cma

it was called instant attraction. he's all too attractive for his own good. deep set eyes, thick eyebrows, red lips, a pointed nose and ashen skin. and even though that might struck him as gay looking, i can guarantee he couldn't even pass as a metrosexual.

i was way lucky to find out he's on 5 of my classes, shares the same course and batch with me, and live on the same street outside the campus. yeah, that was me doing my investigative job (aka stalking). i also found out he's a virgo, which made things more astronomically romantic. lol

anyway, it couldn't be helped that we become friends, after all, we see each other everyday. ever since then, we start walking home together. i keep my silence as usual, because i'm the type of person who gets really tense inside when my crush is within 5 yards hahaha.

my admiration for him grew when he answered one of my very hard algebra homeworks. when i asked him about it, he immediately set his pen on my notebook and gave me the right answer in less than a minute. it's the best package i could ask for, looks and brains! i also learned  he got percentile ranks of 98 and 99 on math and science respectively on the UPCAT and graduated from a science highschool. at that time he's holding 2 scholarships. i couldn't imagine how intelligent he is. and he never boasts about it. also, he's not even aware that he looks so damn good and wouldn't make an effort on it.

and so our friendship grew, though it was hard on my part to be really myself cos you know how it goes in my freaking nervous system.

he's a gentleman too, which made me fall even more. one time when we were walking, he stopped and asked me if he was walking too fast. of course i said no, but he still slowed down. honestly, if i'm with a guy, i never liked walking behind, so i always try to keep pace. sometimes he would ask if we could jog together, but i would freakin decline, i frakking don't know why. i'm too shy i guess. so whenever he jogs, he'll leave his apartment keys to me and just get it back on his way home. i remember my favorite subject during that time was PE because the class is held at the farthest building from our dorm so it's going to be a long walk home with him ♥

one time i found him recruiting members for their sorrority, i asked him if i could join too but he said not now cos it's going to be extremely physical. whether he doesn't want me to join because i could get hurt or he thinks i'm too weak for a sorority, i never knew. since then, i never considered joining one.

the feeling i get when he's around is really remarkable, cos it's the first time i fell this hard for a guy. i thought he was a lifesaver, because falling for him meant I'M NOT A LESBIAN, which i thought i was after graduating from an all-girls school and crushing over a girl two years my senior...for two freakin years. it was a total relief having to find out that i'm straight, after all.

but you know, i didn't know what happened. the last few months of that semester turned me off. he gets absent frequently and doesn't show up in exams. i tried asking him why he's not attending classes anymore and he just said, "nakakatamad na eh." he's academic standing declined, and i became his source of information of what happened at class, though he's not really doing anything about it. he simply lost the motivation to study. i never knew why.

his attitude towards school was the turning point of my feelings for him. i want to get him back on the tracks because he's too smart to quit now but i never knew how. one time when he was absent in our philo class, i looked out at the window and saw him walking with a girl with long hair, a black fitted shirt and a mini skirt. for a 16 year old girl who never knew better, it was the most hurtful day of my first semester in college. i walked home absent minded, and when i came to the dorm, i plopped myself on the sofa and just stared at the ceiling for a good hour before some kind dormmate snapped me out of it.

the semester ended, and i passed all of my subjects. i wondered about him, but only received news after a few months. i learned that he got dismissed from the university and failed to re-appeal for the next semester so he'll be out of sight for the next 5 months. i thought of contacting him to offer help, any sort, but there was no response.

the 5++ months i wasn't able to see him helped me recover. i totally lost my feelings for him and tried to focus on my studies alone. when i first saw him after a long while, i became more sociable and more open to him, the feeling of awkwardness has died down. it's what usually happens when i fall out of 'like'.