nothing more to expect

my dire 17 years of existence here on earth contributed a lot to my study of PSYCHOLOGY. i guess it is in our nature to analyze people, make generalizations (sometimes hasty ones) from the way they talk to you, present themselves to other people, dress up, deal with their acads and stuff. these observations contribute to my assumption of who and how they are in real life. i like observing people. hehehe

the psychology of guys is quite a tricky topic. they're hard to analyze, specifically because i'm not one of them and i have no idea how a man's brain works. i've always wanted to know how a guy acts around the one he likes, how he is when their crush is just nearby. why?

because i am so stupid, i can't get a hint.
or maybe i feel like i'm supposed to be the one giving hints but no, i'm too timid for my own good to even dare drop one.

which caused me to be stuck in this state of paranoia where i cannot anymore distinguish his natural actions from the supressed ones.

maybe i'm just too obsessed with him that i always always try to read his looks. his glances. they way he talks to me. and TRY to compare it to the way he acts around other people.

if he has something for you then at least, you will always ALWAYS see a difference.

so, is there?

fortunately, yes.
unfortunately, it's the not the difference i was expecting.

you know what, at some point... i knew there was a chance for us to get closer. but i was crushing on him too much that i'm starting to actually walk away.

i have this weird trait, i enjoy watching my crushes from a distance... pretty much like a stalker. and when they're near (talking to me...), i tend to close myself, hide (not literally), keep quiet and just say the safest words to him. i've always been like this to my crushes. i don't speak a lot, i don't even show off.

and when the feeling has faded already and i have confirmed to myself that i'm not crushing over him anymore... that's the time that i can act normally around him. that's the time that i actually become more sociable.

how do you characterize the feeling of having a crush, being obsessed/infatuated with someone...etc.????

because they're the types of feelings that hinder me from being the usual friendly me.

maybe i'm really like this. i'm not agressive.

they say scorpios like to flirt with their eyes.
i say, not all the time.
i guess, i do have some part of that... uhh... skill. cos when i'm just starting to like someone who's a stranger to me, i start with making eye contact... just to let him now i exist.

after that, i don't give a damn anymore.

WAAAAIT!!!!

i just realized something!
have i mentioned this girl i was jealous of in our class because i think they're too close to each other??

i realized, there's really nothing to worry about (at least on his side, dunno bout the girl). the way i was with leonard last sem is pretty much similar with the way he is with her. and leonard is a really good friend of mine so i'm perfectly comfortable with him.

in much the same way that he is around her.
aren't you supposed to shun your crush at times?
hehe

now, back to studying (i can't screw up on this one yet again!)