dense

last night, after coming home from school, i slept immediately! i couldn't take the stress anymore. i'm not even sure if that's stress, but i was tired, my eyes were itching from being awake for too long. i haven't even started studying yet! the essay stressed me big time. and i'm still suffering from the repercussions. @_@

7pm and i'm down. i remembered daddy waking me up for dinner but i just shrugged him off, i'm too sleepy and full with the cheeseburger (solomots jejejec!). >:)

i dreamed a lot! i guess i dreamed about flying? not on a broomstick though like my first flying dream, just me, with outstretched arms floating in the air, above what seemed like a lake! and what's awesome is that it's almost lucid! i wanted to go faster and i really flew faster! i wanted to dip close to the water surface and i did! i flew higher and higher until i was about to reach the clouds... then i woke up! i couldn't say it's completely lucid because there's this feeling in me that while flying, i was semi awake, but i knew i was dreaming so i couldn't waste the chance to manipulate it and try not to shoot an eyelid up for the fear of losing the scene.

ewan. i wish i could have more lucid dreams in the future. i enjoy them so much. and look, i realized that in a completely lucid dream, i couldn't do much, like move my arms and walk. all i can do is command. heck, why didn't i try ordering my legs to move? nyek. but in a semi-lucid dream, i can act. next thing i wanna experience is to have a completely lucid dream where i can act freeeeely. grabe it's the mooooost liberating feeling in the world! to have full control over your subconscious. >8D

then i woke up at 5am. i checked my phone and was struck with one message. alam na. pwedeng magpanic? it was a simple message, sent 7hours earlier. i don't know why. but my heart flipped. eeeeh, you know how it goes! at shempre, i just missed the chance to turn that into a conversation. e bakit ba, malay mo GM? if i were only awake 7hours ago deym... kaso i was so busy flying and trying to control my inner universe. haha aaand, as if i could actually turn that into a conversation?!?! AS IIIIIFFFF. ako pa? na isang napakagaling na conversationalist? sows!

i remember my previous previous majorcrush back in uplb. our relationship was completely impersonal, the only thing we talk about through text is whether i've emailed him my part for the project, or whether there's class. nothing much, really. when the engineering meet came, we started talking about our orgs. how we'll come about facing each other on court. blah blah blah. one day, he texted a quote. nakalimutan ko na basta alam ko sinulat ko yun somewhere. when i received it was like, "WAAAAH DORMATES NAGTEXT SI @#$%^&*( NG QUOTE SHEEEEEEZZZZ" then the girls converged around me, laughing at my reaction, my seemingly stressed out features, suggesting things like, "replyan mo!!!" "wag, bukas na! magsend ka rin ng isang quote" yung iba "HAHAHAHAHA stressed nanaman si arianne!"

in the end, i didn't say anything. i didn't reply. not even a single quote.
and that was the first and last quote i received from him. ah so ano yon? kung nagreply ako may susunod?! sometimes they say i'm too dense. i couldn't spot a hint. duh, sino bang mag-aakalang hint yon? apparently, sila. pero ako hindi.

one day, he texted "arian, kamusta?" and i froze. again. grabe dyusko, i could still remember how stupid my reply was, i told him "ui ok lang! napasa ko na yung report natin hehehe" BLAH BLAH BLAH. why do i always come up with the stupidest replies? e malay ko ba?! the only sensible thing he could ask me that time was whether i've finished the report already. other than that, ano pa ba? e

imagine, kung pa-simple lang pala lahat ng yon, tas sinakyan ko edi ano. sdfghjgfvhdgafv wala lang. there were so many chances i blew because i didn't know how to read guys. i was too consumed with my fantasies that when it breaks into reality, parang too good to be true na kaya i end up conluding it's not true.

hindi ko alam.
grabe ngayong naaalala ko sya, natatawa ko ng major major (bonggang bongga).