i'm gonna miss you all...

our barkada party last night was great! it was held in inez' tito's house in bel air, makati. mehn, i sure overworked myself with the magicmic.. haha. it was my first time to play PS lol.. thanks to everyone who taught me the right buttons to push. =) i'm getting too old for that stuff.

the food was great! in an instant i can't almost breathe for i was too bloated. i ate a lot... like usual but i didn't contain myself because as promised, i won't touch the rice. larz and k.a. can't come... aww, you missed a lot.

sometime this summer, EK! EK!

i'm craving for a cali maki right now...

5 hours of what?

whoa. biggest loser here... i left the grad ball at an 'early' time of 10pm. last year during the prom, i left the earliest too... may tawag dyan eh...

anyway, i can't say i didn't enjoy it... i loved most of the food. i liked the blue drink too, whatever you call that. =)
Bloomfields was great (and i mean GREAT), and they're super nice too... =)

oh well... there are some reasons why i left early.
first, i was tired walking in my shoes looking for vacant chairs because a group of bitches stole our table. buti sana kung walang gamit eh, pero meron eh... major assholes. i especially liked that spot because it's near everything... especially the food and the EXIT.

second, after eating and looking around... i can't find myself doing anything else. in short, i was bored... i could always sit down, listen to the music and relax my feet but again, there are no more chairs. =
anyway... i liked the place, it reminded me of toby's sports arena. my dream space with the grand staircase.

during the ball i also came across a couple of gents who are not worthy of the title gentlemen at all. mehn, i would like to make it a rule that whenever a he and a she meet at some place crowded.. the he should always move aside to give way to the girl. =
seriously, i'm not a party person.

i wish..

someday my being a coffee fan will bring me to do that

i need a summer job

right now i only have one application form from a nearby chain... still have to look for more.

LoL. i'm excited to work, seriously... need to bend my business skills to earn and save money now that i'm still young. =) i'm afraid this summer will turn me into a major bum. then i'll get fatter and fatter and i'll go to inferno for being a mega sloth and glutton.

suggestions? someplace accepting a highschool graduate without age requirements will do. =)

---

after church we went to los banos to visit my sister and celebrate mom's birthay! it's her birthday today! happeee birthdaaayyyy!
we ate variety bucket in kfc. well, what can i say? too much chicken is just too much... i can feel my feathers growing.

wow. i am successful in restraining myself from drinking coffee until graduation and now that i'm free from the ordeal... i got my very first coffee this year from starbucks... buti na lang may gift certificate pa ko. thanks nicki.

tomorrow is our grad ball! i still don't know where to go for my hair and make-up. bahala na...

and on wednesday will be our barkada (highschool farewell?) party!! what a tear-jerker.

onga pala... graduate na ko! hello college.

i did it my way

i don't really know what to write... i just feel like updating... like i always feel. =)
today has been one of the most emotional days of our senior year. i recieved a couple of farewell gifts... thanks a lot. i still don't know what to give you all... =( pichi, hindi ko maintindihan sulat mo... ahahahaaa... salamat sa lahat!!

now i can say i'll definitely miss pamayanan. i swear, i love our class, it's the best class i've ever been part of for the four years. mehn, i'm not in the verge of tears, mind you.

tomorrow will be the big day. it'd be both torturous and fulfilling for us... the shoes... they still hurt but come to think of it... in an idiomatic perspective you'll never get to graduate without bearing the pains of marching and standing with those shoes. same goes for our sacrifices for making it here. i salute you, sixtreme.

i played the cd lienne and bea gave us and i was really touched. thanks... =)

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant.Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive.You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others. You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around. The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it. Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

You Are 38% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

how to endure graduation practices

awhile ago's encounter with our highschool teachers was very sentimental for almost everybody cried... except me. i just can't bring out my tears, maybe i didn't see the sentiment of the moment at that time. then they started hugging the teachers, i can't do it. i just don't want to. and in the end i didn't hug anyone. i must be most unsentimental person that time. the highlight for me was the pinning of the school logo pins. the pins were really nice. ms. platon pinned it to me and my rowmates... i also told her i saw her in SM edsa last sunday in her reese('s?) shirt. hehe.

the rest of the day's theme revolved around

"how to endure grad practices"

my tips are horrible... but it might as well work for you
1. bring candies (personal favorite: stork). i usually bring 9 every morning but they'll eventually be gone come recess.
2. slouch a little when the teachers aren't noticing, it's quite relaxing that way.
3. cross your legs... again when the teachers aren't noticing.
4. daydream while waiting for the other graduates to march their way to their seats. talk to youself in your mind, do anything to distract yourself from watching your dear batchmates' shoes get carried away to the yellow line. it's bOOOOOOOOOring. you can hum the grad march music if you wish... but it's a pretty dorky thing to do, honestly.
5. sleep while you're waiting for the giving of the diplomas to finish. it works best when you wear glasses because from afar it doesn't seem like your sleeping at all.
6. uhm... stretch? sitting properly is a big pain in the ass.
7. bring a rubber band and experiment.

