wala akong masabi

you made my day yesterday. grabe thank you. ♥ :)

i've started taking art commissions now! (if that's how you call it bwahaha)

i got around 11 orders during our last GA and more from my classmates this morning. i guess it's going to be a weekend full of work for me. and i'm earning VERY little, seriously. i put a lot of effort in every artwork even though they're just playing-card sized, and being the 'perfectionist' artist that i am, i always think the end product sucks... but people still like it. :)

i'm trying to experiment on different designs (preferrably for men) T__T;

anyway, i'm happy because i'm surviving with what little income i get from drawing. :) hahaha friends na kami nung taga laminate ko, may discount pa ko pag madami! go business!

halaaaa

para talaga akong ewan >__>; hahaha, so after all this time. crush ko pa pala sya.
nakakaloka.

portfolio!

this is the main page of the portfolio slideshow i created using powerpoint 07. it's done out of frustration because i still couldn't get how flash 8 works. i need a book, probably. -___-; but that's on the least of my concerns now that i've realized i could make equally decent presentations using powerpoint as my main tool. :)



i'm not sure how to make it available for download (i'm currently trying to figure it out... i'll give you the link once i've done it). but for sure, anytime now i'd be posting the link. it's around 5.40MB yeah, it's big. >___> mainly because i'm fumbling (yesterday) to perfect the custom animations so i resorted in making multiple slides for. it's around 28 slides long, though you wouldn't really notice because i made it sort of 'interactive'.

at the very beginning of the show there's a warning that says: click on the links to navigate. this is not your usual click-to-continue slideshow.

yes. that's how it works.

actually, the artworks features in the presentation are already archived here, i just somewhat selected my 'proudest' haha.

eto lang talaga yan eh. i just want to create a powerpoint presentation. yun lang naman.

isa pa. bored ako. bwahahahaaaa

IT'S HERE NOW! YOU CAN GET THE DOWNLOAD LINK here. at the bottom of the entry, click on the attachment link to donwnload. hehehe it's in powerpoint slideshow format :)

ehehe

i don't know where to start. i'm lost. i exchanged my macromedia flash 8 installer for a newer stock because it won't load here. now that i have the software... i am dumbfounded by its complexity. well of course, i'm an amateur at this. i am simply offering myself a supposedly easier alternative for not divulging into an adobe premier. why the heck do i even have to be updated with this? like i should care? like it's anywhere near the bounds of chemistry???? eh ganun talaga.

as if you'd see me scouting for chemistry tutorials online. -___-;

o yun nga. HOW DO YOU USE FLASH 8? TEACH MEEEE!!!! i want to make flash presentations. but you see, if within a month i still can't get my hands on it, i'd resort to powerpoint instead. it's so much easier, but it takes a heck of an inhumane skill to make a slide pres look like a flash. and that's what i'm 'dreaming' to achieve, if ever i'd use ppt as my medium, a flash-looking art portfolio. :)

isa pa! i need a webpage designer that codes xml. i don't have the right to boast about my webpage designs if they look all skrewed up in browsers other than IE7. please please. professional help needed

hello frustrations. :\

i survived!

i only withdrew 1000 bucks from my account this week TO SAVE. well, you might think 1k is more than enough for a college student to survive. TRUE, but in my case 1K is just enough to cover my weekly expenses:

a) FOOD. duh
b) FARE. another duh. and it pisses me off that it keeps on increasing without bound
c) laundry. every week.
d) TITHES. i'm trying to be faithful here
e) miscellaneous. this includes handouts, org fees and other bullcrap i'm trying to live without (but is failing) like internet and expensive coffee* and lots of cereals and other types of junk i bloat myself with (cassava, isaw, proven, baked mac and gulaman)

seriously. i could've lived a better life with lesser expenses if i knew how to discipline myself with unnecessary things. like for once, stop eating tapsilog because meat is expensive. cut off with pork because they're too fatty. STOP BUYING BALLPENS. i already have a 50+ of them in my pencil case and if i don't stop this stupid fancy for pens, the others will die a natural death (run out of ink before i can even optimize their use) and i have to dispose of them. sad. cruel.

