i didn't like his character until he decided to change, for juli. awww. the best thing bryce did in the book was when he planted a sycamore tree on the baker's lawn. WAHAHA that was pretty touching, coming from a totally good-for-nothing character. yeah

what i learned from the book? NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER, pertaining to guys though. and i meant it the other way around. don't put too much regard on looks cos once you get to know them for real, you might get disappointed. oryt. that's all. bryce granddad said something nice too, it goes somewhat like this...

sometimes, the whole is less than the sum of its parts.

i haven't gotten around into thinking about it cos i still don't get it. but it's a pretty cool thing to ponder upon, mathematically... cos it's like a riddle. and i've got an answer for it. LOL it's like, 1 + (-1) + 2 + (-2) = 0
there are 4 parts to the left side of the equation but the sum is still 0. HAHAHA i'm probably not making sense. sorry.

or maybe what his graddad really meant was, BRYCE is not worth it. like, there's LESS to him than his bright blue eyes and sharp jaws and shiny hair. he's a jerk inside, is that it? hm. i think so.

alright. next: THE BOOK THIEF by Markus Zusak FINALLLYYYYY >;D

---------------

during my siesta, i dreamt that i was working for the FBI. >8D i have this classified brown envelope with an FBI seal, and i was working at our basement, using this laptop. God knows what, but my dad's into it too. COOOOOOL

i'm such an ass, i know >;P

out of the dread that cuts through me
the promise of dawn brings back the glee
the sun is my strength, the light is my refuge
a fortress unbeaten, a resolve unshaken


---------------

everything i say points out to you
you don't even need a gawdamn clue
and i must say, you're not always the case
so don't get so full of yourself and your fawking face
you might ignore it, you might not get it
so much for asking if you still can't feel it
i can't say it right, i can't say it loud
i might end up spilling
SHIT

------

i never wondered why you cared so much
it didn't strike me as something odd

-------

anong nakapagtataka kung parati kang andyan
ganun naman talaga pag matalik kang kaibigan
bakit ako magtatanong kung bat lagi kang alala
e sino ba namang hindi, lalo na kung gabi na

anong dahilan ko para magisip ng kung ano
kesho masyado kang mabait, ibig sabihin may gusto?
panu kung? ano kaya? mga tipo mong tanong
hindi mo tinatapos, pano ko sasagot?

----------

it was too late when i found out
about a love that was never realized

-------------

they say love is when your logic gets clouded with things
that makes you feel dumb, that brands you a fool
and turns you into a puddle of
SHIT

wimp

when will i ever get the courage to publish my drafts?

drafts as in blog entries i decided to keep from everyone because they're too confidential. like ano, love, ganon. chaka yung kay JM din pala, cos when he mentioned my blog once i panicked so i hid everything that has to do with him WAHAHAHA i was reading my drafts awhile ago and noticed how dead-smitten i was with my first love. i was laughing at my entries grabe. ako? nasulat ko yon? meee? honestly, i'm ashamed because i think i'm too old to be only experiencing this NOW. late bloomer amp. looking back, i wasn't as interested in the concept of love as i am now. yey dalaga na meeeeeeh. yehey. okaaaaay?

argh. i dunno why i'm such a kid when it comes to this. noob. nyarhghgashladha 

back to my drafts. they're a lot, i realized! and i'm tryna clean em up, so i'm going about checking if they're just crap entries or what. anyway. yown. 

btw, i have a crush on DJ and youth pastor Jordan Escusa of Perfect Rhythm, 702 DZAS. everytime we drive to church, he's on air. ♥ ♥ ♥ ganda ng boses ♥ ♥

hmmmmmm.

still not done with Flipped (Wendelin Van Draanen). so far, so.. hmm, not so interesting hehe. it's cute. but not really my type of story. maybe The Book Thief will interest me more, i'm soooo egzayted. >8D >8D

fuckyeahsick

my friends are inviting me over for dinner but i couldn't move an inch from my bed. wrong, i couldn't move 10 meters without wanting to drag myself and plop back. it's also my sister's RD today and she wants to go out. i want to go out too! i want to eat world chicken in barbecue sauce, pesto pasta, mashed potato, and strawberry banana blizzard. imma get all these for free if i go out with my sister. but i'm so fucking beat for wheezing my brains out for the past few days.

by the way, i haven't told you how terribly uncompromising my situation was when i was taking the distruc exam. the night before that, i was fb-ing and having fun, then i got sleepy and decided to just alarm at 12mn and study from then onwards. apparently, i woke up 7:45! mommy woke me up to take my meds and asked if i have classes, then i checked the time and panicked. rarrr. in the end, daddy was forced to drive me to school. i came 45 minutes late alright. then as i was answering the exam, my nose kept itching and goo was coming out. i didn't have anything with me to stop the goo. so i was wiping my nose with my collar. if i could only take the exam with my head up, i would. @_@ when i couldn't hold it anymore, i walked out in search of a tissue. the ate from the coop gave me some and i went back happily. >:D anywaaay, for the rest of the exam i had balled tissue stuck in my nose. it helped. super. @_@

ok. ang sakit ng ulo ko. i may end up giving in to my cravings after all. >8D

e bat kase

why can't i be someone special to you. you never reserve the dates we've talked about, then you'll go bailing out on the last minute. it happens every time, and i feel stupid for ever looking forward to any of our 'dates'. date as in usapan, for a lack of a better term. last priority apparently. or maybe because we set it on a whim. i don't know. it doesn't really matter.

for someone who didn't study for the final exam, 90 isn't a bad grade. ang yabang ko, thank you. i don't know where i got that 10 mistakes. and apparently, i'm not the highest. bwiset. pero ok lang. >:

naman. nakakainis naman. akdsbvhgadcshavj

yess. malas.

remind me to QUIT posting my plans (or stuff i'm anticipating) in this blog. they never happen.

instead of coming home with a wireless router and 5 grand, i came home with my pants and shoes soaked wet. no money, no router, just rainwater messing up with my mood.

sacrifices.

i was aching to go home after the exam because my eyes were so sore for staying up late last night, i wanted to sleep! but i had to wait a boring 1 hour for a friend of mine to arrive because blah blah blah. charity, yes.

then mam rose asked me if i could be on duty this afternoon cos no SA's gonna be in the lib. that's 200 pesos, if i agreed. but you know, some guy named robin wanted to meet at megamall to buy my phone. of course, between 200 and 5k? duh. so i came to megamall, on time, getting extremely pissed off that the guy wasn't replying. unless he arrives cosplaying as harry potter on a broomstrick, i swear i could skewer him to death for not showing up and for not even texting a single damn thing. badtrip.

grrrrr. my allergy is getting worse. @_@

one last exam and this term is so fucking overrrr. yey.

Lord, my scholarship. please. >:( tenkyowwww!

oh wow

if this day goes well... i'm going home with cash and a wireless router. please Lord, pleaaasse. i'm bothered enough with what's happening, i don't know what to do. grabe, it happened twice already. why Lord, whyyyyy. i want my friends back. you take them away with the most uncompromising situation.

sleeep, be my friend this afternoon.

i miss my bestfriend. >:(