well, don't talk to your seatmate. they won't talk to you back especially when you're in between two officers. just keep quiet and do things on your own.

i do his quite often when i'm bored, i make a "ballpen helicopter". i can't tell you how, it's a secret. but pretty much if you're a bored bald-head and everyone around you are bald-heads, you simply can't do this, unless you pluck it out of somewhere else. ouch.

in short, just do all kinds of distracting things. things that will not stick your head to the ceremony because it's boring. by the end of the day you'll see yourslef shrugging your shoulders often because it hurts from sitting up straight.

these tips are only for the practices and i know it's too late to post it since tomorrow will be our last. =P

i'm glad, two more sleeps to go before we graduate.

behind every performance is a BACKDROP

SAP recognition day today... =)
it was really hillarious! i laughed a lot! :D so far it's the best SAP recognition day i've ever had... hehe thanks a lot to those who organized this event.

all throughout the event i was laughing and i had this very positive feeling about the whole thing but when the show ended it all disappeared...

teka...

1.) AGAIN, for a million years already not a single credit to the Visual Arts Club was said. how dare they? and to think, they displayed all the backdrops we made on the bleachers!! tsk. i think our club is cursed not to get credited forever. i was really annoyed, hate them.

2.) we have no spotlight 'crew' shirt!!! so unfair.

3.) the powerpoint presentation featured two of my personal (c) artworks. they didn't ask for my permission. =
4.) i have nothing against them. it just seems like a line has been drawn between the PA and the non PA clubs.

good thing i'm leaving.
hate me now for i have said a lot.

the devil is here

not really.
3 days to go before graduation. i just can't wait to get over the agonizing shoes. we practiced them awhile ago and we were damn tortured. i never thought wearing them would cause so much pain.

i really really want to graduate as soon as possible. i am so tempted with breaking the deal i had with myself last year. i said no coffee until i graduated. so far i am successful, but now that march 25 is near i am being tempted to enter any coffee house in sight and take a sip of coffee. during the js turnover, my partner gave me a gift certificate from starbucks. last sunday i recieved a free drink coupon from sb too... now i'm thinking if these are signs that i should break my promise already or might as well it's the devil's plan for me to break it and suffer eternal damnation. i really hate it when i lose to myself.

why may you ask i'm trying to hold myself back from drinking coffee? simply because it's bad and because i'm afraid my bones will brittle and my knee pain will not heal anymore and i can't ride a bike and run freely and jump high and sprint. a lot of things i cannot do with a (semi) incapable right leg. that sucks big time you know. and it's summer already...

i'm still looking for a summer job. if i don't get any, then i'll just devote myself to getting thinner without working my right leg too much. =-
mehn. i'm still reading 'memoirs of a geisha'... i'm in chapter 11 already and Chiyo Sakamoto is still young. it's getting boring but i want to finish it...

i wanna watch V for Vendetta! =D sooooonnnnnnn.....

wow. it's friday

i didn't notice it that much. it's too boring that time has moved slower than usual.

this week is not the busiest but it's the most boring (i know i already mentioned it). i'm glad we're done with the truth in love backdrop (much to my dismay that someone thinks i'm not doing anything at all. thanks ah). in my own perspective it's okay, not grand like the backdrops i've seen before. nevertheless it's nicer and better. i can't be too proud of it because i think (because someone else thinks) i didn't do much. that's why i was venting in my previous post. whatever.

yesterday i forgot to watch a very important episode of kim sam sun! mehn, i hated it. all the while, from the moment i got home i just re-read the manga 'love mode' and downloaded a couple of mangas as well.

right now i'm reliving the yaoi fangirl in me. i want to read mangas or doujinshis that are humorous and angsty. those that will strike a pang of hurt in my heart. heh, i'm hopeless.

mehn, sakura-crisis is down. grr...

i'll wanna watch 'she's the man' this weekend. it'd be hillarious. =D
sorry nez, can't come today (stupid i even urged some to agree =).. enjoy.

hate list update

you ruined my day. curse you and your goddamn self to the deepest pit of inferno.
may your head sprout in lucifer's mouth and may you suffer the company of your three other brothers. you're now four: brutus, cassius, judas and bruce. LoL, bagay pala...

for your information, i am so depressed with what you said. you dispensed this little ounce of hope in me that believes that i am being useful too.

i have claimed to be a frustrated artist before. now, i am NOT an artist anymore. and i need not prove it. i'll draw when i want to, not because you want me or some group of leg-breakers ask me to.

fuck you.

of course, i cannot contain my hate to you alone because you have suffered a severe case of damnation in this blog as i have mentioned you for a million times already in my hate list.