and to add up to that ugly pile of payables, I COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO PAY OUR TOWERING WATER BILL before the 25th. this completely ruined my week (and budget). but because the apartment owner paid half of the bill (because duh, it's improper for us to cover the whole gdmn bill, it's not our fault the water in the toilet won't stop from flowing) we only have to pay 204.1 each. BUT THAT'S STILL TOO MUCH. normally, we'll just get around 150 to 200 worth of water bill in a month. this is crazy. but i managed to survive this week without starving myself. well, i still have a 120 pesos debt to my sister and a 60 pesos debt to the org, but come next week... i'm sure i'd be able to pay all of those so.. yehey. hahaha

and hmm. i'm going to try doing art commissions. personalized bookmarks or 3x5 artworks. anne paid me 50 bucks for doing 3 art pieces. when i get to the real business, i think i'm going to charge 50/item. i'll be working on the samples SOON.

i've already mentioned this before but i never really got this close to making it real. weh. :)

okok. till next time, i'm glad that i'm finally hoooome!!! :)
i missed my parents! :D

zettai kareshi doodle

done july 21, 2008. actually, during that time i never considered it done, because as you can see there are still unfilled spaces and i'm not usually a fan of those (you should know). but since i figured it's pretty nice that way, i let it be. hope you like it, this is in response to the great emotional outburst i got from watching zettai kareshi. hehehe hope you like it, comments (here) are very much appreciated... as well as (here) hehe

zoom if you must :)

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asa!

physci wifi

hehe first time ko mag wifi dito sa physci... hehe ok naman. at least free! hehehe :) kasama ko si anne kanina ngayon katabi ko si ichell hehehe :)
wala lang, pamatay oras. :)

cge...

btw: would you believe i was able to crack our neighbor's wifi password????
hahahahahah

haha! sabi ko na nga ba i have a knack for this kind of things eh. bwahaha XD gayun pa man, di parin kami maka-connect sa internet dahil specified lang ang mga IP addresses na pwede gumamit. talk about smart...

pero kahit na, alam ko password nila. hahahahahahahahahahahaha :D :D :D :D

parang tanga lang

i'm waiting for my tears to dry up before leaving this computer node. i'm on a net cafe and i don't want to leave this place and walk home looking all wasted with tears. -___-;;

i think i've cried enough, but after re-watching the last episode, i find myself unable to hold back another bucket of tears. -_____-;;;

o sige, updates:

haha, in short... exams.

chem: hehehe, akalain nyo. first time makasagot. as in, my solutions were able to bring me to the final step of encircling the final answer. minsan lang mangyari yun... although hindi ako sigurado kung tama yung mga sagot ko, as long as... err, nakasagot ako in a way na alam kong tama (haha!)... ok na yun.

worried pa nga ako eh. as in first time ko rin nerbyosin sa exam! ang weird. siguro kasi alam kong nag-aral ako kaya dapat lang magexpect ako ng at least passing. hahaha e bakit ba? dati wala akong pakialam sa mga exam, di rin naman ako nag-aral so there's no point in worrying. haaaay. :)

don't get me wrong, ayoko talaga mag-aral pero ayoko rin naman maging delinkwente forever. :)

leonard was trying to console me with my worries, e naman kasi bro, ayoko na bumagsak. ang talino kasi nung lalaking yun eh, kaya ok lang daw sa kanya... basta pumasa. ako rin kaya! heh. tapos nung sya naman yung nag-aalala, ako naman yung nagcoconsole... haha quits. kabado ka rin pala eh. loko ka.

math: tinulugan ko to kagabi habang nag-aaral. pero feeling ko ok naman... who knows.

crush?

eto, yung crush namin ni crapmate carrot na EE, aba e ang kapal ng apog. well, not really... ako lang siguro. naiinis na kasi ako sa kanya (pero for sure pag narinig ko ulit sya magsalita, wala... tunaw na haha) alam kong aware sya na crush ko sya (pati si ano at si ano at si ano, o wag kang feeler bro). o sige na, ikaw na ang may girlfriend at regularly ko kayong nakikita na magkasama. watsapwidat? araw araw kang andun, papansin ka! pinangangalandakan mo yung girlfiend mo porket ako hanggang tingin lang sayo! hahaha kunyari ka pang loko ka, gusto mo pa makita expression ko pag dumadaan ako sa harap nyo. gago ka, may girlfriend ka na, sinong pinag-seselos mo. haneeeep!

