gibberish #946

i'm... confused.
i don't know what to do, from here on, everything's going to be harder for me and i'm not sure if i can maintain the positive spirit i always use as a defense mechanism. being lazy, yes, that's my biggest problem. the path to learning is a steep uphill trek, and i have no reserved endurance for that.

why must i be like this? i always promise myself to be better next time, but sooner or later, i'll run out of next times... or maybe, there'll always be a lot of next times for me until i realize i've gone way overdue for graduation.

i'm too happy for my own good. too much of being care-free and laid-back makes you a senior freshman. never moving forward, and getting a lot of warnings, next think i know i'd be out of the university.

perhaps then, will i see my worth. in a different field, in a less practical but more fulfilling one.

i'm frustrated!!! i don't know where to get a decent advice from?
do the people here really like what they do?

i want to meet someone who is as frustrated as i am. i want to meet someone who is passionate about being a chemical engineer but is (for a lack of a gentler term) always failing. perhaps i can find consolation in that. and he/she too will find one in me. sometimes, it's better to talk to someone who's been there and done that instead of someone's who's never been there but feels for you, chances are you'll just get intimidated and screw your life more.

a familiar quote says that if you want to learn, surround yourself with people smarter than you are.

well, i did.
there's the org, when i entered i felt so badly intimiated i couldn't get a move forward with my life. i was a matter a adjustment. of trying to be invisible when they're starting to talk about their frkn acad lives. but you see, it's also a matter of perspective, they're there not to intimidate you or cause your pride to shrink, they're there to help. but you ought to help yourself too. fckn clique, kfjhgeuh@_*&$*)^!%!!!! yeah.

i need someone to talk to. a guy, probably. someone who can fckn tolerate my weirdness and someone i can just talk to openly without being conscious.

and btw, my crush does not qualify for this.

there's always a difference between a bestfriend and a boyfriend that often gets misinterpreted. a bestfriend is always better to talk to. that, i need.

milk and coco crunch spells heaven.