70% of my hate goes to you but for the remaining 20 and 10...

i just can't bear to hate you for a long time because you're a close friend of mine, thus you recieve just a minute 20% of my hate for the moment (which is subject to wrathful thoughts and evilness). you see, i cannot oppose to your opinion if you think i'm not helping and i'm just slouching around but next time, chose a better translator, one who knows what you're talking about and not just anyone who sits in your FRONT. i still love you as a friend but for the meantime just bear the stoic evilness in me.

you, the odds are high that you cannot read this but i just want to tell you that i hated you because you called my name (and that's a good 10% of my hate). just that, a very shallow reason of calling out my name to be insulted by the bitch sitting BESIDE you. i didn't even know you knew my name. you lost most of my respect (not that you need mine). tsss, and seriously... if you want to break a leg on your coming play, make sure you break both of them... and i mean literally.

you can think whatever you want. that i'm shallow and my reasons for hating people are pointless. but let me warn you that i'm only allowing you to think, not write or blab anything in my blog. this is my vent and this is exactly what i'm doing, i'm venting everything out, like a hot steam coming out from a boiling water.

this is the steam, i'm the boiling water, and you are the fire.

---
sobrang nakakabadtrip talaga. kala ko panaman masaya tong araw na to.. hindi pala. ayoko na magpintura, you ruined my mood. it's funny how you seem to affect me a lot, and i'm sinking in humiliation on how i'm becoming loser just because of this.

i can't quit though, not now when i have one wish to strike off of my wishlist. i didn't realize i have to risk my feelings for this.

---
bad news: mom's dress, which is my best pick for the grad ball, is hopeless. nobody wants to repair it because the stitches are complicated and the cloth is very fragile.we actually want to make it smaller but it's hard.

good news: we bought a simpler dress in sm dep't store worth 500. it's black and white and it pretty much fits the ocassion (but not like how my mom's dress fit perfectly).

fingers crossed: i hope nobody wears the same dress.

luck is rare

i beg to disagree. i came through a few realizations when i was in the hotel. i was bored you know and i there isn't much to see in cabled tv so i just went out on the veranda and looked at the night sky. i was in the ninth floor so the view is pretty amazing up there with the lights from the buildings from afar and from the yachts parked on (in?) the bay.

well, there's this minor thing i've been wondering. why do we say we're lucky if we see a four leafed clover or a rabbit's foot? because they're rare. so it sort of implies that luck is rare too. mehn, i don't know but i don't like it that way. luck (good fortune) isn't something to be relied on rare things! how are you supposed to get lucky then? ay ewan, let's just take it this way. you are lucky when you see a four leafed clover because it's rare and it's nice to find rare things but it doesn't mean that it'll bring you luck. you're just lucky because you found something rare.

we brand a lot of our items as 'lucky' charms because something good happens when we are with them. just like my lucky mechanical pencil, it's been with me for 4 years because i realized that everytime i draw with it, it turns out to be amazing but then a pencil is just a pencil, i can draw with any pencil (as long as it's sharpened) just as you can run in any street or look good in any dress.

LoL, i don't see my point.
maybe it goes like this. luck isn't supposed to be contained in a rare item. like how you call a marker rare just because you write good using them and it doesn't happen in most markers. er... haha.. ewan ko.

gets nyo ba?
i suck in explaining things this way, maybe you should just ask me if it's unclear. or maybe you shouldn't bother. anyway, i just want to vent it out.

when i'm depressed i sometimes think that's God doesn't know my feelings (i know i'm hell WRONG but that's how lonely i feel). just like how i don't know others' well. it's like this, when i saw the spectacular view from the ninth floor. i thought everyone was all merry and happy because there isn't a speck of panic or a cloud of dark thick smoke to alarm me. the view from above will make you think that everything's alright and peaceful but when you come down and mingle with them, you'll see how chaotic it is.

does God look at it that way? heaven is a very high place, maybe he sees our country as a peaceful one because he sees only green and he doesn't notice the trees falling one by one. from above earth seems kinda tranquil but from below, from the people's point of view everyone's mad in here.

i think God should let down Jesus once again so that he'll know how bad it is down here.

i know i'm stupid, suddenly questioning God's almighty power of knowing EVERYTHING that's happening around us. I'm was just wondering... key word - WAS. i already know the answer. stupid i only realized now.