bitter. kadiri. hahahaha

#2: namimiss ko talaga yung mga naging close ko nung NF ako, super sila parin yung mga tinuturing kong real college friends. wahaha

na-mention ko na ba ang aming towering water bill? umabot ng 2,300+ sa isang buwan!

sabi ko na nga ba may swimming pool kami sa apartment e. asan na ba kasi yun... >___>;;

T____T;;

ahahahaha, ang baboy ng entry na ito.
di na kasi ako nakakapagbasa ng mga nobela kaya nasa all-english hiatus ako.

pagbigyan, ok?

zettai kareshi (absolute boyfriend)

thank you tepi for introducing me to zettai kareshi. it's probably one of the best drama series i've watched. sobrang sumabog puso ko sa lungkot, sa sobrang iyak tapos alam nyo yun... salamat din nga pala sa laptop ni mino, dun ako nagmarathon eh.

huhuhuhu. di ako maka get over. buong araw ko nga pinapakinggan yung theme song nila eh, nalulungkot parin ako. naiiyak parin ako. tapos ang hirap pare, gusto kong umiyak ng todo habang nanonood kaso pinipigilan ko kasi natutulog na si mino e baka magising.

ang kadiri na nga ng itsura ko nun eh, mukang basahan yung tshirt ko puro uhog at luha. -____-

nakakahiya ako.
pero isa yun sa mga nakapag-pasaya sakin ng todo ngayong linggo. haaay.

wala eh, gusto ko ulit umiyak.
T___T;;

okaeri!

♥ The Darned Physics Exam - well, it was hard and i was only able to answer the first (out of three) problems. i'm really ok with that. even though i'm bound to lose 20+ points. i'm still ok with it... just because i answered a single problem correctly. imagine the fulfillment. i mean, oryt i'm bound to fail, but having answered that single problem made me feel that... 'omg. kaya ko pala'

and the other problems? i could say they were manageable if i memorized all the equations in our handout (i was like, here goes POWER MEMORY! but being lazy is still the biggest antagonist). i became laidback when i heard our teacher's going to provide all the formulas we need but i guess i expected too much. haller, to give every single equation to your examiners must be extremely stupid. i didn't put that into account. lol

ok so physics isn't scaring me big time anymore, at least i know what to expect on our 3 next exams. and our Physics Fair Project? i heard (because i was absent-slash-sleeping-at-home while it was being discussed) it was some sort of a land-slash-water cruiser. na-excite ako. parang, this field is quite interesting to me.

i feel like, even if i fail i won't be depressed about it, on the other hand, it'll make me more invigorated to study it and pass the next time kasi nga it interests me. grabe, soooo unlike Chemistry na once nagfail ako... ayoko na. i don't feel thrilled. experiments bore me like hell.

speaking of Chemistry...


♦ Let's play Prime Suspects - someone stole P1,300 from my wallet during our Chem32 lab. fckdmt talaga! that comprises most of my weekly allowance. it was budgeted already. i kept most of the big bills on a zipped compartment somewhere in my humongous wallet but still... hay buhay. anyway i have a Prime Suspect, that's what's important. i'm not keen on taking my money back but at least given the right circumstance, the truth shall prevail. i'm still unsure what to do with the person once i get enough evidence that she's a kleptomaniac. i don't know... i'll pray about it.

enough about the things that made me sad...

