well here's an alternative

so we had our first chem40 theoretical lab exam last night. it was hard. and i am guaranteed to fail... yet again. T_T; i was too careless, i could've gotten 2 problems right, it's just that i thought water is non-polar. which is not.

note to self: water, H20, dihydrogen oxide is fucking polar. i'd kill myself if i get that fact wrong again.

and so i got the last problem wrong... i listed everything in a reverse manner. fuck.

it's either i'm going to repeat my two chems next sem OR i'm going to remove them. yeah, there is no chance that i'm going to get a 3 (or anything higher). it's either repeat or remove. wtf.

and because of that. i was depressed once again. yeeeeehaa. i've always been depressed you know, it's just that IT DOESN'T SHOW because i'm a good actress. yeah right. and last night was the night i was looking for someone to talk to.

but then, i just ended up drinking my way to oblivion.
oh i don't drink a lot. i only drink light... and red horse, whichever is available... when our landlady isn't home. hehehe.
and you know what, it was the first time i craved for beer. i missed the cold rush of alcohol in my throat and the warm stir in my stomach. contrary to what others experience, it calms me down. it puts me to sleep. without hangovers. yeah.

beer is love.

so maybe next time i'll try smoking again.
and destroy myself fully.

and damn, i'm not asking for someone to 'save' me. i need a companion (someone whom i can drink beer or coffee with) more than a fucking prince in a shining armor.

and the people here are fucking wholesome.