saiyuki's back

yay! at last i finished my new bookmark. there, i made it roughly the size of a playing card since i don't want my bookmarks to get all creased and folded. =(

saiyuki's back ---> 530pm on GMA. my all time anime favorites are making a comeback. slam dunk has been repeatedazillion times already yet the inner sd freak in me just can't get enough of the basketball action and the "overly" implied gayness among the 6 ft. bishies.

now it's saiyuki's turn to invade the world. mehn, the only thing that frustrates me is the change of character voices. once in AXN, sanzo's voice is sexy and low and very seme-ish, now he sounds like an uke with a higher voice. anyway, it doesn't really matter..

i'm in ff.net right now and i hate it that saiyuki has no character filter! grr... =
awhile ago i had this really devastating dream (i'm exaggerating). i was sleeping on the couch in my parent's room and i dreamt of sitting on a couch in front of Shakey's in FCM. my sister is there, very unusual. i ordered a caesar salad and while waiting my sister and i talked. i remember playing the guitar too.

what happened next really sucked...

as the waitress slowly approaches me with my salad, guess what?

AAAAAHHHH!!! I WOKE UP ALREADY!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET MY CEASAR SALAD PASS JUST LIKE THAT!!!! IT'S VERY DEPRESSING. I WOKE UP REALLY HUNGRY, I WAS THINKING OF GOING TO FCM TO CLAIM MY DREAM SALAD BUT I HAVE NO MONEy WITH ME! I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO SLEEP AND EAT MY SALAD! mehn, IF ONLY I COULD USE MY DREAM TO TELL THEM THAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME A SALAD. =(

this is sad.

the divine bowl of ramen

i never thought i've eaten a lot of ramen throughout my whole life. i thought it was normal for koreans to have these really big instant noodles with little nori squares and cute starburst shaped thing with an orange swirl inside... i wouldn't have cared so much on the label since it's korean and i think it doesn't matter if it's ramen or just any of my usual giant instant noodles so why do i sound so bewildered that it's actually ramen i've been eating the whole time?

probably because i have nothing more interesting to write about. and most probably because i'm reading a naruto fic right now and he's describing his steamy bowl of ramen and i found out we've been eating the same thing all day! only, he knows what he's eating and i consider mine as... noodles. to hear naruto describe his godly bowl of ramen will make you think it's on the peak of all divinities when simply stated it's just a freakin bowl of ductiled dough processed with too much sodium and all else cancerous.

anyway, i seriously think i should be studying right now. i guess i should leave... so bye.

i'm back to shane

i found this site where you can watch videos for free.. music videos, movies, series...

You Tube

check it out. so far i got a lot of video feeds from The L Word.
i think there's finl destination 3 there... try it.

maybe i'll direct link you to a couple of shane clips later... like you care.

haha, i haven't started studying for our exams on monday... good luck to me.

i think i'll be absent friday after the exams, i'm still thinking of a better (and reasonable) excuse without showing a medical certificate...

you're so vain. tsk, if only mirrors could laugh.

i admire a hell lot of people. and the more i like them the more i see my imperfections, my short-comings and everything else that is not me.

alongside admiration, of course, is envy. i envy those who are smarter that i am. who wouldn't? they are unknowingly pulling me down, down and down to the brink of self-denial and incompetency. i feel stupid when i'm with them, they make me look like a side-kick, and i DAMN hate that. you, go away.

i don't know but i came to realize my own version of the difference of admiration and envy. normally, when we admire someone smarter that we are, they are usually not in our level. like einstein or newton and all the geekheads of the renaissance (count your seniors too, your parents, teachers...). envy comes along when you know someone your equal is (or seems) greater than you are. like a classmate, a friend, your sister... anyone you know so well. yeah, that happens a lot. then competition starts...

competition is done not only by rivals and enemies, it could also be done with a friend and this happens a lot of times.

sometimes i observe people who secretly compete with their friends (count me in). i'm guilty of that, i have this ocassional need to assure myself that i am not in the bottom line and that i have more to show. call it bad, the hell i care...

even with my close friends i can feel the competition. it's actually present everywhere. you're a complete liar if you deny it.

i don't see the reason why i wrote this, it just came into my mind that i've been secretly competing a lot.

anyway, i will leave that evil side already and heed this quote my dad shared to me one time, "the best way to compete is to stay out of competition."

mehn, can you believe it? i'm out of the Caffeine Addicts Rehab! i'm not craving for coffee anymore (although i still have this 'drugged' feeling when i smell something like coffee). i'm out of inferno, maybe i'm now in purgatorio for the cleansing process.

damn it, my toe nail broke. maybe i was cursed not to have long nails forever. whenever i grow them successfully something will always happen that will end in me cutting them shorter again. damn fate.