♥ ZETTAI KARESHI! - my newest addiction, a J-Drama starring... well, i don't know. but i liked the story. not in the mood to write synopsis but i highly recommend it to everyone! you will be touched. :) it was only the first episode but i already cried, i'm really shallow, normal ZK watchers won't cry on the first ep. hehehe


do check it out

oversleeping should be a crime

it scared me that i woke up 3 hours AFTER my last class. it's my very first absent for this sem. and fck, it killed me worrying that i'm reverting back to my old manner of sleeping too much and missing my classes.

we had a quiz awhile ago. wtf. -__-;

promise, i won't miss a class from now on.

itaga nyo sa bato!

tips and notes

♥ note/s:

-just so i won't forget when i get back to los banos.
for high-res vista icons: Vista Icons
styles/bootskins: Vista Styles

-get nice wallpapers. -___-;

♥ tip/s:

-on using/downloading codecs: i personally prefer downloading media codecs one by one rather than by batch (ie. k-lite codec pack). usually, they don't hold up much of the quality. >___>; that's all. :)

-partitioning: it's helpful to set your hard disk on partition especially if you have a really big one. that way you'd get to designate which files you wish to store on a certain drive. like with mine, i have two disk partitions, a drive C and a drive F. C is where all the progams and applications go and F is where i put all user files.

when you're at this, you'd find it hard to move data files to F (or whatever you call your data drive) so a simple solution would be to add a personal folder to drive F and set up a shortcut link on it on your desktop. then just rename it or whatever so you won't be confused whether you saved at C, because there is an automatic My Documents folder at drive C that is irremovable, so maybe you could rename your desktop shortcut to My Documents(F) or just anything that would help you distinguish between the two.

that's it. simply put, they key to utilize your partitioned hard disk is to actually separate DATA files from PROGAMS files by designating them to their assigned drives.

lol. hoped this helps

bagong laptaaaap!!!!

wow! finally! nakabili na kami ng bagong laptop. and i might say we got a pretty good one at a pretty good price! 29,950 Compaq Presario something something... nice specs pa. yuck. gumagana ang pagka-computer savvy ko T___T; pero diba, come to think of it... compaq! dual core! 120gigs HD! 1gig RAM! dvd! wifi! widescreen (nagulat nga ako bat ang lapad nya)! yun nga lang walang pang OS... well there's a free DOS, weh parang ang laking tulong nun diba >___> but anyway, dahil dun we have to buy an operating system pa.

well, there are options... they can install it for us for 1,500 but all we get is a recovery disk and not a genuine installation pack. still legal but not quite accomodating... then there's the buy-the-original-OS promotion. ang mahal mahal nakakaloka. and in fairness, at first i opted for winXP since mas bati kami but wtdhl? mas mahal pa sya sa VISTA! sabi kasi nila, they're trying to phase out xp na to give dominance to vista (which generally sucked in valid speculation) kaya mas mahal na sya kasi paubos na sila. ohwell. nakaklungkot. parang excited pa naman ako magXP kasi imagine the space i can save! magiging ultra fast na ang aking computer! just the way i want it. well, fine. sorry, geek nga pala ako.

tapos yun. in the end we just bought a windows vista starter pack for 2k. hmph. so all in all parang 32thou ung nalabas. haay pera. T___T

ayon. i was also supposed to deposit money to the bank pero look, yung dapat na idedeposit ko... nagastos ko! pero okay lang, nasa listahan ko naman yung mga nabili ko, hindi naman impulsive kung tutuusin. nagkataon lang na nasa mall ako, at may dalang pera. huhuhu may clear case na yung player ko yehey :) at bumili ako ng ms office 2007. yeheeey, uhm, fake yun pero i don't care. bwahaha, bumili rin ako ng flash 8 pero papapalitan ko kasi ayaw maginstall. grrr...

mabait yung kuya sa cyberzone, bukod sa sya ang naginstall ng os (sop naman yta un), naglagay din sya ng antivirus at isang game! hehe mystery case files ulit! haha

yehey. masaya ako. pero nung inaayos ko na ung laptap. mejo hindi ako natuwa. gusto ko parin ang xp. -____-;;

the beauty in a geek

hehehe. i can't seem to shut up this day. like in the previous entry, I'M STILL DOING OUR POSTLAB REPORT FOR PHYSICS. which means, i hardly made progress since the last entry. why, even at 28.8kbps, i still find the internet alluring, and i don't seem to mind its apparent slowness. grabe.

