A very personal blog

sister on call

the moment i read her text message i knew something was wrong, so i called her immediately and wasn’t surprised to hear her crying on the other line. for a minute i told her to hush and wait for me at the gym. i rushed, yes, but i wasn’t worried because i knew her problem was the same old problem she rants and raves about every single day. work.

i arrived at the gym after around 20 minutes, and i found her seated on the floor, locked in a cubicle at the CR. she spent the entire time waiting for me in that small cramped space, crying helplessly like a kid. i don’t mean to sound indifferent, but seeing her in that state didn’t make me feel sympathetic or anything. i just wanted to take her home, asap.

so i gathered her up, and forced her to tidy herself up before talking to me. she looked freaking wasted, her hair in disarray and her eyes swollen. i can’t stand being with her in that state. i tell her to shut up every time she tries to speak while dressing up. i understand her anxiousness to vent her anger (i knew she was angry, she has always been), but first things first, i need her to change her clothes. i’m not being strict, it helps… you know, looking decent even when you’re angry, feeling clean and all. it’s one thing to make yourself look like your anger isn’t consuming you. and besides, the gym is closing so she has to pack up already.

then i listen. again, i listen to everything. the saaaaame old things. her work. her position. the customers. the rude senior citizens. the metrobank cardholders. the apathetic service crews. she has a tendency to talk really harsh about them, like she wants them all dead, and it makes my heart feel heavy, like i’m one big shock absorber. i let her rant for more than an hour, while walking, while eating, while commuting home. it’s her way of letting things out. so i let her be. after aaaaall the talking, she asked me, “anong gagawin ko?” 

sometimes i wonder, if someday i’ll meet someone whom i can call and be there for me in an instant… like, personally! then again, da hu? and in the first place, i’m not someone who likes calling people up to be with me. i don’t want to be such a hassle to my friends. i’ve kinda learned to solve things on my own, so i only kinda need my friends to listen when i want to share something personal, but that hardly ever happens either. most of the time kasi, i just blog about it. well, if i’m in a super problematic situation, i turn to the nearest person who could help me. natural lang naman diba?

some things i’ve learned about myself: i’m not needy, i’m independent, and i’m more concerned with taking care of the people i love, than being taken care of. my golly, that sounded selfless of me, but i’m really more selfish than that. uhhh, i think that’s what you get when you’re forced to act like the older sister. and about taking care than being taken care of…. actually, i do want to be taken care of din! i want to feel that somehow, someone aside from my family is concerned about me. kaso minsan i feel like i always end up more concerned with the person who’s concerned about me. chaka ako rin naman, i hate looking like a damsel in distress or an idiot who always needs helping.

haaaay terai, kung di lang kita mahal.

osige na, this is getting long.

BWAHAHAHAHA i bought 9 news pens! hohohoho, bumili ulit ako nung isang set ng Love Pet gel pens e kasi di ko mapigilan, tapos SOOOOON! may bibilihin akong pang-drawing notebook! ung pageone na red kasi parang moleskine >:D >:D >:D excited ako!

btw, fulfilled ako kanina because i ate wasabi popcorn at tatlong isaw. >8D chka pearl milk tea with extra pearls sa zagu. chka siomai. yehey >:D