for your information i have nothing quite interesting to share. my life, my life has been yeah, pretty much boring, well... it's average. i follow a daily routine as dictated by this semester's class schedule, nothing seemed to be out of way. to me, this compliance to a set of rules marks my developing discipline. something i totally lack last semester. i haven't been absent to class (yet)! following a routine also has its good side. it builds discipline and obedience. roight.

here's the actual reason why i decided to create another pointless entry: i'm typing on a desktop keyboard. you know, the classic noisy ones. i missed hearing them. well i'm not about to reveal my geekiness by saying the sound of typing is music to my ears, but it is quite (quite, yeah) fascinating to hear how fast i type. i just lied, it's not just quite fascinating, it's super!

okay. :)

i'm really a geek. but i'm on the dumb-geeks cluster. there's also the genius-geeks cluster, here i put the general geniuses. so you see, every stereotype have their own sub-cultures. imagine pisay students (well, those who study/have studied at the philippine science highschool), there you go... normal (referring to us, i'm not saying they're abnormal) would generalize them as geeks. but when you enter the campus, you'll see upper east-siders, cheerleaders, jocks, normal people and dumb people (by their standards). it's still a regular highschool. though knowing those won't exempt them from being venerated on the pedestal of honors and super academic know-how.

so yeah, being a dumb-geek does make me sound dumb because it's an oxymoron, but after my explanation you'll surely understand how things run through mind. and they just run, most of time in an undefined path, but nevertheless running, running, running. is that a good thing?

normal people would say yes because it's a mark of an active mind, a fast learner and a smart person.

but let me oppose to that idea. the problem with having an eternally mobile mind, an athletic pack of neurons is that they hardly pause for you to digest the idea. imgine taking an exam, you got the problem on first read, unfortunately the beijing olympics has been transferred to the humble abode of your hyperactive-ever-running neurons, before you knew it... the answer just ran past you. that is so sad.

and now that i'm about to end this entry, i want to tell you something that i'm recently picked up... right from this entry!

that geekiness, by all means, is but a sad excuse to post multiple entries with nothing substantial in it... or at least entries that people hardly gets. it's part of being geeky anyway, being left-out and unappreciated, having no one understand you at all.

yuck, now that's emo. -_-;



chills to a silly entry.
rrrrr

not another entry

there is at least one person who hates me now. but i'm not entirely sure because if he/she's smart enough, he'll soon realize that his/her hate is only short-lived because i am not usually a hate-able (??) person. i'm oftentimes too shy and moral to ever have the power to brew some negative vibes within one person.

clearly, i don't like people hating me. i'm too polite for that. T___T;;

anyway. i'm in the middle of doing our postlab report for physics. and because i didn't understand the experiment that much, i volunteered to my groupmates to do the bulk of the report, which is the discussion part. now i'm trying to squeeze google to give me some enlightenment.

yeheey! i got my debit card already! and lo and behold, it's RED! my favorite color! though to me it looked more like red-orange than red hehe, whatever. another thing! i saw a kipling bag at the centermall! well, it's obviously an imitation but i still want to buy it (heck, like i'll even buy the original one)... they have RED! grrr... i wanna buy it. please please please, for my birthday???? hehe

i want a backpack. T____T;

i didn't think they were serious

but dady says we're gonna buy a laptop tomorrow. i don't know. i don't feel excited about it. because i know, I KNOW, for a fact that my sister was the one who DEMANDED on it. it's not like my parents are doing it out of freewill. they're doing it to save a day full of complaints and childish tantrums from the err, monster. yes, she's a monster. but sometimes she's really nice. but most of the time she's a monster who wouldn't grow up and annoy people with her silly inquiries about the most obvious things in life. dmt.

i don't have money again. i thought i could save lot for this week because i got a sort of refund from my mom from paying most of the rent last month, but i guess i wasn't able to save a lot at all. though i'm still happy because i can now put whatever i have safely on my account. i'm super excited about it i just can't get my hands on it because i don't have enough money for the fare to the center mall, where i'm supposed to pick up my debit card! (eh 20 pesos yun. yuck nagkuripot) my red (personally picked!) express cash debit card! yeeeheeeey.

hehe. i've been crying like a madman since the moment i opened the computer. hehe, i'm on episode 21 of Lovely Complex!! naiiyak na nga ako eh. hahahahaha T____T;

gusto ko ng champorado! yehey

and wait, gusto ko rin pumayat?! pano ba? i think i have to cut off my food allowance and settle with cerels and milk for breakfast, half-rice and masarap na ulam for lunch hehe, and err.. half-rice and gulay for dinner.... hehehe

pero may mas madaling paraan. SUMALI SA ORG! sa isang kupal na org, better yet...soro... tyak na papayat ako nun. like last year. hahahaha

weh.arianne.weh.

hmmm... hindi na ko mangugupal sa mga huling magrereport sakin. i can feel the karma. lam nyo yun, nagaral ako ng madugo pero ang jologs parin nung quiz ko. cge cge, mabait na ko. isa pa, may exam na ko this week at ayoko maconsume ang braincells ko sa pangugupal. ayoko naaa.

wala naman talaga silang matututunan sakin, well wala naman talaga akong gustong ituro sa kanila... nangt-trip lang ako. >___>; sabi ko nga, may mapupulot ka sa lahat ng tao.. kahit yung walang intensyong magturo sayo ng leksyon. ganun naman talaga eh... kaya wag nyong sabihin wala akong kwenta magpareport! hahaha

hm, kung ako ang magrereport sa sarili ko feeling ko wala talaga akong kwenta. haha

hala, nadedepress nanaman ako. hindi dahil dun. feeling ko gusto ko nanaman lumipat. sht.

walking backwards uphill

well i always thought this semester will end rocketing downwards in a blur, but human nature pushes me to find things that will make me happy despite its trivialities.

i know, i don't have a love life. i don't have a crush. i don't have someone to swoon over in my dreams and pursue with all modesty (my style). but i have the world! i never put that into account until now. love makes the world go round. imagine, the closest thing i've felt before love is infatuation and having none of that this semester already drew out every positive charge in me. i'm like, not enthused enough to go through each day. i find it hard to endure without a, a.. well, without someone occupying my mind. grabe naman. haha

this day:

i. i had two applicants report to me this afternoon. one cried, and the other was dead tried. life's like that.

ii. met with my commitee mates to check out LGA. i was with aaron, melvin and jonathan. we walked to LGA. haha, ang layo nakakapagod. but it was already past closing time so the most that we got is a contact detail of some mister.

while walking down we saw a middle aged lady walking BACKWARDS uphill. we were like, ohshit is she crazy or is someone playing with her? some imaginary, unwanted entity. grabe scary, and she was holding plastic bags on both of her arms... maybe she came from the market. whatever. nakakatakot e. hahaha

iii. i skipped tonight's GA because i have a lot to do. hehe :)

iv. pissed off: i wasted 22x3 plus 20x2 plus 12 (go figure) pesos for DVD-Rs! i wanted to burn Lovely Complex already to save disk space but on the first 3 dvds, it didn't work... some unexpected error daw. then on the 3rd and 4th dvd, yeah they worked fine but playback quality is horribly pixelated. grabe. da best parin bumili na lang diba.

v. i'm excited to set aside my savings money and finally get my debit card this weekend! huraaaay. :) hehehehe :D

vi. another review that made my day: from some German reader...

At first I have to say that I hope you can understand what I'm writting here
because I'm from Germany and my english is... Well I would say it's
acceptable.

This story is the most sweetest Story I have ever read! And I've read a lot
of storys.
You have a marvelous write style and each person, who says somthing
different, are in Idiot!
The whole time I saw the story in my mind's eye.
The whole time I was anxious how the story is continued and I felt with
Harry. During the last chapters I even cried and was incredible happy as
everything became good. No other story ever had this affect to me.
But I think what me most pleased at the story was the end. I find it very
good that you don't stop after the Happy End like all the others, but write
that the two die also sometime. I don't know what to say expect that I found
this end beautiful.

Well, I am not very well in writing of reviews. But I hope that you are still
pleased about my comment.

Good bye
Sheireen

it's the first time i actually featured a reader's review. hehe, that's like one of the longest i've gotten so far. yeah, flattering. i love reviews. it makes me happy. but on the downside i feel like it's the only place where my skills get appreciated. well of course, how would i expect myself to be venerated in a field i'm totally foreign (but learning to adapt) to? haha

oh, i love my readers. it's like 2 years after completion and i still get reviews. heart warming!! and most of them don't really mind my gramerrors. hehehe :)

allow me

this has just been one of the most unproductive mondays of my life. well, i planned on studying but i'm not even a quarter halfway. and on the other note, i'm still struggling to draw two nerds on a boxing arena for a teaser assignment. anyway, i'm not sure why i felt depressed (again) awhile ago while watching tv. somethingS have been bothering me lately and they just throw themselves randomly in my thoughts, fckng cruel.

the more i dwell on it, the more i believe my life has no direction after all. i don't seem to be the kind of person who'll do her best to fix a mess she made and make it work the next time. i think i'm someone who'll do greater effort in minimizing the effects of my idiocy then LEAVE it to venture into something that promises lesser mistakes on my part.

it doesn't sound like giving up, to me. it's more like finding the best canvass in which i fit in perfectly. after all, we don't always improve come a second chance.

that's my ideal.
but it's not what's real.
at least, not yet.

incoherent thoughts

have you ever felt so bored? so uninterested and indifferent? like nothing interesting is happening? none of your endless encounters with people stir something weird in you? i don't like this feeling. i feel dead. i feel like what's occupying me right now is not worth it because it doesn't give me a sense of fulfillment. well everything is a disguise nowadays, it takes skill to actually acquire penetrating eyes and an inquisitive mind to get into the core of people's lousy display of fake mysteriousness.

i don't get why i'm not entirely hyped up these days. i feel like a robot, i'm doing things because i'm asked to and that if i don't it'll endanger my grades. my fucking grades. it always boils down to that, i do things out of generous compliance but in return i get no satisfaction.

i always say i don't need a boyfriend. in fact, people whom i confide to regarding the thinning quality of my non-existent lovelife, all agree to the first statement. they say i just need someone to talk to and share the weirdness, in short: i need a bestfriend. someone whom i can show what a retard i am... and appreciate like a glorious crop (this is an inside joke so i'm not expecting anyone to get it). when nothing's happening, when nothing that happens in reality is worth sharing, i always resort to sharing weird extra-terrestrial autistic things, in short -- ideas. because they're fun! and someone mentioned it's the highest form of conversation.

hehe. i'm past the confusion stage so i'm not going to say i don't understand myself even when i really don't get myself sometimes.

ehehe. *sweatdrop*

a hundred fifteen point two kbps

there's not much difference after all. multiply sites still load at snail's pace, my gmail account won't update in a flash and games! games! slow parin. >__>;

july's 18th birthday celebration (july 5):

- july, i thought you were just boyish but straight. i confirmed that from you and you said no, no, no, i'm not what you think i am. but during your celebration, i realized there are some things you're still hiding from me... us. not that i need to know, maybe i really shouldn't bother with it. so what if you're gay? so what! tell me naman, pare. ang gulo mo. peace, dude.

- kat came! i missed her. i let her tell stories from her work and her life as a working girl. i missed listening to her. i, in return, didn't share much. my life's been pretty much boring lately. :\

today:

- we left the resort at around 6am. i boarded the bus alone, because kat still have to meet someone from elbi.

- was supposed to follow my parents to church.

- slept and overslept. was supposed to drop off at ortigas but ended up in cubao. good thing the person beside me woke me up. haha

- i was walking to our church now when my mom called me that they're not there and that they took the earlier service because they're going to cavite afterwards. she told me that they're at mall of asia right then, eating breakfast at the break water.

- hehe. so i pleaded them to let me come and follow. i was at north edsa, they're at mall of asia. i insisted hehe so they gave me a deadline of one hour. haha

- i ran to the MRT terminal. grabe ha, magtatagalog na ko ang jologs talaga ng english ko. so yun, define takbo kasi i already saw the train!!!! e baka maiwan ako ayoko maghintay ha.

- so yun, i ran and ran. bought a ticket to taft and was finally able to reach the train on time. so yun.

- bumaba akong taft at nag jeep to MOA. this is actually my first to ride the MRT alone. hehe. ang joketime pa nung card ko ayaw sumout dun sa kung ano man yun. nakakahiya tuloy pero eventually naki-cooperate naman sya. peste.

- so in short, nakahabol ako sa kanila. grabe nakakangarag. ang layo ng nilakad ko sa MOA para lang matunton sila. and in fairness, 20 MINUTES lang inabot ko! sosyal talaga ang MRT ang bilis! hahaha :)

cavite:

- we attended the funeral of one of our relatives. ok naman. :) hehe
- and i met this mute guy who looks like a shorter, darker and thinner version of sylvester stallone. take note: he's mute and he kept doing gestures to me which i don't really get. haller?!?!
- pero may nagets akong dalawa, he asked me if i already have a boyfriend and if i know how to use the computer. no and yes, respectively. wala lang

AYOOON! yun lang naman.

tekatekateka.
honestly, i am not in the mood na mangupal ng aplikante. na-pressure tuloy ako kay kuya jhomar. di ba nila naisip na hindi naman ako consistent na kupal? haaaay. bahala naaaa. hehehe

unbearable information

i. not home yet! :) i'll be attending july's birthday celebration tomorrow that's why i'm staying here tonight. hopefully, kat will come. i miss her. :(

ii. after physics, i went with glaize and july to makiling dorm. tambay. and this is where i got most of the unbearable information of this day. it really surprised me, like heeeeell. i never knew. i wish i never knew at all. but it just proves how deceiving this world can be and how helpful it is to sometimes just leave the truth screened. as what my chem32 lecture recently taught me, the truth is unknown but it exists. :) true enough. reminds me of my rashomon paper for my speechcom subject last year. :)

iii. i haven't been very productive lately. in terms of acads, i do slack off a little just to sleep. but sometimes, when i self study our lessons and i actually got it, i feel fulfilled and my ego gets bolstered up. finally, i'm not dumb afterall.

iv. my housemate is inviting me to join another organization. this time, a CAS based acad-org. i'm still contemplating on it. :) i do want more friends. :)

v. i do admit i'm weird. :)

boring -__-;

nothing interesting has happened since the last time i updated. >___>; i'm boooorred. i'm not studying really hard, though i keep it a point to study everyday, even though it means just flipping a few pages and dozing off afterwards. i slept more that enough for this day! i had a 45 minute siesta this afternoon and slept for 3 hours when i got back from my last class. it's really rewarding, sleep, i mean. :)

tomorrow's another day. i'm grateful i don't have to wake up at 530 for my 7am class. my first class it at 830.

i'm trying to fix my no-breakfast lifestyle too. i've been feeding on cereals every morning since the semester started. it helps, yeah, but it makes me sleepy during my first classes, which isn't good. but i like cereals. it's the only chance i get to drink milk. because i don't usually do. hehe :)

hmm. we had our orientation yesterday. it was too hot, i personally prefer KFC over ellens demarses, never mind if i had to stand up, as long at it's cool. haha i also gave my gift to july which is a starbucks tumbler, and also gave kuya noreens a gc from starbucks as well. wala na kong utang ok? >:) hay

yesterday too, before heading to the orientation, we dropped by our previous dorm to get our refunds! yeaaah! refunds! i got around 1,400. which isn't what i expected, i thought it's too small. but i was so happy! then news came later that we have to pay for the rent already! sucks,man! and that's 1700! so i have to add 300 pa. huhuhu, wala na akong peraaaaa! grr...

so yun, ok naman pala ang hum2. :) akala ko loner na ko forever, pero i have my groupmates naman so i'm fine. hahahaha :)

gusto ko na umuwi, kaso kailangan ko pa pumunta sa debut ni july. well, gusto ko! kasi makikita ko si kat hehe. pero damn, kailangan ko ng pera. huhuhuhu >_____>;;